


Work In Progress

by manifestingwings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brothers, Child Abandonment, Domestic destiel, Fluff, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Modern AU, Parent Castiel, Parent Dean Winchester, Past Abuse, Pining Cas, Pining Dean, Sam and Dean are nerds, Sam is done, Sleep Deprivation, Slow Burn, Suicide, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also bartender!dean, also theres a dead snake, because hes a fucking moron, descriptions of past abuse, im sorry, im sorry this is shit, just thought id tag it, mechanic!Dean, not by dean or cas or anyone we like, sam chucks it, teacher!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:25:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 137,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manifestingwings/pseuds/manifestingwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester knew a lot about kids. He had practically raised Sam the first few years of the poor kid’s life. He knew they were small and snotty and loud, but he also knew they were sweet, delicate, and loving.<br/>That did not, however, mean he wanted a child at 23.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Once Upon A Time...

Dean Winchester knew a lot about kids. He had practically raised Sam the first few years of the poor kid’s life. He knew they were small and snotty and loud, but he also knew they were sweet, delicate, and loving.

That did not, however, mean he wanted a child at 23.

But _that_ did not mean he was just going to hang Lydia out to dry.

“Lydia… I’ll do whatever you need, alright? I’ll be there for you.”

“No. I’ve… I’ve got this Dean. I just wanted to call and let you know. I can do this, my fiance and I will raise the baby.”

She hung up, and while for a month or two all he could think was  _ I have a kid _ , he didn’t say anything to anyone. He moved on. 

So it was as much a surprise to him as to everyone else when seven months after that first phone call, he got another one, from the hospital this time.

“Hello?"

“Are you Dean Winchester?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“My name is Tessa Reaper, I’m a nurse at the local hospital, and I’m here with your daughter, whose mother just left, leaving behind a bunch of baby supplies and a note with your name and number on it, saying you were the father.”

“I’m sorry… what?"

“Sir, you need to come to the hospital immediately. We’ll explain everything there.”

So Dean got in his car and he drove.

“Mr. Winchester? I’m Tessa, the one you spoke to on the phone? In here please.” A friendly-looking nurse ushered him into a hospital room, where he saw the aforementioned pile, and another nurse holding a baby wrapped in a pink blanket. He looked helplessly around the room.

“So uh… where’s her mother?”

The nurse sighed. “The baby was born this morning, and Lydia seemed to be doing okay. Then some time today, her fiance started hauling in baby stuff. No one said anything, but then when we brought the baby back in so she could meet her parents and they could fill out her birth certificate, they were gone, leaving all this stuff and a note saying they just couldn’t do this, and that we should call you, her father.”

Dean sank onto the bed. This was  _ not  _ happening. "How'd they get past security?"

"We aren't certain, but this is the ground floor, so the possibility she went out the window is very high."

Dean looked at the window, which was closed, and felt a flash of anger at Lydia. How could she do this? It was unfair to him and to the baby, who didn't even have a name.

“We’d like to know if you’re going to take her.”

“I…” Dean looked at his hands. A baby? He couldn’t bring a baby home. Cas would end him. He wasn’t ready for a kid. He opened his mouth to tell them that, but then thought for a second. This was his daughter. “What happens to her if I don’t?”

“Well sir, she’ll go into the system.”

Dean felt the blood go out of his face, and his hands stilled. “No. I’ll take her. Should I take all this stuff, too?” There was absolutely no way he would let  _anyone_ go in the system, least of all his own child. Maybe she would have a different experience, but he couldn't take that chance. Couldn't live with the guilt at knowing his child would spend her whole life wondering why her parents didn't want her.

The nurse, Tessa, nodded. “Yes. I’ll go get the forms necessary. Sarah, you can hand him the baby.”

Sarah smiled at Dean and handed him the baby.  _ His  _ baby. His daughter. “Can I have a shock blanket?” Dean said in a small voice.

Sarah laughed and put one of the tiny baby blankets around his shoulders. “I think you’ll be an excellent father, Dean.”

“I don’t know if I’ll live to be one. My roommate’s gonna kill me.”

Dean looked down at his daughter. she was snoozing lightly, and Dean was taking in every detail of her tiny face, when she broke into a yawn, stretching one arm over her head and then looking up at her father with curious blue eyes. She reminded him a little of Cas in the mornings, though Dean knew her eyes probably wouldn’t stay blue.

Dean lifted her to is chest. “Hi, little princess.”

“What are you going to name her?” Tessa asked from the doorway. 

Dean looked up at her, then back to his baby. Looking at her, he thought of Cas again, remembering how he'd wanted Anna to name one of her girls Emma. Anna had ignored the request, probably because it undoubtedly came from his obsession with Hermione in _Harry Potter_. “Emma,” he finally choked out. And while he would deny it for years later, he cried as he held his daughter, as life as he knew it fell apart for the sake of the tiny, fragile, innocent, probably snotty little girl in his arms.

He didn’t regret it. Not once. 

 

Castiel Novak knew next to nothing about kids. He knew they were small and snotty and loud, and that was about it. So when his best friend and roommate walked in the door one day holding one, he might have flipped. Just a little.

“Dean,” Cas started cautiously, hoping he was misunderstanding, “what is that?”

Dean plopped down in a chair across from Cas, sighing. “I fucked up Cas. Bigtime.”

“Let me guess. You impregnated someone, then she granted you a baby?” Cas deadpanned. He really hoped he was wrong.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Dean! How come you didn’t tell me about this?” Cas put his book down, glaring daggers at the boy.

“Well, she said she didn’t want me around! So I backed off! I’m 24 years old, Cas, you think I wanted a kid any more than she did? But then I get a call from the hospital saying Lydia wasn’t going to keep the baby, and I had to come take her! What was I supposed to say? I wasn’t about to abandon my own kid to the system, Cas, you know I can’t do that.” Dean looked defensive, and he held the baby a little tighter.

Cas groaned and plopped his head down on the table. “What are you going to do? Drop her off at Ellen’s?”

The defensive expression slid off Dean’s face into something more nervous, and he fidgeted in his chair. “No, Cas, I’m… I’m gonna raise her myself.”

Cas stared at Dean blankly for a few seconds. Dean Winchester, who had lived with his parents for the first four years of his life, then when his mother died in a tragic housefire, travelled with his father for a few years until Social Services found him and his baby brother and took them away, forcing them into the system for two years until Ellen Harvelle and her husband, Bobby, got custody of the inseparable boys, 9 and 5 at that point. Cas’ family had lived across the street, and he and Dean had been best friends practically ever since. Cas would do anything for him.

“I’m serious, Cas. I can do this. I will. I’ll pick up some extra hours at the garage, maybe get another job. I’m not in school, I’ve got no debt to pay off, I’ll be fine, alright?”

Cas gaped at him. “This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

“I don’t care.”

Cas nodded. “You never do. You’re lucky Anna’s still got all the twins’ baby stuff.”

“Cas, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, Dean. If you're going to be stupid at least let me help.”

“No, I mean, you don’t have to. Lydia left behind a ton of stuff. It seems like they just got cold feet at the last minute, and dumped the baby on me.”

Cas sighed in relief. Lydia wasn’t a completely inconsiderate, then. “What did you name her?”

Dean visibly relaxed at Cas’ tone. “Emma. Emma Joanna Winchester.”

Cas scooted around the table to look at the baby. “Hello, Emma. Your dad is an idiot.”

Dean snorted and swatted Cas on the arm. “I can do this, right, Cas? I’m probably not going to be the best dad, but I mean… I can do this, right?”

Cas looked over at his friend, who was chewing his lip worryingly and holding his daughter a little tighter. “No. But  _ we _ can. I’ll be with you every step of the way, Dean. I owe you that much.”

Dean smiled and rested his head on Cas’ shoulder.”We got this.” Then he laughed. “I remember when Sammy was born Mom and Dad didn’t sleep right for months.”

Cas groaned. “Great. Is all that stuff you talked about in the car? I’ll go get it, if you want to rearrange your room.”

“What?”

Cas stood, then turned back to Dean. “Dean, we don’t have a spare room in this apartment. You're gonna have to share with someone, either me or the baby.”

“Oh. Right I’ll go… Cas, how the hell do you expect me to rearrange a room while holding a baby?”

“Oh… I’d advise you to call Jo, she’s not that far and you're going to have to tell her at some point. She can help.”

Dean nodded and Cas reached into his coat pocket for the keys to the Impala while Dean fumbled in his other pocket for his phone. Cas went and popped the thankfully large trunk of the Impala, taking in just how much babies needed. Cas decided right then and there that they did not, in fact, got it.

Dean stared at the screen for a second before calling Jo. She’d always been the first to know when big things happened in his life, right after Cas. She was like a sister to him, and Dean knew without a doubt that she would help him through this.

“Hey, Dean! What’s going on? The bar has been a bitch today, but you could come by, my shift’s almost up.”

Dean chuckled slightly, swaying Emma back and forth. She seemed to like the movement. “Actually, Jo, I’ve got a situation, and I could really use your help.”

“What’s up, Dean-o?”

Dean took a deep breath. “I kind of have a baby. And me and Cas need your help setting shit up around here. Please.”

“...............”

“...Jo?”

“Are you kidding? Is it April Fool’s Day already?”

“No. I have a daughter, her name is Emma, and I need you. Please don’t tell your mom. Or Sam.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Fine, whatever, don’t, just get your ass over here, please? I really need your help.”

Maybe it was his tone of voice or maybe Jo was just bored, but she sighed and agreed to coming. Ten minutes later, she and Cas were walking through the door, each holding a box of diapers.

“What the hell, Dean! How the hell did you get a baby? What the fuck?”

Dean sighed, handing the baby to Jo and flopping down on the couch. Jo smiled at Emma for a second before turning back to Dean with anger in her eyes. “Dean, what the  _ hell _ ?”

“Yes, Dean, I would also like to know how this happened.” Cas said, his eyes narrowed.

Dean rolled his eyes, as he knew that Cas already knew, then launched into the whole story of meeting Lydia at the Roadhouse, them sleeping together, and then a month later getting the call, expecting to not have to be part of it, and then today, the note, the hospital. He doesn’t remember when he starts crying, but when he does, Jo is there pressing Emma into his arms. Bouncing her back and forth calms Dean as much as it does her, and he continues his story.

“Jesus Christ, Dean, why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Because I didn’t think this would happen!”

Jo sighed and rounded on Cas. “Let’s go get the rest of the stuff. Leave Dean here to teach Emma how to be a baby.”

“Fuck you, Jo.”

“Language!” she and Cas said in unison before walking out to get more stuff. Already Cas had brought in the diapers, the crib, and some clothes. Dean looked at it all and tried not to cry again. He looked down at Emma, who had been very good and quiet, despite not having eaten all day, according to the nurses. 

Fuck.

They wouldn’t have any formula, would they? If Lydia and her fiance had planned to keep her, they wouldn’t have needed any.

“Oh, Emma, I’m so sorry. I can’t feed you. Let Cas finish bringing all your crap in and then he’ll go to the store and get you some food, okay baby?”

Emma started screaming in response. Dean swayed back and forth frantically as she screamed on and on. “Emma, sweetie, I know, I know, I can’t help you, I’m sorry, it’s alright.” Cas plopped whatever box he was holding on the floor and went to the Winchesters. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Emma was the only thing separating Dean from Cas, and he felt himself blush as Cas leaned in, muttering nonsense which did nothing to alleviate Emma’s screams. Dean leaned in too, so he was forehead to forehead with Cas. Neither of them noticed Jo take a quick picture, the first picture of Emma ever taken. One day Jo would frame it, but for now, the baby was crying.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jo asks.

“She needs to eat. God, she was just born today and she hasn’t eaten anything the whole time. There wouldn’t happen to be any formula out there, would there?”

“No, but as soon as we finish unloading I’ll go get some.” Cas promised. All three of them were incredibly in the others’ personal bubbles, but they said nothing as they all tried to comfort Emma.

Finally everything was brought out and Jo started snooping around the boxes. She found the envelope with all of Emma’s paper in it, including her birth certificate. 

“Emma Joanna Winchester… you named her after me?” Jo looked up from the paper in her hands at Dean, who was still holding a screaming baby, eyes shining.

“Uh… yeah, partially, I guess. Shuddup.”

Jo grinned and pulled him into a hug that rivaled her mother’s in ferocity. “Congrats, Dean, really.” She whispered.

“Thank you.” Dean blinked a few tears out of his eyes as he let her go. It had been an extremely emotional day.

“Alright. I’ll take this and see about entertaining her, and you better call everyone you know. People might donate to your sorry case.” Jo lifted Emma out of Dean’s arms despite the writing and kicking. 

Dean stepped into his room, collapsing onto his bed. He needed a moment to process… everything. 

He had a  _ baby.  _ An actual other human life to take care of. Sure, when he was little, the burden had fallen on him to take care of Sam, but that had been after Sam started sleeping through the nights and some angels were watching over him because while his four-year-old self hadn’t realized it, Sam had been a fucking dream. He never cried, just pointed at things he wanted. Dean was grateful for that, especially now. He took a deep breath and whipped out his phone, his fingers finding Sam’s number automatically.

“Hey, Dean, what’s going on?”

“Hey, Sam, so, big news-”

“You and Cas are finally together?” Sam asked, his voice hopeful.

“What? No! It’s uh… it’s bigger than that.”

Sam was silent for a moment. “Good or bad news?” He finally asked, his voice quiet, scared.

Dean laughed a little. “Depends on how you look at it, I guess. So, uh, I’ve got a daughter. Like an actual biological daughter that I now have to raise because her mother ran out on her.”

“...Is this a joke?”

Sam, at 19, had a very flat sense of humor. Just to spite Dean. “ _ No _ . Lemme open the door a sec, you can hear her trying to alert the neighbors of a tornado.” Dean leaped up and opened the door, the sound of Emma’s wailing piercing his ears and breaking his heart. “That’s her. Our own little policewoman.”

“Dean, what the  _ fuck _ .”

Dean had to tell that story to Sam, and then Bobby, then Ellen, then Benny and Ash and he thinks he called Garth twice, but eventually everyone important knew and Dean felt a sort of weight off his chest. Bobby agreed to give him one month paid paternal leave, but he’d let Dean talk him into picking up a few extra hours during the day, and Ellen agreed to have Dean work night shifts at the roadhouse every other day. Sleep would be in between, he decided.

 

It was late at night, but they finally got Dean’s room ‘babyfied’ and Cas had had the good sense to pick up baby-proofing stuff from the store. Emma had been fed and now she was asleep, tucked into her crib, which was a bitch to build, and making the cutest breathing sounds Dean had ever heard. He knew she would probably wake up in a few hours with a new problem, but Cas promised him he’d take care of it, gently forcing him to sleep. It took a while for Dean to notice that he was in  _ Cas’  _ bed. Dean slept sounder than one would have thought.

Cas, however, barely slept at all. He was woken by Emma 2,3,4,5 times during the night, and when she woke him with complaints of a dirty diaper, he realized how very unprepared he was, even though he has assured Dean he could handle this.

Cas sighed. Dean undoubtedly knew how to change a dirty diaper. After googling it extensively, he changed her and then held her to his chest to rock her to sleep. As she cooed and gurgled in his arms, Cas looked down on this baby, Dean’s baby, and smiled. He fell in love with her just as hard and fast he had fallen for her father.

 

Dean woke with the sun in the morning to Emma screaming. He lay in bed for a moment to get his bearings. Why was he not in his own bed and why was there a baby crying? Then it hit him: Cas’ bed. His own baby. He groaned and rolled off, running a hand through his hair as he made his way to his bedroom, the source of the screaming. Their neighbors were going to have some issues, he knew. He pushed open the door to his room where Cas was collapsed facedown on his bed, a pillow over his head. Dean allowed himself to brush his fingers against the back of Cas’ calves gently on his way to the crib. Dean wasn’t sure how he had slept through this all last night, and wasn’t sure how Cas was sleeping through it now, but he picked up his daughter, unsure of what she needed. When had she last eaten? Been changed? Maybe she just woke up and wanted to be held. This seemed to be the case, as when Dean started rocking her back and forth she calmed, looking up at him with a little smile on her face. 

Cas groaned behind him. “What time is it?” He had removed the pillow, but his voice was still muffled by the mattress.

Dean looked at his clock. “About 5. When did she wake you up last?”

“4? 4:30? I’m not sure?”

“Damn. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Dean. I’m mostly worried about the neighbors.” Dean watched as Cas pushed himself off the mattress, the muscles in his back shifting and rolling. Cas rolled up on his knees to face Dean and Emma, reaching behind him for his glasses.

“I was just thinking the same thing. They’ll be over to ask us what the hell’s going on.”

“What time do you have to go to work today? I have a half day, so if someone can watch the baby until 12-”

“I didn’t tell you? Bobby gave me a paid month off. Only work I have to do for a bit is night shifts at the Roadhouse every other night. And I don’t need you to help as much as you already have-”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t do this on your own Dean, and you know it. I meant it when I said I was going to help you.” Cas folded his arms, and he looked incredibly like a child then. 

“Alright, alright.” Dean looked down at Emma, humming gently, then paused in his rocking and turned to Cas in a panic. “How do you bathe one of these?”

But Cas had already fallen backwards on the bed and fallen asleep.

After doing more research than all his years in college combined on how to bathe a newborn, Dean combed the apartment for a washcloth. Cas trudged back in at seven, at which time Dean asked where the washcloths were and Cas told him to keep looking, and after getting ready for work conceded that they didn’t actually have any washcloths.

“Great. Shit, am I allowed to take her to the store? She was like, just born. Shouldn’t she lay low?”

Cas shrugged. “Google seems to have gotten you thus far. Consult it again and I’m sure you won’t be disappointed. Maybe if you do go to the store you can pick up some parenting books. Or a Google book, if you think it has all the answers.”

Dean whipped out his phone, glaring at Cas. “Ah, yes, see here, Google says you're  a jackass. Don’t you have places to be? Shoo.”

Cas laughed and placed his bowl in the sink, then kissed Emma lightly on the head and left, shutting the door lightly behind him. Dean huffed and looked down at Emma, who was making a face. 

“Alright, baby, I know. Food, right?”

Dean liked to think he was an expert at baby formula. He’d learned how to make it when he was four, and the knowledge stuck with him, thank heavens. Emma was napping again within half an hour, and Dean broke out his laptop again to do more baby research. Turns out he could take Emma out, no problem. He found a baby sling that said 0-5 months and by the time Emma woke up, he had managed to configure it around his torso. 

“Hey, baby, we’re gonna go get some supplies, okay? Let’s go.” Dean checked over his list again- yes he had put the damn parenting books on there, sue him- and then headed out, making sure Emma was comfortable before relocating her to the backseat of the Impala. A couple with a kid who had just gotten his tonsils out showed him how to properly install the carseat as they were leaving the hospital. Emma didn’t like being separated from her father’s warmth, but did seem to like something about the car. The movement, the sound,  _ whatever _ , Emma liked it. Dean patted the dashboard in thanks, then decided to hold off on introducing Emma to Zeppelin. For now, but only because he hadn’t googled if that was bad for her ears yet.

God, this was going to be hard. Which, yeah, obviously, but Dean always imagined if he’d ever settled down with a family, he would be a little- a lot more prepared. The uncertainty was weighing down on him hard. Emma made a screeching noise that might have been happy, might have been angry when Dean opened the door to get her. He tucked the baby back in against his chest, and she rested her cheek against his chest, falling asleep almost instantly.

Dean smiled, pressing a kiss to her head, then grabbing a cart and heading towards the first item on his list, bottles. Lydia and her boyfriend really hadn’t thought ahead. They’d fed Emma the previous day with one borrowed from their downstairs neighbors, who thankfully also had a baby. They weren’t the only ones keeping the building up at night. 

Damn, what the hell kind of bottles was he supposed to buy?

There was a red-haired woman next to him trying to figure out the exact same thing. She wasn’t pregnant, nor did she look like a mother, so he assumed she was there for a friend when she turned to him.

“Excuse me, but what bottles do you think I should get? My girlfriend and I are adopting in a few days and we just realized we needed baby bottles. I could use some help.”

“Oh.” Dean blinked. “I was just about to ask you the same question, actually. Except I don’t have a girlfriend. And I clearly already have a baby.”

The woman smiled. “Husband, then? And she sure is a cutie. What’s her name?”

“Uh, no. Just a one-night stand who apparently decided at the last minute that Emma here just wasn’t her type.”

“Damn, I’m sorry. I’m Charlie, by the way, and I really, really need some bottles.”

Dean introduced himself and together the two of them navigated the vast selection of bottles without waking Emma. Eventually they settled on the typical brand that looked like what everyone else seemed to have in movies and shit. Dean and Charlie exchanged numbers, in case the other had questions about what their baby was doing or if they needed a sitter. Dean travelled to the book section, smiling and murmuring softly to Emma. When he turned his cart into the section, there was only one other man there. Dean froze.   


It was John Winchester.

Panic flooded his body, and Dean squeezed Emma to his chest with one arm and pulled the cart back with the other. His father didn’t notice him, why would he? He hadn’t seen his son in almost 20 years, and would have no idea what he looked like. Dean started to back away, slowly so as not to draw attention.

That’s when Emma started to cry. Loudly.

Dean started rocking quickly, which calmed her slightly, but she was still whimpering against his chest. She liked to move. John looked up at the man, then frowned. 

“It’s a little undignified for a man to be carrying a baby around like that, dontcha think?”

Dean swallowed his anger. “No, I don’t, actually. I can protect her better this way, and multitask. And she likes it, it’s warm.” Too warm? Maybe she was hot.

John chuckled. “I guess, but taking care of the kids is a mother’s job.”

Memories of a blazing fire came back, and Dean suddenly Dean understood why his father never took the time to care about his kids. He thought it wasn’t his job. “Moms aren’t always around. Sometimes their dad’s all a kid's got.”

John’s eyes flashed dangerously, but then he shrugged. “You outta find yourself a girl to take care of her, though. Wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a fag, now.”

“Is that why you never took care of your kids?” The words were out before he could stop them, before he could question them. Maybe they were words he needed to say. 

John’s eyes narrowed, then widened in recognition. “Dean?”

“Maybe. How the hell’d you get out of jail?”

“I’ve been looking all over the state for you boy-” John reached for his son then, only for Dean to jerk back, curling his hand around Emma’s tiny head. She was still crying slightly, and Dean took her out of the sling, deciding it was too hot. He was certainly sweating. He cradled her, her head pillowed on his upper arm and her feet cradled in his palm. She was cooler now, but still tighter against her father’s chest than she would have been in most other situations.

“Don’t.” Dean growled, his voice startling Emma once more, who had only known Dean’s voice with love in it.

John finally seemed to take the baby in. “She yours?”

Dean nodded once, adjusting Emma so she was more secure. 

“No girl?”

“No. She ran right after the baby was born, so I got her.”

“What’s her name?”

Dean hesitated for a moment before giving it up.

“Emma.” John smiled. “Good name. You know we were going to name you that if you were a girl?”

Dean shook his head, because he knew it wasn't true. He remembered his mother telling him that he would have been named Deanna, after her mother.

“She’s beautiful. Listen, Dean, I’d love to talk-”

Dean cut him off. “I know you would. But I really don’t think any time soon is good. This is all a little too much for me right now, alright? And I gotta take care of my daughter first.”

John nodded. “I’ll stay out of your hair then. Call me when you think you can, alright boy?” He passed Dean a card then left, without choosing a book. Dean took a deep break, tucked Emma back into her sling, then continued his shopping, not changing his facial expression or saying a word until he was home, and Cas was there and Dean broke. 

He walked in the door to the apartment, breezed past Cas on the couch to lay Emma in her crib for a nap, then came back out into the main area where Cas was standing, looking concerned. Dean sighed wearily and crossed over to him, engulfing him in a crushing hug. Cas hugged back after a second, arms secured around Dean’s shoulders. 

“What’s wrong?” Cas whispered after their hug had exceeded an acceptable length for two friends to be sharing.

“My dad was at the store today.”

Cas gasped and hugged him a little tighter. “What did he say?”

Halfway through Dean’s telling of the story, his mouth close enough to Cas’ ear that he didn’t need to speak above a whisper, Dean realized just how close to Cas he was. Their chests were pulled flush together, and Dean’s hip bone poked at the shorter man’s stomach. After telling his story, Dean pulled away quickly, wiping his cheeks.

“Are you okay?”

Dean sighed. “I just- I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should let him into my life at all, especially now with Emma. I don’t know if I can trust him again.”

Cas nodded, his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Are you going to talk to Sam? Maybe he could help you.”

“Yeah. He’s gonna hate me, dropping all these bombs on him. Tomorrow I’ll be calling to tell him Ellen’s dead.” Both boys knocked on the coffee table next to them twice.

“What did you get at the store?” Cas asked, and Dean appreciated the change in subject.

“Uh, some more clothes, bottles, teething rings, wipes, toilet paper, baby powder, washcloths, bibs, a couple more crib sheets, and salt. We’re running low. Oh, uh, and some parenting books.” Dean hesitated for a minute. “Maybe, uh- maybe you should read them too.”

Cas smiled and took the books in Dean’s outstretched arm. “Of course.”

Dean was never more grateful to have Cas than he was in that moment.

 


	2. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes a few calls, Cas honors a promise, new people move in across the hall, and Bobby and Ellen come to dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I originally planned to update this on Monday, and if I can get back on track this weekend, the next chapter will be up next Monday, but no promises. I will promise Wednesday at the latest (which I can already tell I'm going to regret). Hope you enjoy!

“Winchester! Your phone’s ringing.”

“Hm? Oh, thanks Brady. Toss it over?”

Brady chucked Sam’s phone at him from the counter where it rested. His roommate then went back to his physics textbook.

“Yeah?”

“Sammy? It’s me again.” His brother’s voice came through the phone, more anxious and desperate than it had been the day before, and Sam wondered what could have happened that was more nerve-wracking than having a baby.

“Hey, man. What’s the trouble today?” Sam half-joked.

“Well… I took Emma to the store today, and uh… Sam, Dad was- he was just _there_. I didn’t even know he was out of jail. He asked if we could talk and I told him it was all just too much with the baby and everything, and he told me to call him when I felt ready.” Dean rushed the words out, as if he didn't say it quick he would give up on saying anything at all.

The breath went out of Sam all at once. “What?”

He got up and stepped out of his dorm, mind racing. Sam didn’t remember his father, had only stories and pictures to go off, but he knew that having him back in their lives was a bad thing. He wasn’t stupid, and while he might not know exactly what he had done to Dean and him to get him sent to prison, he knew it was no joke.

“Yeah. Cas told me to call you, ask what you thought. Do you, uh, do you want his number?”

“I don’t know Dean. I don’t even know exactly what Dad did-”

“Sam-”

“I deserve to know. I can’t make this decision without that information, and you know it. Please.”

“I’ll talk to you later Sam, I gotta go.”

“Dean-”

But his brother was gone, and Sam sank to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest. His father. Sam didn’t quite know what to think.

He sat there for what felt like days, but was only about half an hour. Brady would be worried. But then Sam came to a realization and a resolution. Fine. If Dean wouldn’t tell him anything, Ellen and Bobby would. And if they didn’t, he would dig into the police records. He would.

Sam picked his phone up off the ground and dialed Bobby’s number.

“So, you’ve heard the news?”

“What, about Dean? Or Dad?”

“What about your dad?”

“Ah, so it’s you who hasn’t heard the news. Keep up Bobby, really.”

“Shuddup, ya idjit. What’s with your dad?”

Sam spilled Dean’s story to Bobby, struggling to keep his voice neutral. “What’d you tell him? Are you gonna call?”

Sam took a deep breath. This was it. “Actually Bobby, I told him I wasn’t making a decision until someone told me what Dad did. To get arrested. I don’t remember, and until I’ve got some info-”

“Sam, I wish I had something for you, but the only background we got for you two was the fire and that your dad was a dick. ‘Sall I know.”

Sam sighed and rubbed his jaw with a hand. “You know anyone who does know? Did Dean maybe tell Ellen, or Jo?”

Bobby was quiet for a moment. “Only person I can think he’d tell would be Cas, and even that’s a stretch. Sorry, Sam. I hope you find what you're looking for. You're right, you deserve to know.”

“Alright, thanks Bobby. Give everyone over there love from me. Have you seen the baby yet?”

“We’re havin’ dinner over at baby central tonight. Don’t let any of our shit over here get in the way of your schoolwork, boy, you hear me?”

“Of course not Bobby. See you in a few weeks.”

“Bye, Sam.”

Sam ended the call, and immediately scrolled through his contacts to find Castiel. His battery was almost up, but he needed to know as soon as possible.

“Hello, Sam. I assume you're calling about your father?” Castiel's rough voice came through the phone, tired and entirely unsurprised. 

“Yeah. Dean told you?”

“He was visibly shaken. I don't see that he had much of a choice. Do you want to talk about it? I already told Dean he shouldn’t make any decisions until consulting you, what did you tell him?”

“I told him _I_ wasn’t making any decisions until I knew the whole story. I can’t think that Dean wouldn’t tell you what Dad did to us. I deserve to know, Cas.”

“............”

“Cas?”

“I was under the impression that you were aware of the conditions of your father’s arrest by now.”

“No. I don’t remember. Can you please tell me?”

“...I don’t think I’m at liberty to say. I’m sorry Sam.”

“Why not? It’s my story too.”

“I’m aware. But Dean doesn't want you to know, and I’m not about to nullify his efforts nor betray his trust. I really am sorry.”

Sam huffed. “I’m going to find out you know. Whether Dean likes it or not.”

“I know. But I assure you you won’t hear it from me.”

“Got it. I’ll see you soon, I guess. How’s the baby?”

“She’s fine. She and Dean are both sleeping.”

“Why is Dean sleeping?”

Cas sighed through the phone and Sam could imagine him running a hand over his face in exhaustion. “Dean has a night shift at the Roadhouse tonight, and Emma has a night shift of keeping me awake tonight.”

“Oh. I’m sorry man, Dean really shouldn’t ask all this of you, man.”

Cas sighed again, this time in exasperation. He didn't. When have you known your brother to ask for help with anything? I offered it because if I didn’t he would run himself into the ground. He refuses to let your family help, so I'm more than willing have to step up. I don’t mind. Emma is a lovely child and I would gladly sacrifice my time for her. She isn’t a burden to anyone.” His voice was hard with those last words, and Sam felt that maybe someday Cas would say those same words to Emma. Damn. He knew Dean and Cas were loyal to each other, having been best friends for 15 odd years, but he had never quite grasped what that loyalty entailed.

“I know Cas. That’s good of you. Thanks for being there for him.”

“I wouldn’t think of doing anything else.”

Cas ended the call then, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. He had always just assumed that Sam _knew,_ despite Dean being adamant that Cas never tell him _._ Knew about his father, his past. Knew about Dean, and what he went through. Apparently not. But it wasn’t Cas’ story to tell. Ten years ago he had made a promise, one he intended to keep.

* * *

_“Dean? Dean, why are you crying?”_

_Cas poked his head into his best friend’s room, concern knitting his features. Dean stood quickly, his face red and his hair mussed. His green eyes were somehow more intense, standing in contrast against the flush of the rest of his face._

_“Nothing. It’s nothing Cas. What’s up?”_

_But even at 13 Castiel Novak knew when Dean was lying, knew that yes there was something wrong._

_“Dean. You can tell me anything.” Cas reached out and placed his hand on the other boy’s shoulder gently. Dean leaned into the touch, and Cas sat on the bed, tugging Dean down with him._

_Dean rested his head on Cas’ shoulder, his tears flowing again and onto Castiel’s shirt, but he didn’t mind. Dean found Cas’ hand where it lay on his thigh. Lacing their fingers together, Dean took a deep, shuddering breath, and began to speak._

_“It started when I was four, almost five. My mom died in a house fire, but me, Dad, and Sammy made it out. Sammy was just a little baby. We stayed in Lawrence a few days before Dad packed us up and we hit the road. That’s how it was for a few years, just me Dad and Sammy, on the road.”_

_"But I already knew that," Cas pressed, his voice soft._

_Dean pressed his face more into Cas, and the dark-haired boy felt his friend shake, with sobs or fear he didn’t know. “Nobody here knows, Cas. Nobody here knows why my Dad got arrested ‘cept me. He did_ bad _things Cas, real bad. To me especially, but I had to protect Sammy. He would go and leave me and Sam for days, with barely any money and I  never got to go to school. Sometimes the motel managers would come to kick Dad out, only to find me and Sam there, all alone. Sometimes they took us to the police, other times we just stayed with them ‘til Dad got back. But they always noticed.”_

_“Noticed what?”_

_“The bruises, Cas. Dad- used to-” Dean started hiccoughing, his body shaking more violently now than it had before._

_“It’s alright, Dean. I’m right here.” Cas reassured him. Dean curled the hand that wasn’t holding Cas’ into the other boy’s jacket, holding on as if his life depended on it._

_“He used to hit me. A lot. I had a lot of bruises. I think that’s why I wasn’t allowed to go to school. It got worse as time went on. And they day he was arrested-”_

_Dean stopped again, holding Cas tighter. Cas rested his free hand in Dean’s hair, curling his fingers against his temple. Dean took a breath, long and slow. When he started again, his voice was low and clear, but still shaking slightly. “The day he was arrested was the worst. Sammy was three and I was seven, and Dad was angry and drunk and maybe high, I don’t know. What I do know is that he was angry at Sam because for once he was there and Sam broke one of the car windows. He didn’t try to hide it either, came right in and ‘fessed up like a good kid. Sammy was already cut up because of the glass, so when Dad went to hit him, I got in his way to stop him. I wouldn’t let him hurt Sammy. Dad got even more mad and started beating on me. He broke my arm and my nose and cracked a few ribs, and by the time he stopped I was almost unconscious, but I saw him start to beat on Sam, ‘cept at that point Sam had been screaming so long and so loud I guess somebody called the police because the last thing I saw before I passed out was them barging in and stopping Dad. The nurse at the hospital told me that the police had taken Dad away forever, that he would never hurt me again.”_

_Cas said nothing, just held Dean’s hand. Finally he whispered a quiet ‘thank you’ against Dean’s temple._

_“You have to promise to never, ever, ever tell anyone, ever. Especially not Sam. Not ever, no matter what.”_

_“I understand, Dean. I promise.”_

_They fell asleep like that, Cas’ hand in Dean’s hair, Dean’s head on Cas’ chest and one hand fisted in his jacket, the other interlocked with Cas’. Jo still has the picture. She framed it at some point, as she did with so many others._

* * *

Castiel had not broken that promise, not once. He wasn’t willing to risk what would happen if he did. But he also wasn’t going to risk John WInchester hurting Dean ever again.

Cas sighed and sat back down on the couch, rubbing his temples. He sighed again then returned to grading papers. Third graders were more trouble than they were worth. Though he supposed he would think differently once Emma was in third grade.

He blinked, realizing the implications of that. Of course he and Dean would still be close in nine years, but Cas was sure that in that time Dean would found someone to spend his life with, taking Emma with him. A vicious jealousy clamped down on Cas’ insides, turning all his thoughts to worry and pining. He had made his peace with the fact that Dean may never love Cas as Cas loved him, but it still hurt. Thinking about how one day Dean would leave him made his stomach twist and his head to hurt.

He never allowed himself to imagine that Dean might feel the same way. There was no point in getting his hopes up, and Dean had never even shown an interest in men, as far as Cas could tell. He had been content hiding his feelings for 8 years, and though it would hurt more and more as time went on, he would hide them for 8 more. Cas wouldn’t push his feelings on Dean when he knew they were unwanted. Dean needed a loyal friend to be there for him now, and that’s what Cas would be. Dean had looked out for Cas their entire lives, and now it was time for Cas to do the same for Dean. And when Dean did find someone to complete his family, Cas would stand beside him and smile as his heart was ripped open.

* * *

 

Dean woke before Emma did, thankfully, and ninjaed his way out of the room so he wouldn’t wake her up. He padded down the hall to where Cas was grading papers, a brooding expression on his face.

“Hey. You okay? You look constipated, which never means good things.”

Cas didn’t spare so much as a glance at Dean, just continued grading.

Dean poured himself some coffee then came to stand by the arm of the couch, where Cas was propped up on his elbow. Dean poked his shoulder. “Helloo. Earth to Casanova. Hey. Buddy. You okay?”

“I’m fine Dean. Your brother called shortly after you fell asleep.”

Dean froze, staring at nothing. “Did you tell him?” he breathed.

Cas scoffed, looking up at Dean. “Of course not. But he told me he thinks he has a right to know, which he does, and that he’s going to find out whether you like it or not.”

“Cas he can’t know. He _can’t._ All he’ll do is blame himself.”

“For what? Saving your life? Getting the both of you out of an awful situation? Acting like the child he was? Not everyone is as determined to find fault in themselves as you are, Dean, I assure you.” Cas looked back at his papers.

Dean furrowed his brow. “Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. You won’t even look at me. Come on, Cas, what’s up?”

“It is not of import.”

“My ass. Seriously, Cas.”

“I’m fine, Dean. I’m just frustrated with these worksheets.”

Dean looked at him skeptically. “Somehow I don’t-”

Just then the doorbell rang, cutting off what Dean was going to say next. He looked at the clock. “It’s only four, Harvelles aren’t supposed to be here until 6:30.” Dean got up from his perch on the arm of the couch and moved to the door, coffee in hand. He opened it a crack, revealing two women, one tall with grey eyes and brown hair wrapped up in a bun, the other a little shorter but more familiar to Dean. He opened the door wider, taking in the flaming red hair and green eyes.

“Charlie? What are you doing here?”

“Wh- what are you doing here?” The girl stammered, clearly shocked. The taller one looked between the two of them, confused.

“Dean? Who is it?” Cas appeared at his shoulder suddenly, as he had a way of doing.

“I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend?”

“What? No! Cas is my roommate. And we’re here because we live here, and Cas, this is Charlie, I met her at the store today.”

“Oh. Seems you had an incredibly life-changing time there.”

“Not life-changing unless I want it to be, Cas.” Dean reminded him and turned back to the women. “So what’s up?”

“We actually just moved in across the hall. Didn’t expect to already know our neighbors.” Dorothy explained.

“Oh God. That’s a three-baby count. No one’s gonna sleep in the building.”

Charlie shrugged. “Walls seem pretty soundproof to me.” She and Dorothy traded secretive smiles and Dean rolled his eyes.

“TMI guys, really. Did you want anything in specific? My Emma senses are tingling.”

“Do you wanna come over for dinner tomorrow? We tried asking the guy next to us but-”

“He doesn’t talk to anyone but Cas, and that’s only about bees. Because-”

“Bees are very important to the environment, Dean. You are aware Ellen uses honey in her pie crusts, right? Think how they would taste without honey. Without _bees._ ”

“Alright, I get it, bees are important, but to keep them on his balcony? Even you gotta admit that’s weird, man.”

“Most people have hobbies Dean, like you and your-”

“That’s enough about me! We’d love to come to dinner. What time?”

Dorothy looked between the two men, a glint of laughter in her eyes. “7 would be fine. Spaghetti sound alright to you?”

“Excellent.” Dean and Cas said in unison. After Ellen stopped serving spaghetti in the Roadhouse, the two of them had made it their mission to find spaghetti good enough to make her start serving again. If Ellen thought anyone made something better than she did, she put it on the Roadhouse menu, as if to say, _“Yes, but look at all these people enjoying_ my _recipe.”_

Charlie grinned. “Are you sure you're not dating?”

Dean and Cas were saved from answering that by the baby crying.

“Told you! Told you I could have Emma senses!”

“Lucky guess!” Cas shot back as he made his way down the hall to Dean’s room.

Charlie squealed. “Ooh, can we see her?”

“Sure, come on in.” Dean opened the door to admit the women just as Cas reappeared, a squalling Emma in his arms.

“Hungry? Diaper? Both, I’m assuming. I’m gonna let Daddy take care of that, Emma. He seems to enjoy it.”

“Asshole,” Dean muttered, taking the baby.

“You're going to have to learn to censor yourself, Dean. You don’t want her repeating you.”

“Butt-face!”

Dean laid Emma down on his bed to change her. He was slowly becoming used to her, to taking care of her. He had missed taking care of Sam when he had gone off to college. He liked having someone to protect, and no one needed more protecting than Emma. They were a perfect fit.

He came out to the living room, where Cas was already making a bottle of baby formula. He fit too, just not quite where Dean wanted him to. But Dean pushed those ever-intrusive thoughts out of his mind quickly, instead turning to Dorothy and Charlie.

Charlie squealed at the sight of Emma before Dean could say anything. “Oh my God, she’s precious! How cute!”

Dorothy smiled and held out a finger, which Emma grabbed and tugged. “She’s beautiful. I imagine she’ll have all kinds of luck finding someone in the future.”

Dean grunted. “They’ll have to go through me first.”

“You're a hopeless romantic and you know it Dean, it won’t be much of a fight.”

“I’ll fight you, right now, with a baby in my arms, Novak. Watch your back.”

Cas just laughed and flicked water at him, then handed him the bottle. Dean poked it at Emma’s mouth, and she eagerly accepted it, sucking down the formula so fast that some of it dribbled down either side of her mouth. Dean looked to Charlie and Dorothy.

“It’s not as easy as it seems. Cas barely got any sleep last night because he was watching her like the angel he is.” Charlie smirked at Dean, raising one eyebrow.

“She has a surprising amount of needs for something so small. She is also unnecessarily loud, in my opinion.”

“I’m shocked that you can’t hear her across the hall.”

Dorothy shrugged. “Thick walls, I guess. Thank God for that, too.”

“Seriously. T. M. I. So, have we scared you away from adopting yet?” Dean swayed towards the girls, grinning evilly.

“Absolutely not. It’s been great meeting you guys, but we gotta go. Meeting with the birth mother.” Charlie stood, Dorothy following with a wave.

“Feel free to stop by anytime.” Dean called after them.

“It’s beneficial that we’ve made friends with them. With Emma disturbing the building every night, having allies like Cain, Lisa and Matt downstairs and now Charlie and Dorothy.” Cas said, sipping a cup of coffee.

“Cain isn’t an ally, dude. I’m pretty sure he would call the landlord on us, bees or not. And those couples are only on our side because they have babies too. They’re building-disturbers as much as we are, Cas, hate to break it to ya.”

Cas furrowed his brow. “My point still stands. We can’t be evicted if everyone else has screaming infants. The landlord would lose too much rent money."

“That’s true. Hey, how old is Lisa and Matt’s kid anyway? I haven’t heard him much. Is he new.”

“Ben is almost two, Dean. Thick walls.”

Cas finished his coffee as Emma finished her bottle. Dean passed his daughter off to him and started on dinner, as Bobby, Ellen, and Jo would be there in about an hour.

Dean cracked his knuckles and got ready to kick Ellen’s ass at burgers.

* * *

“Emma, one day you’ll be big enough to ask for what you want, and I hope you’ll do so. I’m really not enjoying your crying and whining, nor is your father.”

Emma gurgled and reached a hand for his face.

“Yes, you are being quiet now but just minutes ago you were screaming all the air out of your lungs. Daddy seems to think he can sense when you're about to start, but that’s not possible.”

Emma said nothing, and Cas sighed, just rocking her back and forth. He heard the sound of Dean cooking in the kitchen and lowered his voice.

“You know Emma, one day your Daddy’s gonna find someone extra special, and she’ll take care of you too. But I hope I’ll still be able to speak with you. You're quite the listener.”

Emma made a small sound and clutched at Cas’ shirt. She tried to lift her head to eat her hand but found she was too weak. Cas smiled gently at her and laid her in her crib, where she kicked her legs and flailed her arms but ultimately did not have the strength to move. Cas sighed and walked back out into the kitchen.

“When is Sam on spring break?” Cas asked, startling Dean.

“Uh… week after next? Yeah. He’ll be staying at Bobby and Ellen’s this time, thank God. That was a disaster last year.”

Cas chuckled. “What are you making?”

“Burgers and fries, save room for pies. How’s Emma?”

“Fine. She seems determined to make herself more mobile than she can possibly be at this point. It reminds me of you.”

Cas knew Dean was smiling, even though his back was to him. Then he turned, and he studied Cas, his green eyes going up and down Cas’ body and his smile faded in favor of worry.

“You alright? I’ve kinda been putting a lot on you-”

“How many times are we going to have this conversation?”

“Well, Cas it’s really unfair to just show up with a baby and ask for you to help-”

“Dean, I _offered_ my help, and it’s no more unfair than what Lydia did to you-”

“But she’s my responsibility-”

“And as your friend and roommate, helping you is mine.”

Dean sighed and looked at Cas again, taking in his weariness but also his firm determination. “Fine. I’ll drop it. But if you don’t want-”

“Dean. I know. I’m fine, okay? I’m more than happy to help.”

Dean nodded and then crossed the room to pull Cas into a crushing hug. Cas allowed himself to pretend, for a moment, that it wasn’t a hug of gratitude, but of something more. Cas locked his arms around Dean’s middle and held the fantasy in place for a single moment before Dean was pulling away with a quick shoulder pat.

Cas smiled a little before turning away to go back to Emma while Dean went back to the food.

 

* * *

Bobby and the girls showed up at 6:30 on the dot, perfectly punctual as usual. The second they came in, Ellen shoved Dean aside and went to find Emma who was laying in crib as Cas read her _Love You Forever_. Dean followed her, tailed by Bobby and Jo, and watched as Ellen swooped down and cuddled his daughter close to her chest. Dean grinned at the sight.

“Hi there, gorgeous. Aren’t you sweet?”

Cas smiled and stood, and Ellen pulled him into a hug with the arm that had been poking at Emma’s chest seconds ago. After Ellen let him go, Cas escaped to Dean’s side and tugged on his sleeve. “Is dinner ready?”

“Yeah. Let’s go guys. I’ll put Emma down, you go sit and get water and all that sh- stuff.”

Dean took Emma from Ellen and shooed them all out. It didn’t take long to get her to sleep; she must have been tired. Dean found it kind of surreal that she had only been born the day before. Already Dean was struggling to remember life without her, even if he only had to look back three days.

“It was a big day today baby. Go to sleep.”

Dean entered the living room as Jo finished filling her cup with water. “Finally. Gimme my food.”

“Patience, young padawan. Go sit your ass down.” Jo made a face at him but went and sat nonetheless.

Dean brought the food over to the table and everyone dug in. He was rather proud of his cooking skills, having learned from two of the best, Bobby and Ellen themselves.  As soon as everyone finished, Ellen fixed him with a resting bitch face- an expression Sam had picked up somewhere along the line.

“Alright, I’m ready for the lecture. Lay it on me.”

Ellen immediately launched into a lecture about safe sex that he only caught half of, as he was straining his ears for Emma crying. Finally she stopped for breath, and Dean looked up. “How long did you know about her?”

Dean opened his mouth to lie his ass off when Cas responded for him. “Seven months ago. And he didn’t tell anyone, not even me, because the mother didn’t want him involved.”

“Wow, thanks a lot Cas.”

“You were going to lie.”

“You bet your ass I was, but you're supposed to _help_ me lie. Right, Jo?”

“You wouldn’t’ve gotten away with it, but yeah.”

Ellen told them all to shut up and started on another lecture when Bobby placed a hand over hers and gave her a pointed look. “It’s my turn.”

Bobby turned to Dean and thumped him in the head. Dean tensed for one second before shrugging. “I guess I deserved that.”

“Ya think? What kind of fool finds out he has a kid and doesn’t tell his family jack squat until it’s there?”

“Bobby, I told you-”

“Hush. Now if you're gonna raise this kid, you're gonna need help, and you're gonna accept it whether your fat head wants you to or not, go it? I don’t wanna hear from anyone that you're running yourself into the ground when you could be- God forbid- actually _asking_ for help.”

Dean nodded. “Yessir.”

Bobby nodded. “Now to the other matter.”

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. No doubt Sam told him. Cas placed a hand on his knee and squeezed gently. Dean’s eyes flew open, but the comforting touch did nothing to calm his breathing.

“Of course. Has he tried to talk to you?”

“I would’a told you if I had, because I’m not the moron you are.” Dean rolled his eyes at this, and Cas withdrew his hand. Dean immediately missed the warmth.

“Okay, I get it, I should’ve told you. What do you think I should do? I mean, on one hand, he’s my dad. But he- I don’t know if I want him anywhere near Emma. I’m not sure if I even want him near me, or Sam, or Cas, or you guys. But then… he’s my dad.”

“It’s your call, Dean. All we’re gonna ask is that you don’t just barrel into anything by yourself. Talk to Sam, and if you decide to take him back, make sure no one’s alone with him.” Ellen reached across the table as she talked and patted Dean’s hand.

“I know.”

  
“Dean, you me and Jo have to get to the Roadhouse soon, but Bobby told me that Sam called. Asking about what happened.”

Dean went rigid again with the memory, and Cas, tactfully silent as always, grabbed the hand that had gone into a fist against his thigh and eased it flat so he could hold it in his own. “He doesn’t need to know that.”

“He’s your brother, and it’s his past as much as it is yours. If you don't trust us with that story, at least trust him. He deserves to know if he wants.” Bobby gave him a pointed stare that broke people as easily as Ellen’s “I-know-you-did-something-and-if-you-don’t-fess-up-I’ll-beat-it-out-of-you” stare. Dean loosed a sigh.

“I know, I just- he’ll feel like it was his fault, when it _wasn’t_. It wasn’t.” Dean felt himself tearing up, and Jo slid an arm around his shoulders in addition to Cas squeezing his hand. Dean took another deep breath. “I just don’t want him to be hurt because of this, it’s not worth it.”

“He’s gonna dig and find out what he wants to know one way or the other, and it’s best if he hears from you.” Bobby stood, patting Dean’s shoulder and gathering the plates.

“Yeah. I’ll tell him when he comes for spring break, alright? Scout’s honor.”

Ellen glared at him reproachfully. “Mmhhmm. Alright kids, let’s hit the road. Bobby and Cas are on baby duty for the night."

* * *

 

Working at the Roadhouse again was both familiar and new. He had helped out in the summer and after school when he was a teenager, but he had never been allowed to serve drinks, just meals. He had certainly never had to handle the crowd of drunks that showed up that night.

He was grateful, though. It gave him time to get his mind off his father, and telling Sam, and his best friend, who he might be a tiny bit in love with. He chatted with his neighbor Lisa, whose husband and son were on vacation while she had to stay home and work. Dean concentrated very hard on keeping his mind on the conversation.

So Dean tended bar and he took away keys, but eventually his thoughts always drifted to police sirens and babies screaming, and blue eyes, full of concern.

It would be a long night.


	3. The Only Way Things Can Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a horrible idea, the brothers honor childhood traditions, and Sam discovers the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I did end up being able to post this today, so we are back on track, people! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Dean quickly became used to Emma in the week and a half before Sam’ visit- even found comfort in her presence and her lack of demand for him to talk about his feelings. All she needed was to be fed, diapered, and put to sleep, which Dean was more than happy to do for her. It gave him the opportunity to think about what he would have to do when Sam came- or the opportunity to put it as far from his mind as possible. Emma never asked him to explain himself, and she was Dean’s biggest comfort in life at the moment, above even the Impala or his Zeppelin records. Emma was warm and happy most of the time, and she didn’t cry without reason. Dean preferred her as a distraction over working on cars, which he loved to do. He thanked his lucky stars for her every day, even if she herself didn’t do much.

On nights that he worked at the roadhouse, Cas gladly took care of her, and when school was over he let Dean sleep for a little bit even if they both needed it. There was no longer any such thing as Cas’ bed or Dean’s bed- if Dean was watching the baby, he slept in his bed, and if Dean was working, Cas slept in his bed. It worked for them, but both men were sleep deprived and becoming more irritable every day.

“Dean, when do you return to work at Bobby’s shop?” Cas asked when Dean stumbled home and collapsed onto the couch one morning, the day Sam would be coming in from California, as Cas made coffee.

“Uhh… when was Emma born? March 11th? What’s today, the 25th? In like, a little over 2 weeks, why?”

“Well.” Cas started. “School won’t be out of session by then, so I won’t be able to watch Emma during the day, and Sam will no longer be here either. Bobby, Ellen, and Jo all have jobs as well, so who is going to take care of her?”

Fuck. He hadn’t thought of that at _all_. He couldn’t afford a babysitter, but he also couldn’t afford to cut back on his hours.

Dean sighed. He had an idea but Cas wasn’t going to like it. In fact, in a few minutes, Dean would probably find himself being beaten with a pillow.

He wasn’t wrong.

“Dean Winchester, are you _insane_? You barely get enough sleep as it is, and now you want to do this? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“Hush, you're going to wake the baby. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I’ll get Bobby to push my hours from 3 to 11, and then I’ll go straight from there to the Roadhouse on nights that I work there and straight here to take care of Emma on nights that I don’t.”

“When are you going to sleep? The most sleep you get in one night is four hours anyway, and now you’ll only be sleeping that much, maybe less, every other night, for a month and a half! Bobby and Ellen won’t let you.”

“Then I’ll get work somewhere else, and they will let me.” Dean said tiredly. “At least this way Bobby and Ellen can keep an eye on me, okay? I’ll be fine.”

Cas glared down at him, his glasses sliding down his nose. The silence made Dean hyper aware of their position, Cas sitting on Dean's stomach, straddling him. It suddenly became very hard to breathe, and Dean had to look away from Cas.

“Fine. But if I even feel like you're-”

“I know, Cas. Get off me, will you? I want some coffee.” Cas swung his leg over Dean and got up of the couch, still grumbling. Dean wished he hadn’t left.

* * *

Dean and Emma went over to Bobby and Ellen’s at 10, as promised, so Emma could meet her Uncle Sam.

The moose in question was sitting on the porch, reading, bouncing his knee up and down. Dean extracted Emma from the car as quietly as he could, cradling her against his chest. Sam didn’t even look up until Dean was standing right in front of him and snatching the book out of his hand.

“Hey! I was-” Sam’s protests stopped as soon as he laid eyes on Emma. His eyes went soft and he stood, inching forward in a silent question. Dean smiled and shifted Emma so he could pass her to Sam. Sam’s mouth cracked into a smile when Emma gurgled and grabbed the fabric of his shirt.

“Oh, she’s trying to rip your clothes off. That means she likes you.” Dean grinned at the sight of his daughter and brother, and stepped back to take a picture. Sam didn’t even notice, he was too in awe of Emma.

“First baby I ever held. I always figured it’d be mine before yours. No offense.”

“I thought the same, little brother. Come on, let’s head in, watch your step.”

Sam was way too careful walking with her, and Dean took the time to look at the book his geek little brother had been reading. “Harry Potter? How many times have you read this series?”

“More times than the total amount of books you’ve read in your entire life.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk. Also, language.”

“If I had a nickel for every time we heard that, huh Emma? She’s not gonna repeat after me, at least not yet.”

“Might as well get into the habit. Jo’s at the Roadhouse and Bobby and Ellen went for groceries. Just us.” Sam turned and grinned, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Are you suggesting we introduce my two week old daughter to stair sledding? I have a feeling I won’t need to Google if this one's okay.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Of course she won’t be _on_ the mattress. But it’s tradition. Emma can watch from her baby seat on the couch.”

Dean stared at Sam skeptically for a few seconds before tossing him the keys to the Impala. “Go get the seat, I’ll get the mattress.” The brothers moved fast, knowing their adoptive parents could return at any moment. Dean had hauled the mattress off his bed and positioned it at the top of the stairs before Sam returned. Fucking pansy, moving at 2 mph just because he was holding a baby. Dean rocketed down the stairs and gathered all the couch cushions, pillows, and blankets, placing them at the foot of the stairs in a huge, fluffy pile.

Stair sledding had started one snowy Saturday when Jo was snowed in at a friend’s house, Bobby and Ellen were snowed in at work, and Sam and Dean were snowed in at home. Dean had tried not to think about all the times their father had left them alone for indeterminate amounts of time but failed. He had curled up on his mattress and stared at a wall for hours until little, tiny, 7-year-old Sam had come and tugged on the bottom of his mattress until it hung off his bed and finally Sam was able to push it off the frame completely. Then it was only a matter of sliding the mattress to the top of the stairs and threatening to push Dean down if he didn’t cheer up. Dean of course, refused, and just as Sam pushed him down the stairs, Dean sat bolt upright and grabbed Sam’s arm, pulling him onto the mattress and down with him. The two had ended up on the bottom in tears because they were laughing so hard. It had become tradition, and now instead of sad, lonely, uncertain memories of being home alone, Dean had happy, fun, exciting memories of sliding down the stairs, the only fear that of falling off. Finally Sam showed back up, baby in the baby carrier. Sam placed the seat gently on the couch and followed Dean up the stairs. Emma could still see them through the railing, so she wasn’t too upset, but she was not a fan of her seat without the rumble of the car beneath her.

Dean folded his legs under him at the front of the mattress and waited until he felt Sam’s arms around his torso before grabbing the railing of the stairs and slingshotting them forward, remembering just in time to grab the sides of the mattress. They slid onto the ground, and Dean pitched forward into the pile of pillows, Sam following. Emma, hearing their laughter, started crying. Dean was still laughing as he picked her up to soothe her.

“It’s okay, baby, laughing is good. It’s happy. One day you’ll be big enough to come stair sledding, and you’ll laugh so hard your socks will fall off.” It struck Dean then that this little girl would be part of his life forever. He would watch her grow up and change and become curious, and she would look to him for more than just her needs, but also her wants and fears and dreams. Her entire life was in his hands, and she was his to build, this new permanent fixture in his life.

“Wow. This is so weird.”

Dean glanced up at Sam, bouncing Emma from side to side. “What?”

“Just. You. You're such a dad, it’s kinda freaky.”

Dean shrugged and placed Emma back in her seat. “One more time?”

Sam grinned and bounded up the stairs, his long legs taking the stairs three at a time. They ended up going three more times before hurriedly cleaning up. You never would’ve guessed that two grown-ass men were sliding down the stairs on a mattress while a two week old baby watched and most likely silently judged them.

Ellen and Bobby got home not two minutes after they had everything back to normal, even the baby seat in the car. Sam was holding Emma on the couch while Dean flipped absently through a photo album. He and Cas had made it in there together a bunch of times, Dean noticed, on the swings at the park, making faces at the camera, Fourth of July, prom, football games, graduation, moving day, and there were other pictures without Dean, Cas coloring with Sam, Cas, who couldn’t have been older than 6 in the picture, holding little Jo’s hand as she waddled across the street to a lemonade stand. Cas had been part of his family almost as long as Bobby and Ellen and Jo had, and here was the proof.

_Permanent._  He had never stopped to realize that he had so many people in his life that would stay, even though his father hadn't. He had a family that stuck with him, even if it meant staying up most of the night to take care of his baby so he could sleep.

“Well, there she is! Hello, sweetie.” Ellen said, lifting Emma out of Sam’s arms and into the air. Bobby grabbed her from Ellen then, tucking her against his chest. Ellen huffed and punched Bobby in the arm before turning to the boys. “Don’t you two have something to talk about?” She looked at them pointedly before waving them upstairs to their room. Dean followed Sam on shaking legs, trying not to think about the story it was finally time for his little brother to know.

Sam sat on his own bed and faced Dean on his. Dean crossed his legs under him and let his palms lay limp against his knees. He stared at the ground for a few seconds before starting. “Sam, I don’t want you to walk away from this feeling like any of it was your fault, or that Dad is a bad guy, because he’s not. He’s just not- he isn’t very strong. He didn’t know how to handle it.”

“Mom dying, you mean?”

Dean nodded. “Before that, he was a pretty good dad. He would throw a football with me and do the airplane trick with my food and he never went to sleep without saying goodnight to us. But he needed Mom, and when she died it destroyed him. I think the fact that he couldn’t get us out of the fire himself didn’t help.”

“What do you mean? How did we get out? Was it the firemen?”

Dean blinked at him. “No. I- It was me, Sam. My room got really hot because it was right next to yours, which was where the fire started, and I woke up and came to the hallway, when Dad pushed you into my arms and told me to run out of the house, so I did. He went back in for Mom.”

“I never knew that.”

“Really? Huh. Anyway, after that he took us away. We travelled a ton, never stayed in one place longer than a couple months. It sucked and I hated it. He didn’t let me go to school, but I knew how to read and that was enough. He would leave, unexplained, for days, most times without money or food. We always stayed in motels and he never told the clerks how long we would actually be there. So when they came to kick Dad out, all they found was you and me and all our stuff. One time we were both passed out on the ground, half-starved. You weren’t even two. The motel manager took us to his house and we stayed there and I think he called the police but before they came for us Dad did, kidnapped us back in the middle of the night but was gone again a few days later.” Dean stopped then, staring off into space and waiting for the barrage of questions Sam had undoubtedly built up over the course of the story so far.

“Why didn’t we stay put?” Sam asked softly.

Dean laughed a little even though it really wasn’t funny. “Because people kept calling the police on Dad, no joke. Maybe if he stopped driving drunk or leaving us places.”

“Why didn’t he let you go to school?”

Dean shrugged and then laid down on his back, gazing at the ceiling, still covered with plastic stars. “Too lazy to find one and fill out the paperwork, didn’t have the time, didn’t have any good information to put on there, needed me to stay with you, take your pick.”

“Don't lie to me.”

Dean huffed. “I'm not, but none of those were the main reason.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Yeah, but Sam, I don’t want you to freak out, okay. Please don’t freak out.”

“I’m already freaking out a little because you said that,” Sam said, although his voice was even. Neither brother said anything for a few moments. Sam heaved a sigh and asked the question Dean suspected he already knew the answer to. “Did Dad used to hit you?”

Dean screwed his eyes shut. “Never when he was sober, and he usually went out to bars to drink, so he could have real fights with people that would hit back. But occasionally, maybe once or twice a month, he would have his beer in the motel room, and he would take his anger out on me. Never you. I would’ve started fighting him much sooner if he’d ever gone after you.

“No, he didn’t go after you until the day you didn’t deserve it. He was with us, for once, and everything was peaceful. You were playing outside, and Dad was writing something in his journal, and I was reading. Then you came in with your arms all scratched up-” Dean sat up and leaned over and tapped a faded white scar just beneath the crook of Sam’s elbow, then laid back down. “-and your hands bloody. We both jumped up, and asked you what happened, and you just said calmly, ‘I’m sorry, Dad, I was getting a hammer from the car when I accidentally swung it into the window and it broke.’ I don’t think you understood, Sam. You thought you were doing the right thing, coming in and telling the truth. And had it been any other day, one where he hadn’t gone to the bathroom every five minutes to drink and smoke and do whatever the hell else he did, it would’ve been the right thing.” Dean paused again, this time to gather his thoughts. He remembered that day clearer than he remembered yesterday, because it had simultaneously been the best and worst day of his life to date, excluding the day Emma was born, of course. On one hand, he had finally escaped his father. On the other, he had been taken away from his father. He still wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to feel. “I don’t want you to think this was your fault, Sammy. It wasn’t. You were a child, and it was an accident. Anyway, Dad got _furious._ He started screaming at you, at me, just at the wind, until finally he started kicking you, and that’s when I got in his way. I told him to back off, but he just started on me. He threw me to the ground and kicked me so hard that I cracked a few ribs, and then he broke my nose and my arm until I decided going limp was the only thing that would keep me from being killed. You screamed the whole time, and when he thought I was out he grabbed you by the hair and slammed your head into a wall. That’s probably why you don’t remember anything, to be honest. You were three, and I remember things that happened when I was that little, even now. But you were still screaming and some of the other people in the building heard and called the police. That’s the last thing I remember. Them coming in and arresting Dad, and then I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital, and then we were put into the foster system. You know the rest.”

Sam was silent for a long while. “Do you really think he would have killed you?” His voice was small, quiet, careful.

Dean blew out a breath. “I don’t know Sammy. I know he was sad and scared and not in his right mind, and what he really wanted was to destroy what destroyed Mom. But he couldn’t.”

“You're not fire, Dean. Why would he want to destroy you?”

Dean looked up into the fake sky, asking himself just that. “I’m not sure, Sam. We were his kids. I just-” Dean fell silent again. “Emma. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to hurt her, drunk out of my mind or even if she murdered the whole world and put the gun in my hand. So I don’t get how people can hurt their kids, some without a drink in sight. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“I don’t understand why you never thought you could tell me. How could I blame myself? I was a kid.”

Dean sighed and shut his eyes. “Because I always thought there was something for you to blame yourself for. I thought there must be some reason, something that was wrong with us for Dad to treat us like that. But now? Now I know there wasn’t. There was no good explanation. I’ve always kinda wondered if Dad was jealous that you liked me more than him, even though he never made an attempt to change that.”

“You’ve really thought about this a lot.”

“I guess.” Dean felt himself closing off, emotionally drained from his story and surprised by the tears on his cheeks. A glance to his left showed that Sam, too, was crying silently.

“How much does Cas know?”

“Basically just a summary of that.”

Sam went quiet again and Dean sat up, standing and walking to his bookshelf, which was stacked with old movies.

“Do you love him?” Sam finally asked, startling Dean.

“Who? Dad? Or-?”

“I don’t know. Both.”

Dean paused for a moment, weighing his two options and ultimately decided that he had told enough truth for one day. “Cas is my best friend, of course I love him, but not like that. And Dad....” Dean’s throat stuck, looking down at the ground. He had managed to tell that whole emotional story with a steady voice, but this question was what stumped him. “I really don’t know Sammy. I loved the man he was before Mom died. I don’t know if he can be that man again, Sammy, I don’t.”

“But we owe him that chance, right?”

Dean sat back down on the bed. “I don’t know.”

“Do you think he’s forgiven himself?”

“No. And if he did I’d tell him to shove it up his ass and get out of my face.”

One end of Sam’s mouth twitched, his dimple making a small appearance before his somber expression returned. “Do you want you call him?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Uh, yeah. I put his number in my phone.” Dean switched beds so he could sit by Sam. Sam grabbed one of his hands and Dean went back to a day more than 10 years ago when Cas had held him in a similar situation. He wished Cas were with him now, for he had a way of calming Dean and stopping him from saying stupid things.

Dean was scrolling through his contacts and the phone was ringing before he knew what he was doing. John picked up on the third ring, his voice rough but clear. Dean couldn’t quite tell if he had been drinking, but he doubted it. It was 2 o’clock and he probably wouldn’t have picked up the phone if he was drunk. He had also said he was going to clean up his act, but Dean had good reason to be skeptical of that promise.

“Um, hey Dad. It’s Sam and Dean.” Dean squeezed Sam’s hand a little harder.

“Oh. I didn’t think you were going to call.” He sounded happier knowing that his sons had made the effort to get in touch with him.

“Well, uh, we did. And-” Sam huffed, trying to grab the phone from him. “Hey- what! Get off, Sam, I’m-” Sam made another grab for the phone and Dean held it high in the air, but that was a pointless effort as Sam was taller than him and therefore had longer arms. Their father’s voice still came through the phone, though neither boy could make out what he was saying. Dean pressed speaker before Sam could reach the phone, which seemed to appease his little brother. Dean knocked his foot into Sam’s leg. “Sorry, Sam was being a bitch.”

“Language!”

“She isn’t even up here!”

“But you need to make a habit of-”

“Sam, we’re on the phone, stop telling me how to raise my child, please.” The bickering was familiar and it eased Dean.

“Glad to know that you two get along.” John said drily.

“Swimmingly. Are you still in the area?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well Sam-”

“Can speak for himself. I’m in town for spring break, so maybe you can come over here for dinner sometime this week. You can meet Bobby and Ellen and Jo and Cas.”

“That sounds alright.” John sounded pleased, if a little nervous and Dean gripped the phone a little harder than was maybe necessary.

“Okay. My Emma senses-”

“You don’t have Emma senses.”

“Says you.”

“And logic.”

“My Emma senses are tingling, so I have to go take care of that, but I’ll text you the details as soon as we talk to Bobby and Ellen about it, alright?”

“Okay. Bye, boys.”

“Bye Dad.” They said in unison, then Dean hung up the phone and released his death grip on Sam’s hand.

“That went alright.” Sam said as they stood and made their way to the door.

“Yeah. I volunteer you for talking to Bobby and Ellen and I will take care of Emma’s dirty diaper.” Sam and Dean thundered down the steps to announce their arrival.

“Dean, you can’t know that-”

Jo approached them, holding Emma at arms length as if she _was_ the dirty diaper. “Dean, I think you need to change her.”

“I know, hand her over.” Dean winked at a flabbergasted Sam and made his way to the diaper bag to change Emma.

“So, are you gonna tell me about your Dad?” Jo asked Sam once Dean was preoccupied with his daughter.

“Considering he’s coming to dinner in a few days, it’s best I don’t.”

“Don’t tell me.” Bobby said from the doorway, hands on his hips. Sam cringed.

“He’s our Dad. And Dean insists he was a good father at some point, and everyone deserves a second chance. He’s coming here, and you people are going to be civil if it kills you.” Sam stated firmly.

Bobby and Jo traded glances and were probably both about to roll their eyes at him when Ellen came in behind Bobby and pinched his neck. “You bet your ass they are. You're absolutely right, Sam. I just hope you're making the right decision.”

“Me too.”

* * *

Cas came home that day to an empty apartment and wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or worried. He was grateful for the silence, but wondered if Dean and Emma were okay. Which was ridiculous. They had only gone to Bobby and Ellen’s house. So Dean could explain his awful story to his brother. A story that could break one or both of them all over again. Cas sighed and set to grading the test his students had taken that day, but couldn’t help but worry about the three Winchesters, two of whose company he was near constantly blessed with. Unable to distract himself with his work he pushed it aside and switched his train of thought to Dean’s sleeping schedule. For the past two weeks and the upcoming two weeks, Dean stayed home with the baby and watched her during the day, and then Cas got home and started grading papers, which usually went to about 6. Then they would all have their dinner and Dean would go to sleep until about 12, when he woke up and relieved Cas of his baby duties. Then Cas would go to his own bed, often still warm with Dean’s heat, and go to sleep until he had work in the morning, which woke Emma without fail, and Dean by extension. But that was only on nights he didn’t work at the Roadhouse. When he did, he left at 11, grudgingly letting Cas handle the baby for the night, he worked until 6 in the morning, and then stayed up for another 12-13 hours before finally getting to sleep, and only ever six hours at most. Adding in the four hours he would get during his nights off  _at the most_ Dean slept 6-10 hours a day, which was good. But with Dean’s new plan… it would be awful. Dean would wake up at 6 in the morning because of Cas, take care of Emma through the day, maybe sleep while she slept but probably not, then when Cas got home he would go to his job at the auto shop, and if he also worked at the Roadhouse that night he would go there, stumble back home at 6, repeat the process, and maybe get four hours that night.

Maybe four hours every other night. It was the most ridiculous thing in the world, yet Cas also knew it was the only thing that could possibly work. It would mean he would rarely see his best friend, but also that Dean would constantly be half-dead.

Cas didn’t see any other option, and Dean was stubborn to a fault.

Cas rubbed his temples and prayed that this ridiculous plan would work until summer.

* * *

Dean and Emma got home at 7 on the dot. Cas had always found it eerie how exactly on time everyone in the family across the street from his childhood home was. Coupled with Dean’s uncanny skill for detecting when Emma needed him and what for and Ellen and Bobby’s threatening truth stares, they seemed supernatural, even. But Cas supposed he ought to be grateful for their strange abilities. It helped Emma to cry less when Dean was already there with what she needed.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean deposited a sleeping Emma into her crib and then returned to the living room to sit on the couch. “I told Sam today.”

Cas snapped his book shut and flung it onto the other armchair in a split second. “How did he take it?”

“Shockingly well. He didn’t seem surprised, either. Not at all.”

Cas immediately knew what Dean was implying and glared at him. “I didn’t tell him, Dean. These sorts of things, unfortunately, are not too hard to predict.”

Dean glared back a little suspiciously then sighed and seemed to collapse in on himself, tucking his knees to his chest. “I know. But we- we called him, after I told him. We figured that he was a good man once, and maybe could be again. We’re having dinner with him on Sunday.”

Cas leaned over and put a hand on Dean’s knee. “It’ll be fine, Dean. He can’t hurt you.”

“I know. I know.” Dean looked up, and his green eyes were filled with fear, despite Cas' assurances and what he knew to be true. “Will you come? I really wish you would be there.”

Cas nodded. “Of course, Dean.” The silence that settled between them was tick and heavy. Dean stared into space, his knees still pressing against his chest. Cas studied him, his exhaustion both inside and out. He sighed. “I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.”

Dean snapped out of his reverie. “What?”

“I said, I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself. You keep these secrets buried inside you, and I know there’s more that’s hurting you that you haven’t told anyone, Dean. I know there’s something other than your father eating at you, and I wish you would let someone help you. You shoulder the burden of the truth to shield your brother and now you're going to kill yourself from lack of sleep for your daughter.”

Dean’s face betrayed nothing but his hands flexed against his calves. “There’s a lot of things eating away at me, Cas, but I can’t tell you.”

“Why not!? I’m your best friend. I’m here for you.”

“If I told you, you’d hate me. Don’t deny it, because you don’t know what it is. You’d hate me. And I do all that for Sam and Emma because I love them, and it’s my job to protect them.”

“I understand, Dean. And I don’t think there’s much you could do to make me hate you.”

“What if I hunted down and killed all the bees?”

Cas considered this a moment. “No. I would simply retaliate by slashing your tires.”

Dean laughed and shoved his arm, then leaned his head on Cas’ shoulder. They fell asleep like that, until Emma woke them, of course. Cas’ mind raced with all the things Dean could have possibly done that was so awful. Dean repeated a simple mantra to himself, over and over: _He deserves better._


	4. Come Right On In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' family likes barging in, Dean's family likes stealing his daughter. And Cas' daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got almost all the way done with this chapter, and then I clicked back page. Sigh. Hope you enjoy!

Dean rocked Emma back and forth frantically, more to calm himself than her. “Emma, I really really wish you would just sleep through this, please. Just for an hour, and then you can keep me up at ungodly hours of the night. As long as you're good tonight, okay? Please, baby.”

Emma seemed to understand and fell quiet, just lightly smacking his chest with the palm of her hand. Dean smiled and went to join Cas in the Impala. He strapped Emma in, and Cas said nothing the whole way there. When they pulled in Bobby and Ellen's driveway and Dean didn’t see any other cars in the driveway he breathed out a sigh of relief.

“I’ll get the baby, you go in.” Cas offered, and Dean silently thanked him. He bounded up the creaky steps and knocked quickly on the door. He shoved his hands into his pockets and bounced on the balls of his feet. By the time Ellen answered the door, Cas and Emma had joined him.

“Hey! Oh, look, it’s my favorite neighbor-” Ellen patted Cas on the arm before lifting the baby out of his arms. “-and my favorite baby. Come in, dinner’s almost ready.” Dean took too many deep breaths and Cas had to pull him in by the elbow.

Sam smiled and stood from the couch to hug Dean and Cas each, then went and took the baby from Ellen, bouncing her gently.

Dean took another deep breath, knowing that his father would knock on the door any minute. Cas seeing, his nervousness, reached out and squeezed Dean’s forearm, smiling softly.

Dean nodded at him and snatched his daughter away from Sam. “Why are you all so focused on stealing my baby?”

“Because she’s too dang cute,” Jo jumped the last two steps of the stairs and kissed Emma on the head. “And you always look afraid of her.”

“Untrue. I’m always afraid one of you people are going to drop her.”

As he finished his sentence, the doorbell rang and Dean froze. Emma protested at the loss of movement and while Ellen went to get the door, the four ‘kids’ scrambled for the couch, trying to look casual. Jo ended up standing on Cas’ thighs and Sam had on arm trapped between Dean and the couch, Dean having been pushed in between his brother and Cas awkwardly by Jo. Ellen glared at them and they slowly sorted themselves out, Jo opting for the armchair instead and Cas moving far away from Dean to the other end of the couch.

Ellen opened the door and Sam pinched Dean’s leg. Dean swatted at his hand and his brother used the distraction to snatch Emma away again. Dean glared but let him; he hadn’t forgotten the first conversation he’d had with his father in 17 years, and Emma stopped crying as Sam bounced her gently.

John Winchester stood on their porch, looking just as nervous as Sam and Dean must have. Cas, the selfish bastard, was all the way on the other side of the couch when Dean needed him. He settled for a worried look.

“Come on in,” Ellen said to break the three-second silence. John stepped in and Ellen closed the door behind him. Dean shifted his weight towards Cas slightly. John smiled at Dean, then scanned the room once before his eyes settled expectantly back on Dean.

Dean coughed. He realized that as he was the only person John would recognize, he would have to be making the introductions. “Hey, Dad.” John waved a little at him. “Bobby! Bobby get your-”

“Language!” Four voices shouted at him. Dean rolled his eyes.

Bobby walked in, hands in his vest pockets. He smiled at the room, and Dean could tell that he was forcing himself to be civil.

“Alright, so everyone, this is John Winchester. Dad, this is Ellen-” he pointed to her, and she said nothing, just folded her arms and gave a smile nearly identical to her husband’s. “And her daughter, Jo. Bobby’s over there, and this-” Dean tugged on his best friend’s sleeve, and Cas yelped as he was pulled sideways to stand directly in front of John Winchester, his glasses askew. “is Castiel Novak. He used to live across the street, but now we’re roommates a few minutes away from here. And there’s Sam and Emma.”

John looked around the room once more before coming to an awestruck stop, his eyes fixed on his son and granddaughter. “Hey, all.”

“Glad to meet you. Come on, everyone, I’ve got enchilada casserole in here.”

They filed into the dining room, and Cas chuckled. “I thought you all only ever ate burgers and French fries.”

“No. Sometimes we have curly fries.” Dean grinned over at Cas, who rolled his eyes at him as he sat down.

“Dean? Do you want her?” Sam held Emma towards him, and Dean hesitated a moment before taking her and getting her harness from his bag in the living room. So what if his father thought it was unmanly? The point was for it to be girly, Emma was a _girl._ He returned to his family with his daughter’s cheek against his chest, one hand playing idly with the button to his breast pocket. Cas shook his head.

“What?”

“My mother was always convinced you’d wind up dead in a ditch by the time you were 20. Look at you now.”

“Yeah? I’ll go over there right now, show her how infinitely successful I am.”

Cas glared at him. “I’d hate to see what she’d do to you if you did.”

“I think you’d probably bring popcorn.”

“You're confusing me with Jo.”

John was watching their exchange with a fond expression on his face, but then Ellen cleared her throat and fixed them with A Look. Dean grinned at her and then shoved his plate towards the center of the table for Bobby to load with casserole.

“Rolls, Sam.” Sam leapt up from his seat and slipped past Bobby into the kitchen to grab the bag of rolls. He dug around, setting the biggest in the center of his plate. They had had the argument so many times no one said anything. Sam then proceeded to chuck each person’s roll at them at 100 miles per hour; if you weren’t ready to catch it, duck. Cas was staring down at his plate, but his hand went up instinctively to catch his roll when it whizzed towards him. Such was the way at the Harvelle-Singer-Winchester house.

“Alright everyone, dig in.”

“Sam, did you get the butter?” Jo asked, moving things around the table.

“Uh, no. You always put way too much on your rolls anyway, you’ll kill yourself if your cholesterol gets higher.” Jo pulled an outraged face, and thus began the bickering.

“Sam, we’ve been putting too much butter on our rolls our entire lives, when did you become such a health nut?” Dean tapped him lightly on the head with his knife.

“Can’t you go get the butter yourself, Jo? The fridge is two feet away from you.” Jo stuck her tongue out at Cas.

"I  _could_ but butter is a key element with rolls. There's almost not even a point without it so  Sam should have gotten it."

"Sorry if I don't want to die young!"

"The rest of us know that one buttered roll isn't the difference between life and death, Sammy."

"I highly doubt any of us are at risk of death via a little bit of butter." Dean and Cas spoke at the same time.

“Boys! And Jo. Control yourselves, for once, please. I’m tired of hearing your bickering.” Ellen stood and glared at all of them.

“Geez, El, way to make them feel ten years old.” A chorus of ‘yeahs’ followed Bobby’s words.

“Well if they would stop _acting_ like it-” Ellen shook her head, digging into her food. Dean, Sam, Cas, and Jo all shook their heads right back.

John was staring at them all incredulously. “Is this how things always are here?”

“Pretty much. Sam tries to kill us with rolls and Mom treats us like children.”

“You _are_ children. Sam isn’t even out of college, and you wouldn’t be either _if you still went._ ”

“I don’t _want_ to go to college, Mom.”

“I know, sweetheart. I’m just saying, you're children.”

“I think if your definition of a child means still in school, me and Cas should be considered adults.”

“Cas is technically still in school, and he’s the same age as you, so that means you're children.”

“Cas is a teacher, that doesn’t count.”

“Again, as long as you're all going to act like children-”

“Drop it, Ellen.”

Ellen huffed and the table fell silent.

Then there was a knock on the door. Everyone looked at each other, confused, and then Ellen hissed and dragged Cas and John up the stairs, Sam and Dean following, whispering questions at their adoptive mother.

“Naomi stops by after church on Sundays, remember?”

“Shit,” Dean whispered, speeding up to grab Cas’ hand and haul him into he and Sam’s old room, mindful of Emma and her soft head. Sam lifted the baby off Dean’s chest and rocked her. Dean hoped she wouldn’t cry. John closed the door behind them, a questioning look on his face, but Dean ignored him. He recognized the signs of Cas about to go into a panic attack by now, and he crouched in front of him, holding his shoulders. Sam, too, knew the procedure, but John was utterly lost. Cas started trembling and Dean moved to sit next to him on the bed, an arm around his shoulders. Cas seemed to shrink into him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean could feel his beating heart, getting faster and faster every second.

“Panic attack?” Sam whispered, rocking Emma. Dean nodded.

“Who’s Naomi?” John whispered.

 _His mom_ , Dean mouthed. John’s frown just deepened.

“Deep breaths, Cas.”

Sam crossed the room and held Emma out to Cas, who immediately let go of Dean and accepted the child. Dean rocked them both gently, and Cas rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. His breathing was even, his heart was slow; Dean had never seen him get over a panic attack this quickly before. Emma must have been his safety blanket. Dean felt a small spurt of jealousy. _He_ was supposed to be Cas’ safety blanket. But then he realized that that was stupid, being jealous of his own daughter when he should be relieved she was helping his best friend. Dean tightened his arm around Cas shoulders, and his breathing calmed enough that Dean was sure Sam or John couldn't hear it. They were both Cas’ safety blanket, Dean and Emma.

“Dean, she’ll be angry with me. I have to do what she says.”

“No, buddy, you don’t. Team Free Will, remember? You're free now, Cas.”

“I’m going to hell.”

“Nope. You're a saint, Cas. Almost nobody would step up and help their roommates raise a kid like you have, Cas, especially without being asked. You're a saint.”

“Mother knows best, Dean. And she says-”

“I say no.”

“But-”

“No.”

Cas shut up, burying himself in Dean’s side once more, Emma clutched to his chest.

Ellen eased the door open. “She went home, honey.”

Cas nodded against Dean’s ribcage.

“He’ll be alright in a few minutes, Ellen.”

“I know.”

She left the room, turning the lights on as she turned away. Dean rested a hand on Cas’ knee, and remembered a night 13 years ago, when they’d had to stay in the dark…

* * *

 

_Dean woke to someone tapping on his window. Sam woke too, and Dean was surprised to find that it was still dark. He stumbled out of bed and flung the window open._

_“Dean. I’m sorry to wake you, but can I come in?”_

_Dean stared for a second before stepping back to let Cas in. He dropped to the floor lightly and then shoved his glasses up on his face. He turned to face Dean and immediately threw his arms around the other boy’s neck. Dean stumbled back with the added weight, but bore it well, wrapping his own arms around his best friend’s waist._

_“Don’t turn on the light. If you do, she’ll now I’m here.” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear._

_Sam, who was just 7, came and tugged on Dean’s shirt. “What’s wrong?” he whispered._

_“I don’t know,” Dean whispered back. “Cas, what’s wrong?”_

_“I don’t want to do what she says, Dean.”_

_“Who?”_

_“Mother.”_

_“Oh.” Dean paused. He didn’t have much experience with mothers. “Then don’t.”_

_“I have to. I have no choice.”_

_“You made the choice to come here, didn’t you? You’ve got plenty of choices, Cas.”_

_Cas shuddered in Dean’s arms. “I don’t want to do what she tells me. She wants me to hurt Samandriel.”_

_“Then don’t do it, Cas.”_

_“She’s my mother.”_

_“Cas, I’ll be the first to tell you that in the long run, blood only matters so much.”_

* * *

The rest of dinner went on without incident, Cas being quieter than normal and John joining in more conversation, as the rest of them had decided to behave.

As John was just about to leave, he turned to his sons. “Boys, I hope we can talk more.”

Sam nodded and Dean clapped his father on the shoulder once before getting Emma situated in her car seat. John then went to Ellen and Bobby and exchanged a few words with them, and then finally left with a wave to Jo and Cas.

Dean breathed a little easier. “That went well.”

Sam nodded again. “He really does seem changed, I think.”

“We’ll see, I guess.”

Dean lifted the car seat up and motioned for Cas to follow him out. “Bye Ellen, Bobby. Sam and Jo, we’re still seeing that movie tomorrow, right?”

“Yup. See you tomorrow.” Dean and Cas waved and before they had even left the house he knew what was coming.

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Cas. It’s not your fault.”

“I embarrassed you, in front of your father, no less.”

“I care about you way more than I care about him.” Cheeks burning and grateful for the dark, Dean locked Emma’s car seat into the seat.

“Really?”

“How is that even a question, Cas? I mean, yeah, he’s my dad, but you’ve been with me for all the things that mattered. And are you honestly going to tell me that if it came down to dropping me or your mom in a pool of sharks, you would drop me?”

Dean could hear Cas’ frown. “Your father changed.”

“Yeah. But you don’t have to. There’s the difference.”

Cas sighed and got in the car, Dean joining him mere seconds later. They were silent for a moment. Dean started the car. “Don’t ever change, Cas.”

Cas’ frown turned into a ghost of a smile and they headed home.

* * *

 

As March came to a close and Dean’s return to work and departure from some semblance of sanity approached, Cas became more and more anxious. He often glared at Dean over his morning coffee, muttering about his stupidity. Dean just rolled his eyes at him.

When he got home from work one day, he flopped down on the couch next to Emma and her father. Emma had been growing a lot recently. Cas, who had read the parenting books three times, knew it was normal but was surprised nonetheless. Dean immediately leaned sideways onto Cas’ shoulder as soon as he sat down and fell asleep. Cas pulled Emma into his lap and let Dean sleep, his body heat warming Cas inside and out.

Both men woke to the sound of Emma screaming her lungs out. It was dark, and the baby was clearly hungry, and dirty, and needed a diaper change. Dean groaned and burrowed his head further into Cas’ shoulder.

“Dean. Dean, come on, she’s hungry. You get a bottle for her and I’ll change her.”

“Dean. Dean, come on, she’s hungry. You get a bottle for her and I’ll change her.”

Cas stiffened when Dean moaned and threw his arms around Cas’ middle, one arm trapped between his stomach and Emma’s, the other trapped between the small of Cas’ back and the couch. His head slipped down so that Cas’ arm rested on his back. Cas curled his fingers into Dean’s shirt slightly before hauling himself up out of Dean’s grip. He was instantly cold. Dean moaned again on the couch and Cas took a moment to breathe, then swatted Dean on the shoulder. “Bottle. Baby.”

 

Dean heaved himself off the couch with a huge sigh, heading into the kitchen. Cas couldn’t tell if his cheeks were pink from sleep or embarrassment for showing so much affection. He couldn’t decide which was cuter.

Cas changed Emma into her coziest pajamas and handed her to Dean to be fed. He glanced at the clock. 7:32. They had been sleeping on the couch for about 4 hours.

“Do we have any mac ‘n’ cheese?” Dean asked, slumping in the armchair.

“Ah,” Cas peered into the pantry, then the freezer, then the fridge. “Dean. We have no food aside from baby formula and beer. And coffee creamer.” Cas peered around the fridge door. “When was the last time you ate real food?”

“Damm. I guess I just snack on things at the bar. You?”

“Vending machine. We need to go to the grocery store.”

“I’ll say. Who let us be adults all by ourselves?”

“People with far too much faith,” Cas said drily. “I’ll stop by on my way home from work tomorrow.”

“What? No, we’ll all go on Saturday. You never get the right cereal. Besides, grocery shopping is a family thing.”

Cas froze in his search of all the cabinets. He cleared his throat. “Is that what we are?”

“Cas, you’ve always been my family.” Dean sounded hurt and Cas shut the cabinet.

“I know. But Emma’s not-”

“Dude, if you're about to say ‘not my daughter’, I’ll throw my shoe at you. I mean it. With everything you’ve done, you’d be insane to think she isn’t your daughter.”

Cas grunted. “You’ve been very emotional this past week.”

“Shuddup, I mean it. You’ve been very melodramatic this past week.”

“I have not.”

“Sure, Cas.” Dean spun the armchair around to face the kitchen. “I mean it though, really. I think you’ve more than earned the right for Emma to be yours, too.”

It was too close to Cas’ fantasies, his hopes, to be true. He wasn’t thinking when he said his next words. “What about when you meet someone, fall in love, get married, move out? You can’t honestly tell me-”

“What the hell are you talking about, Cas, I still see Bobby and Ellen and Jo, and I don’t live with them-”

“They’re your family.”

“So are you! For the millionth time Cas, family doesn’t end in blood. I don’t have much in the way of blood, never did, just Sam and now Emma, but you, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, friggin’ Garth- still family.”

Cas was silent for a moment. It pained him to be put in the same category as Jo and Garth, platonic friends (he thought. He hoped?) but he didn’t let that show. “You have very unorthodox notions of family.”

Dean shrugged. “Not really. Married couples aren’t blood related, but they love each other. That’s what makes them family.”

Cas felt all the blood rush to his face. He struggled for something witty to say but instead just blurted something out. “Unless I’m missing something, our relationship is very different than that of a married couple’s.”

Cas wanted Dean to inform him that yes, he was, in fact, missing something, and that something was reciprocated romantic love. But Dean just rubbed the back of his neck and extracted Emma’s bottle from her mouth and set it on the floor. “Yeah, but still. I’m so tired, I think I’m gonna go to sleep right now. Here." Dean stood and placed Emma in Cas' arms, and Cas felt it was symbolic after the conversation they'd just had. His daughter. Their daughter.

"Night, Cas."

Cas nodded and watched him go, taking a deep breath. What exquisite torture it was to be in love with your best friend.

* * *

Castiel got the call a day later.

“I’m sorry, you're coming _when?_ ”

“Two days, baby bro. Sorry to spring this on you, but it’s not like we’re going to stay with Mommy Dearest.”

“No,” Castiel agreed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“And besides, Anna and I haven’t seen you in forever. I’ve missed you, little bro.”

“And I you.” Cas gritted out.

“Great! So we’ll see you in two days!”

“Gabriel there’s something you should-” But he had already hung up. Cas groaned and banged his head on his desk. He called Dean instead of trying to call Gabe again.

“Hey, Cas, is everything okay?”

“Um. Gabriel just called. He and Anna are coming into town.”

“Don’t tell me.”

Cas cringed. “What was I supposed to say?”

“Yeah, I know. I just really hate those two sometimes.”

“You don’t hate Anna.”

“I figured it would seem like I hated Gabe less if I said I hated Anna too.”

A sigh forced its way out of Cas. “I don’t care if you hate Gabriel, Dean. Although I do wish you would at least pretend to get along.”

A twin sigh echoed out of Dean. “When are they coming?”

“Two days.”

Dean groaned. “Me and you are going to have to sleep together.”

Cas’ brain froze with the double meaning of that for a second. “That’s nothing new, Dean.” Cas’ heart was pounding.

“Last time we slept in the same bed was when we were fifteen, Cas. I’d like to think we’re bigger now.”

“It’ll be fine. Is Emma asleep?”

“Yeah, I’m just tidying a few things up.”

“Go to sleep.”

“But-”

“Sleep.”

“You just-”

_“Sleep.”_

“Fine. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

Cas hung up the phone, trying to push inappropriate images away and focus on entering grades, but he found it harder and harder the more he tried to stop. He shoved himself away from his desk and marched down to the vending machine to get sugar. They had gone to the grocery store, and Cas was just beginning to realize how much he appreciated Ellen’s home cooked meals over chicken nuggets and questionable hot dogs. He chugged the entire bottle of Sprite and Mr. Crowley, the principal, glanced up at him with concern and bewilderment on his face.

“Castiel, you really ought to pace yourself. What’s the issue?”

No way was Castiel explaining his sexual frustration to his boss, so he opted for his other current issue. “My siblings are coming to visit me in my tiny two-bedroom apartment.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see the issue. Do you hate them?”

“No, that’s not it. But my roommate does, and I haven’t told them that I have a baby.”

At this, Crowley stood, palms flat on the table. “What? You haven’t told anyone, it seems. I didn’t even know you were in a relationship!”

Cas blushed and threw his Sprite in the trash. “I’m not. Emma’s not mine, she’s my roommate’s.”

“I see. Is she the reason you're always rushing out of here after school?”

“For the most part.”

“Well, we’re already cramped, with the baby sleeping in her father’s room and me in my room, so I’m going to have to share with either my roommate or my brother.” Castiel paused, remembering just who his brother was and his behavior. “Actually, I would rather sleep in a pig pen than with Gabriel.”

Crowley laughed. “That sounds like quite the predicament.”

“It is. I’ll be heading back to work.”

“Good. Congratulations on the baby, by the way.” Crowley winked and Castiel left, blushing.

* * *

 

Gabriel never bothered to knock, so when he burst in the door Sunday afternoon shouting his hellos, Dean yelped and fell off his chair.

“Hey, Dean-o! How’s it going?”

Dean got up grumbling. “Hey, Gabe. Anna.”

Anna waved shyly at him.

“Where’s our baby bro?”

 

“Taking a walk.” Dean returned to his computer, typing away and trying to ignore Gabriel, which gave him time to look around.

“Wait. What the hell?” Gabriel held up the baby bottles in the sink and waved them around. His eyes swept over the rest of the apartment. “Why is there baby stuff everywhere?”

Dean blinked at him, thinking it was some sort of prank, then looked to Anna, who looked just as confused as everyone else. “Cas didn’t tell you?”

“What-”

That was when Cas chose to come in, Emma strapped to his chest. “Oh you're-”

“Cas, why the hell are you carrying a baby?” Gabriel’s look of confusion shifted to panic.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” Dean asked, twisting around in his chair.

“Well, I was going to, but Gabriel hung up on me.”

“Why didn’t you tell them before that?”

Cas sighed. “She’s your baby, Dean. It’s your news to tell.”

“For the last friggin’ time, Cas-”

“She’s not yours? Thank God. I was about to hit you with a frying pan.”

“She is so his.”

“Biologically-”

“No one cares about-”

“I don’t think the world is ready for a Cas baby, especially-”

“But I’m not-”

“Cas-”

“Dean-”

“BOYS!” Anna shouted. Her brothers and Dean all jumped, and Emma burst into tears. “We’ve been here three seconds and you're all already bickering.”

Cas lifted Emma off his chest and began rocking her. “Cas, that’s what Dean’s talking about. Just because someone didn’t give birth to you doesn’t mean they can’t be a parent. You're obviously great with her, and I’m willing to bet you make a lot of sacrifices to take care of her.”

Cas sighed against Emma’s head. She was silent. She tended to be happy all the time, as long as she was in movement. Dean filed that image away for a rainy day, Cas and Emma fitting perfectly together.

Cas had always fit perfectly.

Cas spoke to his sister, pointedly avoiding Dean’s gaze. “Legally, then.”

Anna threw her hands in the air and Dean groaned. Gabriel rolled his eyes and held his arms out for the baby. Cas passed her off.

“Why are you so determined to separate yourself from us?” Dean suddenly asked.

Cas opened his mouth to answer, when the most extraordinary thing happened.

Emma _laughed._

Dean and Cas froze, looking at each other and then at their daughter. Dean stood and moved towards her immediately, standing next to Gabe and looking down at Emma and smiling. Cas rushed to Gabriel’s other side a few moments later and Emma laughed again.

“What? Hasn’t she ever done that before?”

“The books-”

“And Google.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Said three to four months. She’s not even a month.”

Dean stared at her wondrously and she reached a hand towards his face, slapping and spitting. “What did you do?”

“The lamest thing. I pointed at her chest and made her look, and then I swiped my finger up! The most second-grade trick in the book!” Gabriel smiled up at Anna, who rolled her eyes. “Your kids are so stuck-up, Anna. Molly still doesn’t even know my name, and Melissa always just glares at me until I go away, and they’re two. At least one of my nieces likes me.”

“Where are the girls, anyway?” Dean asked, cutting off whatever argument Cas was about to make.

“With their father, visiting their grandpa. I hate that bastard, so I decided to come see you four.” Anna smiled sweetly, and Cas threw a long-cold chicken nugget at her. Anna just ate it without so much as a glance at her little brother.

“Do you have any stuff in the car that we can get for you?” Cas asked Gabe.

“Yeah, actually we can all-”

“Oh, nope, my Emma senses are tingling. Diaper change. I’ll go take care of that, you three can go down three flights of stairs and carry luggage.” Dean grinned and pirated his baby away.

“I really can’t tell if you actually think she needs a change or if you don’t want to help out.”

Dean winked at Cas and left down the hallway, humming a bouncy tune to Emma as he went.

“I think it’s both, baby. You're a very convenient excuse not to do things.” Dean paused. “Not that I think of you that way. I love you for who you are.”

Emma said nothing.

“Cas’ weird baby habits are rubbing off on me, Emma.”

Dean changed her and read her a story, and by the time he returned to the living room, all the Novak’s luggage were upstairs.

“Ooh, look who decided to join the party. Convenient timing, Dean, we just brought up the last of it.” Gabriel was sucking on a lollipop, and Dean rolled his eyes as he threw the stick at Dean.

“Can I hold her?” Anna asked from the couch.

“Finally, someone who asks nicely.” Dean handed Emma to Anna, who tucked her close to her chest naturally. Mother’s instinct.

Cas frowned. “Your family _is_ much more prone to taking her. I hope they don’t do that with all children.”

Dean laughed. “No, Cas, I don’t think so. Just Emma. And whatever kids Sam and Jo roll out.”

“Jo doesn’t seem the type.” Anna said, bouncing her knee enough to please Emma.

“Nah, no way. But I’ll bet you a million dollars Sam has at least four.” Gabriel pulled his sucker out with a loud _pop_ to speak.

“I’m not taking that bet.” All three said at once.

“What about you, Dean? Plan on any more?”

Dean shrugged. “Not anytime soon. Maybe once I settle down.” Dean hoped no one noticed the quick look he shot at Cas, who was looking at the floor, his glasses sliding down his nose.

“Good plan, Dean, although if we can expect any more as cute as Miss Emma here, I think the world needs more now.” Anna paused. “Wait a minute. How did Emma happen, anyway?”

Dean launched into the story, having to pause every three seconds when Gabriel laughed at him. Gabriel was five years older than Cas and two years older than Anna, so when Dean met him he was 14 and a major pain in the ass. Anna was a shy but somehow also friendly 11-year-old, willing to play with 6-years-younger Jo and Sam and 2-years-younger Dean and Cas. Gabriel had been willing to make the five children’s lives more hellish than most of theirs already were. The biggest difference between the two, in Dean’s mind, was that Anna was someone he would refer to as ‘my friend, Anna’ and Gabriel was someone he would refer to as ‘my roommate’s brother’.

“Wait, but I don’t understand. Why didn’t Lydia and her fiancee want the baby? Didn’t they buy all this stuff?”

“We don’t get it either.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “How stupid are you? Lydia had a fiancee a _month_ after she slept with you, Dean. That’s not normal. Has it ever occurred to you that she cheated on him with you, then when he found out the baby wasn’t his told her to give it up or leave him? It makes perfect sense.”

“Oh.” Dean frowned at his daughter. “Why would she choose him over her own child?”

“Maybe he was supporting her? Maybe they had a life and a future together that Emma could’ve gotten in the way of.”

Dean’s frown deepened and he stood. “But my life would be going in a completely different direction if I didn’t have Emma. She isn’t _getting in the way of_ anything. Just changing things. Also, if she had a fiance when we met, why wouldn’t she think the baby was his? And if they were getting married, why wouldn’t they just take Emma anyway? Isn’t that the goal of marriage?”

“And,” Cas added. “If they were of the mindset that a baby would ruin someone’s life, why would they abandon her to Dean?”

Anna sighed. “You're all so stupid. Maybe her husband was one of those ‘no pre-marital’ people. Maybe he wasn’t willing to raise a child that wasn’t his own.”

“It also sounds like they’re selfish bastards.” Gabe said, pulling the baby from his sister’s lap into his own.

“Perfectly reasonable explanations.” Anna finished. “Why do you care? Do you wish they’d taken her?”

“God, no. I just wish I didn’t have to explain to her why she doesn’t have a mother.” Dean said quietly. He stared at his daughter without seeing her. His life would certainly be simpler without her. But he hadn’t realized how truly empty and without purpose it was before he’d had her.

“Hey,” Gabriel said, and Dean knew what was coming. “You never had a mother and you're fine.”

Dean glared at him. “My mother didn’t abandon me.”

“Our father did, and we’re fine.” Gabriel rectified. His face betrayed no emotion, but his words were laced with resentment.

“Gabe, you're pretty much the worst person I know.”

“You like Cas enough for my words be true.” Gabe winked at him.

Dean rolled his eyes again. “Whatever. Cas, what do we have in the pantry?”

“I already ordered Chinese.”

Dean pumped his fist and scooped up his daughter. “That’s why Cas is our favorite, baby doll.”

Gabriel squawked in indignation and Anna smacked his leg but Cas’ blush and small smile was more than worth it.

* * *

 

Later that night, when Cas collapsed back into bed after putting Emma back to sleep, Dean flicked on the lamp and turned to him.

“Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t answer my question. About why you keep denying that Emma’s yours, too. Do you not want her permanently in your life? ‘Cause I get that. But I don’t think that’s it. I know you love her as much as I do, so why?”

Blue eyes met green and the two men regarded each other silently for a few moments. Cas sighed and leaned over Dean to turn the lamp off, his warmth and proximity making Dean stop breathing for a moment. Cas then turned away from Dean and fell asleep. Dean sighed and turned back, his mind trying every scenario of the answer to his question.

The words that Cas whispered into the dark, words Dean just barely caught, made him feel both warm and cold.

“Because it’s too good to be true.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many technical issues while I was trying to post this that I almost cried. Check out my other fic at http://archiveofourown.org/works/6178162.


	5. Modern Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things got a little out of hand while I was writing this chapter ALTHOUGH it is the last one I'm writing without an outline. Things should be less chaotic from now on. Anyway, here is Awkward Encounters With Anna and Gabe, Cas and Dean's Star Wars Marathon, Charlie and Dorothy's Evil Plan, Emma Sleeps Through the Night, and Sam Saves the Sorority. Enjoy!

Cas woke up that morning to Emma’s screams and arms encircling his waist. He tensed for a second, fearing that Dean had also been awoken and now things would be awkward because of their position. He relaxed into the hold for a moment after the danger had passed, savoring the warmth of Dean’s chest and arms. He breathed in deeply the scent of baby and apples. Easing himself out of the touch, Cas swung out of bed as lightly as he could. Dean made a small sound when Cas left, and he looked at him longingly before turning to Emma’s crib. Emma stopped crying when he picked her up. He’d thought he had taken care of her not an hour before. He blearily remembered Dean holding his arms out to Cas is his half-asleep state and Cas falling willingly into them. He rocked her gently and then made his way back to bed, where Dean was drawn to his daughter. Cas laid her next to his chest and when Dean held her gently he began to question the other man’s consciousness.

“Dean?” Are you awake?” Cas poked at Dean’s forehead.

“Mmm. Go back to sleep, babe. I’m tired and it’s too early for daytime.” Cas gaped at Dean for a second.  _ Babe. _

But of course he was talking about Emma, Cas reasoned. Emma. His baby. Cas fell back asleep anyway, his mind whirling.

They woke again much later when Gabriel started banging on Dean’s door. Dean groaned and sat up, bringing the baby, who was angry to be awoken, with him. Cas saw him glance at the clock. “Aren’t you late for work?”

Cas frowned, sitting up as well. “We’re off today. Didn’t I tell you that?” Dean shook his head and Cas shrugged. “Apologies. I suppose I was distracted.”

Dean nodded. “Right. Well, I go back to work on… tomorrow. What should we do?”

Cas frowned, about to ask what Dean meant when the door clicked open. Cas had forgotten that Gabriel was trying to wake them up. His brain hadn’t even registered the end of the knocking. Gabe stood in the doorway, bobby pick in hand.

“Jesus  _ Christ _ is everyone in this room deaf? I was knocking for like ten minutes.” Dean and Cas traded smirks and then clambered out of bed. "Why did you lock the door anyway?" He asked suggestively.

“Sorry, Gabe, but we make a point not to work on the schedule of dickbags-in-training. And the door is locked because I've woken up with Sharpie on my face too many times to count.” Dean winked at the Novaks before sweeping out of the room to feed Emma.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I thought you didn’t believe in waking people up before noon, anyway.”

“I don’t. Unless I’m hungry and would rather eat my own foot than whatever Anna’s convinced she can make. And it’s just plain rude to go through another person’s fridge without asking.”

“You couldn’t figure out the baby proofing, could you?” Gabriel had never cared about being rude once in his life.

Caught in his lies, Gabriel slumped in defeat. “Yeah. Come on, I’m starving.” Cas rolled his eyes once more and followed his brother to the kitchen, where Anna was sitting at the table with Emma, pleading with Dean to let her cook.

“Anna, you can’t even make mac ‘n’ cheese right. No way am I letting you attempt bacon. Bacon is  _ sacred _ , and I am not letting you ruin it.” Dean pointed the formula scoop at her threateningly, and Anna huffed, directing her attention to her brothers instead.

“Please tell him he’s being unreasonable.” She pouted.

“Rare as it is, for once Dean is right, Anna. Remember when you set the kitchen on fire trying to make toast?  _ Toast. _ ” Anna stuck her tongue out at Gabe, who grabbed it tugged on it once. 

“First of all, the kitchen was not  _ on fire _ , it was just a little one, completely contained within the toaster area. Second of all, it wasn’t even my fault because it was a really old toaster and I’m 99% sure that you had used the sandwich bread to make beer bread because you were drunk off your ass.” 

“That’s not true, I used the French rolls. Totally different things.” Gabriel laughed.

Cas looked between his siblings, puzzled. “When was this?”

The grin slid off Gabriel’s face at the question. Anna stared off into space a moment and the sudden silence made Dean turn, shaking the bottle lightly. Cas filled with dread at what he already knew the answer to be.

Gabe coughed. “Uh, it was the morning you graduated from KU.”

Cas winced and Dean froze, his eyes going wide. The pair looked at each other and then at the ground. Dean still shook the bottle, and Cas watched the  movement of it, trying desperately to focus on that and not the awkward silence that had filled the room.

Gabe coughed again. “Is that done? Can I feed her?” Dean nodded wordlessly and handed Gabe the bottle, Anna passing the baby over.

Dean clapped his hands together. “So. Bacon?” The general consensus was yes, so Dean set to work on frying the bacon and scrambling some eggs. Cas forced himself to partake in the conversation, though guilt sat low in his stomach, memories threading through his consciousness and clouding his smiles.

* * *

 

After he finished breakfast, Dean snuck up behind Cas and tapped him on the shoulder. Cas whirled around, kicking Dean lightly in the shin while still maintaining his hold on Emma.

“Yes?”

“Hey so really, what are we gonna do today?”

Cas tilted his head like he always does when he’s confused and Dean sighed and cleared his throat. “This is like, the last day we’re gonna be able to do anything- um. Together, anyway. In like 2 months.” Smooth, Winchester. Really.

“Oh.” Cas looked hesitant and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. So I repeat: what do you wanna do?”

Cas looked past him into the distance, his face still betraying his confusion. “Nothing in particular. Can’t we just stay here?”

Dean made a face. “Gabe is here.”

But then Gabe emerged from Cas’ room, fully dressed. “Well, I’m out. Mom made me promise that we’d visit her for the day. She thinks we’re staying in a hotel.”

Anna came out from the bathroom, yawning. “Yup. See you guys tomorrow morning, knowing Mom.”

Cas nodded and then they were gone, Anna with a kiss to Emma’s head. He turned back to Dean. “Not anymore.”

Dean shrugged, but was secretly glad they could just stay at home. Home was comfortable and familiar. “Alright, sounds good.” Dean grinned, an idea striking him. “I could let Emma spend the day with Jo? She’s been dying for some girl time with her.”

Dean realized how that sounded. It sounded like he and Cas needed alone time. Like a date. But they weren’t dating. They just hadn’t had any time to themselves since Emma was born. Seperately. Or together. As friends. The point was, it would be great if they could spend a day doing what they used to do when both were off from work. Sit around, watch TV, order pizza, play board games, without the constant demanding force that was a baby. Not that they didn’t both love her to death. But they needed a break. 

Cas frowned. “As long as she doesn’t come back with pierced ears.” Cas paused for a moment, considering that this was  _ Jo _ . “Or extensive knowledge on how to utilize a shotgun.”

Dean laughed. “I’ll call her now.”

As Dean left the room to call his foster sister, he smiled at the thought of Cas being so ridiculously overprotective. Damn if he wasn’t going to make Cas see how much of a dad he really was. 

Jo picked up on the third ring. “Hey, you're off today, right?”

“Yep. Are you finally gonna let me give you and your boyfriend a break?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend. But yes, you can take her for the day. Cruising for a date?”

“Bitch I might be.”

Cas and Emma poked their heads in the door to Dean’s room. “Where is she taking her?”

“Cas wants to know where you're taking her.”

"Well sir, first we were going to go to the movies and then some dinner at McDonald's and then I'd have her home by 10." Dean grinned. “Nowhere crazy, I kinda just wanted to run errands and normal stuff. Get to know my niece. And tell Cas that he’s such a dad that it hurts me. She’s a month old.”

“I’ve told him that a million times, Jo, but he’s a stubborn asshole.” Dean grinned at Cas, who frowned and then left the room, baby in tow.

“You two are so married.”

“Fuck off.”

“You  _ are. _ I’ll swing by in half an hour to get her, alright?”

“Yeah. See ya.” Dean hung up and returned to the living room to be greeted by Charlie, Dorothy, and not one infant in Cas’ arms, but two. Dean almost had a heart attack.

Charlie grinned when she saw him. “Hey, Dean. How’ve you been? We haven’t seen you in a while.”

Dean waved a little. “Well, these things sure keep you busy.” Dean nodded at Cas, who was a giving him a death glare. Dean chuckled a little and relieved him of Emma.

“So, what are you guys up to today?” Charlie asked, taking her son from Cas and balancing him on her hip.

Dean shrugged. “Not much. My sister’s coming by in a bit to take Miss Emma here and then me and Cas are gonna watch TV all day. Just like old times.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Nice. Good to get some alone time, huh?” The redhead waggled her eyebrows at the boys, who blushed.

“You have a dirty mind Charlie, really.” Dorothy chastised, which did not help either Dean or Cas in the blushing department.

Dean cleared his throat. “What’s the kid’s name?”

Charlie threw a wink at him then turned her attention the boy curled into her side. “This is Jack. I wanted to go for Bilbo, but Dorothy vetoed that, so I opted for naming him after my favorite Captain.”

“Harkness or Sparrow?”

Charlie looked extremely pleased that he got it. “Harkness.”

“I already feel sorry for you two.”

Charlie laughed while Dorothy and Cas looked somewhat confused. “You want some coffee?” Dean asked.

“Oh, that’d be great. I haven’t slept in, like, a year.” Charlie handed her baby off to her wife while Cas took Emma from Dean. 

Dean started up the coffee maker and was handing out cups to everyone when there was a knock at the door. Dean huffed and quickly poured a cup for Jo and then went to open the door.

“Hey, Jo-Jo. Want some joe?” Dean held up the cup of coffee and grinned.

“First of all, don’t call me Jo-Jo. Second of all, that’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard and you should be beheaded for it.”

“Seconded!” Charlie called from the kitchen.

“I think you should just be beheaded in general.” Cas added.

“This is the thanks I get for making everyone coffee? Yeesh.” Dean stepped aside to let Jo in, handing her her coffee. She stepped into the kitchen and waved at the assembled group. “Yeah, so Jo, this is Charlie, Dorothy, and their son Jack. And do you know Cas?” Dean grinned at the table at large, the only positive reaction being Dorothy’s, who smiled and waved like a normal fucking human being. Cas threw Emma’s pacifier at him and Charlie stood up and bowed.

Jo raised her eyebrows. “Are you starting a gay couple’s club?”

Dean cuffed her on the head. “Cas and I aren’t a couple, for the last time, Joanna Beth.”

“Coulda fooled me.” She muttered and Dean smacked her again. Charlie and Jo shared a grin across the table and Dean already regretted introducing them.

Dean decided to be the bigger person and ignore her, despite the blush on his face that he was certain was mirrored on Cas’. “Can’t you just take my baby and leave, like a normal person?”

“Ah,” Jo stood. “We do have a brunch date. And before you get all protective,  _ no _ , not a date-date. I’m meeting Bobby for lunch. Cool your jets.” Cas handed Jo Emma and she left, saying her goodbyes to the girls and her long-time neighbor after Dean handed her the diaper bag and made sure she knew how to do everything.

“Fucking Jo, man.” Dean said, sliding in next to Cas. “It’s like everything I say is a target and she has to hit it every time.”

“Language, Dean. And she didn’t say anything about you getting thanks for coffee.” Cas replied drily.

“Don’t act like I’m wrong here.” Dean narrowed his eyes. “I bet you taught her how to do it, too, just to spite me.”

“Dean, when I met Joanna she was younger even than Emma, and I met you five years later. When could I have possibly have had time?”

“I was joking, Cas. Although I don’t doubt that you would turn my own sister against me. Are you going to tell Sam where I hide the Girl Scout cookies?”

“How about you tell Charlie where the Girl Scout cookies are?” She suggested, perking up instantly.

“It’s like 10 AM, honey. You can’t have cookies.” Dorothy reminded gently.

Charlie made a face. “So, you have two siblings, Sam and Jo? Are you the dreaded middle child?” She asked Dean.

Dean shook his head. “Oldest. Sam and Jo are four years younger than me.”

Charlie’s expression shifted to confusion. “Then how did Cas meet Jo when she was a baby and not you for five years?”

Dean squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He hated answering this question. Cas knew that, so he answered for him. “My family lived across the street from Jo and her mother. Ellen took Sam and Dean in when Sam and Jo were five and Dean and I were nine.”

Charlie nodded. “Foster system? I know that feel. My parents died when I was 11 and I was in the system for a few years before getting sick of it and going my own way.” She cut a grin at Dorothy. “Hasn’t worked out too badly, either.”

Dean was kind of taken aback by that. He supposed you could never know what you didn’t know about a person.

Charlie shifted the attention back to Cas. “What about you? Any siblings?”

Cas went a little tense at the question. “Uh- yes. An older brother and an older sister. They’re actually staying here for a couple weeks, but they’re with my mother right now.”

“I can tell by the look on your faces that you can’t stand any of them.” Dorothy pointed out.

“That’s not true. Anna’s alright. Gabe’s a dick, and Mommy Dearest. Well.” Dean grimaced, the conversation about graduation earlier that morning twisting in his gut.

“Gabriel is not that bad, Dean.” Cas chastised.

“He pushed me out of a tree!” 

“Technically he just shook the limb.”

“That doesn’t make it any more forgivable.”

“Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Your siblings’ names are  _ Gabe  _ and  _ Anna? _ Forgive me if I’m being rude, but how in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks did you get stuck with Cas?”

Cas shrugged. “It’s short for Castiel, and Anna is short for Anael. My parents were religious.”

Charlie nodded. “Tough love, man. I was- _ahem-_ blessed with Charlene.” 

“Yet you wanted to name our child  _ Bilbo. _ ”

“Bad genes were passed on I guess,  _ Charlene. _ ” Dean said, snickering.

She flipped him off and then drained her coffee. “Alright well, this abuse has been fun, but I think Jack here has a dirty diaper. Feel free to stop by for sugar anytime, and have fun ‘watching TV’. Adios, bitches!”

“You shouldn’t curse in front of babies.” Cas scolded, but the women were gone and Dean was out of coffee.

“Alright, Cas, so I was thinking. You still haven’t seen  _ Star Wars _ .”

Cas nodded. 

“Well, if we start the movies now and skip Episode I, we should be able to get through all of them, no problem.” Dean rubbed his hands together and raised his eyebrows, but Cas just looked confused. 

“Why would we skip Episode I? I would think that it’s rather crucial to the plot of the franchise.”

“Not really.” Cas gave him a skeptical look. Dean sighed. “Just trust me. Go sit on the couch.”

Cas huffed but obeyed, watching Dean pop in the disk. He settled next to Cas on the couch. “We’ll break out the Girl Scout cookies after Episode V.”

“That’ll take hours, even if we do skip the first one.”

“We start with Episode IV, then V, then II, then III, then VI. It’s the best way to watch them, Cas, I promise.”

“That makes  _ no sense- _ ”

Dean interrupted. “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away…”

* * *

 

Charlie shut the door to Dean and Cas’ apartment, shaking her head. “Those two are so married it pains me.”

Dorothy reached into her purse to pull out a pad of sticky notes. Charlie frowned as her wife dug around for a pen, wrote  _ ‘denial’  _ on the note, and stuck it on the door.

“Get it? Because they’re living in a state of denial. And this is their apartment.”

Charlie snorted a little. Dean was really going to appreciate that one. “Nice.”

“I think it’s clever.”

“I do too, babe, I promise. They’re really oblivious, aren’t they?”

“It’s kinda pathetic, to be honest.”

Charlie sighed. “I can’t help but feel like they’re gonna either screw everything up or stay in love with each other forever and never move on but never act on their feelings and they're gonna die sad and alone.”

“Unless we kinda… pushed things in the right direction?” Dorothy grinned at her wife and Charlie stopped in her tracks, pretending to cradle Jack’s head in horror.

“Are you suggesting we… meddle?” She stage whispered, acting like she had never heard of such a horrible thing, but she couldn’t stop her smile at Dorothy’s raised eyebrows.

“It’s brilliant. I’ll take Dean, you take Cas. They’re gonna thank us when they get married.”

Dorothy smiled too. “That they will.”

* * *

 

Sam sighed and flopped down on the grass, observing the dreary grey clouds moving slowly across the sky. He wondered idly if they were headed for Kansas. Sam didn’t get homesick often, but sometimes he would see something that reminded him of his family and his whole day became sad. Today there was a woman with a little girl named Emma and he’d been sharply reminded of how much he was missing out on at home, like his brother’s struggles with parenthood so far.

He would be home again soon enough though. Exams were coming up, and after that he was on a plane to Kansas.

There must have been something on his face, because a girl with bright blonde curls sat down next to him. “Homesick?”

Sam glanced up at her and nodded.

“Me too. I’m from Kansas, how about you?”

Sam sat up. “So am I, actually. I’m from Lawrence, how about you?”

“Topeka. Weird, huh? We should start a Kansas club.”

“I doubt many people would join. It’s a pretty weird move.” 

The girl nodded in understanding. “I’m Jess, by the way. I’m pre-med.”

“Sam Winchester, pre-law.”

“Good to meet you.” Jess said, standing. Sam stood with her.

“Yeah, you too.”

Jess’ eyes widened at Sam’s height. “Holy Bigfoot. How tall are you?”

Sam laughed. “6’4. I get that question a lot.”

Jess suddenly looked thoughtful. “I don’t want to impose but… well, I live in a sorority house, and we have really high ceilings. And there’s this jar of  _ something _ at the very top of the cabinets, and none of us can reach it, even standing on the counter. You could probably reach it, so if you don’t have any other classes…?”

Sam grinned. “Sure. Where’s the house?”

“It’s actually just off campus. We can walk from here. I’ll lead the way.”

Sam followed the bold blonde, making easy conversation all the way. They reached the house in a few minutes, the door wide open. The pair stepped in and Jess shouted, “Guys! I found a tall person!”

Sam  laughed as four bedroom doors blew open and Jess’ sorority sisters flew down the stairs. “Hey.”

“Guys, this is Sam, fellow corn farmer. Sam, this is Ruby, Madison, Abby, and Lily.” Jess pointed to a girl with dark hair and a threatening stare, then a girl with a nice smile, a redhead, and another blonde whose smile was a little creepy.

“Thank God. We’ll show you to the kitchen.” Lily said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him through the house. Sam looked around. The ceilings were  _ really high.  _ He wondered if he would be able to live up to the task.

When they reached the kitchen Sam eyed the counters and then the cabinets. It wasn’t too much of a stretch, but still. The girls urged him and he hopped up onto the counter, the famous jar still a foot above his head. He reached up on his tip toes, stretching his arm up until he was able to slide the jar a little closer to him, and he was able to curl his fingers around the side just barely and brought it crashing into his chest. He handed the jar down to the tittering girls, who ripped the top off immediately and peered inside.

“Pregnancy tests?” Madison said in astonishment, holding the thin white stick up in confusion.

“And fruit snack packets?” Jess procured one, ripping it open without checking for an expiration date. Sam supposed fruit snacks didn’t have one.

“Wait a minute. How many fucking lighters are in here?” Ruby grabbed a handful and let them run through her fingers. “What the hell?”

Abby pulled out a feather boa, looking disgusted. “What the  _ hell? _ ”

Suddenly Lily screamed. “WHAT THE HELL? IS THAT A FUCKING SNAKE?”

Sam picked up the- yes- dead snake. The girls screamed and scrambled backwards. Sam wrinkled his nose and dropped it on the ground. Jess poked at it with her foot, and something oozed out of the skin. The girls all screamed again.

“Who the hell used to live here?” Sam asked.

“The jar’s been here longer than any of us.” Madison said, her face white but her voice steady.

“Anyone wanna clean that up?” Abby asked, turning her face away from to corpse. Sam picked up the carcass while Jess wiped up the ooze. “Should’ve known the corn farmers would be used to this stuff.”

Sam grinned and held the snake out at Abby, who ran out of the room, screaming. “What do I do with this?”

“Throw it over the fence.” Ruby suggested.

Sam and Jess shared a grin as they raced outside to rid themselves of the snake. Sam hurled the dead body over the fence, whipping it through the air like a frisbee. Jess squealed at the gruesomeness of it and Sam laughed. When Sam was 8, Dean, Cas, Anna, Jo, and he had gone into the woods and found a nest of snake eggs.

“Damn. I used to be so afraid of those things.” Jess remarked.

“Really? So was my sister. Although Dean and Cas did almost get us all killed by one.”

“Who?” Jess asked, tilting her head.

“My brother and his best friend. We were exploring the woods at the park along with Cas’ sister Anna when Dean picked up a snake egg and Cas broke it by smacking it out of Dean’s hands. Jo’s still afraid of them, though she tries to deny it.” Sam smiled at the memory.

“Yikes. Sounds like you had a pretty wholesome childhood.”

Sam shrugged, his smile fading. “After a while, yeah. Things were kinda tough in the beginning, more for Dean than me, but.” Sam shrugged again. “Jo’s mom adopted us when I was five.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I don’t really remember the first few years. Just what my brother’s told me.”

Jess nodded. “Sounds like you and your brother are pretty close.”

Sam’s smile returned. “Yeah. He actually just had a baby. She’s sweet, and I hope she’s going easy on him, because he can be kind of stupid sometimes. Thank God for Cas.”

Jess nodded. “I’m an only child, so I’ll never be Wonder Aunt.”

“Unless you marry someone who has siblings.” Sam blurted out.

Jess smiled sweetly. “That’s true. Guess I’ll have to make that one of my requirements on match.com.” Sam laughed, and a warm, fuzzy feeling bloomed in his chest.

* * *

 

Jo came back with Emma around 7, during the middle of  _ Return Of The Jedi _ . They were alerted to her presence by a sharp laugh outside the door before she let herself in. She plopped herself down on the couch between the boys to watch the rest of it, Emma in her lap, trying to steal the popcorn. 

After the movie was over, Cas got up and stretched, showing off a bare strip of skin that Dean maybe stared at a little longer than was acceptable. No one noticed, probably.

Dean plucked his daughter from Jo’s lap. “So, what did you guys do today?” Dean leaned to each side to check Emma’s ears. “No piercings, Cas.”

Jo threw Cas an affronted look and then turned back to Dean. “We ate brunch with Bobby, and then we went for a walk in the park, and then back home for a bath and then we just kinda hung out. It was fun.”

“That’s good. Cas was worried you were going to corrupt her.”

“I’m offended, Cas. You haven’t done anything to me, why would I corrupt your baby?”

“She’s not-”

“Shut up, Cas.” Dean and Jo commanded. 

Cas sighed, but didn’t argue the point. “If you're ordering pizza, do it now. No mushrooms of any kind.”

“I know. Just pepperoni?” Cas nodded. “Jo, you staying?”

She shrugged. “Eh, why not.”

Dean went to put Emma to sleep, which was surprisingly easy as she was extremely tired. He returned to the kitchen, where Cas and Jo were already eating. “Jo, did she have a nap today?”

Jo dropped her pizza back onto her plate. “Shit. I knew I was forgetting something.”

“Huh. Cas, we may actually sleep through the night tonight.”

Cas, whose mouth was stuffed with pizza, raised a fist in the air. Dean vaguely wondered if he would sleep in his bed again tonight, despite Anna and Gabe being home.

* * *

 

His question was answered when Jo went home and they both showered. 

“Dean? I realize Anna and Gabe plan on spending the night with my mother, but considering how she is, I wouldn’t be surprised if they came back late at night, so should we…?”

Dean tried really hard not to grin. “Yeah, come on in. Don’t wake up the baby.”

Cas nodded and followed Dean into bed where they fell asleep almost instantly, finding it impossible not to touch. 

Dean woke up when he felt a sudden cold. He glanced at the clock. 6 in the morning. Why was he cold at 6 in the morning? Right, Cas, work. He groaned and rolled over. Cas squinted at him because his glasses weren’t on and then rolled his eyes. “Lazy.” he said as he left the room.

“Make me some coffee!” Dean called after him. He wasn’t sure if Cas had heard, but the man was not a morning person so there would undoubtedly be some amount of coffee. Dean sighed and was hit with a sudden bout of sadness. Someday Cas would be gone, making coffee for someone else in the morning. Someone else who was awoken by the sudden cold every morning when Cas had to get up at 6 in the goddamn morning. He wanted Cas to be happy, but he also wanted to be really selfish and keep Cas with him forever. 

“Dean, we are out of creamer.”

Dean snapped out of his reverie. “Use sugar.”

“Oh. Thank you Dean.” Cas left and Dean felt the ache in his chest grow a little bit wider, because he knew it wouldn’t be the last time. One day it would just be him and Emma, two parts of a family that could’ve been whole if Dean wasn’t so afraid of his feelings.

Dean sighed and stood, making his way to Emma. He picked her up and cradled her against his chest, her warmth helping replace some of Cas’. “Oh, baby. Daddy’s really in a pickle, huh? I love you a lot, you know that?” Dean dropped his voice to barely even a whisper. “And I think I love Cas a lot, too. Only you're not allowed to tell him.He deserves someone better, ya know?” Emma said nothing. Dean sighed, and though he knew it was stupid, it felt good to admit that, out loud, to another person. Even if that person was his one-month-old daughter who didn’t understand a word he was saying, only that his voice was soft and he was moving her around. Dean sighed into the top of her head, shaking those thoughts out of his head. It didn’t matter how he felt, in the grand scheme of things. Cas was… Cas. And he did things like garden and talk to crazy old people about bees and taught third graders how to divide. Meanwhile, Dean was working two jobs to support his daughter who was the product of a one-night stand. Dean was pretty sure that at the end of the line, he and Cas would be headed two very different ways. 

Emma gurgled, curling her tiny fingers into Dean’s shirt. “I’ll always have you, huh baby?” But then he realized that with any luck Emma would follow in Sam’s footsteps and head to a fancy ivy-league college, and Cas would find some lucky bastard that Dean already kinda hated and Jo would land herself in prison for something crazy and Dean would be left in an empty apartment. Maybe he would find someone, but in all honesty he didn’t see himself moving on from Cas any time in the next lifetime, and that was what terrified him most of all. Cas was just as permanent in his heart as Emma or Sam and he was afraid. 

Maybe Cas would stick around.

With any luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically still Monday for me so this IS NOT LATE but it's late I'm sorry I was out of town.


	6. Scarred For Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is... this is just word barf, basically. I don't know what I'm doing, alright? I hope you had a good Easter, even if you don't celebrate.

Before Cas even got home Dean was changed into the jumpsuit that he hadn’t touched in a month. He figured Cas would come back, take the baby and Dean would be off to the garage. But he should have known that Cas would be taking his sweet time because he hated Dean’s work schedule. Dean would be making sure to unplug his alarm clock so Cas would be late, if this was how it was going to be.

“Hey, good-lookin’.” Gabriel said lazily as Dean emerged from his bedroom. Dean glared at him and confiscated his baby.

“Don’t let him get to you, Dean.” Anna reminded him from the couch. If Dean had a dollar for every time he had heard that he wouldn’t have to go to work. Dean glared at her too, and went to rocking Emma, who smiled up at him. At least someone was on his side.

“When does Cassie usually get home?” Gabe asked, swinging his legs off the couch and going into the kitchen. Typical.

“2:55.”

“Ooh, and it’s 2:57. Yikes. I forgot about how you Winchesters are with punctuality.”

Dean glared at him again. “It really is creepy, Dean. Have you ever been late for anything?” Anna asked.

“No. It’s just plain rude.” Dean didn’t feel the need to explain his anxiety over being late. His father was never on time for anything, saying he would be home one night and then not showing up for two more. That was why he had liked Bobby and Ellen so much: they valued punctuality as much as he did.

“If Cas is going to make you late for work, Dean, you can leave Emma with us.” Gabe offered.

“Even with Anna here, I don’t trust you.”

“Rude. It’ll only be for a few minutes.” Gabe leaned against Anna’s chair, both siblings giving him pleading looks. Dean sighed. If he wanted to be on time he had to leave  _ now.  _

“Fine. If Cas isn’t here within the hour, call me.” Gabe nodded and Dean was out the door. He raced down the stairs and slid into the front seat of the Impala. He started her up and headed towards the shop at almost double the speed limit. He parked and rushed in the door just as the clock hit three.

“Damn, Winchester. Always on time. How’s the kid?” A voice floated up from underneath a car, a sleek silver BMW.

“Hey, Benny. Emma’s great, for the moment. Though I left her with her dickbag uncle, so who knows.” Dean leaned against the car while Benny slid out to talk to him.

“Gabriel? He wouldn’t do anything to a kid, man.”

“He  _ pushed me  _ out of a  _ tree. _ ” Dean crossed his arms and pouted.

Benny rolled his eyes. “One time, Dean. And you weren’t a tiny baby.”

“Forgive me for being paranoid.”

“Wait, so you said uncle. Isn’t he Cas’ brother? Finally. I called that one in 7th grade.” Dean looked back down at his friend’s shit-eating grin and kicked him.

“Shut the fuck up, Benny. It’s not like that. Cas takes care of Emma as much as I do, so, yeah, whatever, shut up.”

“No judgement here, brother. Promise.” Benny returned to working on the car and Dean looked around the shop, noticing the lack of other people around, despite the three cars that obviously needed to be attended to.

“Where is everyone?”

“Uhh, Bobby had to go home because of a family emergency-”

“What family emergency? There was no family emergency, I promise.”

“That bastard. I think he just cut his hand and wanted Ellen to look at it without him admitting he was hurt.”

“He’s the boss, amigo. What about Garth?”

“Called in sick, and the new girl we hired has the day off today.”

“You hired a new girl?”

“Don’t worry, brother, not to replace you. Just needed an extra set of hands around while you were on baby duty. Though I will say that she adopted a baby around the same time as you, and she still worked.” Benny slid out from the car to point a wrench at him accusingly. 

“Was she a single parent?”

“I thought Cas was helping you?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas works.”

“Alright, fine. Her wife works from home, I guess.”

Dean frowned. This all sounded very familiar. “Does this girl happen to have bright red hair?”

Benny rolled out once more, squinting at Dean. “How’d you know that?”

“She’s my neighbor.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. Is your landlord trying to promote more equality?” Benny stood up, wiping the grease from his hands.

“I swear to God, Benny.” He clapped him on the shoulder, grinned and sauntered to the computer to enter the BMW's information.

“I’m just saying. You could help a brother out, ya know. If you and Cas ever pull your heads out of your asses, a lot of people owe me some good money.”

“That’s pathetic, Benny, really.”

“When I’m rich you’ll be singing a different song, now get to work, ya lazy ass.”

Dean rolled his eyes and went over to one of the other cars, a ‘65 Mustang. He whistled low and grinned, glad to be back at work, despite himself.

* * *

 

Dean was just diagnosing the problem with the Mustang when his phone rang. Benny seemed to be busy and not paying attention to his coworker so Dean took one glove off and answered it, fully aware that Cas was late coming home and Emma was alone with Gabriel and Anna.

“Hello?”

“Dean?” Cas sounded distressed. “My car broke down.”

“Really? Too bad you don’t know a mechanic.” Cas huffed and Dean pulled his other glove off with his teeth, reaching in his pocket for the keys to the tow truck Bobby had bought precisely for this. “Where are you?”

“..............”

“Cas?”

“The Farmer’s Market.”

“I thought you were going to come straight home, you bastard.” Dean stopped in his tracks.

“Gabe and Anna are there.”

“Yeah, I feel so good about leaving a one-month old child in Gabe’s care.”

“Anna’s there.”

“She’s had her nose in her book all day.”

“Gabriel wouldn’t do anything to Emma, Dean, you know that.”

“That’s what Benny said, but I think you're forgetting that-”

“He pushed you out of a tree, yes Dean, I know. Emma’s fine. Will you please come and get me?”

Dean sighed. “Only ‘cuz you asked so nicely.” He hung up and called to his coworker. “Hey, Benny!”

“What is it?”

“Cas just called, his car broke down, I’m gonna go bring him in.”

“You're such a good boyfriend.”

“This is literally my job, Benny.”

“Whatever. Just come right back. No funny business.”

Dean rolled his eyes and headed for the truck, taking more care with the speed limit now that he had previously. He rolled into the parking lot to find Cas waiting for him, leaning against his arms crossed over his chest. He looked angry, and Dean was thankful for Cas’ glasses, serving as a barrier between Dean and Cas’ glare of ultimate doom. Someone had not had a good day.

Dean decided to trade his friend's anger at the world for confusion. “What’s shakin’ bacon?”

Cas furrowed his brow and tilted his head. “What? I’m not bacon and nothing is ‘shaking.’”

Dean laughed. “It’s an expression. Get in the truck.” Cas obliged and Dean set to hooking up Cas’ ridiculous pimp car to the truck. They rolled up the the apartment at 5 to 4.

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate you coming to get me.”

“It’s my job, Cas.” Dean said jovially, Cas looked at him with a smile in his eyes and Dean marvelled how his mood had changed in the ten minutes since Dean had come to pick him. He wasn’t sure why that made his heart swell, but it did and Dean didn’t think he’d ever wanted to his his best friend more than he did in that moment. He almost did, too, but then Cas was opening the door, saying something about Emma and Gabe that Dean didn’t hear, and then he was gone. Dean watched him go, a heavy feeling in his chest. 

* * *

 

Cas burst into his apartment at 3:59, looking disheveled and frantic.

“Oh, good. We were just about to call Dean and send him into mass hysteria. What took you, you're like, an hour late.” Gabe was sitting in the armchair, Emma asleep on his chest.

“My car broke down.” Cas sighed and set down his bag, then flopped onto the couch beside Anna, who clearly hadn’t moved all day.

“Oh. Well it’s too bad you don’t know any mechanics. Maybe your boyfriend does, you could ask him.”

Cas glared at his brother, marvelling how he and Dean could be so different yet hate each other so much. He realized he didn’t actually know if Gabe hated Dean, and that Dean probably hated Gabe because of their similarities. It was not a happy thought. “I didn’t want to bother him at work.”

“Cas, picking up people with broken cars is literally his job. Literally. That’s what he does. You wouldn’t be bothering him at work because helping you would be his work, dumbass.”

“Please don’t curse around Emma. And I did end up calling him, thank you very much. He found the situation rather humorous.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “How are you going to get to work tomorrow?”

“I ran into our neighbor on the way up here and she offered to take me.” Cas buried his face into the couch cushion. “She’s asleep?”

“Yeah, just dozed off.” Anna interjected.

“Then I am do. Wake me up when she wakes up.” 

Cas trudged into his room and curled up on the bed, but he heard Gabriel’s soft, “Will do, Super Dad.” He didn’t have the energy to argue.

He was pretty sure he’d almost kissed Dean in the car.

He’d been having an awful day, with rowdy 9-year-olds and the knowledge that Dean would be back to work later than day, not to mention the fact that his co workers were being especially difficult, Balthazar popping in to ask for something every three minutes and Daphne flirting with him every chance she got. Then his car broke down and Dean showed up and instantly turned his bad mood around.

He’d almost kissed him. But then he ran, because he was afraid of… well, he was afraid of Dean and their already delicate friendship, with Emma and work and Cas’ siblings. Cas was actually kind of grateful that Dean had his night shift at the Roadhouse that night if it meant more time for Cas to cool down.

He fell asleep, desperately not thinking about Dean, which led him to have dreams about Samandriel and his mother and fire. His dreams were coated in it.

* * *

 

“Cas? Cas, Emma’s awake.” Anna shook his shoulder gently and Cas bolted up. She took several steps back in surprise. Cas sighed and stood, following the sounds of screaming into the living room, where Gabe was frantically rocking Emma. He looked at Cas in panic. Cas sighed again and took her from his brother, rocking her gently. Emma stopped crying as she opened her eyes and recognized Cas.

“Hello, Emma. I hope you had a better nap than I did.” Emma buried her tiny face into Cas’ chest. Cas smiled at her and looked up to see his older siblings watching him with soft eyes.

“What?”

Anna smiled hugely and kissed Cas on the head. “You, Cas. She loves you.”

“She’d love anyone who gave her food.”

Anna shook her head. “She’s more like her father than what you can see.”

Cas glared at her. “I’m not sure what that has to do with anything.”

Anna just shook her head some more. “Oh, Cas. You’ll see.”

Cas huffed and bounced Emma into the kitchen where he started to fix her a bottle. Sometimes Anna was too much of an optimist, and sometimes she acted as if the end of the world was coming, right at that very moment, and nothing could stop it.

Emma squawked happily and Cas smiled at her. “Isn’t that right, Emma? Anna’s a drama queen.” She kicked him in excitement. “Can I tell you a secret? Daddy is too. But he’s good at handling people’s meltdowns. It’s lucky for you, because I really can’t. I do have more patience than him.”

Emma went still in Cas’ arms, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Cas softly stroked her head, and slowly allowed himself to believe that she needed him. 

* * *

 

Dean showed up at the Roadhouse at exactly 11 PM, as predicted. Jo tossed her apron at him and left, presumably to sleep, without even so much as a hello. Dean sighed and tied the apron around his waist and took her spot behind the bar, which was thankfully uncrowded.  Dean sighed happily, expecting an easy night.

Until.

Until Gabriel Novak walked in with a shit-eating grin on his face and Dean’s night was already ruined. 

“Dean! Fancy seeing you here. I’ll have your fruitiest cocktail.”

Dean didn’t bother to justify that with a response, just glowered and muttered under his breath. He shoved the drink at his long-time enemy and went back to playing on his phone.

“So, Dean, I got to spend some quality time with your little nugget today.” Dean glanced at Gabriel darkly and looked back at his phone. “She fell asleep on me, actually. Precious little angel, isn’t she? Can’t imagine where she gets that from.” When Dean continued to ignore him, Gabriel continued. “Maybe she’s picking things up from Cas. He was the easiest baby ever. Mom was convinced he would be like that the rest of his life.” Gabriel raised his glass to his mouth, smiling over the lip of the cup, looking at nothing. “Boy, she was dead wrong.”

“Do you want something?” Dean snapped, unable to stand Gabriel’s endless chatter. He suddenly wished the bar was packed.

“Yes, actually. When are you going to tell my baby brother that you're in love with him?”

“I’m not, because I’m  _ not. _ What is with you people?” Dean bent over with the pretense of grabbing shot glasses to clean, but he was actually just hiding a blush.

“Mmhhmm. Dean, I hate to break this to you, but I, like most people around you, have eyes. I’ve had these eyes for longer than the 15 years you and Cas have known each other and been disgustingly in love, so I know how to use them. And unless you two have been creating some epic, insane prank for 15 years, then you're disgustingly in love. And the most disgusting thing about it is the fact that neither of you even know it.” Gabriel’s voice lost it’s teasing tone somewhere along and now he was giving the threatening glare that Dean had seen before but never had directed at him, despite all their differences.

Dean cleared his throat hastily, the blush creeping up his neck again. “Cas can do better than me,” he muttered.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “What if he doesn’t want to?”

Dean huffed and pulled out his own ‘hurt-my-little-brother-and-I-kill-you’ glare, which was just as effective as a ‘I-mean-business-so-shut-up’ glare. “Drop it. I refuse to have this conversation with you. In fact, it didn’t even happen. Capische?” 

Gabe sighed and payed for his drink. But when he left, he was hiding a triumphant smirk. Dean Winchester was in love with Castiel Novak and he was very aware of it. Anna owed him 10 bucks.

* * *

 

When Dean got home at 6 in the morning, Cas was already up and making coffee. Dean just grumbled at his cheery greeting. He was exhausted. No customers meant Dean had to be busy with other things, like cleaning and organizing and other fun things that he had little to no desire to do. And now he was on baby duty, and then it was back to work, and after that he would come home to fucking Gabe and more baby duty and never getting any sleep.

Thinking of work reminded him of something. “Hey, Cas, how are you going to get to school? Your car’s at the shop.”

Cas smiled a little. “Charlie offered to take me yesterday.”

“That was good of her. You know she started working at the shop while I was gone? Small world, huh?” Dean took a long sip of his coffee, burning throat be damned. 

Cas frowned. “That is strange. I suppose you’ll see her later today then.”

“How was Emma last night?” Dean asked warily.

“No different than usual. She always misses you.”

Dean smiled a little sadly and stared into his coffee. He wished he had more time for her, to take care of her. He guessed that there was no way he could possibly be there for her 100% of the time. He didn’t want to her feel alone, though.

“Dean,” Cas called him back to the world, his gravelly voice soft. “She’s going to be fine. She’s not going to have the childhood you did.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean responded automatically. “I could end up just like my dad.”

“No, Dean. You won’t.”

Dean stared into Cas’ deep blue eyes. Sometimes he thought they were tiny universes, with the streaks of different shades of blue yet somehow still a solid, deep color. “Thanks for the faith in me, Cas.”

Cas smiled at him and they stared at each other for another beat until they head Emma stirring over the baby monitor and Gabriel sprung up from the couch, looking ready to fight. “Where’s the fire?”

Dean rolled his eyes and stood to go get Emma. She stopped crying when she saw her father, kicking at the air and attempting to grab her wild feet. Dean laughed and lifted her above his head. “Good morning, baby doll. Did you sleep well?” Emma chewed on her fist. Dean took that to mean she was hungry and settled her on his shoulder. “C’mon, baby, Cas probably has a bottle ready for you. He’s nice like that, isn’t he?”Emma kicked him in excitement.

Cas had indeed made a bottle and he handed it to Dean without a word. Gabriel was glaring at all three of them. He shook his head. “You and your baby, waking me up at 6:30. Seriously.”

“Hey, she didn’t just inherit the title of princess. She earned that.” Dean was also frustrated at her refusal to let him sleep, but no one was allowed to criticize his daughter.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m not changing any diapers today. I’m off to visit an old friend.” He winked as his toast popped up and Dean and Cas stared at him while he buttered it.

“Uh… who?” Dean, not really wanting to know the answer.

Gabriel smirked. “Kali.” Dean immediately stepped backwards, hugging Emma. 

Cas gave his older brother his most smiteful glare. “Gabriel, you and Kali aren’t allowed to be together within 50 feet of our building.”

Gabe laughed. “You guys are such drama queens. We aren’t that loud.”

“I’m scarred for life, Gabe.  _ Life. _ ” Dean took another step back.

“Oh, please. It was one time, and you were 12. Like you knew what was going on.” Gabriel’s smirk betrayed him.

“Are you gonna stand there with your toast and tell me that you wouldn’t have recognized the sound of people having sex when you were 12?” Dean snapped.

Gabe shrugged. “Maybe. I’d never heard it before.”

Cas threw the bag of bread of him and Gabriel ducked into the hallway, laughing. “We’re serious!” Cas shook his head and turned back to Dean. “I cannot believe him.”

“If he comes in here with her, I’m calling the police. I’m not joking, Cas. I will.” Dean relaxed his hold on Emma, who was just finishing her bottle. 

“I believe you. ‘We weren’t that loud.’ Honestly. If they were any louder, Mom would have come home to see what all the racket was.”

ean snorted just as Charlie walked in the room. “Your door was open. Cas, you ready to go?” She was wearing the familiar jumpsuit of Bobby’s auto shop, keys in hand. 

Cas nodded. “Goodbye Emma, Dean.” He kissed Emma on the head and patted Dean on the shoulder. He and Charlie swept out of the room, and Dean sighed. 

“What do you wanna do today, Emma? Maybe we can go see Aunt Jo at work. That’d be fun.” Emma had no reaction.

“Maybe,” Anna shuffled into the room, yawning, “you can help Aunt Anna find a birthday present for your other dad, Emma.”

“You don’t know what to get your own brother for his birthday?”

“I honestly forgot it was coming until, like, yesterday. What are you getting him?”

“I’m not telling you, you’ll steal it.” Translation= he had no clue.

“Mmm. We’ll have a fun day. Lunch at the Roadhouse, then we go shopping. Oh! We have to stop at the Baby Gap.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “We'd have to be back here by 2:30.”

“Early lunch at the Roadhouse.”

“Fine. But you're paying.”

“I always do.”

* * *

 

“Anna! So good to see you! How are the girls?” Dean lost track of how many people came over to them and gushed to Anna about how great it was to see her again. No one looked twice at him and his baby.

After a while, he got a feeling he knew why. Comparing his reputation with any of the Novaks’ was something he avoided doing, even Gabriel. Anna was known around town as the pretty, successful daughter of Naomi Novak, who married someone else successful and brought two lovely girls into the world. Dean was known as an orphan charity case who worked for his surrogate father and his surrogate mother to support an illegitimate daughter. 

Dean knew that that was all circumstantial and growing up in the near-constant company of the Novaks, he was used to it. But he felt bad that his reputation would bleed onto Emma, who had done nothing but been born. He knew how it felt to be judged simply by the life of your father. Life in the foster system had not been easy. He wondered how people treated Emma when Cas was with her. 

Finally they finished eating and Anna picked up the check, as promised. Then they headed to the mall, where Dean finally put his brain into action. Present. Cas. Go.

“Do you think he’ll like this?” Anna held up a loose blue shirt that Dean immediately ripped out of her hands. 

“Anna, seriously. I don’t think he’ll want clothes.”

“We should get him one of the giant stuffed animals in the toy store downstairs.”

“You just want that for yourself.”

“Maybe. Okay, but really, I have no idea what to get him. I’m a terrible sister, I know, but he’s your boyfriend and  _ you  _ don’t know what to get him either.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Whatever you say. Come on, let’s look some more.” Anna grabbed Dean by the wrist and dragged him out of the clothes store and into Barnes & Noble. “He likes books, I do know that.”

“Do you know what kind of books he likes?” Dean asked in an innocent tone.

Anna glared daggers at him. “Shut up. I don’t wanna give him a book, I was saying that for you.”

“Mmmhhhmmm. The answer is pretty much all of them, by the way.” Dean ventured further into the store. Cas would probably like new reading material. In fact, Dean had been trying to get him to read Vonnegut for years, but he couldn’t refuse if it was a present. Dean wandered around until he found Cat’s Cradle. Cas would like it. He hoped. He found Anna at Starbucks, where she just held up a gift card in defeat. Dean patted her on the shoulder and then they were off, rushing back home where they didn’t even have to open the door to know that they had failed in keeping Gabriel and Kali out of the apartment. Dean covered Emma’s ears and backed into Charlie and Dorothy’s door. He was pretty sure they weren’t so loud that they could be heard from anywhere else in the building. Anna was covering her own ears, glaring at the apartment.

Dean stumbled backwards as the door was opened. Dorothy frowned at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Remember how you said that the walls in this building are really thick?” 

Dorothy shifted Jack on her hip. “Yeah?”  
“Well.” Dean dragged her to his front door and her immediate reaction was to cover her baby’s ears.

“Who is that?” She whisper-yelled.

“My dickbag brother,” Anna whispered right back.

“Who are you?” Dorothy asked her.

“Oh yeah. Dorothy, this is Cas’ sister Anna. We told you they were staying with us, right? And, well. I don’t think you want to meet Gabriel.” Dean rushed the introductions, very aware that he was going to be late for work.

“Why are we whispering?” Anna whispered.

“Excellent question.” Cas said over Dean’s shoulder. He jumped about a mile into the air.

“Jesus Christ, Cas. You need a bell.”

“Why are we whispering?” Cas reiterated. 

Dean held up a finger to silence him, and watched his eyes widen as he heard. His hands immediately moved to cover Dean’s, which were still over Emma’s ears. Dean felt himself blushing but made no comment on it. “I nominate Anna to go in there and kick them out before they get any farther.” 

“What? Why me?”

“Because me and Cas already had to see that once. Never again.”

Dorothy turned to them. “What?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” The men said in unison. Dorothy gave them a strange look and went back to rocking Jack.

“Dean, since you're the only one that truly needs to get in there, I think you should do it.” Cas gave Dean an apologetic and  _ completely serious  _ look.

Dean gasped. “Traitor!”

“Dean.”

Dean groaned, knowing he was right. “I hate all of you. Here, take Emma. If they’re on the couch, we’re buying a new one. Same goes for any and all beds. You know what, we’re replacing anything they touched.”

“Agreed.”

Dean took a deep breath and opened the door. Waiting for him was not that absolute dick Gabriel, but instead a laptop hooked up to speakers. Blaring across the screen was a some very low-budget porn.

Dean turned back towards his friends, who were all standing behind him slack-jawed. Dorothy looked horrified, whereas Anna and Cas, like him, were looking like they really should have seen this coming.

“Why am I not surprised?” He deadpanned. 

Anna pushed past him to hit mute on the laptop and shut it. “I hate him.”

Cas nodded in agreement. Dean sighed. “I’m going to go get ready for work. Dorothy, you can sleep tonight knowing that we will be killing Gabriel the second we see him.”

Dean quickly changed into his jumpsuit and returned to the living room to find Dorothy and Jack still there and Anna holding Emma. “Alright bye everyone, Anna, Cas, Emma, I’ll see you tonight, Dorothy, I’ll see you whenever.” He kissed Emma on the head and then rushed out the door and down the stairs, out of the building. He only realized that he forgot his keys when he was standing right in front of his car.

“Dean!” Dean turned to find Cas holding out the keys to the Impala. Dean skidded to a stop headed back towards Cas. As usual they were standing far too close, and Dean grabbed them and then grabbed the top of Cas’ head and pulled him in for a kiss on the forehead. Before either could process what had just happened, Dean was in the car and driving away. As soon as Cas was out of sight, Dean groaned and repeatedly hit his head on the steering wheel. Way to be platonic, Winchester, really.

At least he wasn’t late. Charlie and Benny were both bent over, peering into the hood of Cas’ car. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”

Benny glanced up at him. “Honestly? Not sure, brother. Something’s wrong in here, I can feel it, but neither of us can quite see what.”

Dean scoffed. “I think you're forgetting this is Cas’ car, guys.” His co workers looked up at him with blank stares and he rolled his eyes. “Cas’ gas gauge has been broken for forever. Also,” Dean walked to the gas tank and whacked the opening, which popped open. He then tugged on the plug, to no avail. “this thing doesn’t even open. He probably just ran out of gas.” All he needed right now were more reminders of Cas, really.

Charlie smirked at him. “Alright then, I guess you're the expert.” Dean flipped her off because yes, in fact, he was. On cars. Not Cas. Not on how soft his hair was or how salty his skin was. No, he didn’t know anything about any of that.

“Be nice, Dean.” Bobby’s voice floated from the open door of the office.

“She’s being condescending.”

“You're being a tattletale.”

Dean threw his arms in the air. “I thought you supported tattletales! Jo used to rat me out for stuff all the time and you thanked her!” 

“Charlie ain’t your sister, boy. Get to work.” Dean stuck his tongue out at the door,

“I didn’t know Bobby was Jo’s dad.” Charlie muttered to him.

“He’s not. He married Ellen after her husband died.” Dean flicked the gas gauge of the Lincoln. Nothing.

“Wow. You’ve got quite the patchwork family there.” Her voice was soft. Dean remembered that she had been in the foster system until she ran away. There was no adopted sister or parents for her.

“Yeah. But family doesn’t end in blood.”

Charlie smiled at him. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”

Dean got out of the car and started messing with the tank. “You know, it doesn’t start there either. If given the chance, I’m pretty sure Cas would kill Gabriel. You’ll never believe what that bitch did today.”

After Dean recounted the wild story, Charlie was laughing so hard she had to sit down. “Oh, man that’s good.” Dean smiled down at her. “Okay wait, but is that what you were upset about when you came in?”

“I wasn’t mad when I came in.”

“Yeah, you were.”

Dean coughed. “It’s nothing. Just… nothing.”

Charlie stood, eyes bright. “Now you  _ have  _ to tell me.”

“No, I-” Dean sighed deeply. “Fine. But you have to swear on all your J. R. R. Tolkien books that you won’t tell anyone.”

“I swear.”

Dean would never understand why he decided to trust Charlie with this information, but he did. “I kissed Cas.” Charlie clapped her hands over her mouth just in time to muffle a squeal. “Not like how you're thinking. Just on the forehead. But-” Dean trailed off, hanging his head between his knees. Charlie rubbed his back a little. 

“I’m sure he’s not mad at you.” She said gently.

“I’m positive he’s not. It’s just that he… he’s my best friend. I honestly don’t think I could live without him, and if I did do something someday that would make him really mad at me I don’t-” Dean stopped again. Charlie patted his head.

“It’s fine, Dean. I don’t think there’s a thing that you could do.”

Dean sniffled and nodded. Charlie patted his head again and stood to get back to work. Dean watched her go with the ghost of a smile on his face, thinking that maybe there was room in his ‘patchwork family’ for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! Next chapter will be up next Monday :)


	7. Mommy Dearest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tagged suicide in here, but really the only thing talked about in here is the family's reaction and stuff. Still, if that triggers you or you don't want to read it, it's the second part in italics underneath the line. I'll put a reminder so you know. I also definitely got everything about how like law enforcement would handle it. And last but not least, there will not be an update next Monday as I have a final paper due that I really need to work on. Thank you for all your comments, kudos, and support!

“Happy Birthday, Cas!” Cas smiled as Anna set the cake on the table. It wasn’t actually his birthday, but Anna and Gabe would be leaving early the next morning, and they insisted on celebrating. Gabriel cheered and clapped Emma’s hands together.

“Papa’s 24 years old now, Emma, how does that make you feel?” Emma did not respond. Cas rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

“Here. Birthday boy always gets the first bite.” Cas sighed but obliged, taking a bite of the chocolate cake quickly so Gabe could get his sugar intake.

“I don’t suppose Emma can have any?” Cas glared and took the baby out of Gabriel’s lap. “That’s a no. Sorry, kiddo.”

“Here,” Anna tossed a small bag onto the table. “I didn’t know what to get you. I’ve already been informed that I’m an awful sister, but there.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Cas protested, but Anna shook her head and insisted that he open the gift. He was pleasantly surprised to find a Starbucks gift card inside. “Thank you, Anna. I assure you you are not an awful sister.”

“Thanks, Cas. Gabe?” Anna ruffled his hair and Cas was painfully reminded of Dean’s gesture last week. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, but neither mentioned it.

“What? I didn’t get him anything.” Anna glared and Gabriel sighed, standing from the table and digging through the couch cushions.

“You hid it in the couch?” Anna scoffed.

“Sue me.” Gabriel returned to the table, holding out the (badly) wrapped box. Cas opened it gingerly to reveal a slightly crushed box of peach tea, his favorite. He grinned and hugged his brother before he could stop him.

“Thank you, Gabriel.”

“Pfft. Whatever. Are you gonna eat that cake?” Gabriel quickly devoured the rest of the cake and flopped on the couch. Cas sighed and went to put Emma to sleep. Dean worked that night, but he promised they would celebrate his birthday when he returned to the apartment. The day after that would be his actual birthday, which Cas would spend with Emma and a cup of tea, watching reruns of _The Brady Bunch_. He didn’t think he’d want to much of anything else, to be honest. Maybe Dorothy would come over to keep him company.

“So, Cas, do you have any grand plans for your big day?” Anna sat across from Cas, yawning.

Cas shook his head and decided to change the subject. “You should get some rest.”

“You first.” She said sleepily, her head propped up on her hand. Cas chuckled and half carried, half dragged her into his own bed, where she fell flat on her face and started snoring. Cas shook his head, smiling, and quietly slipped into Dean’s room so as not to wake Emma. Cas knew he would be woken by either Dean returning home the following morning or his siblings departing, so he didn’t bother setting his alarm. Emma woke him up only three times during the night, and the third time he was surprised to find Dean in bed with him. He glanced at the clock, which read only 4:46.

Dean startled awake, hearing Emma’s cries. He groaned and rubbed at his eyes. “I got her.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you got off work at 5:45.” Cas sat up despite Dean already taking care of Emma.

“Ellen made me go home early.”

Cas nodded and fell back to sleep.

* * *

 

“Cas? Hey, hey, Cas, are you gonna say goodbye to Anna and Gabe? They have to go in a few minutes.” Cas groaned. Dean sighed and poked his cheek. He got his hand swatted for his trouble. “C’mon, buddy. You gotta get up now anyway. Let’s go.”

Cas made an inhuman sound and slid out of bed slowly. Dean hauled him up by the armpits and shoved him at the door. He glared at him and Dean followed with Emma, laughing. Anna and Gabe stood in front of the door, looking equally as tired as Cas. He hugged each of them and said goodbye, and both came and kissed Emma on the head. They left, Gabe unusually silent, and Cas sighed and went to make coffee. Dean followed, Emma asleep in his arms.

“How late did you guys stay up last night?” He asked, yawning.

Cas shrugged. “One, maybe. Not everyone is as accustomed to sleeping for four hours like you are, Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean rolled his eyes but silently studied Cas with concern. He knew the reason Cas was so tired all the time was because of Emma, because of _him_ but he hadn’t really thought about how much it would affect him. Cas was not a morning person, and he was woken up no much at night that he got another little morning every few hours. Dean had considered moving out but then decided that he couldn’t do that to Emma, and Cas most definitely wouldn’t let him. Maybe once Emma started going to school. He knew that he wasn’t leaving, though. He couldn’t bear being so far from Cas, which was maybe the sappiest thing he’d ever though, but it was true. He was so used to Cas being within shouting distance that he couldn’t comprehend what being apart from him would be like.

Dean fell asleep with Emma tucked to his chest on the couch after Cas left. Despite getting off early that morning, he was exhausted. He knew that Emma would be needing something in just a few minutes, but he drifted off slowly in the hopes that maybe she would too.

* * *

 

Cas was asleep on the table when Dean got home, cheek pressed against the wood, glasses all askew, and surrounded by papers. Dean chuckled and removed them, setting them on the counter. He jiggled the man’s shoulder slightly, and Cas’ wide blue eyes opened with a gasp. “What?”

Dean laughed. “Hey, buddy. You okay?”

Cas yawned, stretching his arms up into the air. “I”m fine. Just tired.” He sighed, looking on the papers mournfully. “Many of these children are dreadfully stupid, Dean. I don’t care if that’s an awful thing to say, they are.”

Dean chuckled and ruffled Cas’ already messy black hair. “You gotta go to sleep, Cas.”

“Look who’s talking.” He grumbled, lying his head back on the table. “Besides, I have to grade these papers. They’ll have my head.”

“I got it, Cas. You have the answer key right? I’ll grade them, you go to bed.” Cas turned his head and stared at Dean without saying anything for a few moments. Dean stared right back, most definitely not thinking about kissing him.

“Fine. You better not stay up too late either though, Dean.” Cas stood and swayed slightly. Dean caught him by the shoulder.

“Jesus Christ, Cas.” His roommate was already asleep standing up with his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean sighed and held Cas to him with an arm across his back and hooked his other underneath Cas’ butt, lifting him up so Dean could carry him. Cas immediately complied, wrapping his legs around Dean’s waist and his arms around his neck, and it was so lucky Dean was tired, or else he would be in a very bad situation right about now.

He didn’t think this through. Whatever. Dean walked down the hallway slowly and nudged Cas’ door open with his foot. Faced with the bed, Dean realized what an awful idea this was. He closed his eyes, took a breath and dropped to his knees on the bed, leaning forward until Cas’ back hit the mattress and his limbs fell slack around Dean’s body. Dean opened his eyes to find Cas’ face not even an inch from his own. He was kneeling _between Cas’ legs,_ his arms were braced on either side of his head, and every puff of air Cas breathed out went straight into Dean’s mouth.

Gathering up all his willpower, restraint, and self-control, Dean eased away from Cas and out of the bed. He stood there for a moment, watching the steady rise and fall of Cas’ chest and the peaceful look on his face. Dean groaned inwardly and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. He looked at Cas again.

“I love you.”

The words were out before Dean could stop them, bursting out of every part of him at once, rather than just his mouth. He felt himself tearing up, and he brushed Cas’ hair out of his face gently before setting his alarm and taking a steadying breath, then left to go grade papers.

* * *

 

Cas woke up on his birthday to the sound of his alarm for once instead of the sound of a baby crying. It was by no means any more pleasant. He groaned and rolled out of bed, which was odd, because he didn’t remember how he got there, and his glasses were nowhere in sight, which, admittedly, was very limited without them. He sighed and changed quickly, finding Dean already sipping coffee at the table, his class’ social studies tests stacked neatly, graded. Dean handed him his glasses and a badly wrapped present wordlessly. A steaming cup of coffee was already waiting for him on the counter, and a small smile curled the ends of Cas’ lips as he picked it up. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean stood. “It’s your birthday. Are you gonna open your present?” Cas grin grew as he picked up what was obviously a book, turning it over in his hand. He had a feeling he knew what it was. He set his coffee down and slowly unwrapped the gift, if only to give him time to memorize that hopeful little kid look Dean had in his eyes.

Cas suspicions were confirmed. _Cat’s Cradle_ by Kurt Vonnegut was one of Dean’s favorite books, and he had been trying to get Cas to read it for years. “I knew it. Thank you, Dean. I appreciate this.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Cas. It’s your birthday, it would just be plain rude if I didn’t do something for you.” Dean’s face had fell into happy relief, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. Not for the first time, Cas wished he could kiss him. His expression was so open and natural that Cas found himself leaning forward ever so slightly, but then Dean was hastily moving away, back towards his coffee. Cas sighed, disgusted with himself, and he gave the book one more appreciative look before setting it back down on the counter.

“Nevertheless, I am grateful. Did you take me to my bed last night? I’m certain I don’t remember getting there.”

Dean froze with his cup halfway to his lips, his back going ramrod straight. Cas squinted at him, confused. “I- yeah. Just. The table didn’t look very, um, comfortable, do you hear Emma? I think I do, lemme go check on her.”

Cas watched him disappear into his bedroom with an odd expression on his face. Cas couldn’t understand why Dean was acting so weird, but then again, there was nothing about Dean that wasn’t weird. Maybe his Emma senses had started tingling. At any rate, Cas had to leave for work. He followed Dean into his room to find him rocking Emma in his arms, murmuring softly to her. Cas decided the sight was the best birthday present he had ever gotten.

Cas was home exactly on time, but Dean was still rushing out the door. Cas sighed at Dean’s half-hearted goodbye and picked up Emma from where she was laying on the couch. “Emma, your father needs to calm himself down, don’t you agree? He’s doing too much all the time. I wish he would slow down.” Emma didn’t say anything but she seemed to agree. Cas could see it in her eyes, which had started out blue but were more green now, like Dean’s. “Are you hungry, Emma?”

Cas was prevented from answering by a knock on the door. He sighed and heaved Emma up, holding her to his chest with one arm. He opened to door, expecting Dorothy or maybe Jo, but instead finding his sour-faced mother.

Cas immediately took a step back and shifted Emma so she was farther away from the doorway. “Mother?” He whispered in horror. He held Emma so tightly that he was surprised she wasn’t crying.

“Hello, Castiel.” She said nicely enough. Her eyes fell on Emma, and she forced a smile. “Who is this?”

Cas’ breaths became shallower, faster, but he forced himself to answer her. “This is Emma. Emma Winchester. I’m watching her while Dean’s at work.”

“Ah.” Naomi looked at Emma like she was the scum of the Earth, which was a little kinder than she looked at Dean. An awkward silence settled, and Cas prayed for Dorothy or Jo to actually show up to free him from this hell.

Finally he sighed, giving in to the tension in the air. “Why are you here?”

Naomi gave him a tight-lipped smile that looked more like a grimace. “It’s your birthday, Castiel. And we haven’t spoken in so many years, and your brother and sister refuse to speak of you to me, so I decided to check up on you. So what, are you Dean Winchester’s babysitter now?”

Cas clenched his jaw. “No. I’m his friend.”

“You're his placemat, apparently. A friend wouldn’t ask this of you.”

A million possible retorts came to Cas; how she was one to talk, how it wasn’t her place to say anything, but in the end he decided to defend his best friend. “He didn’t ask me. I had to force him to _let_ me.”

Naomi snorted. “Why? Tell me Castiel, what has Dean Winchester ever done for you?”

Cas took a deep breath. Dean had been his best friend longer than not, and always defended Cas to the last breath. Cas would do the same for him, even if he was defending him against his own mother. “Plenty. More than you, at least.”

Wrong answer. Naomi gasped and clapped a hand to her chest, scandalized. “How _dare_ you? I am your mother, I gave birth to you, put a roof over your head-”

“And you killed my little brother. Goodbye, mother. I’ll see you in hell.” He slammed the door in her face and locked it. He heaved a gasp, tears spilling down his cheeks as he heard his mother pounding on the door and Emma’s screams distantly. He slid to the floor and clutched Emma to his chest, words and memories swirling in his mind.

* * *

 

_“Congrats, boys! Never thought a coupla’ idjits like yourselves could get your degrees, but I guess here we are.” Bobby ruffled Dean and Cas’ hair as they walked out of  the building, college diplomas in hand. They shared a grin as they were bathed in sunlight._

_“Thank you, Bobby.” Cas said softly, trying to ignore the fact that he’d gotten more praise from Dean’s adoptive father than his own mother, or even his siblings, who he knew were overjoyed for him._

_Naomi had to keep them from making any sort of scene, even while everyone was being and emotional around them. Samandriel looked bored, Anna cranky, and Gabriel frustrated. Sam and Jo were racing each other to the car._

_“So, everyone up to lunch? On me, of course.” Ellen offered. Cas desperately wanted to go with them, but he knew his mother would be dragging him home._

_“Thank you, Ellen, but we’ll be heading home now. Come on, Castiel.”_

_Cas huffed and clapped Dean on the shoulder. “Goodbye, Dean. Congratulations.”_

_“You too, man. Hey, are you still up for apartment hunting this weekend?” They had roomed together all four years of college and saw no reason for a change, so they decided to share an apartment. Cas was glad Dean would be with him to ease him into true adulthood._

_“Of course. I’ll see you later.”_

_“Later.” And then Cas was whisked away by a very pregnant Anna’s iron grip on his arm. He couldn’t tell if she was genuinely upset with him or she was just keeping him in line. Following orders._

_Maybe both. At any rate, Cas followed silently, the joys of graduation already dampened by Dean’s absence. The car ride home was silent, as always. When they got home, Anna immediately started working on lunch. Cas, Samandriel, and Gabriel talked about what Cas was going to do now that he was out of school._

_“I must say Castiel, as much as I disapprove of you living with Dean-” Naomi spoke his name with a sour expression. Cas didn’t understand why she had never liked his best friend, but had long accepted it. “-I am glad that you have chosen to pursue a career in teaching. I have faith that you will show the children of this town the right way to live. If you were doing almost anything else, I would not allow you to share living space with that scoundrel.”_

_Cas bowed his head. “Thank you, mother.” He didn’t bother to mention that he and Dean had, in fact, lived together for four years now. It wasn’t worth it._

_Samandriel, who suddenly shot out of his chair, disagreed. “Mother, they’ve lived together for four years. And besides, Castiel is an adult. You aren’t allowed to ‘let’ him do anything.” Naomi stared at her youngest son in shock, as did everyone else in the house._

_“Castiel,” she said slowly. “make your brother_ sit. _”_

_Cas just stared at Samandriel. Samandriel stared defiantly back at him. “Um. No, Mother, I- I agree with him.” He gulped, his fear catching up with him._

_Samandriel’s eyes melted into gratefulness, and Cas almost smiled back, but then his mother was screaming for them all to go to their rooms and stay there like they were five years old._

_Cas flopped on his bed and stared at his ceiling for a few minutes before pulling on his shoes and opening. As he always did when his mother got angry, he climbed out the window and snuck over to Dean’s house._

* * *

  ***** Suicide TW *****

_Cas was woken late that night by sirens and flashing lights streaming through Dean’s bedroom window. Cas was in Sam’s bed, as Sam was spending the night with a friend. He groaned and threw a pillow at Dean, who sat up and rubbed his eyes._

_“Whaz goin’ on?” He asked sleepily._

_Cas yawned. “I don’t know. Get up.”_

_“Ugh. Fine. Let’s go see what’s up.” Dean threw his covers off and Cas led him down the hallway and through the front door. The ambulance was parked in front of Cas’ house. “Is Anna going into labor?” Dean asked. Cas shrugged. They approached slowly._

_One of the firemen stopped them. “Sirs, I’m afraid you can’t approach this house.”_

_“Sorry sir, this is my house. What’s happening? Is my sister in labor?” The fireman looked at Cas with such pity that Cas trembled. “What…?”_

_“CAS!” Anna screamed and flung herself into her little brother’s arms, sobbing. Gabriel came behind her slowly, tears flowing down his cheeks silently._

_“Anna? What’s going on?” Anna just sobbed harder into Cas’ neck, and Gabriel broke down and sank to the ground. Cas heard Dean gasp sharply behind him._

_“Cas…” Dean’s voice was full of sorrow. Cas looked up to see the firemen wheeling out a body on a stretcher. Of course it was covered with a white sheet, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that the body had to be either his mother or his brother. And seeing that Naomi Novak was standing on the porch biting a handkerchief without a single tear in her eye, Samandriel was dead._

_Cas felt his knees buckle. Anna stepped away from him just as Dean stepped in to hold Cas. “I’m so sorry, Cas, I’m so sorry…”_

_“17 years old, Dean…” Cas whispered._

_“I know. I’m so sorry.” Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck, anything to keep his mother out of his line of sight._

_“This is all her fault.” He whispered. Dean said nothing but hugged him tighter._

* * *

 

_The note was addressed to Castiel. When the police turned it over to him, Cas just sat on Dean’s bed, staring at it numbly. With a deep breath and shaking fingers, Cas pried the envelope open._

Dear Cas,

I know how much my death is going to hurt you, and I suppose that will be my greatest regret in life. But I can’t stand Mother any longer. She’s trying to make us all into people we’re not. I’ve been standing up to her lately, because I just don’t care anymore. I’m sorry. I hope you have a good filled with children and laughter. Don’t forget about me, but don’t let me haunt you. Tell Anna and Gabe and Anna’s girls that I love them, and tell Mother to go fuck herself. Or you can employ Dean for that, as long as someone does it. Goodbye, Castiel.

-Samandriel

_Cas closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. He had to get far, far away from his mother, forever._

_“Dean?” He called._

_Immediately Dean popped his head in the door. “Yeah, Cas?”_

_“Is there any chance we can go look at apartments today?”_

* * *

 

When Dean got home that night, which was at midnight because Ellen had once again sent him home early, Cas was curled into fetal position on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. Dean immediately shed his jacket and crouched down in front of his friend, a hand on his shoulder.

“Cas? Hey, buddy, what’s wrong?” Cas’ eyes drifted up to meet him slowly, and then quickly welled with tears.

“Mother…” was all he had to say before Dean was scooping him up and Cas was curled into his side, crying silently. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ middle and just held him. He didn’t ask questions or try to soothe Cas, just held him. Eventually he picked up the TV remote and found _Man of Steel_ in their recording sections. They fell asleep like that, and for the first time in forever, he actually slept peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I know this chapter was a little shorter than usual, but I'm so tired. I'll try and make the next two chapters longer to make up for it.


	8. Save Your Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm really sorry about the long wait, but I needed to collect myself because things kinda suck right now. I'll try and get back to my regular posting schedule, but I'm considering making the every other week thing permanent because I signed up for DCBB16 and just ugh. There'll be a chapter next Monday for sure though, and I'll let you know then. I also decided to feature Sam and Jo more this chapter because of reasons and I like them, okay. They're easy to write.

Dean had lost the ability to be surprised by anything, really. 

He came home from grocery shopping on Saturday, expecting Cas and Emma to probably be reading a story book, maybe watching a show. He did not expect to find a Sasquatch throwing his baby in the air, Emma squealing with delight.

Sam knew he was guilty, too, because as soon as he saw Dean in the doorway he settled Emma on his hip, his expression somber. “Hey, Dean.”

“Sam. Has Emma chosen Dumbo as her role model?” He asked, trying not to sound mad. It was fine, no big deal. Sam would never drop her and besides, Emma had been laughing, happy. It was fine. 

“Ah… no? But, uh-”

“Where’s Cas?” He decided to change the subject in case he started yelling. He didn’t want to startle Emma. In the two months since Emma’s birth, he had learned quite a bit about his daughter, like that she liked to kick things and she didn’t like shirts with buttons and she couldn’t stand her unicorn blanket but absolutely adored the fairy one. She also didn’t like yelling of any sort.

“... I don’t know.” Sam replied, looking guiltier still.

Dean threw his hands up. “When did you even get here?”

“Like, 10 minutes ago. I didn’t find Cas, but Emma was sitting in her crib, so we came out here.” This confused Dean further. Where on earth could Cas be?

His question was answered before he voiced it as Cas burst into the apartment, clearly panicked. “Oh, Sam. It’s you.” His hair was disheveled, and his jacket was half off. He looked… Dean really didn’t want to think about what he looked like, but his brain betrayed him. He looked like he’d just had a really intense make-out session. “Wow, Cas, I didn’t know you and the bee dude were  _ that _ friendly.”

"I thought Cas was the bee dude."

Cas just glared at the brothers. “I had an altercation with the mailbox.”

Sam and Dean looked at each other in confusion, then back to Cas. “You wanna explain that?”

Cas sighed. “Charlie came over because she lost the key to her mailbox and I still have the extra from their trip to Topeka last week, so I put Emma in her crib-”

“You can’t leave a two month old baby in her crib by herself!” Sam interrupted.

“Yeah, you can. Sometimes people’ve gotta pee, man. Or shower. That’s how we get her to sleep most nights, just set her in and let her figure it out. It's very educational.”

Sam humphed but gestured for Cas to finish his story. “I put Emma in her crib and went to get our mail as well as Charlie’s, but when I came upstairs, Charlie yanked me into her apartment and told me she saw someone break in. I now realize that it was you, Sam, and-” Cas broke off, dashing out the door again, leaving Sam and Dean maybe more confused than they already were. Sam made an annoyed sound and followed him, failing to look angry or intimidating with Emma on his hip. Dean trailed after. 

“Charlie, there’s no need to call the police, it’s just Sam.” Cas was saying. Charlie was looking suspicious.

“Cas, what the HELL is going on?” Emma started crying and Cas immediately lifted her out of Sam’s arms and rocked her, comforting her.

Sam’s annoyance melted into concern as he placed a soft kiss to Emma’s head. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“She doesn’t like yelling.” Charlie explained. Cas handed Emma back to Sam. “Or cursing.” 

“Cas, are you gonna finish your story or are we gonna have to guess?” Dean pressed. 

Cas sighed. “Yes. Charlie was calling the police, but of course there was no need, and then I came inside and realized the state of affairs. My apologies. Charlie, this is Sam, Dean’s brother, and Sam, this is our neighbor, Charlie. She lives here with her wife, Dorothy, and her son, Jack.”

Charlie smiled amicably enough, but Dean could tell she was still suspicious of his moose little brother. “Where are Dorothy and Jack, anyhow?” Charlie shrugged, and Dean shook his head in exasperation. “Why doesn’t anyone know where anyone else is? I was gone, for like, half an hour, to get some godda- some gosh darn toilet paper. Clearly none of you can function without me.”  
“Hey, I spend, like, 9 months a year in California all by myself. Tie my own shoes and everything. I think I should be excluded from that statement.” Sam protested.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, Sasquatch. Speaking of, weren’t you supposed to fly in tomorrow?”

“Term ended a little early, so here I am, ready to fu- mess stuff up for everyone all summer.”

“Start with Gabriel Novak, would ya?” Dean still had not forgiven him for… well, anything. He turned to Cas. “Tomorrow’s your last week of work for the summer too, right?”

Cas nodded. “Yes. But I really think we should find Dorothy and Jack.”

“No need, we’re here.” Dorothy’s head appeared around the door, grinning. “Don’t bother with introductions, we were listening the whole time.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Of course you were.”

* * *

 

Cas came home on the very last day of the year, a half day, and flopped on the couch. The kids had been insufferably excited about everything that day. He was glad to be free of them for a few months, no matter how awful that sounded. 

Dean chuckled when he came in, feeding Emma a bottle. “Bad day?”

“Not necessarily. Children are very energetic on the last day of school.” Cas observed wearily, accepting the beer Dean held out to him. “I’m just glad it’s over, and everything can go back to normal.”

“Cas, I think since you spend three quarters of the year at school, that’s the normal. At the end of the summer you’ll be talking about how bored you are and how you can’t wait to get back to your normal routine. Minus the waking up early.” Dean winked and Cas’ stomach fluttered, but he frowned.

“That’s not what I meant. I meant you, and your undesirable work hours. You can go to the garage earlier, and therefore go to the Roadhouse earlier, and get an adequate amount of sleep.”

Cas’ frown deepened as the amusement slid off Dean’s face, replaced with anxiety. “Yeah… about that, Cas. I was thinking of- of just keeping the hours I’ve got now. Someone’s gotta do ‘em, and like you said, no one wants to, so they pay more and… we’re not exactly rolling in it, Cas. 

“Is it worth it? Dean, you look like a zombie most of the time and you never get any sleep. You can’t keep doing this to yourself, there will be consequences.” Cas could never understand how Dean functioned on such little sleep all their lives, but he knew he couldn’t keep it up forever, especially not now that his responsibilities extended beyond himself and paying rent. 

“What? I’m a fu- friggin’ ray of sunshine, Cas, what are you talking about?”

Cas glared. “Don’t turn this into a joke, Dean. I’m serious. You could end up in the hospital.”

Dean huffed and shifted Emma in his arms. “I am  _ not. _ I’m fine. It’s really better for everyone like this, ya know?”

Cas squinted slightly at Dean, who was only able to meet his gaze for a moment before tearing away, diverting his eyes to the floor. Cas refused to break though, and after a moment Dean glanced back up, and this time he didn’t look away. “Who exactly are you benefiting, Dean?”

Dean shuffled his feet slightly, and Cas knew he had him. “I- well, you, for one. Cas, in case you hadn’t noticed, you're like, the worst morning person ever. You can sleep in, if you want.” Cas narrowed his eyes further, and Dean licked his lips, one of his more obvious nervous gestures. “Yeah. And-”

“Dean, shut up. I think I’ve made my point.” Cas stood to make lunch, but found Dean wasn’t moving, just staring at him, a little in awe.

“I don’t think you’ve ever said shut up once in your whole entire life.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Yes, because that was the point of this entire conversation." Cas huffed and fell silent for a moment, some of his frustration melting away. "Will you please  _ consider _ working reasonable hours?”

Dean sighed, and Cas could see in his eyes that he wouldn’t before he even said anything. “Maybe. Are you gonna make lunch?”

Cas nodded, trying to ignore the anxiety gnawing at him, for Dean, for Emma, for his mother’s words that still haunted him, always. Some guilty part of him thought she was right. He was babysitting Dean Winchester, purely because the man was allergic to taking care of himself.

* * *

 

Sam was rather rudely awoken by Jo bouncing on his bed like a lunatic, or like a 5 year old. He groaned and swept at her shins half-heartedly. She bounced off and shook his shoulder excitedly. “Wake up, Samantha. You’ve got enough beauty sleep.”

Sam groaned and hit her with his pillow. “5 more hours.”

“Nope. We’ve got shit to do, Sam. No way you're sleeping through it.”

“But Aunty Em, I already fed the chickens.”

Sam could feel the eye roll. “Come on. I haven’t seen you in forever and if we aren’t outta here in 5, Bobby’s making us weed the garden.”

Sam sprang out of bed, grabbing the first pair of jeans he saw and then he and Jo were bolting out the door, ignoring Bobby’s shouts for them to get their asses back inside. They just laughed and barrelled into Sam’s Charger and heading into town, still laughing. “Alright, so where to?”

Jo shrugged. “Anywhere, really. We should probably bring Bobby food, though. He’s gonna be pissed.”

“You're probably right. Hey, that reminds me, Father’s Day is coming up,” Sam pointed out. “We could look for something for him.”

“You know you and Dean have to get something for John, right?” The realization hit Sam like a bucket of ice cold water. That was going to be awkward. Maybe he could spend the morning with Bobby and the afternoon with John…? But then there was Dean and his dumb work schedule and Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone with John just yet. 

He ran a hand through his hair, ignoring Jo’s concerned look. “Yeah, I know. I don’t even know what I would get him, though. I barely know the man.”

“Maybe you should get him on of those finger painting where you and Dean and Emma dip your hands in paint and list all the reasons you love him.”

“Ha-ha. Shit, we have to do something for Dean and Cas, too, ‘cuz now they’re dads.” Sam still wasn’t completely used to the fact that he was an uncle, that his brother was raising a whole human person, Cas at his side. Though that last part was to expected with most things Dean did. They were inseparable. 

“Um, they’re not our dads.” Jo pointed out.

“Yeah, but Emma can’t do anything for them. She doesn’t even know they’re her dads. She doesn’t even know what a dad is. So we have to kidnap her and paint her hands ourselves and just let her go crazy on some cardboard.”

“She’d probably try to eat it. We could do a photoshoot of her.”

“I think Dean would cry.”

“That settles it, then.” Jo twisted a lock of blonde hair between her fingers, a habit she’d had since before Sam had known her. “Still don’t know what to get Bobby, though.”

“What did we get him last year?” Sam pulled into the local Target- they had everything there. 

“I don’t know. A new hat? Boots?”

“Don’t judge me, but I kinda like the cheesy crap that everybody else does.”

“Dude, don’t judge me, but I was on Pinterest the other day-”

“Really?”

“Shut up, Samuel. Anyway, I was just scrolling through and I found these cute pillows decorated by the kids and stuff. So, I figured we could get one for each of us, you, me, Dean, and Emma.”

“Are we actually doing this?”

“Yup. C’mon, Sammy, we’re gonna be  _ normal. _ ”

Sam liked the sound of that. 

* * *

 

They hit Target like a whirlwind, tearing through the aisles to get what they wanted, putting things away in places they didn’t go, knocking into paying customers to see something the other had pointed out. They weren’t in any sort of hurry, but there was something exhilarating about running amok through a store. They rounded up paint, paintbrushes, small white throw pillows, glitter glue, googly eyes, regular glue, sewing supplies, and socks. They had decided to let Emma attempt to decorate a picture for her dads and grandpas, decorate throw pillows for Bobby, and Sam and Dean would be making sock puppets for John. It was probably the cheesiest thing Sam had ever done, but God was he excited. Something normal that other people did for their fathers. 

Jo finally started her interrogation over lunch, burgers at not the Roadhouse because Ellen would send them home to garden. “So, Sam, have you” -eyebrow quirk- “met anyone recently?”

Sam rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but think of Jess, who he had become good friends with over the past two months. She was perfect, understanding and a generally uplifting person to be around. He may be be a tiny bit in love with her. “I might’ve.” He mumbled.

“Yes! What’s their name? Are they cute? Nice? Please tell me you actually know them and aren’t just stalking from afar.” Jo dropped her burger and leaned forward eagerly. 

Sam huffed, but answered. “Her name is Jess, and she’s really pretty. I met her when I was being all depressing, apparently, cloud watching, and then she realized I was tall and I had to throw a dead snake over her fence.”

Jo wrinkled her nose. “Ew, what? Start over, and with more detail, please?”

Sam recounted the story, earning multiple laughs from Jo along the way. “Yeah. We have some plans to meet up over the summer since we’re both in state.”

“Are you gonna ask her out?” 

Sam shrugged, picking at his burger absently. “Probably, at some point, but for now I really like being her friend and kinda want to see how that works out first.”

“That’s smart, Sammy. If only your brother had the same kind of thinking.” Jo brandished a fry at him. “Why can’t you knock some sense into him? Maybe you could loan him some brain cells.”

“God knows he needs them. Are they really that bad?” Sam knew the question was dumb as soon as it left his mouth; Dean and Cas had always been oblivious to their feelings for each other, but everyone that met them knew… something. 

“Are you kidding? They’re so stupid. Although…” Jo sighed. “Now probably isn’t the best time for them to wise up. About that, anyway.” Sam just furrowed his brow and waited for Jo to explain. “Well, Cas is kinda pissed at him because he won’t switch his work hours so that he can actually sleep, and Dean is being  _ dumb,  _ and you know how new couples are, they can’t keep their hands off each other and I fear for Emma, to be honest. Also, they’re both just constantly tired and I hate to say it but…”

“Yeah. Someday. There’s no way it’s not happening.” Sometimes it seemed weird to Sam how invested all of them were in Dean and Cas’ relationship, but it was really getting stupid and making people miserable, especially them. Sam was also sure that if Dean and Cas _didn't_ get together, he didn't believe in love anymore. “I just want them to be happy.”

Jo nodded. “Dumbasses.”

They finished their lunch and wandered to the local park, where lo and behold, there was John Winchester, sitting by the lake, reading a book. “Dad?”

John turned, shock in his eyes. “Hey, Sam. And… Jo, right?”

Jo nodded, her eyes not quite cold but not entirely friendly either. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

John chuckled. “Not a fan of motel rooms, despite what most people think. What about you?”

“Bobby was gonna make us do gardening so we decided to book it, do some shopping, get some lunch. We’re basically just avoiding him and Ellen until it gets dark.” Sam sat on the bench next to his father, seemingly confident, but in fact the simple movement had scared him more than anything else in his life. All he could see was…

“That’s smart. What about tomorrow?” John had closed his book to give his full attention to his son. Sam half wished he hadn’t started this conversation. 

“Bobby’ll do it sometime today. He can’t stand a weedy garden, and Ellen’s working. No, you know what, he probably made Cas do it.”

“Made Cas do it? Cas would probably pay Bobby for the privilege to take care of the goddamn garden.” Jo corrected, sitting at Sam’s feet and pulling dandelions apart. 

“That’s true. He’s probably super bored during the days now, because he’s not working and Dean probably insists on letting him have free time, ‘cuz he’s a dumbass.”

John looked confused. “Cas is out of work? What did he do?”

“No, he’s not out of work, but he works at the elementary school. Teaches third grade, I think.” Sam plucked the mangled dandelion from Jo’s hand and let it go into the wind. 

“Cas have any kids?” John asked. 

And here was the tricky part, because  _ Emma  _ was Cas’ kid, but Sam knew that John wouldn’t be so accepting of whatever the heck Dean and Cas were as the rest of them were, based off his interaction with Dean in the store. But Sam just couldn’t bring himself to lie to his father. So he went with as close to the truth as he dared. “He spends a lot of time taking care of Emma, but no biological kids, no. He’s kind of an introvert.”

John seemed to hesitate for a moment before asking his next question. “Are Dean and Cas… together?”

Sam was honestly shocked. And maybe a little bit of the fear he had for his father started to slide away. It was possible that he cared about his sons in his life more than he cared about gender roles and whatever previous hang-ups he probably had about same-sex couples.

Jo wasn’t so sure. “Why?”

John just shrugged. “I don’t know. They seem like they are, that’s all.”

Jo narrowed his eyes, but Sam hastily answered. “They’re not. Yet. But Benny’s been placing bets since they were in seventh grade. Practically everyone in the entire town probably owes him some amount of money, even though everyone’s changed their minds since then.”

John nodded. “They’re not though? Really? Are you pullin’ my leg son?”

Jo and Sam started cracking up, and John just looked baffled. “Oh my God,” Jo choked out. “What time is it? Please tell me Dean’s not at work yet.”

“It’s only one. C’mon Dad. You’ve only seen this shit  _ once,  _ I swear to God they’re an old married couple.”

John followed Sam and Jo to Dean and Cas’ apartment. They knocked, for once, and a very angry-looking Cas answered the door. Sam faltered for a second. He had forgotten that Cas was mad at his brother at the moment. “Sam,” he growled, “would you kindly come in and  _ smash your brother’s head through a wall? _ ” Okay then, Cas was super pissed.

“Um. No? Is this a bad time?” 

Dean appeared over Cas’ shoulder, looking totally normal and at peace with the situation. He was bouncing Emma lightly, cradling her head in his hand. “Nope. Come in, folks. Don’t mind the pitbull.”

“If you weren’t holding the baby, I would smite you.” Cas seethed, slamming the door behind John. 

“What did you do to him?” Sam heard Jo whisper into Dean’s ear. 

“I drank the last of the coffee,” Dean whispered back. “I think it’s a capital offense. Cas, would you please lighten up." Dean spoke aloud to Cas as he stormed in the room. "I drank that coffee  _ 5 hours ago.  _ Let it go, we have guests.”

“I’ll let it go when you buy more coffee.”

“Cas, there is literally nothing stopping you from walking out the door and getting more coffee by yourself.” Dean sat at the table, putting his feet up casually, despite Cas’ death glare. Sam and Jo traded amused looks and John was watching the exchange with a completely baffled expression that read, plain as day, ‘I cannot believe they aren’t a couple.’

“Besides the fact that I didn’t have coffee this morning and will most likely fall asleep at the wheel?” Cas settled next to Sam, folding his arms and breaking out his teacher voice. 

“Funny, you haven’t fallen asleep doing anything else today. Even watching the washing machine spin.”

“It’s  _ calming. _ ”

“Is it? You still seem pretty pissed to me.”

“Fine. I can’t go get coffee because  _ you  _ have to get coffee, since you drank the last of it.”

Dean looked as if he was trying and failing to come up with an argument for that one. “Alright, fine. I’ll get more coffee tonight, but it’s going to be shitty-”

“Language!” Cas whacked Dean on the head. Dean stuck his tongue out at him.

“It’ll be  _ crappy  _ coffee from a crappy all-night store.”

“Dean, I do not care, as long as I never have to go another morning without it.”

“I am never taking you camping.”

“I fail to see how that’s relevant.”

“Guys, as much as we love hearing you bicker like an old married couple, you need to cool it. We have very important business we need to discuss.” Jo called them to order

“What, like your plan to avoid Bobby for a while so you don’t have to garden? Don’t bother, Cas is doing it tomorrow.” Dean nudged Cas’ arm with his foot playfully and warmth and affection swelled in Sam’s chest. Dumb idiots in love. “After he’s had his coffee, of course.” Sam could see Cas fighting a grin. 

“No, although, thanks Cas. I’ll bring you Starbucks in addition to Dean’s sh- crappy coffee. We actually wanted to talk to you guys about Father’s Day.” Sam figured it was as good a time as any. “Dean, you have to spend time with Bobby, and Dad, and Emma, so you have to take the day off.”

Dean looked like he was about to protest but Cas whacked him again. “Yes, Dean. Or, even better-”

“We aren’t having that argument right now, Cas.” Dean’s teasing manner was gone as he and Cas had a silent staring match in which Cas finally sighed, relenting. Sam had always marvelled at their ability to say a million things with just their eyes. “But, yeah, I’ll take the day off.”

“Good. How about you meet us home in the morning at nine, and then come back here at one. Dad, that work for you?”

John nodded. “Sounds good." He yawned hugely, despite the clock not even hitting 2PM yet. "I really oughta be going, boys. I’ll see you… soon. Bye.” He shuffled out somewhat awkwardly, and then it was just Sam, Jo, Dean, and Cas. And Emma, of course. 

“God, I still can’t believe you guys are dads,” Jo breathed, leaning forward to look into Emma’s eyes.

“Why does everyone say that? I’m not her father, Jo. Dean is.” Cas looked down at his hands, and Sam could tell even he didn’t quite believe what he was saying. 

Jo rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever, Cas. No one here gives a flying fu- a flying frick about genes or whatever. Are you going to tell me Bobby isn’t my father because we’re not blood related? He raised me and that’s what’s matter.”

“Yes, but that’s an entirely different situation. Bobby was married to your mother.”

“Uh, yeah, not for like three years after I was born. They didn’t even start dating until then. After Karen and my dad died, Mom and Bobby moved in together because they were  _ friends  _ and wanted to help each other out, but Bobby told me once that he always considered himself my father, and Mom told me the same thing, so shut the fu- frick up.” Sam had actually never known that. He had never asked when Bobby and Ellen had gotten together, or why. He never thought to question it.

Dean’s smirk was a mixture of smugness and sadness, but before Sam could think about it too much, Dean was speaking and the smirk was gone. “See, Cas? Can’t argue that one. Check and mate.”

Cas just stared moodily down the hallway. Sam rolled his eyes. “Well, this has been lovely, but we really have stuff to do. Can we borrow Emma for a few hours?”

“I want her back not a second later than 4:30.” Dean said solemnly, handing Sam his niece. 

“Adios, hermano. Adios, Castiel. Vamanos, hermanito y mi sobrina.” Sam rolled his eyes and followed her into the living room, where Jo put a hand on his arm to stop him, pressing a finger to her lips. Eavesdropping had always been one of Jo’s favorite things.

“Cas,” they heard Dean say, “seriously. That’s, like, seven people now. You're allowed to have nice things, you know. I know you, Cas, and I know you love Emma like she’s your daughter, so why-”

They heard Cas’ chair scraping against the floor, and Sam felt like they should leave for what was clearly a personal conversation, but his curiosity won out over his morals and he stayed put. “Dean, I really think it’s unwise to put anyone else’s life in my hand. I tried to take care of Samandriel, too, but he-”

“That wasn’t your  _ fault,  _ Cas, he just-”

“If I had taught him better, if I hadn’t-”

“Hadn’t what? Become my friend? Refused to hurt him?”

“It would have been better for him, in the long run-”

“No, Cas. I don’t understand why-”

Sam didn’t get to hear the rest of his brother’s sentence because Jo was dragging him out the door, closing it behind her silently. It was really none of their business. 

“No, Cas. I don’t understand why you feel the need to blame everything on yourself!” Dean held Cas’ gaze for a few seconds before Cas broke away, staring at the ground once more. 

“Because it’s my fault, Dean.”

“Broken record, Cas.”

“I don’t know what that means, Dean, but it’s true.”

Dean huffed and looked into Cas’ eyes, and this time the other man did not look away. “Fine. Then you know what’s my fault? My mom’s death is my fault because I didn’t leave with her. My dad beating me was my fault because I always did something wrong. Fucking Jo leaving college is my fault because I graduated before her and she always wants to do what I do.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “Is this a joke to you, Dean?”

“No, but that’s how ridiculous you sound. It wasn’t your fault, and there’s no way you could do the same thing to Emma even if it was, okay? You and me are in this together Cas, like it or not.” Dean figured that would be the end of the argument, but Cas hadn’t had any coffee that morning.

“Are we? Because it seems we’re taking turns with her because of you and your schedule!” It wasn’t like they had spent the past few days together in this apartment during the day. 

Dean bristled. “Cas, I can’t afford to pay for everything Emma needs, and rent, and electricity, and-”

“Dean for the millionth time,  _ I can handle it- _ ”

“Cas, you're not working right now! Even if you were, teachers get crap pay anyways.”

“You're going to work yourself to death, Dean. Surprising as it may seem, I don’t care about the bills as much as I care about your well-being.” Somewhere during their yelling match, both boys had stood from their chairs and not there was hardly a foot between Dean and Cas’ coffee-deprived tendencies. 

“My being isn’t going to be very well if we’re driven out of house and home, Cas, and I won’t intrude on Bobby and Ellen again.” Dean had swore to himself that though he loved Bobby and Ellen, he wouldn’t come crawling back to them if things go tough. If only Jo had her own place…

“Dean, I’m not asking you to quit either of your jobs, would you please just  _ consider  _ changing your hours?”

Dean set his jaw. He would do what he had to do, for Emma. For Cas, even if the bastard didn’t like it. “Fine, you know what Cas, I will change my hours. Instead of working from 3PM to 11PM, I’ll work from 9AM to 11PM, how’s that?”

“You-” Cas studied him for a moment, but Dean was solid in his choice. Without another word, Cas turned on his heel and stalked into his bedroom, kicking his door open angrily. Dean had the feeling he wouldn’t be coming out for a while. At least not to talk to him. 

Dean deflated, sinking back down into his chair. He hated fighting with Cas, more than anything because it was often a situation where neither was really right and there was nothing that could truly be done. Ideally, Dean would hire a babysitter, or Emma would be a few years older and Dean would be able to work the same hours as Cas and come home to his daughter and-

And his best friend. Sometimes Dean forgot that was all Cas was. He certainly felt like so much more. ‘Best friends’ just weren’t the right words. Cas was his brother, his neighbor, roommate and friend. Co-parent, now, no matter how much he felt he didn’t deserve it. He wouldn’t have been able to do much of anything without Cas. Or Google, but that really wasn’t as important. Cas knew all the important parts of his childhood, everything Dean had gone through. He knew Sam’s favorite flavor of ice cream and Jo’s favorite songs. He knew Bobby’s favorite thing to cook and Ellen’s hometown. He knew about Dean’s fear of flying and why he liked pie better than cake and had listened to his rant on Sam’s diet a million times. He had been there for Dean on his worst days and been there to enjoy some of his best. And likewise, Dean knew about Cas’ fear of falling and why he liked bees and listened to him rant about deodorant scents. Held him during his darkest times. Laughed with him during his lightest. Would do it all again, if given the choice. 

Cas was a lot of things to Dean, a lot of things Dean was too afraid to name, but somehow Dean felt that his relationship with Cas wasn’t totally complete. There was more to add, another chapter, another plot twist. They were a work in progress, he guessed, and the story wasn’t even close to over. 


	9. What's Mine Is Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I decided that instead of posting every week, I'll be posting every OTHER week, starting in two weeks. So exactly a week from today, there will be another chapter, but after that it'll be every other week again. I hope you guys understand, and if I manage to start writing the chapters faster, I'll post them, but that's loosely going to be the schedule until the fic's finished. And yes, I know, it's barely even Monday anymore but y'all can hush.

Summer passed, and with it the issue of Dean’s schedule, as he never budged on it and when the fall came it didn’t matter anyway, though the issue still weighed on both Dean and Castiel like lead. October announced itself with brisk winds and garish decorations littering the lawns of every street, some even going so far as to put lights up, though Dean knew it was just a scheme to put Christmas lights up early and get away with it, even though they weren’t getting away with anything. Dean had never liked Halloween, but this year he couldn’t not participate. Emma was becoming more like her own person every day, and she was absolutely in love with the decorations and costumes they saw in the stores. One day, Dean finally caved and went all out on apartment-and-baby-friendly decorations. And, of course, costumes would need to be bought. 

Cas just stared at him when he marched home on a rainy Tuesday at 12 AM, loaded down with bags full of candy and stupid  plastic spiders and spiderwebs and pumpkin carving kits and skulls that laughed evilly at you when you moved near it. “Dean. You hate Halloween.”

“Yup. But we are giving Emma the full experience. Come on man, she goes crazy every time she sees the decorations and costumes. She’s gonna have a blast.” Dean set his bags on the counter and turned to face Cas. He really just wanted to sleep, as it had been at least two days since he’d actually slept, but apparently he had to explain to his boyfriend why Halloween was not his boyfriend not his boyfriend _not his boyfriend._ His brain was clearly scrambled and fried Dean was so tired, he might just fall asleep right here on the kitchen floor. Yes, that sounded nice, and it was a good way to keep Cas from looking at him, probably. He was taller on the floor, and the last thing Dean thought before he passed out was that the light from the kitchen fan made Castiel look like the angel he was named after. He giggled.

Dean woke up still on the floor a few minutes later with a baby sitting on his chest, smacking his face. Dean groaned and hugged his daughter to his torso as he sat up. Cas was sitting across from him with the most disapproving face imaginable. “Dean. Go sleep in my room.” 

Dean rubbed his eyes with one hand still pressing Emma against him. “What? No man, it’s my turn on baby duty.”

But Cas was unrelenting. “You're no use to her half-dead or passed out.”

“I won’t be, promise.”

“Dean, give me the baby. Go to bed.” Dean took a moment to evaluate the look in his eyes: determined, protective, worried. At some point it just became an excuse to study Cas and his eyes, and then he felt himself falling asleep again. He sighed and handed the baby over, standing. 

“Fine. You're such a friggin’ dad, Cas.” His roommate didn’t say a word as Dean stumbled down the hallway and face-planted into his bed, which smelled like cinnamon and Cas’ watermelon shampoo. Dean fell asleep quickly, Emma’s cries like a lullaby.

* * *

 

Dean woke when the smell of coffee drifted in Cas’ door, which was slightly ajar. He buried his face further in the pillow and groaned, the sound summoning the owner of said pillow.

“You have to wake up, Dean. I don’t care how tired you are.” Dean groaned and flopped onto his back, peering down the bridge of his nose at Cas, whose glare could have rivaled either of his adoptive parents’. He was in some hot water, and he knew it. 

“I am awake. Look at me, my eyes are open and everything.” Cas huffed and circled the bed, glaring at Dean from the side for a moment before grabbing him by the wrists and yanking him into a sitting position. Dean suddenly found himself mere inches away from Cas’ face, and he was  _ angry.  _

“Dean, it is  _ your fault  _ that you're so exhausted. I have told you countless times that you are pushing yourself too hard, doing too much, and I think I’ve proved my point. I have to go to work, so Emma is your responsibility for the next 7 hours. I already called Bobby and Ellen and told them that you would  _ not  _ be coming into work today or tomorrow.”

Dean’s whimper was less to do with protest and more to do with the fact that Cas had moved closer still during his lecture. He was practically breathing into Dean’s mouth at this point and fuck if this wasn’t the hottest thing he’d ever seen. Cas didn’t get angry often, but every time he did Dean found it harder and harder to deny his ‘slight’ crush on the man because  _ holy fuck.  _ The grip on his wrist was cutting off his circulation and Dean was certain if Cas didn’t get off him right the fuck now he was going to have a serious case of morning wood. 

“Don’t argue with me, Dean, or so help me God I will put you in the hospital.” And with that, Cas let go of Dean’s arm and slid off him, and Dean was cold and warm all at the same time.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Dean whispered, finally sliding out of bed. He took deep breaths, doing his best to forget the experience, but Cas was still going to be pissed with him for at least a week. 

He shuffled down the hallway tentatively, and sure enough, there was Cas, coffee in hand and murderous glare at level 10,000. Dean stepped around him and poured his own coffee, still very aware of Cas’ position both in the room and in their increasingly tedious relationship. In the room, he was leaning on the island, facing away from Dean. In their relationship, he was angry and just about done with Dean’s BS, which was entirely expected.

He sighed. They were going to have to Talk About This. He moved to the other side of the island, where he was still behind Cas but now more next to him. “Cas, I’m sorry I’ve been shit lately. In case you hadn’t noticed, being a parent is no cakewalk.”

Cas whipped around so fast Dean was surprised he didn’t break something. “What?”

Dean hunched his shoulders, prepared to pay money not to be on the receiving end of the death glare. “I just… you know, it’s my job to provide for Emma, and I can’t do that without making some sacrifices. I’m sorry that it’s affecting you, too, but I can’t just give up. She deserves so much more than-”

“You think I’m angry because  _ I  _ have to stay up late?” The anger in Cas’ face had melted into surprise. “Dean, I’m angry because you refuse to take care of  _ yourself,  _ not because of anything to do with Emma or the amount of sleep I get.”

It was Dean’s turn to be surprised. “Then why?”

Cas sputtered and threw an arm in the air in exasperation. “Because, believe it or not, I actually care about you, Dean. It seems like ever since Emma came you’ve forgotten that I’m your best friend and not your live-in babysitter.”

The air stilled, and Dean immediately wanted to puke. He looked down into his coffee, blinking rapidly. Cas opened his mouth to say something else and reached out for Dean, but he was already stepping away. “Oh. I’m- I’m sorry, if that’s how you feel. I’m sorry. I’m really trying my best here- and-”

“Dean-”

Dean shook his head, cutting Cas off. “You should get to work.” Dean’s voice was thick and raspy and he turned on his heel, going back to his room, back to Emma, who would surely be waking up soon. Cas didn’t follow him. Dean stared at the folder on his dresser from his lawyer and considered throwing it away, but in the end he was too tired and just somehow couldn’t bring himself to, even if it was an insult to lost hope at this point.

* * *

 

Cas hadn’t meant it, which was the most frustrating part. Why would he say something he didn’t mean, especially when he knew it would hurt Dean? He knew, better than anyone, that Dean was truly trying his best to make Emma’s life better than his had been, and it wasn’t as if Cas was being forced to do anything he didn’t want to do. 

These thoughts haunted him all day, and all he wanted to do was go home and apologize to Dean, fix his anger-induced mistake, but when he returned to the apartment, it became apparent that the Winchesters were not there. Cas sighed and changed out of his uncomfortable work clothes. He found a note from Dean explaining that he and Emma had left to spend some time with Jo. Cas sighed. Dean would be home sooner rather than later and they would talk then. 

Cas wandered into his own room, intending to take a nap but remembered that Dean had spent the night in his bed and it would probably smell like leather and apple. Cas groaned and went into Dean’s room, which Dean himself hadn’t slept in in days. Cas had already laid down on the bed when he spotted the folder. It looked fairly full of paper and Cas wondered if it was a test or homework sheet he had been grading but left in Dean’s room. He groaned and stood to look at it, but what he saw shocked him to the core. 

**CONSENT TO ADOPTION,** written large across the top of the page. Cas dropped the folder. Why would Dean have these? He couldn’t seriously be thinking about adopting another child?

With shaking hands, Cas gathered the papers and took another look. He had to sit down on the bed. The forms were not for couples adopting a new child because they want to or because they can’t have one. They were forms for  _ stepparent  _ adoption. Cas’ mind was reeling. Dean wasn’t seeing anyone, as far as Cas knew, and if Cas didn’t know about them then they weren’t significant enough for Dean to let them adopt Emma. 

When the realization hit him, it hit him like a truck and was about as painful. Dean and everyone else had always said that Cas was Emma’s second father, and making Cas legally Emma’s father would be something Dean would do to prove himself right. Cas supposed he had destroyed any and all chances of Dean ever giving these to him that morning in his anger. The thought paralyzed him and he felt glued to that spot, glued to the paper, glued to the world.

It was minutes or hours when Castiel was un-glued, and with a shuddering breath he stood, placing the folder back on the dresser neatly and leaving the room. He needed coffee. He needed Emma and Dean back so he could rectify his words, his actions, if possible. Castiel had learned the simple way that Dean’s trust was hard-won, easy-lost, and harder still to win back. He supposed it had a lot to do with his father, turning on him and then essentially abandoning him. It was enough to give anyone trust issues. Cas barely remembered his own father, who had abandoned their family before Samandriel was even born. Cas had barely been five years old, Anna was seven, and Gabe was nine. Cas doubted if his father suddenly showed up one day that he would trust him enough to let him back in his life, and was surprised when Dean had done just that for his own father. He suspected that if Sam had not been interested in meeting his father or Emma not been factored in Dean would have never spoken another word to John Winchester. Dean was constantly proving his complete selflessness in large and illogical ways, which was truly why Cas had ever been mad at him. How could Dean take care of Emma if he couldn’t even take care of himself?

Cas had finished three cups of coffee by the time Dean came home at about 5:30, Emma asleep in his arms. He pressed a finger to his lips and Cas nodded, slipping off into his own room to grade papers as he was much too caffeinated to sleep. He occasionally heard Dean talking softly to his daughter or singing to her and Cas’ heart swelled. He finished everything he had to grade and read a book without actually reading it. It was near midnight when Cas’ door creaked open and Dean poked his head in. Cas immediately shut his book. “Dean, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Dean nodded. “I know, Cas.” The bags under his eyes looked like bruises and Cas almost winced. The silence following Dean’s words as he leaned on the door and bounced his fist against the knob was deafening. 

Cas sighed, knowing that Dean did not, in fact, know, and was only saying so because of his ‘no chick-flick moments’ rule. “Dean, I’m not always going to be here to take care of you and Emma.” Dean flinched. “I wish you were capable of doing it yourself, but clearly you are not. I love Emma and I enjoy spending time with her, but I do not enjoy having to force you to go to bed and wake you up in the morning. That is the responsibility of a parent to their child, not of me to you.” Another long silence where Dean didn’t look up, didn’t move, and Castiel sighed again. “And I don’t understand why you believe I must have some ulterior motive to be concerned about you. I’m going to be concerned about you for as long as you insist on doing concerning things. Because they affect  _ you,  _ and no other reasons.”

At this, Dean looked up, biting his bottom lip in a way that made Cas’ stomach flutter. “I don’t deserve you.”

Instead of fighting him on that, too, Cas smiled. “Nor I you. It’s a perfect match.” Cas held out his arms and raised an eyebrow at Dean, who returned Castiel’s smile gently and stepped forward to accept his hug. 

Dean yawned. “I’m so tired. I think i’ma just stay in here tonight.” He lay back, pulling Cas with him. 

Cas nodded and struggled a little. “I will go-”

“Can you just stay here?”

Dean’s request made Cas’ heart skip a beat. “What?”

“Just- just stay here, please.” Cas studied Dean’s face, his bright eyes closed and his features mostly relaxed. Cas laid down more comfortably, still fairly enveloped in Dean’s arms. Dean sighed and was asleep almost instantly, while Cas took longer, worry and hope warring in his chest. Eventually he let himself sleep, but as to the winner of the battle, he was never sure.

* * *

 

Dean was aware that he was being creepy, but watching Cas sleep was one of the most satisfying things in the world to him. Add Emma in and Dean might not do anything but watch them until one or both woke up. Emma had awoken them up with her screaming at about 3 in the morning and Dean had just brought her back to Cas’ room and she slept between them, though Cas had pulled her closer. Dean didn’t mind, if this was what he got to wake up to. He took a picture on Cas’ phone and sent it to himself. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t creepy. 

Dean shook his roommate’s shoulder gently. “Cas,” he whispered, although the point  _ was  _ to wake him. “Cas, come on, you gotta wake up.” 

His blue eyes fluttered open and he blinked twice before smiling softly,  and Dean would kiss it if he was allowed. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean could feel himself smiling back without his permission. “Hi.” They stared at each other stupidly for a few minutes before Cas’ alarm clock beeped loudly, startling Emma awake. She cried out and Cas quickly passed her to Dean. 

“Here. I have to get ready for work.” He blushed and Dean blushed and left the room. Way to be smooth and not awkward, Winchester. Stellar performance. 

Emma gurgled at him. She could lift her head on her own now, and she loved head-butting Dean’s shoulders. She especially seemed to have a sense for when he had done something stupid. “What? You're walking a thin line, baby girl.” Emma just giggled and Dean rolled his eyes at her. Dean changed her and again found himself looking at the folder. Though Cas had apologized and said that he loved Emma, loved spending time with her, would he want to be tied to her like this? Tied to Dean? 

He grabbed the folder. Cas was standing in front of the coffee maker, forehead pressed to the cabinet. He looked as distressed as Dean felt, which wasn’t comforting. “Cas? You okay?”

Cas pushed away from the counted, his eyes snapping open. “I- yes. I’m fine. Just tired.”

Dean knew that that was a load of shit but decided not to push it because that would be all kinds of hypocritical. He glanced down at the folder in his hand and then back up to Cas. There were less butterflies in his stomach than there were bats and dragons. 

Fuck it. “Cas?”

Cas turned his head towards Dean. “Yes?”

“Um,” Dean hitched Emma up higher and apparently the movement upset her because she reached out for Cas. Perfect. “Well. Emma.”

“Glad to see you paid attention in your language arts classes, Dean.”

Dean blushed. “Shut up.” He took a deep breath and rushed his next sentence. “I don’t want Emma to only have one parent.” Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes but said nothing  _ of course _ and Dean sighed and held up the folder. “These, uh. These are adoption papers. For Emma. Not, like, I’m giving her away for someone else to adopt, but for. For you to adopt her and, uh, be her parent. Legally.”

Cas stared at him, eyes wide, and Dean stared right back. For a minute and then two and Cas looked at Emma, who smiled at him. She was charming, and Dean would find it adorable if he didn’t know that it would get her in trouble someday. Cas, however, did seem to find it adorable and he smiled back at her. He pinned her head to his chest. “Thank you, Dean. I will… I will think about it.” Dean sighed in relief because thinking about it was better than an outright no. He handed Cas the folder. “How did you get these? Isn’t Lydia’s consent needed?”

Dean chuckled. “I asked Sam, and he told me to talk to my lawyer about it, so I did, and Lydia doesn’t get a say in shit because-”

“Language!”

“Lydia doesn’t get a say in Emma’s life because she abandoned her. The government frowns on that, you know.”

“I was aware.” Cas glanced at the clock, his chin brushing the top of Emma’s head. Emma’s eyes were mostly green now, with a ring of brown around her iris. They were gorgeous, and Dean was already worried about all the boys that would undoubtedly be interested in her. “I have to go now Dean. Remember that you have the day off today, which you will spend  _ sleeping.” _

Dean smirked as Cas handed the baby over, swatting him on the head. “Have fun with the demon horde.”

Dean pulled out Emma’s weird floor-jungle thing- it was a mat with things swinging over her head and mirrors that Dean didn’t see the appeal of but Cas was obsessed with. It had been a gift from Bobby and Ellen. If someone had told Dean a year ago that he’d be voluntarily getting up at 6 in the morning to watch his daughter lay on the floor and hit her own reflection, he would’ve laughed in their face. His life had been pretty fucked up since, like, ever, but he believed in all honesty that Emma was the best thing to ever happen to him, Cas a close second. 

Hours later, when Emma was in the midst of her afternoon nap, there was a knock at the door. A loud, baby-awakening knock and Dean stormed to the door, fully expecting Charlie or Dorothy or Jo, but when he opened the door, John Winchester stood before him. “Oh. Hey, Dad.”

John’s smile is a little shy, barely even there, really. “Hey, Dean. Is the baby in?”

“Uh, yeah. She’s asleep, actually, but last I checked she was still here.”

John nodded and Dean stepped aside to let him in. His eyes flitted around the room and landed on Emma’s weird mirror contraption. “What the hell is that?”

Dean sighed. “I don’t even fucking know. Cas says it’s ‘stimulating’ but I say Emma really just likes to hit things.”

John snorts at that. “Once upon a time all you had to do to keep a baby happy was give ‘em a stick.”

“Yeah, see, that’s what I told him, but he said with my genes she would end up poking her eye out.”

In a perfect imitation of Sam, John quirked up one eyebrow. “You're sure you're not together?”

Dean’s entire body went rigid. From what he could remember, John had never been very accepting of… those kinds of people. Dean’s kind of people. He yelled at the TV whenever they were seen. Could he have changed? Dean choked out a shaky laugh. “What? No. Cas could totally do better.” Why would he say that? Now John would think Dean was in love with him or something. Which he wasn’t. Obviously. 

The eyebrow went higher still. “Some convincing reaction there, son.”

Dean sputtered. “What! I- I  _ don’t _ \- I’m not in love with Cas! He’s just a friend, and yeah  _ maybe _ we sleep in the same bed even if we don’t necessarily  _ have to _ but that’s, like, nothing. And I only kissed him  _ one time  _ and it doesn’t even count because it was just on the forehead and it was an accident, anyway. I’m not in love with him. I don’t even know where you're getting this.” He said all of this very fast without even being aware of the words that were flying out of his mouth. Now he wished he could take them back and beat them to a bloody pulp.

John looked like he was trying very hard not to smile, but when he spoke it came out anyway. “That wasn’t my question, Dean.”

If Dean’s cheeks could get any hotter they would make the polar bears move to the sun. “I- fuck.” He shut his eyes, trying very hard to pretend that this was  _ not happening.  _ “Whatever. Like I said, he could do better so it doesn’t even matter.”

The amusement faded from John’s face at the obvious  _ pain  _ in Dean’s voice, coating his features. He settled a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t think so.”

That made Dean open his eyes. “I, uh, thought you weren’t okay with- that. People who-” Somehow actually voicing it was impossible for Dean.

John sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, Dean. I’m not. Wasn’t. I just figured that it’s just not worth being mad about, ya know? It’s not- it’s not worth losing you and Sam again.” The look in his eyes was so sincere that Dean found himself relaxing- minimally. He had basically just admitted he was in love with Cas, after all. 

Dean found he couldn’t speak, so instead he just nodded and took a deep breath. “Do you want anything? Coffee?”

“Nah. I actually wanted to talk to you.”

That halted some of Dean’s calming-down process. “About what?”

John sighed. “Your brother. I just realized today that I know nothing- about either of you.”

“You want some basic info? Why don’t you talk to Sam?” Dean sat down on the couch next to his father, still reeling from their previous conversation.

John shrugged. “I figured you wouldn’t leave anything out.”

“You're right. Sammy’s always leaving shit out of stories.” Dean was interrupted by Emma’s God-awful screeching. He excused himself and went to retrieve her from her crib. She squirmed in his arms, obviously trying to go somewhere. Dean sighed and carried her out into the living room where John was standing and when she saw him she screeched and lunged towards him. Dean laughed. “I think she wants you.”

John smiled hugely and reached out to accept her. Emma tugged at his beard and slobbered up his shoulder before snoozing lightly against his chest. Dean told his father all about Sammy, how he had gotten into Stanford with a full ride and his crazy moose hair and all his girlfriends and the time they had jumped off the roof of the shed, which had ended disastrously. Dean talked about stair sledding and the adventures he, Sam, Cas, Jo, and Anna had gone on and the time Gabriel pushed him out of a tree. He talked about Bobby and Ellen’s first impressions on them and how Sam had had bug nightmares and always slept in Dean’s bed when they happened. He talked about meeting Cas and the time Cas had saved Sam from drowning in the pool and the time Sam had talked Dean and Cas into skipping school in order to help him with his science project. Dean recounted his childhood to his father, reflecting on everything he loved about his little brother.

“What about this little thing?” John asked, tapping Emma’s head lightly. She was dead to the world, snoring louder than a tiny baby had any reason to. 

Dean sighed. “I don’t even fully understand it. One day this girl- Lydia- calls me and tells me she’s pregnant, but that she would raise the baby with her fiance, that I should stay out of it. I say okay and I move on, and then in March I got a call from the hospital saying that I needed to come pick Emma up because Lydia and her fiance took off. She hadn’t even been named yet. I couldn’t- couldn’t bear to send her into the foster system, so I took her home and told Cas that I was going to raise her and he said he would-” Dean throat stuck, remembering Cas’ promise. He had never once doubted that Cas would keep it, but now worry lodged in his stomach. What if Cas decides that he doesn’t want Emma as part of his life in that way? Dean knew that it would, inevitably make things harder if Cas decided to move away, get married. Would he pretend Emma was nothing more to him than just Dean’s child? 

Dean knew there would be no moving away and getting married for him. He knew, closer to the surface than one might have guessed, that Cas was it. The One, as Anna would say. Cas was everything Dean could ever want in a relationship, platonic or not, and fuck if he was walking away first. 

Cas decided to walk in the door right at that moment, blue eyes softening at the sight of Emma, asleep on her grandfather’s chest. “Hello, Dean. John. I see you’ve been taken hostage.”

“Heya, Cas. I think she’s starting to recognize voices because she fu- she just launched herself at Dad. I almost dropped her.”

“Please don’t drop ou- the baby, Dean.” Cas moved into the kitchen, setting his computer and bag full of papers on the counter. Who knew third graders did so much work?

“I didn’t! She tried to fling herself on the ground, Cas. Not my fault.”

Cas turned around, pushing his glasses up on his nose adorably. “I’m very impressed with your ability to no drop babies, Dean.”

“I can’t even tell if you're being sarcastic anymore.”

Cas wrinkled his nose and turned back to his stuff. Dean’s chest ached. 

Emma was slowly stirring awake. She lifted her head and smiled at the sight of Cas leaning on the counted. She made several ‘ba’ noises before exclaiming, “Bapa!” 

Cas turned around, quickly. All three looked at each other. Emma could be calling for any one of them. They waited, holding their breath until Emma stretched her arms towards  _ Cas,  _ who was smiling like the fucking sun had come to pay a visit. John chuckled and stood to hand Cas his daughter. “Hello, Emma.”

“Bapa!”

Dean couldn’t help it. He sprang from the couch and let Emma reach out and grab his finger in all five of her little ones. He squeezed Cas’ shoulder as John laughed in the background as Emma tried to bite Dean’s finger off. Dean leaned in close to Cas’ ear. “Told you.”

Cas flicked Dean on the nose but Dean could see in his eyes that there was no way Cas would be able to resist Emma for long. She was an enchantress, a fairly princess, and she had all of them perfectly wrapped around her tiny finger, her fathers especially. Dean was a little afraid of what he would do for her, his daughter. He'd never understood how Bobby and Ellen could love Jo, Dean, and Sam so unconditionally until he'd had Emma. There was literally nothing he wouldn't go through for her. One glance into Cas' eyes, shining with happy tears, told him that he felt the exact same way. If John Winchester hadn't been standing only a few feet away from them, Dean would have kissed Cas. He still might.  Except Cas moved from Dean's side, perching Emma in his lap and showing her how to clap her hands. Dean sighed and left to sleep, per Cas' request, after dropping a kiss to Emma's head. He was so fucking tired. His limbs felt like lead, his thoughts like a blender, his eyes like curtains that didn't quite know what to do. Open, shut, open, shut, shut, and then Dean burrowed under his own covers, content to imagine that when Emma came to bed, Cas would stay with them, without Dean having to ask. Then he tried to pretend that Cas would come in and do everything Dean was too afraid of. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! In case you didn't read the notes at the beginning, I changed the regularity of my chapter updates, so go look alllllllll the way up there. Tell me if you liked this chapter!


	10. Hopelessly Devoted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible. I said I would update like six weeks ago but then there was an unfortunate series of events that left me dead to the world. It was a really bad time where I was back in the danger zone of my mostly tolerable depression, and I could barely get out of bed or eat, much less write. It's still difficult, if I'm being honest, but I'm trying to sort through my feelings on a lot of things, and it just doesn't do me any good to make up feelings for fictional people when I don't even know what my own are. Add that to the stress of finals, and you get a barely functioning human being. I realize that I'm making excuses, but I just don't know what else to say. To the people that left comments asking to update, I'm so sorry. I hope all of you guys understand, and if you don't, I'm sorry anyways. Even if this fic and the regularity of my updates means almost nothing to you. I'll be back Monday after next, tentatively, hopefully, since I did change the schedule of my updates to every other week 'cuz I'm going on like two vacations within 10 days of each other and because I'm currently sick and in the middle of writing two other fanfics, both with due dates. I need to rethink my life. I hope you guys like this chapter though! Next chapter is a Christmas special in the middle of June, you're welcome.

“C’mon, Cas, it’ll be fun! You know you want to.” Dean pleaded. Cas narrowed his eyes further.

“Dean, we have never gone trick-or-treating. Ever. Why would we start now, several years past the acceptable age range?” Cas stood with his arms folded across his chest, most likely trying to explode Dean with his mind. So far, it thankfully had’t worked.

“Yeah… but what if Emma wants to trick-or-treat?” This was Dean’s true reason for wanting to do this- neither her nor Cas had ever had much of a Halloween, the closest being three years ago in college when Dean had been dating Cassie and she’d dragged them to some party at some sorority house. Halloween was just not something they celebrated, for whatever reason. 

Cas huffed. “Have you asked Emma if she wants to trick-or-treat?”

“Well, no, but she’s asleep right now.” Emma’s crying immediately nullified Dean’s statement. Whose side was she on, anyway?

“Oh good, she seems to be awake. Dean, why don’t you go ask her if she wants to trick-or-treat?” Cas suggested smugly. Dean flipped him off and headed into Emma’s- his- room. 

“Hey, baby girl. Papa’s being a dickweed, only don’t tell him I said that. He’ll shoot me.” Emma cooed and reached up, smiling toothlessly, though Dean could see that she was about to have some breakthroughs. Dean knew that meant she was about to get very cranky, thanks for the heads-up, Anna. He grinned down at his daughter softly. “I know. How cruel of him. Come on, he’s trying to take away your childhood.”

Dean lifted Emma out of her crib and turned to find Cas leaning in the doorway, frowning. “Dean, once again, neither of us had any trick-or-treating experiences. I hardly think it can define a childhood.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Hey, still Emma’s choice.” Dean shifted her onto his hip and picked up the plastic spider that was sitting on the bookshelf and Emma’s favorite stuffed animal- the rabbit Sam had gotten her from a county fair in Lebanon- and placed them both on the floor at his feet before setting Emma down in front of them. Dean crouched in front of her and stared into her eyes while she sucked on her pointer finger. “Alright, Miss Thing. You go for the spider, we trick-or-treat. You go for the rabbit, we stay home like a bunch of losers and watch like Elmo or something. Got it?” Emma just stared at him blankly. Dean sighed and took her finger out of her mouth and tapped her head and then the toys. “Which one do you want, baby?”

Emma pointed at the spider and made a hissing noise. Cas grunted behind them and Dean grinned at his daughter again before lifting her into the air. “Well then, that’s that settled. We’re all going trick-or-treating.”

Cas glowered. “All of us? Shouldn’t someone stay here to hand out candy?”

Dean rolled his eyes at his best friend once more. “Cas,  there are only 6 apartments in this building, and the only children besides Emma are Ben and Jack, and I doubt either of them are going to want to trick-or-treat here. We’re all going to the parade.”

“But I don’t  _ want _ to go. I thought this was a free country.” Cas folded his arms and glared at Dean as he stood.

“Yeah, but it won’t be  _ fun  _ without you! C’mon, Cas. Emma wants you to come! Don’t you Emma?” Dean bounced Emma slightly and she smiled sweetly at Cas, reaching out for him. 

“Bapa!” Cas’ eye roll practically sent the Earth off its axis, but he accepted the baby nonetheless.

“You two are essentially the same person. Or should I say same  _ con artist?  _ I’m not entirely sure you don’t have her under mind control.” Cas glared at Dean but smiled at Emma, tucking her head under his chin. Dean leaned against the wall unconsciously. 

“She’s just a smart kid, Cas. She gets it from you.”

“Dean, Emma and I share no blood, she could not have possibly gotten any traits from me this early in her development. Perhaps if our living situation continues she will pick up certain behavioral qualities from me, but-”

“Osmosis.” Dean argued, mostly because Cas was babbling and it was kind of annoying.

Cas rolled his eyes and left the room. “Fine, then. What should we be for Halloween?” he called back and Dean scrambled to follow them.

“I dunno, Cas, what do you wanna be? I really think you could pull of that whole fairy princess thing.” The glare was expected but still funny. “Nah, like I’d let you choose your own Halloween costume. You’d choose something lame, like a bee.”

“I am not a child, Dean. I have some modicum of self-respect.”

“I thought that went out the window in sophomore year when went to that party and-”

“We agreed that we would never bring that up,  _ ever. _

“My point stands.”

Cas turned back around to face him, Emma seated on his jutted hip. “What is your grand idea then, Dean?”

Dean grinned and pointed at himself. “Han Solo.” He pointed at his daughter, poking her gently in the nose. “Princess Leia.” He turned his finger on Cas, twirling it in front of his face before giving his nose the same treatment Emma’s had gotten. “Luke Skywalker.”

Cas stared at him blankly for a minuted before taking a deep breath and rolling his eyes dramatically. “You are insufferable.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like those movies. Jesus, who pissed in your Cheerios today?”

“I haven’t eaten breakfast, but if I were to have Cheerios and someone were to have urinated in them, I would suspect you without a shadow of a doubt.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, blame me instead of the baby with no bladder control.”

“I thought this was a hypothetical situation.”

“Who know’s what she’ll get up to when she finally starts crawling. Seriously, Cas, what is your deal today?” Cas looked away from Dean, staring at the ground. 

“Nothing, Dean. Gabe has been particularly annoying this week.” Dean knew that was only a half-truth because Cas got a lost look in his eyes and his chest moved a little slower. Cas’ head snapped back up, and he seemed to shake off this melancholy feeling and don his normal self like the damn trenchcoat he likes so much. “But I will agree to participating in your predictably-themed Halloween on one condition.”

Dean grinned, taking Emma’s tiny clenched fist and lifting it in the air in celebration. “Yay! Papa’s gonna trick or treat with us because he’s not a pissbaby, is he Emma?”

“I said on one condition.” Castiel was trying to look stern and still unamused, but Dean could see the hints of a smile playing at the corner of his lips, how his mouth kept twitching around to hide it.

“Who’s the con artist now? I’ll bet you secretly really want to go trick-or-treating. Alright, alright, let me guess. You want me to stop trying to kill myself by working too much. Or something like that.” Dean would do that, in order to give Emma a good, proper Halloween- and then he would go back to his old hours. Cas would be pissed beyond belief, but hey, what are loopholes for?

“No. Well, yes, of course, but that’s not what I was going to ask.” Cas looked nervous for a second, biting his bottom lip. 

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “What’s my sentence, Judge?”

“You have to go check on Gabriel, he’s sick.”

* * *

 

Dean regretted quite a few things in life, like bullying certain people in school and the fact that his child didn’t have a mother. He regretted wasting so much time hating his father and he regretted inspiring Jo to leave college. But by far his biggest regret was becoming friends with Castiel James Novak, destroyer of pride and murderer of vacation days. Visiting Gabe alone was pretty high up on his list of  _ Things Dean Never Wanted To Do Ever,  _ right after swimming with sharks but right before having to give Emma the Talk. Cas could deal with that when the time came.  

Sometimes Dean hated that he loved his daughter this much. Mostly though, Dean hated that he fucking loved Cas this much. Making him visit fucking  _ Gabriel,  _ who lived in fucking  _ Wichita.  _ It wasn’t an unreasonable drive, but Dean didn’t see why he had to make it. Sure, Cas was busy with classes, but he could have come on a fucking weekend. Anna was busy with sick daughters, and fucking Naomi was just too sucky to come, so that left Dean. 

He really hated Cas. In the most loving way possible, except not really because he hated him.

Dean arrived to find Gabriel’s house… TP’d. Dean couldn’t hold back a laugh at that. Gabriel, King of Pranks, had been TP’d? It was almost too good to be true. Maybe Gabriel had done it himself in order to trick the unfortunate soul that had to check on him (see above: Dean). He snapped a picture and sent it to Cas, making sure to caption it with the explanation that he  _ found it like this.  _ He wasn’t that much of a dick. Dean steeled himself and barged in Gabriel’s never locked door, and found an absolute pigsty. The floor was carpeted in candy wrappers and more toilet paper and condom wrappers and tissues. Dean wanted to cry. It wasn’t that he was a neat freak, but this was honestly one of his worst nightmares. He took a deep breath, counted to seven, and then called out for the oldest Novak. 

“Cas?” A very sick voice called from the back of the house. 

“I wish,” Dean grumbled, stomping through the trash in the hallway.

The bedroom was clean, by sick-person standards. Tissues littered the bed and there were a few on the floor, but the bedroom otherwise looked normal. Gabriel lay on the bed in a tank top and boxers, looking absolutely miserable. “Dean-o! Bless your soul, coming to check on me.”

“Yeah, yeah, what the fuck happened here Gabe? The living room looks like a damn landfill.”

Gabriel sighed hugely and flopped a hand onto his forehead dramatically. “Okay, seriously, Dean-o, even you have to admit that I’m not  _ this  _ much of a dick. I was out, man, and I mean  _ out.  _ Down for the count. So I crash for the night and I don’t lock my front door because who the fuck has time for that? And these kids just broke in and trashed the place. Ate all my candy and Lord knows what happened with the toilet paper and I swear to God they just all had an orgy out there because I heard a lot of sex noises but no one came in here so-”

“Did you call the police?”

“Not worth the hassle. When I get outta here, though, I’m tellin’ you, those kids are  _ dead.  _ They think they can prank  _ me?  _ They’ve got another thing comin’, buster.” Gabe was slurring his words now, clearly about to fall back asleep.

Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So you're good? Don’t need to go to the hospital, you can take care of yourself?”

“Oh yeah, Dean-o, though I appreciate the concern.” Gabriel grinned at him wickedly, winking.

“I was  _ blackmailed.  _ Believe me, this is the last place I wanna be.”

“Aw, is my baby bro withholding sex for me?”

“Fuck off.”

“One day, Winchester. One of these days.”

Dean left. Cas had concrete proof that Gabriel had been checked on, and he was done. He wanted to go home and maybe sleep for once. He was done with Gabriel, sick or not. And if he did sweep the majority of the mess into a pile, it was out of disgust and not out of concern for the dick.

* * *

 

Cas looked good in black, Dean decided. Paired with his hair, it made the blue of his eyes stand out more in contrast, and his lips look pinker. Black was definitely his color. It was maybe even worth visiting Gabe to get him into it. Maybe. Emma was wearing teeny tiny white robes and a headband with buns over her ears, and she looked adorable. When Charlie saw her, she burst into tears and lamented her lack of a daughter. Dorothy just rolled her eyes. They were dressed as characters from _The Wizard of Oz_ , which Dorothy resented. She was Dorothy, obviously, Jack was the scarecrow, and Charlie was the Wicked Witch, complete with the green skin. It wasn't a bad look on her.

Cas had borrowed one of those double strollers from Anna when the two of them ha d gone themselves to visit Gabriel, just a few days after Dean. Bastards. Emma and Jack were currently strapped in, Emma slapping the tray with her hands and Jack trying to reach a string hanging from the sun shield. Cas was fretting over Emma’s costume and Dorothy was standing to the side, clicking her heels together and frowning. Dean clapped his hands together. “Alright guys, the parade starts any minute, let’s get this show on the road.” Cas tweaked Emma’s Leia buns one more time and stood, fake lightsaber slapping against his thigh. Dean seemed to be hyper aware of him today, not only because of the black, but seeing him out of his usual formal wear was exciting and a little refreshing.

The parade was nothing special, had never been. Weirdly dressed people threw candy at children while they went from store to store, trick-or-treating. Bobby’s shop wasn’t participating, but the Roadhouse was and Emma was gushed over by Jo so much that she almost cried. Dean too. Cas, the bastard, looked like he was enjoying himself, despite the fucking blackmail it had taken to get him there. Emma fell asleep at some point, which would mean a late night for Dean and Cas, but Jack was a powerhouse until 10, when they returned home. Cas put Emma down and then flopped on the couch next to Dean. “That was rather exhausting.”

“Welcome to the rest of our lives, Cas. Wait ‘til she turns two. I remember when Sam was that age and god _ damn  _ are they crazy.” Dean wasn’t quite looking at his friend, instead focusing on the picture frame above his head on the far wall. He hadn’t meant to say  _ our lives,  _ not really. He was still trying not to assume things, but…

Well it wasn’t like Cas would leave him, right? Dean couldn’t possibly do this alone and he didn’t want anyone with him other than Cas. 

“I’m sure we can handle it.” Cas assured him before stretching and then collapsing back, his cheek on Dean’s shoulder. “Do you think she’ll sleep through the night?”

“Not a chance.”

Cas yawned. “Well, I don’t see the point of moving until she wakes.”

Dean nodded his agreement, his eyes drooping a little. He yawned as well, settling a little more into the couch. “I’ll tell you what though, you're up first.”

“Fair enough.” As Cas’ breathing slowed, his hand flopped to rest on Dean’s thigh, fingers curled slightly. Dean’s breath caught and slowly, carefully, he reached out and settled his hand in Cas’, interlocking their fingers. Only for a moment, and then Dean drew away, but at least he knew what it felt like.

* * *

 

Castiel had lost Emma.

He had turned his back for just a moment to mix her baby formula, and when he had turned back to where she had been playing with her blocks, she was gone. He was immediately in a panic. “Emma?” Where could she have gone? She couldn’t exactly walk, and though she was due to start crawling soon, she had shown no signs of being ready. Not that either he or Dean had any idea what those signs were. 

Castiel tried to calm himself. It was incredibly likely that Charlie had snuck over and snatched Emma from right under his nose.

Except that Charlie was currently at work with Dean and Dorothy was not prone to such antics. He rushed across the hall anyway, banging on the door frantically. Dorothy opened, surprised. “Jesus, Cas, what’s wrong?”

“Do you have Emma? She disappeared.” The second Dorothy’s head shook  _ no  _ Castiel was gone, back across the hall to look through his apartment. If Emma was indeed crawling, would she have left the apartment? Stupid Castiel had left the door open, but he looked in every bedroom under every bed just in case. He cursed each time he found no baby. He debated calling Dean, but what would he say to the news that Cas had lost their daughter? No. He would have to find Emma himself. Maybe she crawled out into the hall, and someone neglected to recognize her as a resident of 2A and brought her to their apartment. Probably to call child services. Castiel knocked on Cain’s door, but there was no answer. He dashed downstairs and knocked on Lisa Braeden’s door. Ben answered. “Hello, Ben. Have you seen my daughter?”

“The yittle baby drirl?” Ben asked, eyes sparkling.

“Yes, Ben. Have you seen here?” Ben shook his head. “Can you go get your mother?” Ben nodded and disappeared for only a moment, returning with Lisa on his heels. 

“Hey, Cas. What’s up?” Lisa leaned against the doorway, Ben on her hip.

“Hello, Lisa. Did you happen to see Emma?” Castiel ran a hand through his hair in nervousness.

“Sorry, Cas. I’m assuming she’s crawling?”

“I don’t know, she’s never done it before. Thank you anyways Lisa, Ben.” Castiel disappeared from their doorway, but he still heard Ben call after him.

“Bye Tas!”

The next door was the residence of Missouri Mosely, a woman Castiel had never met but Dean insisted was terrifying. The door was opened to reveal a short black woman with an expression that served to tell Castiel that she already did not like where this visit was going. “What is it, boy?”

“Um. Hello, my name is Castiel Novak, I live-”

“Upstairs, with Dean and his little one. I know, he never shuts up about you. Whaddya need?” Castiel blushed a bit but explained his predicament to the woman, who just shook her head at him. “That baby is never gonna make it with a coupla knucklehead parents like you two boys. Did you check in the kitchen, where you were? I’d bet money she wanted her food, and her papa. Moron.” That was all that was said and Castiel was up the stairs before the door was even closed.

Dorothy and Jack were standing in their doorway. “Cas? What’s-” But Castiel wasn’t paying attention. Sure enough, when he ended up in the kitchen, he was met with Emma’s laughing face as he bent down to look under the table. He immediately grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out, hugging her to his chest and leaning his head against the chair. 

“Emma,” he whispered, pressing kisses to the top of her head. “I think that’s the most scared I’ve ever been, including the time my brother pushed your daddy out of a tree and the time Charlie though Uncle Sam was breaking in.” The baby squirmed against his chest and Castiel let up on his grip so he could look into her familiar green eyes. She really did look a lot like Dean. “Who said you could start crawling? I’m going to have to keep a closer eye on you now.” Emma giggled and patted his face, so Cas kissed her on the cheek and stood. “I believe I was preparing your food?”

* * *

Emma went to bed early that day, and instead of catching up on grading, Castiel pulled out the folder that was still sitting on his dresser and looked at it for a long, long time. He hadn't been lying to Emma earlier when he told her that her disappearance had caused the most fear he'd ever felt in his life, and it made his decision for him. Dean had already signed everywhere that needed to be signed by the legal parent, but the blanks where  _ his  _ name should go loomed at Castiel. He remembered his slip in referring to Emma as his daughter to Ben. His panic had made him forget that little fact, somehow. Emma was  _ not  _ his daughter.

But she could be. And Castiel was afraid of that. He had been responsible for Samandriel, and he had failed him. How could he be sure that he wouldn’t fail Emma? And further than that, Castiel had been abandoned by his father. What if he was just the same as him? What if the responsibility was one he could not bear? 

Castiel looked at the papers and thought of Emma. How much would they change, really? Emma clearly already thought of him as her father, as did everyone around them, so really if he adopted Emma, the only consequence he could think of was that if Dean were to leave Castiel, even if they drifted apart in their friendship, he would always have Emma. Perhaps she would even be the glue that held their friendship together. Castiel looked at the papers, then at the ceilings, and then he grabbed a pen. 

There were quite a few papers to sign, but it was almost mindless, like grading tests. About halfway through, Castiel wondered if Dean’s offer was even still open. Of course, he hadn’t said anything about changing his mind, but perhaps that meant that he had accepted that Castiel wouldn’t do it and was secretly relieved and they would never speak of this again. Castiel shook his head at himself. Dean would tell him if he had changed his mind. 

When Castiel finished signing everything, it was 10:30, which meant that Dean would be home in 45 minutes at the latest. He decided to check on Emma one last time and then go to sleep in his own bed. He left the folder on top of Dean’s covers, hoping that he would notice. He slept fitfully that night.

* * *

Dean was exhausted and covered in grime, but it wasn’t like he could just take a shower. He didn’t want to wake Cas, or Emma. Mostly Emma, Cas slept like the dead. He would bring Emma into the shower with him, because Ellen said she used to do that with Jo all the time, but he was so disgusting that he was pretty sure she would end up hating him for the rest of her life. So no shower, and he would be sleeping on the floor. Great. At least Emma didn’t wake him up.

* * *

Dean said nothing about the folder the next morning, positive or negative. He avoided Castiel with a shower and then the baby. Could he just be ignoring it because he had, in fact, changed his mind? Maybe he had and wasn’t saying anything so as not to embarrass Castiel. He didn’t go in the Winchesters’ room all day, and that night slept with Emma in his own bed.

* * *

Dean was beginning to wonder if Cas was still considering adopting Emma at all. How long had it been since he’d given him the forms? Several weeks, and they hadn’t talked about it since. Had Dean just made a complete fool of himself and wasted both their time? He hadn’t talked to Cas at all in the past 48 hours, as instead of joining his best friend for coffee he had showered and then was busy with Emma. Maybe it was time to talk about it again.

* * *

The next morning, Dean was up before Castiel and the coffee was already done. It wasn’t unheard of, but certainly unusual. It only ever did happen on nights that he worked at the Roadhouse. He suspected it was because Dean would come home from work and then just not bother with going to sleep. As soon as Dean saw him, he shot out of his chair. “Cas, hey. Um, I made coffee?” Dean held the cup aloft to him, and Castiel accepted it gratefully but said nothing. He supposed Dean was finally going to tell him that he changed his mind, he didn’t want to have to deal with him for the rest of his life through Emma and he certainly didn’t want to share his daughter with him. Castiel told himself he wouldn’t protest anything, wouldn’t argue, because Emma was Dean’s daughter. Not his, not really. He ignored Jo’s voice in his head. “Hey, so, I gave you those adoption papers like a while back and-”

Cas couldn’t help himself. He interrupted. “Dean, I understand if you changed your mind, but-” Castiel bit his lip before he could say anything else. Dean looked bewildered. 

“I didn’t change my mind. I figured you just decided not to do it, and I get that and stuff-”

Cas interrupted again. “What? Dean, I signed the papers, I put the folder on your bed.”

“What? No, you didn’t.”

“Yes I did.”

“Well, I didn’t see them.” 

Cas narrowed his eyes at him and then raised one eyebrow, skepticism painting his face. “Have you perhaps been sleeping on the floor? Or the ceiling maybe, because I assure you that it’s on your bed.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “As a matter of fact, smartass, I did sleep on the floor, because I didn’t want to have to wash the sheets. I was disgusting the other night.” 

Castiel blinked at him. “What about during the day, while I was at work? And-”

“Cas, I honestly just didn’t see it. Promise. Do you want to go get them right now? I would, but you're stealthier.” Cas nodded and stood, sneaking into Dean’s room. Sure enough, the bed was perfectly made, the folder still exactly where Castiel had put it. He breathed a sigh of relief. Castiel had just misunderstood the situation. It was okay. He checked quickly to see that Emma was still asleep and then returned to the table, holding the folder out to Dean, who smiled when he saw that Castiel had indeed signed everything. “Thanks, Cas.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said so softly that it almost went unheard. 

Dean just grinned at him in acknowledgement and downed the rest of his coffee. “Alright, well, I gotta get these processed or whatever so I’ll take you to work.”

“I hope that means you won’t forget to pick me up, as well.” Castiel teased after he, too had drained his coffee mug.

“Hey, I did that  _ one time.  _ And you got home. Eventually. I’ll get the baby." Dean tossed Castiel his keys, which Castiel didn’t catch because he was carrying both of their mugs to the sink. He glared at Dean. “Cas, why you always droppin’ shit?” Castiel threw a spoon at him in response, and scooped the keys up off the ground. 

Emma did not approve of being awoken, and she made sure to alert the rest of the building. When they were downstairs, Missouri poked her head out her door and glared at them.

“Sorry, Missouri. She’s just tired.” Dean apologized. Cas resisted the urge to hide behind him.

“Well so am I!" The woman placed her hands on her hips and glared at them defiantly, but her eyes softened as Emma's screams died down a little. "I’m glad you found her, your boyfriend looked like a maniac the other day.” Cas crossed his arms at that and looked away.

“He’s not my- what do you mean ‘found her’? Cas, did you lose the baby?” Dean whirled on him halfway through the sentence.

“I was unaware that she had started crawling.” Castiel defended.

It was Dean’s turn to look sheepish. “Oh yeah. I meant to tell you about that. Sorry.”

“Mhm.” Dean rolled his eyes and waved to Missouri and they left, blushes on each boy's face.

* * *

 

When Dean came to pick Cas up from work later that day, the teacher was greeted with a gold certificate. He smiled, running a finger over the name  _ Emma Winchester. _ His daughter.

“‘This is to certify that Emma Winchester,’” Dean recited, “‘has been formally adopted into the Novak family, wish her good luck, by Castiel Novak on this seventh day of November.’ Congrats, Cas, you're officially a dad.” Dean’s grin was contagious. “I was thinking, if you want we could make her Winchester-Novak.”

Castiel’s heart caught in his throat. That was much too close to… everything.  _ Winchester-Novak.  _ It was the name Castiel had doodled on the back pages of his notebooks, a name that would prove that Dean and Cas were undeniably united. “No, I don’t think so. Emma only gets to be Winchester-Novak if we all get to be Winchester-Novak.” Castiel blurted out, without even thinking.  _ Oh god. _

Thankfully, though, Dean didn’t seem to mind his slip-up. “Pffff. Cas, please, if we got married there is no way I would hyphenate, first of all, and second of all, I refuse to have the same last name as Gabe. Sorry.” 

Castiel snorted. “What if _I_ want to be Winchester-Novak?”

“You do what you want, Cas, it’s your wedding.” Dean grinned at him and Cas rolled his eyes, but when he looked out the window it was to hide the burning in his eyes. "Alright, now it’s time to celebrate, I even asked to go into work a little late so we could get ice cream,” Dean announced after a moment of awkward silence.

“Like old times.” Cas said wistfully.

“Like old times.” Dean agreed.

They went to the ice cream shop that had been standing since Dean and Cas were children. It was owned by Linda Tran, who had inherited it from her mother and hoped to pass it on to her son, but everyone in town knew that wasn’t happening. Kevin was much too smart to stay in Lawrence to sell ice cream. Maybe Kevin would have a child to carry on the business one day. Dean and Cas ate their ice cream in companionable silence, with occasional blubbers from Emma. When the time neared for Dean to go to work, they finished quickly and went to Bobby’s shop, where Benny was leaning against the door, clearly waiting for Dean.

As Dean and Cas got out of the car, Benny held up his hands. “Hold on a second, Winchester. It has been almost seven months since this little pipsqueak showed up and I have yet to meet her,” he pointed threateningly at his coworker. “Bring me the baby.”

Cas sighed but extracted Emma from her car seat. She was in a passive mood at the moment, but who knew what would set her off. “Here she is.” Cas announced gruffly. Benny laughed as Emma smiled at Cas with her tongue out before reaching up and grabbing his glasses right off his face. “Hey!” he protested, snatching them back from her and putting them back over his eyes. Dean kissed her on the cheek before taking her and passing her on to Benny. 

“Well, ain’t she precious,” he cooed, tickling at her chest.   


“Yeah, yeah, she’s a friggin’ angel, but you know what’s more precious? You idjits’ paychecks. Get your lazy bums in here before I kick them.” Bobby hollered from behind Benny.

“Yes sir.” the mechanics said in unison, Benny handing Emma back to Cas. Dean kissed his daughter on the cheek once more and patted Cas on the shoulder. “See ya later.”

“Goodbye, Dean.” Cas placed Emma back in her carseat and drove off, occasionally glancing at the certificate that sat on the seat next to him. He still felt like maybe he didn’t really deserve it, but at the same time was tremendously grateful for it. It was a strange balance, but every look at Emma reminded him of why it was necessary.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm almost 100% certain that is not how you adopt a child but I don't know okay give me a break.


	11. Christmas Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy yikes this is overdue. It's been like half a year and I honestly can't tell you how much I regret not being able to post. I signed up for DCBB and this kinda got left behind, and I apologize to anyone that was waiting for an update. I promise this story is going to be my main focus until it's over. I know in my last chapter, I left a note saying that my mental health was bad and I was stressed and just not in a good place, but I'm in a much better one now, and I have been for a few months now. I was adjusting to high school and everything that came with, and I'm a lot happier. I'm really excited to come back to this. I'm not sure about how I'm going to go about posting, but I'll let you guys know.

Dean planted his hands on his hips and admired his work. The tree was not lit yet, as it was the middle of the day and all, but it stood tall and proud in the living room. The light of the sun coming in through the windows bounced off the ornaments and reflected light around the room. Dean had cleverly placed the less-breakable ornaments near the bottom of the tree, where Emma could reach, and the fragile, glass ones higher up. The final touch had been the angel at the top, which Dean had bought during his first year of college to make jokes that the angel was, in fact, Castiel. Cas did not appreciate those jokes, nor the fact that Dean kept the angel for the same purposes he had bought it for. 

Dean turned and lifted his daughter from her walker-type thing. Dean didn’t know what it was called, only that it held Emma when he couldn’t and she loved the thing. Cas said it was helping her learn to move on her own. 

The door opened suddenly to admit Sam, who was wearing a Santa hat and accompanied by a pretty blonde girl who was almost as tall as Dean. 

“Dean! You put the tree up!” Sam exclaimed.

“That I did, little brother. Who’s this?”

Sam grinned. “Dean, this is my friend Jess. Jess, my brother Dean, and my niece, Emma.”

Jess waved cheerily. “It’s so nice to meet you, Sam’s told me so much about the two of you.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, same to you. Alrighty, are we headed out, then?”

“Yeah. Jess and I drove her car straight here from Topeka, so we can either take your car or hers.”

“Sam, please.”

“The Impala it is, then. Are we picking up Cas?”

Dean nodded, and then frowned. “Shit, Dad too. I don’t think there’s enough room.”

Sam shrugged. “Me and Jess could sit with Emma, and the front’s just barely big enough for 3 people.”

Dean wrinkled his nose distastefully. “It’s a long drive, Sam.”

“To Kansas City? It’s not even 40 miles.”

Dean huffed. That was 40 miles squished beside either Cas or his father. On one hand, Cas that close for that long would be pure torture, but Dean wasn’t entirely sure he was comfortable enough with his father yet to be squished beside him. Stupid Sam insisting on sitting in the back with his girlfriend. Sam had gone to great lengths to make sure Dean understood that he and Jess were  _ not  _ dating, but he’d been referring to Dean and Cas as boyfriends for years, so Dean was interested in a little payback.

Dean shifted Emma to his hip, and she immediately started bouncing up and down. She’d been doing that quite a bit lately, so Dean was used to it. He followed Sam and Jess back out the door and down to the parking lot. They piled in, Sam entertaining Emma and Jess watching them fondly.  

Cas was waiting on a bench outside Lawrence Elementary when the Impala rolled up. He slid into the front seat. “Hello, Dean, Emma. Sam.”

“Hey, Cas. This is Jess, by the way, I told you she was coming,” Sam introduced.

Cas turned and nodded. “You did. Hello, Jessica.”

“Hi.”

“Cas,” Dean started awkwardly, “we’re picking Dad up, too, so you're gonna have to scoot over.”

Cas frowned. “I was unaware your father was joining us this year.”   


Dean clenched his hands around the steering wheel and fixed his eyes on the road in front of him. “Yeah, well, it’s Christmas. Besides, he’s the reason we even have this tradition.”

“Really?” Sam asked from the back.

“Yeah. When I was like, three, we just packed up one day and headed out to KC for the festival, and I suggested it to Bobby and Ellen one year, and here we are.”

“Huh.”

They rode the rest of the way to John Winchester’s small apartment in silence. Cas opted to knock on the door and retrieve the eldest Winchester. 

They all piled in, Cas squished between the Winchesters but not torturously so- it was not as bad as Dean had been expecting, largely thanks to Jessica, who started a heated discussion about how best to eat pancakes. 

“No, Sam, your opinion does  _ not  _ matter because you're all health conscious or whatever, you won’t even put butter on your rolls!”

“Dean, you drown your pancakes in  _ everything _ .”

“Oh yeah, what’s everything?”

“Everything! Butter, syrup, whipped cream, powdered sugar, berry sauce, regular berries,  _ everything. _ ”

“Sam, why won’t you let me live my life.”

“Is no one going to factor in chocolate chips?” Cas added.

“If you people don’t put chocolate chips in your pancakes, I’m gonna tuck and roll,” Jess threatened.

“OhmyGod,  _ yes. _ ”

“Even I put chocolate chips in my pancakes, are you kidding me?”

John shook his head. “Finally something the two of you can agree on.”

“Hey, you’d be surprised.”

Cas scoffed. “Surprised at how many things you fight about, you mean. I can count the number of things you and Sam agree on on one hand.”

“Prove it.”

“Chocolate chips, leaves are there to make piles out of them, cat lovers are sissies, and Shakespeare meant for all of his plays to be jokes.”

Neither brother said anything to affirm or deny the claim. Jess cracked up.

When they arrived at the Kansas City Christmas Parade, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo were already there waiting. 

“What took you guys so long?” Jo jabbed.

Dean pulled out his phone and checked the time. 10:30 exactly. “Excuse me Joanna, but it’s 10:30 on the nose. Why’d you get here so early?”   


“To make you feel late.”

“Typical. I’m never late.”

“Not yet, Winchester.”

Emma had fallen asleep on the drive to the parade, but the car stopping and the extraction from her car seat had awoken her, and she was making it her goal to wake everyone else up, too. Cas bounced her gently and murmured soothing words to her. Eventually she calmed and accepted the fact that she was awake, and Ellen snatched her. Cas looked at Dean and threw up his arms in exasperation. 

They made their way to the park, where all the good stuff was. They rarely took place in the actual parade, as it was just standing around for an obscene amount of time for a short line of celebration. The actual festival was much more enjoyable. There were games, and booths, and, most importantly, food. 

They split in half, Sam, Jess, Ellen, and Jo going straight for the games, and Dean, Cas, John, Emma, and Bobby heading for the food. Emma was getting a little big for her harness, but she was still attached to Dean for the time being, though she was facing away from him. Cas was feeding her pudding. 

After the five of them had been fed, Bobby struck up a conversation with John about his time in the military. 

“Nah, the most difficult part about the whole thing was boot camp. They’d wake you up at 5:30 in the morning and if you weren’t ready to run a few miles by 5:15, you got to scrub the floors. That included your bed being made so tightly you could bounce a quarter on it.”

Dean wrinkled his nose. “That sounds pretty harsh.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “If you were in shape, it wouldn’t be that bad.”

“No coffee, Cas.”

The blood fell from Cas’ face, and even Emma had a good laugh at him.

“Was there really no coffee?” 

John shrugged. “Sure, after a three to five mile run and the obstacle course.”

Dean cracked up even more at Cas’ horrified expression. “You wouldn’t last a day.”

“Like you would.”

“Yeah, I would.”

Dean and Cas bickered over the point for several more minutes until Bobby interrupted. “Sorry, Cas, but you’ve been drinking coffee since you were 8 years old, I haven’t seen you go a day without it and be able to do anything.”

Cas glared at all of them but did not argue, since he knew they were right. 

John chuckled a bit, shaking his head. “Cas, you have any siblings?”

Cas nodded. “Thr- two. Two older siblings, Gabe and Anna.”

“Gabriel,” Dean muttered darkly.

John raised an eyebrow. “What’s your beef with him?”

“Everything.”

Cas and Bobby each rolled their eyes. “He only-”

“Do not say he  _ only _ pushed me out of a tree, because that is a good reason to hate someone and not even the only thing.”

“What else is there, then, boy? Sure he was a prankster, but-”

“Don’t even, Bobby.”

John continued his questioning of Cas. “Do you get along with them, or is it more like Sam and Dean’s relationship?”

“Dad, that’s how siblings are supposed to act.”

“I didn’t ask you.”

Cas sighed. “My siblings and I were not close until we all moved away from our mother.”

Bobby snorted. “There was no room for gettin’ along in that house with that woman.”

John tapped the table for a moment before asking his next question. “Forgive me if this is rude, but what exactly is it about her that caused you to panic that one night?”

Cas glanced at Dean as if asking his advice on whether or not John was trustworthy enough to be told. Dean shrugged. It was Cas’ story.

Cas sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “My mother… is very religious. My father was not, and he left shortly after my younger brother was born. My mother turned the family into a chain of command. She tried and failed to control Gabriel, Gabriel was to control Anna, Anna was to control me, and I to control Samandriel, with her giving all the orders. Mother didn’t like Dean or approve of our friendship, and it fell on Anna to end it, but she wouldn’t and couldn’t, so she told mother that she would simply monitor us.”

“Funny, because that’s how I became friends with Anna,” Dean remarked.

Cas nodded. “My siblings and I looked out for one another, but were not truly close. Samandriel was five years younger than Dean and I, so when we went to college, he was left alone with Mother. I was unaware of how hard it was for him on his own, we all were. Eventually, he… couldn’t stand her anymore.”

“He ran away?” John guessed.

“No,” Castiel answered shortly. 

“Oh,” breathed John, understanding.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. “My mother blamed me. I blame her, and we didn’t see each other again until a few months ago.”

John nodded and changed the subject again, but Dean reached out and interlocked his fingers with his friend’s. Cas squeezed his hand appreciatively. 

Eventually the rest of their group turned up, exhausted. Jo was grinning. 

“Guess who won at darts?” she taunted. Everyone else groaned.

“She cheats,” Sam accused, taking a seat between Dean and Cas and forcing their hands apart. “She always cheats.”

“Yeah, maybe, or you're just bad at darts,” Jo shot back. 

Ellen rolled her eyes. “Alright, who’s house are we doing Christmas at this year?”

Dean and Cas leaned behind Sam and engaged in a quick match of rock, paper, scissors, which Cas won. Cas then faced Ellen and lost, which meant they would be hosting that year. 

Dean sighed. “Alright, Christmas Eve, you people get drunk and pass out on the floor, Sammy, Jo, since you're not legal yet, you get to be on baby duty.”

Sam pouted but accepted his fate. 

The group talked for a while longer before the Winchesters and Cas decided to make their way to the variety of games the festival boasted. Jess opted to stay behind with Jo and chat. 

The first game Dean insisted on was where you threw balls at stuffed clowns, and he only chose it to annoy Sam. Dean hit every clown but one, Sam only knocked down a few, Cas got a little over half, but John took the cake by hitting every single one with time to spare. He won a giant pink sparkly unicorn, which he gifted to Emma. It was twice her size, and her tiny hands couldn’t even grab it. Cas caught it before it could hit the ground and tucked it under his arm. 

On the way back to Lawrence, Sam and Jess switched cars, so Dean and John were spaced comfortably apart in the front seat of the Impala while Cas and Emma slept in the back. 

“Son,” John began about 20 minutes into the drive, “I wanna thank you for giving me another chance.”

Dean glanced at his father briefly. He hadn’t quite come to a decision on how he felt about the man quite yet, but had no reason to regret anything yet. “I… yeah. It was a long time ago, and we’re family.”

John nodded. “I also wanna let you know that I regret… everything. And I’m sorry.”

Dean took a deep breath. “I  know.”

John seemed to hesitate. “Does everyone… know what happened?"

Dean shook his head. “Just me, Sam, and Cas.”

“You two sure are close.”

“Cas and I?”   


“Yeah. Seems like you're closer with him than with your brother, sometimes.”

“Nah, Sam’s just away all the time. I know that kid better than I know myself, but me and Cas have lived together for, like, six years, and he’s been like my brother for… 16 years. Even when we were kids, he was within shouting distance almost all the time.”

John raised an eyebrow. “Like a brother?”

“Shut up.”

He laughed. “It really looks like you’ve made a nice life for yourself here, Dean.”

Dean smiled to himself. “Yeah. It’s not perfect, but I can’t complain,” he agreed, glancing at Cas and Emma in the back. 

* * *

 

Castiel, as usual, was behind on his Christmas shopping, in that he hadn't done any of it. Emma was in her stroller, happily whacking away at her tray and chewing on a rubber dinosaur. She was teething, and therefore permanently cranky. They were at the mall on December 22nd, and Cas had purchased 2 Christmas presents out of thirteen. He’d gotten Starbucks giftcards for his boss and John Winchester, and that was it. 

He was in a toy store to locate gifts for his daughter and Jack when his phone rang. It was Jo. She spoke before he had the chance to greet her.

“Cas! Lemme guess: Christmas shopping?”

He huffed. “Perhaps.”

“Hah! What are you getting me?”

“Isn’t the point of gift giving that it’s supposed to be a surprise?”   


“Party pooper. Are you getting John anything? Cuz if you are, then we all have to, and I get he’s Sam and Dean’s dad, but I’m not sure if we know him well enough.”

“I got him the same present I got my boss.”

“Okay, see, that doesn’t help me because my boss is my mother.”

“Just get him something casual. But not a giftcard, because I already did that.”

“Damnit, Cas. Alright, I’ll get him like a picture frame or something, Sam and I were at his place for breakfast the other day and it’s so bare. Bye, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Jo.”

Castiel hung up and looked down at his daughter. “Your aunt is something else, Emma.”

Emma screeched at him. Cas wasn’t sure if she was happy or angry.

He ended up buying Jack a tiny sailor hat, since he was apparently named after a Captain of some sort, and Emma a book with tabs that she could pull out on her own. He finished his shopping for the rest of the family before returning home, where Dean was sitting on the couch with his feet up. It was rare for Castiel to see him at home, and it was a nice sight. He was glad Bobby had decided to close the shop until after the new year, because it meant Dean would only be working at the Roadhouse for while.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel announced himself.

Dean looked up from his book. “‘Sup, Cas. How’s Emma?”

“I’m not sure, all she does is screech. She may be happy or she may be angry.”

Emma screeched again. Dean raised his eyebrows.

“I think she’s just screeching for the heck of it.”

Castiel sighed. “Naturally.” He lifted Emma out of her stroller and deposited her in her father’s lap. He took his shopping into his room and placed each gift in a separate box of some sort before taping them all shut and placing the ones he didn’t have to mail under the tree.

“You aren’t going to wrap those?” Dean teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Castiel glared. “You and I both know how that attempt would end.”

The last time Castiel had tried to wrap gifts, he might as well have not put anything in a box at all, as each present simply looked like a ball of brightly colored paper. Dean’s presents, meanwhile, were practically professional.

Speaking of, Castiel noticed there were no presents from Dean under the tree. The other members of the family had come and dropped theirs off, at least the ones they were giving to each other, but Dean hadn’t gotten any yet.

“Dean,” Castiel started, “please tell me you’ve done your Christmas shopping.”

“Eh, I’ll get around to it.”

“Dean. Christmas is in three days.”

Dean shrugged. 

Castiel dropped his face into his hand. “Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” Dean stood, scooping Emma up and placing her in her walker. “I only have to get, like, 10 things.”

“Go.”

“You're so nice to me, Cas,” Dean said, closing the door behind him. 

Castiel sighed. 

“Bapa?”

He smiled. Emma referring to him as her papa would never stop being the best sound in the world. “Yes, Emma?”

Emma screeched and threw her dinosaur at him.

* * *

 

Christmas morning dawned on a Thursday. Children woke at ungodly hours, shaking their parents awake and begging them,  _ come look, come look, Santa came! _ Stocking were stuffed full of goodies, and trees twinkled with bright lights and colorful decorations.

And then, there was the apartment of Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak. The counters were littered with a variety of different bottles of alcohol. The tree was up and twinkling, but there were no stockings, because there was no fireplace. Seven fully grown adults were scattered across the living room floor, passed out. Two babies cried, and Sam Winchester and Jo Harvelle did what they could to calm them, but their noise woke their parents and grandparents nonetheless.

“Unnnnnh,” Dean Winchester moaned, flinging an arm over his eyes. The movement woke Castiel Novak, whose body was being used as a pillow by both Dean and Charlie Bradbury. His struggling to sit up woke Charlie, who was also being used as a pillow by her wife, Dorothy Bradbury. Dorothy kicked John Winchester on accident, and John’s movements sent a bottle across the room and hit Ellen Harvelle-Singer, who smacked Bobby Singer in the face in order to wake him. Sam and Jo nearly wept in relief. The two 20-year-olds knew nothing about how to take care of two infants, and could finally pass their burden to the children’s parents.

7 hangovers could not stop Christmas, and within minutes Alka-Seltzer and Advil was distributed, and the gift exchange began. 

“Alright, youngest first.”

“Is that Jack or Emma?”

“Jack.”

Jack and Emma were not terribly interested in their gifts, which was expected. Sam was next, and then Jo, and then Dean. After Dean was Charlie, then Cas, then Dorothy, Ellen, John, Bobby. 

Eventually all but Castiel and the Winchesters left, presumably to sleep. Cas watched in amusement, bouncing Emma on his knee, as John attempted to teach his sons how to make music with glass bottles. 

“No, Sam, your mouth is too far away, and Dean, you're blowing too much into it, you gotta just…  _ no. _ ”

Cas smiled and held out a hand for a bottle. Dean handed his over, and scoffed when Cas did it on the first try. Eventually the brothers were able to do it as well, and only then did they begin to clean up the mess created by the day's festivities. 

“Dad,” Sam asked tentatively as they stuffed wrapping paper into a garbage bag, “what, uh… what was Mom like?”

Dean and Cas whipped their heads up for the answer.

John smiled a little sadly. “She loved Christmas. November 1st, every single year, it was like we’d moved into a different house, she went so crazy with decorating.” Sam and Dean grinned hugely. 

John stayed the whole day, telling his sons everything he remembered about their mother. Castiel listened too, smiling at every similarity he heard between Mary Winchester and her sons, and even his own daughter. 

Outside it snowed, big fat flakes falling from the skies, and the Winchesters began to be a family again.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rereading the story and I realized that I wrote Dean and Cas' relationship kind of exactly like my relationship with my best friend yikes probably best not to think about that too much.


	12. Fall Down, Stand Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Still don't know how I'm going to post this but there will probably be a little bit of a break before the next chapter, because I kinda want to get the next few set up before I post anything else. Enjoy!

New Year’s, fortunately, was not a repeat of Christmas Eve. It was spent at Bobby and Ellen’s house, with the exact same crowd that had celebrated Christmas together not a week previously, plus Jess, Benny, Rufus, Garth, and Ash. There wasn’t a drop of alcohol to be seen, mainly because Sam and Jo had flat out refused to be on baby duty again. 

It was a very chilled-out evening, just friends hanging out, watching TV, and eating. Rufus was out by 10 o'clock. Jack and Emma had had naps late that day, so they were crawling about, causing havoc. 

Jo, after chugging an entire Diet Coke, decided to cause her own share of havoc, and turned to the Winchester brothers. “Alright, your turn. Arm wrestling.”

Sam and Dean looked at each other, eyebrows raised. They hadn’t arm wrestled since Sam was too little to possibly have any chance against his brother. 

But the crowd voiced their approval, so the brothers took seats across each other at the coffee table and grasped hands. Jo covered them with hers, which was tiny in comparison. “Okay, one… two… go!”

Dean started pushing on Sam, trying to get his wrist, at least, to fold back and give him the advantage, but Sam was pushing just as hard. Neither boy budged. 

Charlie frowned. “She said go, right?”

Dean gritted his teeth. “Oh, I  _ cannot _ lose to my little brother.”

Sam rose up onto his knees and threw more of his weight into the match. They sat, straining their muscles until everyone eventually lost interest. The Winchesters remained, still not having moved an inch.

“Dean,” Sam gritted out, “if nothing’s happened by now, nothing’s going to.”

Dean shook his head. “No, something’s gonna happen.”   


Sam sighed, exasperated, and Dean took his chance. He flicked Sam in the nose and pinned his arm to the table.

“Yes! I am victorious!”

“No, you're not, you tricked me!”

Dean winked. “Brains over brawn, Sammy. I got ‘em both.”

Sam rolled his eyes but dropped the subject, choosing instead to talk to Jessica. Cas, leaning against the counter next to Dean, shook his head.

“What?”

“The two of you. You always seem to have something to fight about.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not really fighting, just… banter. There’s a difference.”

“I’m aware, but I find it rather amusing.”

“I find your face amusing,” Dean retorted smartly as he walked away. Cas snorted in response.

"Jo, for the record, I won," Dean bragged.

Jo rolled her eyes. "I saw. Ooh, 10 minutes!"

By the time the midnight countdown came, everyone was gathered in the living room. As the time drew nearer and nearer with each passing second, Dean noticed Cas walking towards him. His breath caught.  _ 7...6...5… _ Was Cas coming to kiss him at midnight? Surely not…

_ 3… _

Cas was entirely focused on Dean, his expression serious.

_ 2… _

Dean’s heart was beating faster than a drum.

_ 1! _

Cas grabbed Dean’s arm. “Dean,” he panted, “I can’t find Emma.”

Every other thought flew out of Dean’s mind and he scanned the room, looking for his baby in someone’s arms, but she wasn’t there, nor was she clapping in the corner with Jack. Dean latched onto Cas for support. He couldn't seem to make his lungs work.

Everyone was still celebrating the year, but Dean raised his voice above theirs. “Woah, woah, woah. Does anyone have Emma?”

No one answered. Dean and Cas looked at each other and started searching the house. Eventually the entire group joined in, searching and shouting for Emma. Dean bounded his way upstairs and into his bedroom, where he did not find his daughter, but his father, sitting on his bed and staring longingly at a framed picture. 

“Dad?”

John looked up. “Sorry, son, I was looking for the baby and I just… came across this.” He held up an old photo of Jo’s 9th birthday. She was wearing a birthday crown and frowning at Dean, who was making a silly face. Sam and Cas were laughing, and the candles on the cake still blazed. 

“I… yeah, that was Jo’s birthday. We were singing Happy Birthday and I started being dumb and she got mad at me. Said her wish was that someone would loan me a brain.”

John chuckled lightly and then returned to being sad. 

Dean did not have time for this, he wanted to find his daughter, but he sighed and took another step into the room. “Dad, what’s wrong?”

“It’s just… I missed it all, and it’s my own damn fault. You boys are all grown up and don’t even need me at all.”

Dean didn’t know how to respond, especially since he knew John was right. “Hey, well… you didn’t miss Emma. I mean, she is currently missing, but she’s got a lot of growing up to do, and you’ll be there to see that, right?”

John smiled. “I suppose so.”

Suddenly Emma’s tiny hand appeared on top of the bed, and the little girl heaved herself up so Dean and John could see her. Dean sagged in relief and swept her up. “Emma, look at you, you just stood for the first time without anyone else’s help!”   


“What?” Cas groaned from the doorway. “I miss all the important things.”

Dean laughed. “Happy New Year, Cas.”

 

* * *

 

Break was over, and lunch recess found Castiel sitting at his desk, not doing too much, just sending a few emails to parents and eating his lunch, when a little girl stepped in nervously.

“Mr. Novak?” 

Cas looked up. “Hello, Krissy. Can I help you?”

“Um… well, it's cold outside and I don't have a jacket, so I was wondering if I could sit in here with you during recess.”

Castiel frowned. “Why don't you have a jacket?” 

Krissy shrugged. “Forgot.”

“Well, I suppose if you want to spend your recess in here, that's alright.”

Krissy smiled and hopped up on the desk in front of Castiel’s.

“Mr. Novak, who's your best friend?”

Cas put down his pen and pushed up his glasses. “His name is Dean.”

“Is he ever mean to you?”

Castiel furrowed his brows. “How do you mean?”

“I mean like does he ever say you look bad or that you're stupid or stuff like that?”

“I… no, I don't suppose he does. He likes to tease me, though.” Krissy nodded sadly and Castiel paused a moment. “Krissy, is someone being mean to you?”

“Well… Madison is s’pposed to be my BFF, but today she said I was so stupid for forgetting my coat and yesterday she said my coat made me look ugly.”

Castiel nodded slowly. “I see.”

“It just doesn't make me feel good.”

“Krissy, you don't have to stay ‘BFFs’, as you say, with Madison.”

“I know.”

Castiel made a post-it to alert the school counselors and Krissy and Madison’s parents about the bullying.

“Mr. Novak, do you have any kids?”

Cas hesitated before answering. “I… yes. Just one. Her name is Emma.”

“How old is she?”

“She's almost 10 months old.”

“Who's her mom?”

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck. “Um… well, she doesn't have a mom.”

“Oh, I don't have a mom either. She has one dad, just like me.”

“Well, actually, Emma has two dads, Krissy.”

“Ooooh. Who's her other dad?”

“Well, remember how I told you about my… my best friend?”

“Oh, so he's your best friend  _ and  _ your boyfriend?”

“No! No, but he's my roommate and Emma is his daughter, but I help take care of her.”

“Oh, I see Mr. Novak, you adopted her.”

“Yes.”

Krissy nodded knowingly. “You're blushing, though. Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?”

“Very sure.”

“Mmkay.”

The recess bell rang and Krissy hopped off the desk and headed towards her own. Castiel ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He had an email to write. 

 

* * *

 

It was a slow night at the Roadhouse, but then, Tuesdays were slow everywhere. It was early yet, and Benny was leaning against the bar, chatting with Jo. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept. Last night had been New Year’s Eve, and he’s been slammed at work the night before that, and before that…

It had been a while. 

So Dean was grateful for a slow Tuesday, even if he would have preferred to be asleep. As it was, he was just going through the motions tonight. He was so tired he could just fall…

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel was asleep when his phone began buzzing on the nightstand. Thankfully, Emma did not stir. Castiel snuck into the hall and answered the call.

“Jo, why are you calling me at 11 P.M.?”

“Dean’s in the hospital.”

“What?” Castiel jumped and toppled into the door, which did wake Emma. He righted himself and rushed to quiet her. 

Jo sighed. “Yeah. I guess he hasn’t slept in too long, and he just passed out and wouldn’t wake up, so Benny took him to the hospital. You should head over there.”

“I’m already on my way, Jo.” It was true. Cas had Emma, Dean’s insurance information, and a diaper bag ready to go. 

“Alright. Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Jo.” Castiel hung up and headed out the door, rushing down the stairs and strapping Emma into the car in a matter of seconds. On the way to the hospital, he ranted to her.

“He has no self-preservation instincts, Emma, none. Sure, he can fight, but even then his objective is never to protect himself. No consideration whatsoever of consequences,  _ none. _ ”

When Castiel and Emma finally got to the hospital, they found Benny waiting for them. 

“Here, let me see the pipsqueak, you go yell.”

“He’s awake?” Castiel asked, handing over Emma and the diaper bag.

“Yep, but the doctors are putting him back under soon.”

“Okay. Thank you, Benny.”

Castiel spoke briefly with the doctor and handed him Dean's insurance before storming into Dean’s hospital room. Dean winced. Cas stopped and folded his arms, glaring at him.

“Um. Hey, Cas.”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Dean. I want you to know that it is taking quite a bit of willpower not to scream at you right at this moment. It might be beneficial for the both of us if you were wise enough to shut up.”

Dean nodded mutely.

Cas began pacing, and though he _was_ trying not to yell, he was not exactly quiet, his tone not exactly soft. “Dean, I told you. I told you countless times that your reckless, stupid, arrogant stubbornness would land you here, and you didn’t listen. You never listen, and you never ask for help. You hardly ever even accept help when it’s shoved under your nose, and while it was no more than a mere annoyance for the majority of our lives, you have to think of Emma now, and you have to accept that you cannot do everything for her, no one can. You're not alone, Dean, but you continue to go along as if you were. It’s not what’s best for Emma, and it’s not what’s best for you.”

Dean said nothing. Cas plopped into a chair and stared at him expectantly.

“Cas, I have to keep doing this. For now, at least.”

Before Cas got another chance to scream at him, the nurses came in and ushered him out.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean was asleep for 36 hours, just barely enough time for Cas to have calmed down. Emma had been left with Dorothy while Cas had been at work. Finally, Dean arrived home, where Cas and Emma were waiting for him. 

Cas was sitting on the living room floor, and Emma was standing, helped only by her grip on Castiel’s fingers. Dean entered silently and observed for a moment. 

“Hey, baby girl.”

Emma turned and looked at him. She gasped. “Da-ddy!”

Dean grinned, and Emma let go of Cas and attempted to run for her father, but she didn’t even make it a step when she tripped. Cas caught her stomach and held her up to Dean, who was more than happy to take her.

“Emma, did you just say my name?”

“Daaaaa-ddy.”

“Yeah, that’s right, and who’s that?” Dean asked, pointing at Cas.

“Bapa!”

“You're so smart, Emma. I love you so much.”

“Da-ddy.”

Dean grinned and looked down at Cas, still seated on the ground. He offered him a hand and he took it. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve changed your mind?”

Dean sighed. “Not a chance, Cas. 


	13. Two Sided Coin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, it's been a couple weeks, I've only gotten this one chapter done, finals are coming and I have not done any of the things I am supposed to do. Yay! Enjoy!

“Come on, Emma, I know you can do this. Just let go.”

Emma refused to release her iron-tight grip on Dean’s thumbs. It had been almost a month since she'd first started trying to stand all by herself, and according to Google, she should have been doing it by now. 

“Emma, I know you have some muscle in those chunky legs. You can do it, you can stand.”

“Knock, knock!” Charlie called from the living room. 

Dean sighed and scooped Emma up, carrying her to the living room. Another day. “Hey, Charlie. You look… different. Are you taller?”

Charlie stared at him. “I honestly can't tell if you're joking or not.”

“Ah… new jacket?” Dean guessed. 

Charlie blinked. “Dean, I cut, like, 7 inches off my hair.”

“Oh! Right, I see that. I like it.” Emma smacked herself in the forehead. Dean was not appreciating this new attitude of hers. 

“Mmhmm. Dean, I think we need to have a chat.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Like I would ever give up your hot ass. Nah, I wanted to talk about Cas.”

“Planning on asking him to be your Valentine?”

“No, but you're getting warmer. Dean, I know we all joke pretty much all the time, but I’m serious now.”

Dean frowned. “Charlie, if you're about to say what I think you're about to say, you better not say it.” Dean shifted Emma on his hip and tried to set her down so she would stand, but she whined and clutched fiercely at his hands, so he continued holding her. 

“No, okay, listen to me. We haven’t known each other very long, but-”

“It’s been almost a year, Charlie.”

“Holy  _ shit,  _ I keep forgetting. Time flies, huh? Anyway, in the long, long time I have known you and Cas, you’ve been, like, really gay.”

“ _ Charlie. _ ”

“I’m sorry, I’m trying to be delicate! Just- sit down, we’re chatting.”

Dean sighed but complied. He was not in the mood to talk about this, like, ever, because he never seemed to be able to deny anything, and even if he tried, his friends and family always saw right through him. Emma squirmed and Dean set her down to crawl about as Charlie interrogated him. 

Charlie sat across from Dean on the couch and began her spiel. “Dean, this isn’t really any of my business, but I care about you, and Cas, and Emma, and I don’t know, but you seem just a tad emotionally repressed to me.”

“A tad?”   


“Just a tad, the both of you, and it’s hurting not only your friendship, but Emma, too. I just think you need to get your head out of your ass and… do something.”

Dean glared at her. “Why are you yelling at me, why not Cas?”

Charlie ignored his question. “Dean, if everyone in your immediate vicinity says the same thing over and over for  _ years,  _ maybe you should listen, that’s all I’m saying.”

Dean swallowed uncomfortably. Charlie just… she didn’t understand. “But I mean, it’s Cas, and what if you're all wrong and he doesn’t…”  
“Come on, Dean, it’s Cas. You really think he’ll hold that against you?”

Dean drew his knees to his chest and hugged them there. “I don’t know, Charlie.”

“Yeah, well, think about it, and no pressure, but if you don’t I’ll be forced to engage in shenanigans.”

“And I know how much you hate those.”

“I’m stealing your baby, Jack is asking for her.”

“Everyone steals her, go ahead.”

“Emma, do you want to play with Jack?”

“J-jjjjjj.”

“That’s okay, it’s hard to say, let’s just go.”

Charlie took Emma and left, leaving Dean with his thoughts, and heavy thoughts they were. He’d felt… that way about Cas for forever, longer than he even knew, and sure, he’d hoped that Cas could maybe possibly feel the same way, but really, the odds were slim. Dean, before Emma, had been basically just the worst. He slept with random women all the time, he drank entirely too much, he was lazy, and like Charlie said, emotionally repressed. In no universe would anyone feel for him the way he felt for Cas, not then.

Even now, Dean wasn’t much of a catch. He smelled like baby powder and baby formula and shit, he was cranky most of the time because he hadn’t had sex in over a year, his longest drought since he was a virgin, and even with those things aside, he was never home at the same time as Cas was, so how could one even begin to presume that anyone, especially Cas, could like him, even love him?

But then again, Charlie was right. How would he ever know if he never bothered to find out? Life was all about risks and shit like that. Plus, if there was anyone you could trust to not be weird about crap like this, it was Cas. 

Dean couldn’t believe he was actually considering this, for Christ’s sake. What would he even say, what would he even do?

Dean groaned and knew his mind was made up, one way or the other.

 

* * *

 

Castiel was ambushed just as he was about to go home for the day. Meg Masters, the school nurse, swung into his classroom casually.

Castiel paused in his packing up. “Hello, Nurse Meg.”

“Mr. Novak. Castiel,” she greeted,

Castiel hesitated for only a moment. “Can I help you with something?”

Meg grinned. “Actually, yes. You can help me eat dinner some time, have a few drinks.”

Castiel felt his face redden. He was not accustomed to being asked out, and Meg… well, suffice to say that Meg was not exactly his type.

Anna had once said she didn’t think Cas had a type, just Dean, and well, really, she had a point.

“I… what?” Cas said, brilliantly. 

“You know. Like a date.” Castiel was a little taken aback at Meg’s confidence. It was… refreshing, to be totally sure of what someone wanted of you.

“I don’t suppose I’d be totally opposed to… to the notion,” Castiel agreed carefully. 

Meg’s grin, if possible, grew. “Wonderful.” She stepped forward and slipped something into the pocket of Castiel’s shirt. “Ring me up later. If you don’t, I will.”

“I… suppose I will.”

Meg winked and walked out of the room casually. Cas watched her go, dumb-struck. He wasn’t sure what he’d just done. He didn’t even really  _ like  _ Meg, at all. 

On the other hand, he was sure staying a stasis of having feelings for Dean and not acting on them was unhealthy. Perhaps going on a date with Meg would be a good thing, help him move on from someone he would never have a chance with.

Castiel pulled the slip of paper, which read only a phone number and a winky face. Cas put it back in his pocket, mind made up but heart heavy.

 

* * *

 

Dean was still attempting to get Emma to stand when Cas came home. He didn’t have to be at the garage until four and was determined to see his daughter stand before he left. Emma, however, seemed determined to thwart him.

“Hey, Cas. Still no luck.” Dean found himself just barely able to speak to Cas, his nerves were so jumbled. He was gonna do it, he was gonna tell him.

Cas sighed. “Of course.”

Dean managed to glance over at him. He was holding a slip of paper and was typing something into his phone. “Whatcha doin?”

Cas looked up sharply, and he hesitated before answering. “I… the school nurse… asked me out today. For a date. I’m calling her.”

Dean’s heart sank. Of course. What was he thinking? How could he be so stupid, so hopeful? Charlie was wrong.  _ All _ of them were wrong. 

“So you're- you're going on a date with her?”

“Yes.”

Dean let go of Emma and she plopped on the ground angrily. 

“That’s- that’s pretty big, man. Christ, I can’t even remember the last time you went on a date.”

Cas nodded distractedly and put his phone to his ear. “Hello, Meg,” he greeted. He walked into his room and shut the door without so much as a glance at Dean. Dean could only watch him walk off, his eyes welling with tears. Stupid tears, really. If he hadn’t gotten his hopes up-

“Da-ddy.”

Dean looked up, and there was Emma, standing! Dean grinned and wiped away his tears.

“Look at you, such a big girl!”

Emma opened her arms and fell into her father. A hug. Dean wrapped his arms around her tiny body and let a single tear fall into her fuzzy hair. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Won't Say I'm In-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus, I suck at this whole posting thing. I need to get it together. To be honest, the only reason this is even done is because I'm avoiding homework, but in my defense, I can't stand second-hand embarrassment. It's my kryptonite. And this chapter is full of it. I can barely even read this kind of shit and here I am, writing it. I'm a mess.

Dean plucked at a loose thread in his sweatpants with one hand and gripped his phone with the other. Emma was asleep in her crib, and immediately after putting her down Dean had sat himself against the wall and dialed Sam.

“So, Cas has a date?”

Dean closed his eyes and banged his head back against the wall. “Yes, Sam, I think I covered that about 13 times.”

“Just clarifying. Are you… okay?”

Dean sighed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dean. Come on. You're not fooling anyone.”

“It’s fine, Sam. He can do whatever he wants, doesn’t matter to me.”

“Mhm. Then why are you calling me about it?”

“You know I just… figured I should keep you posted about general… happenings. Gossip and stuff.”

“Dean, I had to learn from Ellen that Emma could stand, or _talk_.”

“I was gonna tell you about that next.”

“Right. So if you were, hypothetically, bothered by Cas going on a date, then would your hypothetical discomfort perhaps inspire you to pursue a hypothetical romantic interest?”

Dean rolled his eyes but knew he couldn’t lie to Sam. “Well, Sam, I think in this hypothetical situation said pursuit of hypothetical romantic interests was already under consideration until this unforeseen turn of events.”

“Oh, shit. Seriously?”

“Hypothetically.”

“Oh, man. Oh, Dean, just because Cas is going on a date doesn’t mean-”

“I gotta go, Sam, Emma just woke up.”

“De-”

Dean hung up the phone and tossed it onto his bed. Emma was still sound asleep, and he lifted himself off the ground and padded into the kitchen. It was barely past noon, and already Dean was exhausted. At least he wouldn’t have work except for the Roadhouse, as he’d taken a day off at the garage so Cas could go on his stupid date. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d done that, looking back.

Dean wished more than anything that he could just lay down and take a nap, but the entire apartment was a mess, and he set himself to the task of tidying it. As he was cleaning up a patch of spilled baby food, there was a soft knock at the door before whoever was there opened it and came in before he had a chance to respond.

Dean looked up, and there was Dorothy and Jack. “Hey, Dean.”

“Hi Dorothy. Emma’s asleep right now, what’s up?”

“Charlie told me about your conversation with her yesterday, and about Cas’ plans for tonight.”

Dean sighed. “Before you say anything, I’m fine.”

Dorothy raised an eyebrow and took in his messy hair, too-large socks, sweatpants and lack of a shirt. “I’m sure. I just wanted to tell you that this doesn’t change my opinion on Cas’ feelings.”

“Why not?” Dean exclaimed. “If he really felt the way everyone seems to think he does, _why_ -”

“I don’t know, Dean, maybe somehow he convinced himself that you _didn’t_ feel the same way. It’s not a hard leap to make, you never fucking show your emotions for anyone but your daughter.”

Dean blinked. “Okay, first, language, and second, that’s not fair, most people would tell you that I like Sam okay.”

Dorothy’s expression went flat and Dean gulped. “The point is, I know for a fact that Cas _shows_ more affection than you, which is still not a lot.”

Dean said nothing, and Dorothy got the hint and walked out with a huff.

* * *

 

Dean knelt in front of the bars of Emma’s crib. She was playing with a stuffed monster truck, not caring about the monologue pouring from her father’s mouth.

“Emma, everyone just keeps yelling at me, and I’m pretty sure 0 of them have yelled at Cas. I mean, if they’re right, which they all think they are, then _he’s_ the one being stupid, right? I mean if they all think Cas likes me and _he’s_ the one on a stupid date and _I’m_ overreacting because they all think it doesn’t mean anything, _why aren’t they telling Cas going on a stupid date is stupid._ Why are they all talking to me? What am I going to do about it? I’m not going to stop him from going on the stupid date, what kind of friend or person would I be if I did? No. Maybe they have the same logic, they think the stupid date is stupid but don’t want to say anything because they don’t want to be bad friends so they want me to do it. Well, I’m not gonna.”

Emma said nothing, predictably. Dean sighed.

“My drama is probably doing something to screw up your development or something.”

“What drama?”

Dean turned and saw Cas poking his head in the doorway, looking confused as always.

Dean groaned and flopped dramatically backwards. Cas stepped in the room so he could frown down at him.

“Dean? What drama? And where is your shirt?”

“What _isn’t_ drama at this point? Also, why do I need a shirt? Not like I’m going anywhere for a while. I doubt Emma cares. Do you care? You shouldn’t, unless you see something you like.” Dean grinned wickedly.

Cas frowned deeper. “No I do not care, and I’m going to need you to be more specific about your drama.”

Dean covered his face with his hands and groaned for a good minute.

“...Dean, have you been watching _Titanic?_ ”

Truthfully, he had not. He’d been watching _The Princess Bride._ But _Titanic_ seemed more likely to put him in his current mood.

“They were in love, Cas!” Dean exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air.

“Dean, they hardly knew each other.”

“That doesn’t matter when you're _soulmates.”_

Cas rolled his eyes and walked out of the room.

“Hey, when’s your s- your date thing?” Dean shouted after him, getting to his feet and grabbing a shirt.

“7.”

“Cool.” Dean’s voice was muffled as he pulled his shirt over his head. He headed into the kitchen, stretching. Cas was making coffee, shocker.

“I, um. Thought you didn’t need a shirt?”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t want you all hot and bothered before your big date.”

“I’m more bothered by that smell than anything else. When was the last time you did laundry?”

“Yesterday. Though this was under the bed. Has probably been there since before Emma.”

“You're disgusting.”

“Noted.”

Cas rolled his eyes and took his coffee into the living room. Dean went to sit next to him, but Cas pointed towards Dean’s room as he sipped his coffee. Dean rolled his eyes but obeyed, changing his shirt and retrieving Emma.

Cas had already finished his coffee when Dean came out with the baby.

“Seriously? You know, I read somewhere that if you drink too much coffee, your heart will beat so fast it’ll explode,” Dean warned.

“Since when have you read anything? Besides, this is only the third cup today, one 8 hours ago and the other 4. And I highly doubt that’s true.”

“Sure, but don't call me for help when you blow up.”

Cas rolled his eyes, and for an awkward two minutes neither of them said a word. Dean played with Emma’s hair while Castiel tapped his fingers nervously.

Cas coughed and looked at his watch. “I should- I should probably shower.”

Dean nodded. “Nice. Good plan.”

“Right.” Cas stood, and seemed to hesitate for a second before shaking his head and walking out. Dean sighed heavily and stared blankly at his daughter.

“I’m a mess, Emma. How did you let this happen?” Emma sucked on index finger for a few seconds before trying to shove it into Dean’s mouth. He dodged. “That’s disgusting. You heathen. I’m donating you to the zoo, I’m sure they’ll appreciate you in the monkey section.” Emma giggled, and Dean kissed her nose. “Honey, I love you, but all this slobber might be a deal breaker.”

* * *

 

Cas slammed the door when he walked back in at 9:45 that night. Dean was laying on the couch watching _Pawn Stars,_ Emma snoring softly on his chest. Thankfully, Cas’ dramatic entrance didn’t wake her.

“Uh. Hi, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean cleared his throat. Clearly, Cas’ date had not gone well. “How was-”

“Don’t even ask.”

“Oh. So no good, huh?”

“ _She_ thought it went good, but she’s pretty much a terrible person. We talked about work, and she complained for a good 20 minutes about how much she wanted to strangle every kid that walked into her office. And I told her about Emma, and she apologized. I feel sorry for _her._ ”

Dean blinked. He didn’t quite know how to respond to that. All of his brainpower was directed towards not grinning. That would not be good.

Cas looked up at him expectantly, but Dean just couldn’t figure out what exactly he was supposed to say. “Uh… sorry?”

Cas narrowed his eyes and Dean gulped. “You don’t sound very sorry.”

“Ah…”

Cas huffed and stood, making towards his room, but Dean reached out and grabbed his wrist. He couldn’t move very much, but he tilted his head back against the arm of the couch to look at Cas. “Wait, Cas, really. I’m sorry, sorry you're upset.”

Cas sighed, looking back down at Dean. They held each other’s gaze until Cas nodded and gently pulled away from Dean’s grip and retreated to his room. Dean watched him go, blinking back tears, which was dumb. He’d been upset about the date happening, and now he was fucking _crying_ because it didn’t go well. He’d pay someone a penny to tell him his own thoughts at this point.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. Each Passing Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, we're halfway finished! ALso, who's proud of me, I wrote this chapter in two days!!!

Dean wasn’t going to cry.

He  _ wasn’t. _

Unless Cas cried, in which case it was all over. He was going to  _ sob.  _

Emma woke him up the day of her first birthday with no cries, but she was calling for him. “Da-ddy. Daaaaaddy. Da-ddy.”

Dean sat up, groaning. “Good morning, princess.”

“Daddy!”

Dean smiled and swung out of bed. He scooped his daughter into his arms. “Happy Birthday, baby. Let’s go see if Papa’s up.”

Dean set Emma down and she crawled right into Cas’ room. By the time Dean caught up to her, she was standing at the side of his bed and trying to pull herself up there. Dean chuckled and gave her a hand up, and Emma crawled right to Cas’ face. She poked at his cheek. “Bapa?”

Cas groaned. Emma flopped onto the bed, imitating Cas’ pose. “Bapa!”

Cas groaned louder, mashing his face into his pillow before propping himself up on his elbows. “Emma. Good morning.”

Emma smiled and squealed in delight. “Bapa!” 

“Yes, Emma, I’m awake, I promise,” Cas assured her as he sat up all the way and slid his glasses onto his face. Emma reached up and ripped them right off.

Cas looked at Dean hopelessly. Dean just laughed and picked Emma back up, plucking the glasses out of her hand and placing them on his own face.

“Dean.”

“Yes, Cas?”

“You look ridiculous.”

“Do I? Well,” he said, taking them off, “I know someone who’d look  _ fantastic  _ with these bad boys on.”

“It better be me.”

Dean balanced Cas’ glasses delicately on Emma’s nose. She giggled and pressed them against her eyes. Cas groaned. 

Dean smiled at his daughter and then gently took the glasses from her, tossing them onto Cas’ mattress. “Get movin’, Cas, people are gonna be here at noon.”

Dean and Emma marched out into the living room, where Sam was asleep on the couch. He was on spring break, but he was leaving tomorrow. Dean plopped Emma on Sam’s chest, and she pulled at his hair, which woke him up real quick. Dean left the two of them to bond while he got started on coffee and breakfast. Emma couldn’t really enjoy a good breakfast yet, but it was about the principal of the thing. Waffles were a  _ tradition.  _

Sam trudged in with his niece on his shoulders, Cas a few steps behind him. He had to stand on his toes to pull Emma down from Sam’s moose shoulders. Cas set Emma in her highchair and slumped in the adult chair next to her. Dean set a steaming cup of coffee in front of him and he perked up enough to drink it. Sam glared at Dean and got up to make his own damn coffee. Dean was already making him waffles. 

Since it was just the four of them, Dean only made six waffles. Emma used her four teeth to shred one half of a one and Dean made the mistake of giving her a bowl of strawberries and whipped cream. He was sure he’d be finding the stuff in weird crevices until the end of time.

Emma took a nap after breakfast and her parents and uncle took the time to decorate the apartment for her birthday party. They put up pink streamers and set out the cake, a simple white sheet cake, she was only one year old after all, and even put up a table for present.

In the weeks leading up, Cas had pointed out several times that Emma was too young to even recognize it was her birthday, or care, or even remember in the future. Dean pointed out that she deserved a special day because even if she didn’t remember, she would enjoy it in the moment and that was like saying they didn’t have to show her love until she would be able to know it, which convinced Cas. Besides, Dean had pointed out, he wanted Emma to be able to say she had a birthday party every year. They were going to be  _ good fucking parents. _

* * *

 

John arrived first, and Emma squealed with happiness when she saw him. She crawled at him as quickly as her little legs would go and bumped her head into his calf. John laughed and leaned down to pick her up, handing a brightly-wrapped gift to Sam. 

“Hello, Emma.”

Emma clapped her hands in delight.

Cas sighed. “She’s not going to get a second of sleep tonight.”

“What, all her favorite people in the same room playing with her all day plus new toys and cake? Nah, she’ll be out like a light.” Dean teased. Cas groaned and rested his forehead on Dean’s shoulder. Dean pat his head lightly.

Dean and Cas’ table was not nearly big enough to fit Emma, Sam, Jo, Dorothy, Charlie, Jack, Ellen, Bobby, John, and Gabriel, plus Dean and Cas themselves, but they managed anyway. Emma, of course, did not understand what was happening, but was fascinated enough by the fire of her single candle that she sat still while her family sang her ‘Happy Birthday’.

Dean was standing next to Cas, trying not to cry. When the song was over, he bent over and blew out Emma’s candle for her and began to slice the cake. No one was allowed to take a bite until Emma had smashed her tiny hands in the frosting and started stuffing. Cas could only watch in dismay as she made a bigger and bigger mess. 

After dishing out cake, Dean found himself staring down at his daughter lovingly. He was not going to cry. At least he thought he wasn’t, until Cas, the fucking bastard, made a sobbing sound behind him. Dean didn’t even have to look to know his best friend was bawling, and that was all it took to turn on the waterworks.

He was not  _ sobbing,  _ like Cas, whose entire face was red and could barely breathe, the baby, his face was just… leaking. 

Jo shook her head at the pair of them. “You two, I swear, half the time you’re these classic manly men like ooh, look at me with my car and my muscles and sleeping with women and ooh, look at me with my coffee addiction and  _ muscles  _ and voice that sounds like you gargle rocks or whatever, and then other times you're like why is Zac Efron so hot and why don’t we go plant some flowers and watch  _ The Princess Bride  _ for the third time this week and how about let’s  _ cry _ at our baby daughter’s birthday. Nice, guys. Way to break those stereotypes.”

Dean gave her the finger, and Cas slapped his hand.

Emma looked distressed after watching her parents cry for a solid five minutes. “Bapa? Baaapa.”

Cas wiped his face and did his best to regulate his breathing before making the mistake of lifting Emma from her seat. He was almost instantaneously caked in cake. Emma, still concerned because of his  _ episode _ , patted her papa’s cheek in an attempt to cheer him. She mostly only succeeded in smearing frosting on his face, which she seemed to think was hilarious. Cas just kinda stood there and let her paint his face.

* * *

 

What seemed like weeks to Castiel but was in actuality only a few hours, everyone but Dean, Cas, and Emma were gone. As predicted, Emma was bouncing around the apartment, rolling across the floor, playing peekaboo with herself, smacking her father in the face when he dared try to sneak a nap on the couch.

Castiel couldn’t help but smile a little at that. 

Dean was gone now, though, working at the Roadhouse and it was just Cas and the uncontrollable monster that he called his child. It was times like these that he thanked the heavens that she couldn’t walk yet. 

By midnight, she was still up but acting more like her normal, relaxed self. Cas sat on the couch, propping his chin in his hand, and he just watched her. She seemed to be trying to make a building of a very interesting sort. Castiel sighed. “Oh, Emma.” She looked up at her name, and Cas smiled at her. She smiled back and returned to her blocks. “Emma, do you what I was doing one year ago today? I’ll never forget it.” Emma paid him no heed, but Castiel continued anyway. “I was here by myself. And then your dad came in with a tiny pink bundle. That was you. I couldn’t believe him. I thought we’d never make it. But look, it’s been a whole year and we’re all three still alive. It’s a miracle.”

Emma continued to play with her blocks.

Cas smiled. “Emma.”

“Bapa?”

“Yes. Emma, are you aware that I love you?”

Emma just smiled at him. Her blocks hit the floor as she crawled as fast as she could across the floor to him. Castiel lifted her up and let her cheek hit his chest. They fell asleep there, both of them, and when Dean came home early that morning, he took a picture and sent it to all of his contacts.

* * *

 

“Emma, you're one whole year old, do you know that?”

Emma stared at Dean blankly as he spooned applesauce into her mouth.

“That’s crazy, right? You're so little!”

Still Emma said nothing.

Dean sighed. “You don’t care, do you? This is a big deal for me, Ems.”

Cas announced his presence in the room by digging through their inappropriately sized coffee mug collection. “Dean, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that she’s a baby. She has no concept of time.”

“Yeah, then how is it she knows to start screaming if you’ve been in the shower for more than 10 minutes?” 

“You do have a point,” Cas ceded as he slid in next to Dean, eyes bleary.

“I just can’t believe how big she is,” Dean commented as Emma began using her hands to spoon the applesauce into her mouth.

“It’s surreal. I feel as if I’ll blink and she’ll be asking for help with her homework.”

Dean laughed. “Hey, we’re in your school district, right? Think she’ll be in your class one day?”

“It’s a possibility.”

“Jesus. It’s just… remember when she started crawling?”

Cas groaned. “Don’t remind me. That was definitely not one of my finer moments. Remember the first time she said ‘Daddy’?”

Dean grinned. “Yeah. Remember when she decided you were her papa?”

“How did she learn that?”

“Gabe, probably. Jo. Who cares?”

“True. Sooner than we know it, she’ll be walking, and talking and-”

“Jesus, Cas, shut up, you're gonna make me cry again.”

“You shouldn't say shut up in front of Emma,” Cas reprimanded.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Well, it was necessary.”

Cas shook his head. “She’s slightly terrifying to me. She’s just a person, a human being who came into our lives. People come and go from people’s lives all the time and it doesn’t have much of an effect, but this one tiny human comes and everything changes, forever.”

“Not everything. You still can’t wake up in the morning without a gallon of coffee. I still spend an unhealthy amount of time watching  _ Star Trek.” _

“I don’t know how you do it, with your schedule, but you do.”

Emma finished with her breakfast and proceeded to knock the applesauce cup onto the floor. Cas shook his head and stood, planting a kiss on Emma’s head as he went to refill his coffee. Emma held out her arms towards Dean, who smiled and lifted her up over her head.

“Oh, Emma. So big. Too big for Daddy, mmhhmm.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rereading the first chapter of this fic and I realized how much my attempts at editing have gone downhill. And how cheesy this is. And this whole thing has gone in a completely different direction than I thought it would when I started it. This story is honestly such a mess.  
> Or I guess you could say it's a  
> work in progress *ba dum tissssss*


	16. One Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at this, a reasonable gap between chapters. Okay, it's been over two weeks, but compared to some other gaps that's nothing, I'm at like the speed of light right now. I don't know if I like this chapter because it's kinda jumpy and really pretentious and to be honest I don't know what I'm doing. I do know that y'all should enjoy this fluff while it lasts ;)  
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://manifestingwings.tumblr.com/)

Sam Winchester’s first steps had been towards his older brother, Dean. Dean, at the time, had not been paying attention to his little brother and was knocked over when Sam inevitably tripped into him.

He was determined not to make the same mistake with his daughter. Every second he was with her he hovered like a hawk, phone in hand. Cas told him he was being ridiculous, as they couldn’t possibly have any idea when she would begin walking. Dean told him to shut up and that he could feel that she was getting ready.

“You can’t feel something like that, Dean,” Cas repeated apprehensively. 

“Fuck off, Cas,” Dean sing-songed.

_ “Language.” _

“Heck off, Cas. I refuse to miss this baby’s first steps. I refuse.”

Cas just rolled his eyes and walked away.

But Dean could feel it. Every time his little girl pulled herself to her feet and looked in his eyes he knew she could do it. She was ready. And every time she broke his stare and sat back down on the ground and began to crawl he died a little inside. But still, he knew. Soon, the girl would walk, and if Dean missed it he would never forgive himself.

But day in and day out, Emma took no steps.

* * *

 

“You're being dramatic,” Cas accused.

John snorted from the table. “Hardly an insult at this point, Cas, he knows.”

“I am not  _ being dramatic.” _

“Dean, you just threatened to ‘walk off the face of the Earth and never return,’” Cas pointed out.

“Seems like an appropriate response to me,” John snarked.   


“Thank you!”

It was a rare Saturday where no one was running around doing anything, so Dean and Castiel had decided to do some spring cleaning, and John had invited himself over to listen to them bicker while he read the paper, like a dinosaur. Emma was sat next to him in a fancy baby chair that attached to the table, destroying blueberries left and right. 

“Dean. It was a coffee cup. Let it go.”

“My  _ favorite  _ coffee cup!”

“You never used it!”

“It was a  _ piece  _ of my  _ heart,  _ Cas. And you dropped it on the floor.”

“I don’t even have a response for that.”

Dean grinned and tapped Cas on the nose with his feather duster. Their current obstacle was cleaning and reorganizing all of their kitchen shelves, which sounded easy but wasn’t, between taking everything down and making sure none of it got  _ dropped _ and organizing and reorganizing and then cleaning. They’d only gotten through a couple cupboards in an hour and a half. 

John folded his newspaper up neatly and rested his chin in his hand, watching Emma attempt to shove berries into her tiny mouth but miss the mark entirely. Her face was almost entirely purple, and even her blond wisps of hair were stained with the juice. She looked adorable anyway, in her overalls and her capped sleeve t-shirt. John didn’t know where his son got such a fashion sense. He might suspect it was his Dean’s better half, but Cas… well, it was evident by his daily attire that Castiel could not have dressed this baby. 

“Cas, do you remember the Working Song?” Dean was saying in the kitchen.

Castiel sighed “I try not to.”

Dean laughed and turned to his father to explain. “We used to have the most awful hag as a teacher, and when we had to wipe down our desks and stuff she made us sing the Working Song. We were teenagers for Christ’s sake! The woman was senile.”

“Once she pinched my butt as I walked out of the room,” Cas muttered.

Dean roared with laughter, and John smiled. The two of them liked to bicker and it never failed to amuse John, but it was nice to know that they didn’t fight constantly. Good to know that they made each other laugh.

Emma made a sound that sounded like a  _ dddrrrr _ but John suspected was meant to be a hard  _ G,  _ for Grandpa. He turned his attention back to her, and she held out her last blueberry towards him. John took it and opened his mouth like he was going to eat it, but instead smashed it into his beard. He dropped his jaw in pretend shock. Emma smacked the table with her tiny hands in delight, and Dean and Cas were bickering in the kitchen again, and John was glad he didn’t have to miss this. 

* * *

Castiel loved the smell of rain, and April was full of it. Very few times was the downpour torrential or even pouring down at all, but the clouds hanging in the sky were enough to make the air smell thickly of ozone. Spring break meant the Winchester-Novaks could live in that smell at the park near to their home. Of course, Emma was still not walking, but her fathers were doing their best to prod her along.

Jack Bradbury, much to Dean’s chagrin, was a regular Olympic athlete, running back and forth from mother to mother and even heaving himself up the stairs to the slide. The kid could skip, for Christ’s sake. And Emma would just stand with Dean and Castiel, chewing her finger and watching her peers run and play. She was partial to the swings, but it made Castiel nervous to continually send her flying through the air in a contraption with leg holes bigger than the poor girl’s head. 

He also wasn’t much of a fan of the way she came flying back at  _ his  _ head, but that was mostly irrelevant. 

Dean, fervent in his attempts to get Emma walking so he could see it, was actually up on the playground with her while Castiel sat on a bench with Charlie. Every other parent with children as small as Emma and Jack were simply standing  _ next  _ to the play structure, prepared to avert potential disasters. Dean, however, was on the bridge with Emma, his pointer fingers encased in Emma’s tiny hands, and they were walking together. Apparently in one of the parenting books (Google), this method had been ranked as the most effective. 

Castiel buried his face in his palm. “Just when I think he can’t get any more embarrassing.”

Charlie snorted. “Aw, you love him.”

Castiel sighed. “I do.”

Charlie’s red curls hit Castiel like a wave as she turned to face him. “Was that- was that a confession I just heard? It sounded like-”

_ “Platonically,” _ Cas rectified quickly, but not so quickly that Charlie would be suspicious. “You know I meant platonically.”

“Well, that’s a darned shame, because, you know, Dean’s confessed to some things too.”

Castiel fought the urge to grab his friend by the shoulders and demand she tell him everything she knew. He coughed awkwardly to clear his throat. “What. Um. What do you mean?”

Charlie chuckled. “Sorry,  _ chico _ . Can’t say.”

“Dean asked you not to say anything?”

“Well, I guess technically not but, you know, bro code.”

Castiel furrowed his brow. “You are not Dean’s brother.”

“Whatever, it’s a dick move. Why do you wanna know so bad anyway, huh Cas?” Charlie grinned devilishly and nudged Castiel’s shoulder with her own.

Cas simply ignored the question, staring off towards Emma and Dean. Charlie could, of course, just be saying things to make him confess to something, but she could also be teasing Castiel with the truth. Last he checked, she “shipped” them, and he was sure she knew that saying something like that when it was untrue would do more harm than good.

Castiel was thinking far too deep into it. He knew the conclusion he would come to, the conclusion he would always come to: it wasn’t worth the risk. Not to say  _ Dean  _ wasn’t worth the risk, but rather that he _was_ the risk. 

Charlie snapped her fingers in front of Castiel’s face. “Hey,  _ tortolito,  _ here come your landing party.”

Cas glared at her. “Since when do you speak Spanish?”

Charlie grinned. “ _ Mira, es tu pareja y tu hija.” _

Castiel huffed. "Spanish is not meant to be used as a harassment technique."

Dean frowned. “What'd she say?”

Charlie clicked her tongue apprehensively. “Shoulda paid attention in Spanish class, Dean.”

Dean’s look of confusion deepened. “I didn’t even take Spanish!”

“Yes, you did,” Castiel reminded him. “We were in the same class.”

Dean looked up intuitively. “I don’t think I remember that.”

“Obviously.”

Dean stuck his tongue out at him. “I think Emma’s pooped. We should head home.” 

Emma did look exhausted, flopped on the ground and resting her head on her father’s shoe. Castiel smiled at the sight. She was breathing so heavily and dramatically. Apparently walking, even assisted by Dean, was a huge effort for her. 

Castiel bent down and lifted her into his arms, cradling her like he had when she was just a teeny tiny baby, a newborn. She nestled right into his chest and made faux sleeping noises, the stereotypical ‘ _ haw-shoo, haw-shoo.’ _ Castiel laughed outright, causing Emma to sit up and smile with him. Castiel looked up and met Dean’s softened eyes. 

“Ahem,” Charlie said to Castiel’s left. He’d forgotten she was there. “Y’all can go home, but it looks like Jack has just discovered the ducks and I think we’ll be here a while.”

“Right,” Dean said, taking Emma from Cas and strapping her into her stroller. “She’ll probably fall asleep on the way back.”

She did indeed, and she slept for two hours more when they returned home. Dean and Cas found themselves in a rare moment where it was just the two of them with nothing to do, just like old times. 

“It feels too quiet,” Dean commented.

Castiel nodded in agreement. “She’s usually this quiet when she naps, but-”

“Usually there’s no one else here to make it seem like it shouldn’t be silent?”

“Exactly.”

There were a few more moments of silence.

Dean sucked in a breath to say something, but then apparently thought better of it and chewed on his bottom lip.

Castiel frowned. “What?”

Dean sighed. “D’you think Emma’s… hurt our friendship?”

Castiel was taken aback. Dean loved Emma with all his heart, Cas wasn’t aware that she could cause him this kind of hurt.

“I- we certainly don’t see as much of each other, but really that’s your fault, not hers.”

“It’s my fault because of Emma, though.”

“But it doesn’t have to be, so it’s your fault because of your stupidity.”

Dean huffed. “Whatever, I'm not having this argument with you. But like, I don’t know, before she was born we used to have moments like this all the time, where it would be totally silent and we would be sitting together on the couch, and it wasn’t awkward, but now it kinda… is.”

Castiel thought about that for a moment. “Do you think,” he began, “that maybe it’s awkward because each of us want to say something but aren’t?”

Dean cocked his head to the side. “Well, what do you wanna say, Cas?”

Castiel knew exactly what he wanted to say, and he had just opened his mouth and was on the brink of pushing the words out, when-

Emma began to cry in the next room. Dean hesitated a moment, looking at Castiel, before pushing himself off the sofa and going to retrieve their daughter. Castiel blew out his breath of air and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He knew the courage to speak had left him and would never return. The risks were too much, the stakes too high.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean called from the next room. “Go tell Charlie to get over here, and to bring a video camera!”

“Why?”   


“I can feel it, Cas!”

Castiel rolled his eyes but stood and fetched their neighbor. When the two of them returned together, Dean was standing in the hallway entry, holding Emma on his hip. 

“Cas, sit on the floor by the couch,” Dean ordered. Castiel complied.

Charlie shook her head and turned on the camera. “You two are so cheesy.”

“Shut up, Charlie,” Dean warned as he set Emma on her feet, letting her hold his fingers again. “Okay, Emma, we’re gonna walk.”

“Walk,” Emma repeated.

“That’s right, princess, are you ready? Let’s go get Papa!”

Emma grinned excitedly and began dragging Dean forward, towards Cas. Dean went along for a few steps but then began to let go, and Castiel reached out his arms to catch Emma instinctively. 

She went one, two, three, four,  _ five _ steps before tripping into her Papa. Charlie was whooping and Dean was cheering and Castiel held his daughter up above his head, and she had the biggest smile on her face, and for the first time, Castiel felt not just love and adoration for this girl, but  _ pride.  _ He brought her back down and hugged her to his chest. Dean slid across the floor to wrap the both of them in a bear hug. Castiel leaned his head against his friend’s.

Dean grinned up at Charlie, who was also smiling. “Get that?”

“Yup. I’ll email it to you. Congrats,  _ chicos locos.” _

“What does that mean?”

“She called us crazy. It could have been worse.”

“Boo!” Emma shouted, forcing her head in between her fathers’.

“She wants blueberries,” Dean translated. “I don’t wanna clean that mess up.”

“Dean, our daughter just walked. I think she deserves some blueberries.”

Dean stood, shaking his head. “Yeah, yeah. Hey, what were you gonna say before she woke up?”

Castiel barely hesitated. “Nothing of import.” He stood and grabbed Emma’s hand, and together they walked into the kitchen for blueberries.

  
  



	17. The Apple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it's been a while. I just gotta say, this was one of the most challenging chapters to write, and possibly the most awkward. I'd like to apologize in advance for everything about this.

“Sam!” Dean called to his brother. He had had an early flight home this time around, so Dean and Emma were waiting at baggage claim to pick him up.

“Sam!” Emma repeated, though it sounded more like  _ sham.  _

Sam grinned and waved at his brother and niece. Dean raised his eyebrows when he spotted Jessica Moore accompanying his brother. The nerd hadn’t yet admitted that the two of them were an item, but Dean would be surprised if Sam didn’t seal the deal before the two went back to California in the fall. 

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said, hugging his brother. Dean could only return the embrace with one arm. Sam pulled away and tugged Emma away from Dean’s chest. “Hello, Emma. It’s been a while.”

“Look, set her down, she can walk.”

Sam placed Emma on the floor and she immediately began to wander off. Jessica snatched her. “She’s so cute I almost can’t handle it.”

Dean grinned. He knew. Emma knew, too. He held out his arms to take her back so Sam and Jess could get their bags, and they headed back to the Impala. 

“Cas at work?” Sam inquired. 

“Last day. Good thing too, he’s losing his mind. Apparently the kids get crazier the closer it gets to summer.”

“Sounds about right,” Sam chuckled. “What’s the agenda for today?”

“Bobby and Ellen want everyone for dinner, and I told Dad we’d meet him for brunch in an hour. Emma’ll need a nap by then, so we can just chill at my place until dinner.” Dean grinned at his brother proudly. “So, Sammy, another year down.”

“Yep, just one left until graduation. And then there’s law school, of course.”

“You gonna stick with Stanford?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Good for you, Sammy,” Dean praised, patting his brother on the back. Summer was Dean’s favorite, because Cas didn’t have to work, it was warm, and his brother was home. It felt right, all his family in one place. “What about you, Jessica?”

“Med school. Stanford, I’m hoping, but it’s really hard. I doubt I’ll make it, but I wanna stay in Cali.”

Sam scoffed. “Come on, Jess. You’ll make, aren’t you crushing everyone in all your courses?”

Jess shrugged. “We’ll see, I guess.”

Dean shook his head. “Talk about a power couple.”

“Shut up, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Jess smacked Dean’s arm lightly. “There is a  _ baby. _ ”

The three of them arrived at the car, and Jess offered to sit in the back with Emma and strap her in. Sam and Dean packed the luggage into the back, and as Dean closed the trunk, he patted Sam on the shoulder.

“She’s a keeper, Sammy. You better make your move soon.”

Sam flipped him off. “I don’t know where you get off telling me to make a move on anyone when you’ve been ogling Cas for over a decade and haven’t done anything about it.”

“Whatever, Samantha. You're just being a wimp.”

_ “You're  _ being a wimp.”

They slid into the front seat, still exchanging insults. 

“Now, boys,” Jess reprimanded. “Cool your jets, you shouldn’t fight in front of the baby.”

The Winchesters snorted. “Jess, she lives with Dean and Cas. I’m sure she’s immune to fighting.”

“We don’t  _ yell _ at each other or anything.”

“We weren’t yelling just now!”

“I  _ know,  _ I’m just  _ saying.” _

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Emma, if this is what you listen to all day, you're gonna learn to be a real sass master.”

“She’s a Winchester,” Sam reminded her. “Sass is a prerequisite.”

* * *

 

Dean knocked on his father’s door when they arrived at his apartment. Emma was settled on his hip, chewing on her pointer finger. Sam and Jess were flirting behind him.

It took John a few seconds to answer the door. He had egg whites in his hair and powdered sugar all over his face. “Hey, boys. Hi, Emma,” he said with a smile as his granddaughter reached out for him. He accepted her gracefully, despite his apparent makeover. “And Jessica, right?”

“Jess is fine. I’m Sam’s friend from Stanford,” Jess answered politely. 

John raised his eyebrows. “Friend, huh?”

Both students blushed beet red. Dean grinned and punched Sam in the arm playfully before following his father inside. “What’re we having?”

“Uhh,” John scratched his head. “I tried for a little bit of everything. French toast, waffles, eggs, bacon, fruit, there’s regular toast if you want, I have cereal-”

“I think we’re good,” Sam interrupted, marvelling at the spread on the table before them. 

John smiled. “Good to see you again, son.”

Sam smiled back tentatively. “You too, Dad.”

They all took their seats, John at the head of the table, his sons on either side of him. Dean dragged a highchair from the corner of the room and strapped Emma into it. It’d actually been left in the apartment when John had moved in, so he’d decided to keep it for Dean and Emma’s increasingly frequent lunch visits.

“So,” John started after they had all dug into their meals. “What are the plans for the summer?”

Dean swallowed a bite of toast and shrugged. “Not much. Cas wants to paint the hallway or something, and he was thinking of staying with his brother for a couple weeks in July. Beyond that, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.”

John smirked. “I asked about  _ your  _ plans, son, not Cas’.”

“Don’t bother, Dad. Dean hasn’t shut up about his boyfriend in 15 years,” Sam said with a grin. Dean threw a glare and a strawberry at him, but not before noticing how Jessica had smiled at his little brother. 

“Whatever, Samantha. I could name a few people  _ you- _ ”

Sam threw the strawberry back Dean to shut him up. Dean caught it in his mouth and grinned devilishly. 

John chuckled. “Jess, are you staying in town?”

“I think so, but I’ll probably spend some time with my family in Topeka. I might drag Sam with me,” she said with a wink to Sam.

John and Dean shared a look.

“Sham!” Emma exclaimed.

“Those are my plans,” Sam agreed, bopping Emma on the nose. “Dean, I’m stealing your baby and heading to Topeka.”

“You can  _ try,  _ but I’d see your giant moose self from a mile off.”

“My giant mooseness just means I can beat you up better.”

“Ha!”

Jess shook her head at them, and Emma imitated her. 

After they were all full, Emma situated back in Dean’s lap, John folded his hands together and secured them under his chin. “So, Sam. About ready to be done with school?”

Sam chuckled. “Already am, but hopefully I’ll have another four years. I wanna go to law school.”

John raised an eyebrow. “In California?”

Sam nodded. “Hope so.”

John rubbed at his beard. “Y’know, there are some good schools a little closer to home.”

Sam stared at him for a second, and Dean tensed. “Sure. But my first choice is California. I like it there.”

“Wouldn’t you like it more for your family to be together?”

“Dad,” Dean warned softly. He and Jess exchanged awkward glances. Neither wanted to be there in that moment.

“No, Dean, it’s fine. ‘Cuz, you know, Dad has tried so hard to keep our family together.” Sam’s voice was flat but his expression was cold and angry, the product of decades of wondering and worry and  _ fury.  _ Even Emma sensed it, and squirmed in her father’s arms. 

“It’s a little hard to try and make that up to you when you're halfway across the country,” John shot back, and his angry expression was so familiar to Dean that it sent chills down his back. It was the same face he’d seen on his father’s face when his mother died, every time he came home drunk, whenever Dean made a mistake. It was a feat that Dean merely flinched instead of cowering.

Sam must have noticed Dean’s face, though, because his own expression melted. He let his fists uncurl and he glanced at Jess, embarrassed. Sam had always had trouble controlling his anger. Dean had always hoped he would just grow out of it, and it looked like his wish was being granted.

Deep breath. “Dad,” he started with an even voice, “I really do want us to be a family again. But I have a life there, and I want it to stay there, for now at least. This is my dream, and I’ve worked hard for it.” Sam met John’s eyes and held them. John’s anger, too, was dissipating, and with it the tension wired through every inch of Dean’s body. Emma was still on his lap.

John nodded. “You're right, son. I’m sorry.”

Brunch commenced as usual, but when they left, Dean thought his father looked a little more brooding than usual. Sam didn’t bring it up on the way to Dean’s apartment, and Dean certainly wasn’t about to pry into his brother’s feelings. That would get him a whole big lecture on something or other, and Dean really wasn’t in the mood for that. Ever.

When they walked in the door to Dean’s apartment, Cas was passed out on the couch, despite only having been at work for four hours. Dean rolled his eyes but snapped a picture of his roommate’s drooling mouth before plopping Emma right on his stomach.

Cas groaned but got up in another twenty minutes. Sam, Dean, and Jess were drinking coffee around the table, making idle chit chat. Cas shuffled in with Emma on his shoulders. The other three raised their eyebrows as they watched Castiel pour and chug two cups of coffee, still holding onto the baby with one foot. Dean finished his own mug and slid Emma back off Cas. 

“Rough day?”

“Ugh. They wouldn’t stop  _ screaming.  _ Not to mention the fact that Emma  _ did not sleep _ last night, thank you very much Dean-”

“How’s that my fault?”

“Your spawn. You probably passed on insomnia as a trait on purpose.”

“First of all, don’t call our daughter ‘spawn’, second of all, I don’t even have insomnia. How could I pass it on?”

“You’d find a way,” Cas muttered into a third cup of coffee. 

Silence stilled in the air for a sold five seconds before Jessica shattered it with a good-old fashioned, “Are you guys a couple?”

Both men groaned while Sam roared with laughter. “Every goddamn time,” Dean mumbled. “No, we are not, and if Sam made you say that, it’s okay, you can tell us. Safe space. For you.”

Jess looked bewildered. “No, it’s just- you said ‘our daughter’ and I didn’t want to assume, so-”

“Jess, it’s okay, they’re totally couple,” Sam stage-whispered. Dean threw a plastic spoon at him. 

“Do you guys get that a lot?” Jess inquired, a sly grin on her face. 

Dean and Cas glared at her. “Yes. Some people just don’t realize that Cas is way outta my league.”

Cas nodded. “It’s true, I am.”

Dean gawked at him. “Come on, man, you're supposed to be like ‘No Dean,  _ you're  _ out of  _ my  _ league, and then  _ I  _ would agree with  _ you.” _

“Lying’s a sin, Dean,” Castiel reminded him as he placed his mug in the sink and stole their daughter from his arms.

* * *

 

Bobby and Ellen’s was the same as ever, but somehow it seemed different. Jess’ presence had an overwhelming effect on Dean. Taking her to meet John was one thing. Dean was sure Sam only barely considered him an important figure in his life, but something about his little brother having someone he liked enough to risk introducing to the Harvelles and Bobby had Dean shaken to his core. He’d had a similar freakout when Sam had gone to college. His baby brother was all grown up, didn’t need Dean anymore.

This time, it was okay. Emma still needed him. Dean hoped Emma would always need him. 

Dinner wasn’t ready yet, and Sam was slumped over the arm of the couch, staring into the wall like it held all of life’s secrets, eyes blank and glassy. Jo was prattling about something or other, unaware of how little her foster brother cared. Dean and Jess watched from the doorway to the dining room. When Sam caught sight of them his eyes bulged and he mouthed something that Dean pretended not to make out. 

Cas shook his head at him. “Sam, would you go change Emma’s diaper?”  
Sam jumped up. “Yes, please!” He accepted the baby and bounded up the stairs, causing Dean to hiss and clutch at his breast like some woman in a Western. The stupid clumsy moose could just _drop_ her. Cas gave him a pointed look as Jess followed Sam up the stairs.

Bobby and Ellen weren’t there to tell them no. Jo pressed a finger to her lips and led the way up the stairs. They all knew where to step without making any noise, and they crept over to the half-open door to Sam and Dean’s old room.

“You're really good with her,” Jess was commenting.

Dean could practically hear Sam’s grin. “Yeah. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like to, but you know.”

“Are you… are you thinking about what your dad said this morning? About moving back here?” Dean smirked a little at the hint of sadness in her voice. Oh, Sammy.

“For school? No. But I would love being closer to home after I’m done.” Dean and Jo traded grins at that. They missed him, everyone did. 

“Me, too,” Jess said softly. “But of course, that’s Topeka and this is… not.”

“Well said.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Sam, you moron, just ask her out already!”

Cas’ eyes bulged as he whipped around at Jo. Dean stifled a laugh behind his hand as Sam started hollering and dragged Cas to hide in the safety of the bathroom behind them. They heard Jo shrieking and bounding down the stairs. Emma giggled.

Dean grinned at Cas, who just shook his head. They were squeezed together in the small space between the sink and the wall, knees bumping. Dean let himself study Cas’ eyes, so close to his own, for just a few seconds. They were lovely, folds upon folds of a billion shades of blue. He cleared his throat, and Dean had just reached for the door when they heard Sam’s voice again. It was muffled enough that they couldn’t make out the words, but close enough to make Dean stop in his tracks.

“Well, we’re fucked,” Dean commented in a whisper.

Cas frowned. “We can just wait for him to leave.”

Dean groaned lightly. “See, yeah, but then we’ll come out of the bathroom together, and that’s suspicious as hell. And it’s not like we can just say we were eavesdropping.”

“Why is it suspicious?”

Dean put a finger to his lips and waited for the unmistakable sounds of two people heading down the stairs. Only then did he ease the bathroom door open. 

Emma was sitting on Dean’s old bed. “Aw, did Uncle Sam leave you up here, princess? Lovesick bastard.”

“I heard that, jerk.”

“You abandoned my child bitch!”  
Dean was reprimanded by everyone for language throughout the night, but it didn’t matter because of the way Sam would smile at Jess, and their not-so-subtle hand holding under the table. Cas gave him a knowing look, and Dean grinned, but somewhere within his chest, he ached. 

* * *

 

There was no way to spin it that made it make sense, seem fair. But see, the Winchester brothers were used to that, especially when it came to their father. 

That didn’t mean they had to take it well.

It was actually Castiel who answered Dean’s phone that night, as his friend was in the shower. The grief he felt crumpling his heart after he’d hung up was not for the man who now lay dead on a hospital slab, but for his son. At first, Dean had been wary of his father. Understandably, he didn’t trust him for a while in the beginning because of their past. But it had been fine. For over a year, John hadn’t been drinking or yelling and they all thought it was going to be fine.

It didn’t make sense. It had been over a month after his near-argument with Sam, and everything had been fine in all their lives. Jess and Sam were happy as a couple, and were planning to go to Topeka to visit the Moore’s after Independence Day. Dean and Cas were orbiting as they had been since Emma had arrived, and they were all fine. John was beginning to belong.

For whatever reason, as June died, John Winchester looked too far down the neck of a bottle, and that was all she wrote. 

Dean stepped out of the bathroom, clad in just a pair of sweatpants. Steam poured out of the door. He yawned, and Castiel sucked in a breath. This was going to kill him. He’d been so happy, happier than Castiel remembered. 

“Dean,” he said softly. Emma was asleep, after all.

Dean stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Cas, gutted expression on his face and phone in hand. His eyes went as wide as saucers. “Cas? Are you okay? What happened? Is everything alright?”

Castiel blinked away tears. “Dean, you should probably sit down.”

“Cas? Cas, you're scaring me. Is it- did- did something- Sam?”

Cas shook his head. “Please just sit.”

Dean did as he was told, elbows on his knees, hands folded in front of him. His face was open and anxious, and Castiel watched him for a few moments before saying anything. Before Emma, before John’s release from prison, Dean had practically been a closed book. Only in late night sleepovers and Castiel’s own moments of weakness did the two boys truly began to understand one another. As they grew up, Dean had only become more closed off. He had been sad and angry but there was so much light in him. Castiel had been useless in trying to help Dean because he wasn’t the root of his best friend’s issues, as far as he was aware. 

Over a year ago, two things changed and Dean got the chance to recover. He let his wounds heal. 

Castiel was not excited about being the one to rip them open again. He reached out a hand, and Dean took it, gripping it tightly. 

“Cas,” he pleaded. “What’s going on?”

Castiel forced his throat to unstick. “It’s- that was the hospital. Dean, your father… he’s dead.”

His hand went slack and his face blank and Castiel began to worry that he’d lost him again.

* * *

 

They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Dean resented that. He tried to be very, very far away from his paternal tree. But just like his father, he’d always had a drinking problem. He wasn’t nearly as bad, but a problem is a problem.

Ironic, that Dean hated his father for the same faults he didn’t do anything to save himself from.

So Dean drank. He didn’t remember what he drank or where he drank it. He remembered getting off the couch. Calling Sam. Going for a walk. And when he could barely remember his own middle name, much less the fact that his father was dead. Muscle memory carried him home. Or maybe it was some kind stranger. He didn’t quite know.

He didn’t know why he  _ cared  _ so much, anyway. His dad had beat him, abandoned him, come back, and killed himself with the same stupid things that had made him abandon them in the first place. He’d survived so long without his dad, and he’d been just  _ fine,  _ thanks. 

He hadn’t been fine. He didn’t want to go back to that. He wanted to be okay. He had been, for so long now, and he didn’t want it to go away. 

He stumbled in the door, and Cas was there almost immediately. Dean would recognize Cas anywhere, from the strong smell of his shampoo, the way he gripped Dean’s shoulders, his gravel and honey voice. Dean could be drunker than his father and still recognize Cas. 

His vision was blurry. “Dean,” Cas said. Blue. Blue, blue, blue, blue. There was no other name for them but blue. Dean wasn’t smart enough to think of a name to justify that color.

“Cas.” It came out clearer than one might have expected. 

“Dean, you need to go to bed.”

Dean laughed, grabbing the front of Cas’ t-shirt and pulling him in to use his shoulder as a pillow. Cas’ hands came to rest on his wrist. Dean was still laughing. “Come with?”

Cas huffed but turned, leading Dean by the wrist to his room. Cas’ room. It didn’t matter anymore. Cas wound an arm around Dean’s waist to hold him up as he pulled the blankets back. Dean giggled and leaned into his side. 

Cas sat Dean down gently, one hand on his chest as he removed his shoes. When he stood to push Dean down, Dean grabbed his hand, still giggling, and pulled Cas forward so that he was standing between Dean’s legs. Dean let go of Cas’ hand and slid it up his arm to his shoulder, which he pressed down on. Cas was forced to bend over. Dean moved his hand up more to cup Cas’ cheek with his hand.

He laughed. “‘S blue, Cas. You’ve got… blue eyes.”

Cas smiled wryly. “Yes.”

“They’re pretty.”

“Thank you.”

“You're pretty,” Dean commented sleepily. 

Cas was silent for several seconds. “I think it’s time for you to go to bed.”

Dean let out a high-pitched whine as Cas started to pull away. He couldn’t just let Cas  _ leave.  _ He wasn’t sure what he was doing. His brain and his hands weren’t really working together as Dean brought Cas’ mouth crashing into his own. Cas lost his balance and his knees hit the mattress, one on either side of Dean’s thigh. Dean moved the hand he had on Cas’ face to his hair. 

Cas kissed him back, for one, two, three, four, five seconds before he pulled away with a sharp gasp. But Dean didn’t mind. He was already asleep.

* * *

 

Castiel didn’t sleep that night. He just paced the room that had once been Dean’s bedroom but was now truly Emma’s. They would have to move eventually, when she started wanting her room to herself, without one of her fathers sleeping across the room every night. 

All Castiel’s thoughts were screaming at him so loudly he was surprised Emma didn’t wake. At the same time, it seemed his brain had short-circuited and he didn’t actually have any thoughts at all. 

He’d wanted to kiss Dean since he was 15 years old. This was not how he imagined it going in the least. 

Castiel doubted his roommate would remember anything, which of course would make everything worse. Castiel didn’t see any options other than keeping to himself and letting this secret gnaw at him until the day he died.

Unhealthy, yes, but it wasn’t for him. It was for Dean. Castiel knew him too well, and he would feel unendingly guilty over his actions if he knew. 

Even if Castiel said he didn’t mind. Even if he told him about how many times he’d thought about doing the same thing himself. 

His father was dead. Dean didn’t need that at the moment, doubted that he wanted it.

So Castiel zipped his lips, and the next morning when Dean asked if he’d done anything totally stupid last night, he crossed his arms and shrugged. 

“Other than leaving and getting drunk? Nothing.”


	18. Fever Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be proud guys, I already have the next chapter written. I feel accomplished. I always tell myself to finish the whole thing before posting more but you know where would the edge go? Plus the title is literally WIP so like how can I possibly make it anything but. Enjoy!

The funeral was small. The only people that came were Sam and Dean, and everyone who loved the two of them enough to be there for them. There were a few of John’s prison buddies, but no one wanted to talk to them and they didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Dean didn’t cry. Neither did Sam. They weren’t quite sure if they should. Cas spent the service in pensive silence, staring at the ground in front of him. They didn’t bother with a reception. 

On the car ride back to back to their apartment, Dean said nothing to Cas. Even Emma was quiet. When they got home, still nothing was said while Dean stormed into his room, slamming the door. 

He could only stand to be in there for a few seconds before coming back out. Cas was standing in the center of the room, with Emma on his hip. He simply looked at Dean sadly, but not pityingly. 

Dean rubbed at his face. “Is it wrong that I’m not that upset?”

Cas shrugged. “If I heard my father was dead I’d be completely indifferent,” he said flatly. 

Dean stared at him for a moment before sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. He’d forgotten, of course, that his best friend had been raised without his biological father as well. They never talked about it, but still Dean wanted to bang his head against the wall. How could he have forgotten? 

“Right. Sorry.”

Cas leaned over and dropped Emma by her toys before crossing the room to sit opposite from Dean. Dean plucked at his shoelaces rather than looking Cas in the eye. 

Cas sighed heavily. “Dean, I never knew my father. I don’t know the first thing about him, other than that he’s gone. I don’t even know his name.”

Dean said nothing, but did glance up at Cas. The intensity of his gaze was more than Dean could handle in that moment.

“He could have been a good person. I could have loved him. But I don’t because you can’t love someone you don't know. You knew your father. He was a good father for a time, at least, and then he stopped. If you didn’t remember the good times, would you care in the least?”

Dean shrugged. Cas reached out and grasped his hand tightly, forcing him to look up at him. 

“You don't have to feel anything. You have good and bad memories of your father, and it’s never been so apparent that the bad overshadows the good. I won’t tell you how to feel, but whatever you do can’t be wrong.”

Dean nodded. His eyes were brimming with tears, and when he blinked they started to fall. Cas took his hand back, and Dean resisted holding on. 

“Thanks, Cas.”

Cas just smiled a little sadly, but that smile grew when Emma waddled around the corner of the couch, screeching in delight when she saw her fathers. Dean wiped his tears and laughed, catching his daughter as she crashed into him. 

Cas smoothed Emma’s hair and stood, walking away into the kitchen, while Dean just held his baby to his chest until they both fell asleep.

* * *

 

Castiel hadn’t slept in days, since the night John died, when Dean kissed him. It was eating away at him, mentally and physically. 

He just didn’t know what to do, how to feel about any of it. It felt like a dead weight on his chest, the memory of how it felt, if only for a moment. It was pushing at him, threatening to burst out of his seams. He felt he had to tell someone, but who? 

It all came out one night, while Dean was at the garage. He’d been taking so many extra hours lately, and everyone let him because they knew if he wasn’t working, he’d be drinking. 

Charlie strolled in while Castiel was trying to convince Emma to eat mashed carrots. She was in a grouchy mood, and Cas suspected she was teething, as she was constantly trying to bite things. Charlie sat across the table from them, folding her arms and resting her head upon them. It was a depressing pose to see on someone so cheery and joyful.

Castiel set down Emma’s plastic baby spoon. “Hello, Charlie. Is everything alright?”

Charlie sighed theatrically. “Yeah. Just- Dorothy and Jack are in Maine. Her mom lives up there and well,” Charlie smiled bitterly, “the woman hates me. She says it’s not because of the whole lesbian thing, but it totally is. And just- I miss them.”

Castiel patted her elbow. “My sympathies.”

“Yeah.” Charlie sat up and patted Castiel’s hand back. “How’s Dean been holding up?”

It was Castiel’s turn to sigh. “Not well. He’s been drinking quite a bit. He works for hours on end and then doesn’t come home until late and the cycle starts again.”

Charlie shook her head pityingly. “I’m sorry, Cas. That you have to deal with all this.”

“I don’t know what to do, Charlie. I’m worried he’ll become addicted again. You didn’t know him in college, but he was- a mess, essentially. I don’t- I don’t want to see him like that again. I especially don’t want Emma to.”

“He’ll be okay, Cas. Give him time.”

Castiel nodded distractedly. He wanted to tell Charlie so badly what had transpired; the words were sitting on the tip of his tongue. Still, he hesitated. “Charlie?”

“Yeah?” She was letting Emma chew on her finger.

“I have something I should tell you but I’m not sure I want to say it.”

Charlie looked up, eyes wide. “What happened?”

Cas rubbed at the base of his thumb, staring at the floor behind Emma. “Will you promise you won’t tell anyone, not even Dorothy?”

Charlie hissed. “I can’t keep secrets from her. But I promise she won’t tell anyone. She’s a really good secret keeper, I swear.”

Cas sighed, but eventually his seams burst and he spilled everything. “On the day John died, Dean came home drunk. Very drunk. I had to help him to bed, and as I was doing so…” Cas trailed off and glanced at Charlie, who was on the edge of her seat, staring at him intensively. “He kissed me.”

Charlie gasped and clapped her hands to her mouth. “What did you do?” Her voice was muffled. 

Castiel could feel all the blood rushing into his cheeks. “I-”

“You kissed him back! Oh, I knew it! I fu-lipping knew it! Oh Christ, this must be eating you alive. I bet he didn’t remember. Worse, I bet you didn’t tell him.”

Castiel said nothing, and that was all the confirmation Charlie needed. 

“You didn’t! Why the hell not!”

Cas groaned. He’d known Charlie would say that, yet he was glad he’d confided in her. “ _ Because,  _ if I did, it would have made everything worse. You know how Dean is, he’d hate himself,” Castiel’s voice got very soft. “Even if…”

“Even if you told him how you feel,” Charlie finished gently.

Castiel sighed. “Exactly.”

“Damn. Well, this sucks.”

Castiel laughed harshly. “I believe that is an appropriate term.”

“Thing is, Cas… you know what they say about drunk people.”

Castiel tilted his head at her. “That they’re drunk?”

Charlie grinned at that, shaking her head. “No. That when you're drunk, you're more honest than when you're sober. You get me?”

“...Not exactly, no.”

Charlie sighed, tilting her head back and rolling her eyes at the ceiling. “I mean he  _ wants  _ to kiss you when you're sober, but hasn’t because his stupid brain gets in the way, which isn’t a problem when you're drunk. If you wanna do something, you do it. Understand?”

Cas folded his hands and turned his head away from Charlie, instead watching Emma suck on her spoon. It featured some superhero or another, because when buying them, the sales woman had told them they had to get the princess ones. Dean had grabbed the superheroes, told her to fuck her gender roles, and walked away. Castiel had apologized to the woman but didn’t reprimand Dean afterwards. 

Cas looked back at Charlie. “I understand, but I don’t see how this changes anything.”

Charlie groaned and banged her head on the table repeatedly. Emma started to imitate her, but Castiel caught her tiny head halfway. 

“You two are hopeless. I give up. I just give up. I’m done.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Of course you don’t,” Charlie said exasperatedly, but with a fond smile. “Alright. I have to get ready for work. How about I don’t leave until Dean does and I make sure he comes straight home?”

Castiel nodded wearily. Dean didn’t need another night of drinking in his system. “Thank you.”

“No problem. That’s what friends are for.”

* * *

 

Charlie kept her word, and Dean came home that night without a drop of alcohol in him. He was tired and cranky, but sober. 

Emma was cranky as well, as she was definitely teething, and Winchester angst was nothing to take lightly. Castiel was in for double trouble. He almost wished Dean  _ hadn’t  _ come home that night, because at least he was happier when drunk. 

“Cas, she’s teething, why didn’t you give her any damn teething rings?” Dean griped from the kitchen. 

Castiel took deep breaths. He would not,  _ could not _ engage him. No matter how badly he wanted to scream his head off. 

“You can give her one now, they’re in the freezer.”

“That’s not what I  _ asked.” _

Castiel looked up from his book to glare at Dean in the kitchen. “I assumed the question was rhetorical.”

If looks could kill, Cas would be dead on the ground by now. 

“You are so goddamn lazy, I swear to God, couldn’t even get the baby a fucking tooth ring or whatever…”

Castiel closed his eyes and counted to ten. Logically, he knew that Dean didn’t really mean that. He was upset and angry and tired, and was just taking it out on Castiel. But the more selfish parts of him were wondering why  _ he  _ had to take it, when he’d done nothing to deserve it. 

He wanted to snap right back at Dean, but instead he reopened his book and muttered softly, “Please don’t curse in front of the baby.”

Dean slammed the freezer shut. “Why?”

“Because we  _ don’t curse in front of the baby. _ ”

Dean was seething now, his face red and his fists clenched. Emma was crying again, despite having something to bite on. “I’ll do whatever the fuck-”

Castiel snapped his book shut. “Dean,” he interrupted. “Go to bed.”

“What are you now, my mom?”

“If you insist on acting like a child, then I’m going to treat you as such, now  _ go to bed.” _

“I am not acting like a  _ child.” _

Castiel took more breaths. He refused to raise his voice. “Dean, I understand that you're upset and you haven’t been sleeping recently, but if you're  _ tired,  _ then you need to go to  _ bed.” _

They stared at each other for a few moments, Dean’s anger seething underneath his skin, Castiel’s packed away where it could do no damage. Finally, Dean’s shoulders slumped in defeat. 

“Yeah. Whatever. Sorry.”

Castiel made no response to this, simply watching his friend trudge off to bed. Once he heard the bedroom door close, Castiel sighed, releasing the tension from his shoulders. He turned back to Emma, who had stopped crying and was now happily chewing on her teething ring. Castiel smiled softly. She was so innocent, had no idea what had just transpired. Castiel lifted her out of her baby seat and let her lean against his chest and he sat on the couch to continue his book. But before he picked it up, he leaned down to kiss his daughter’s hair. 

“I’m worried about him, Emma. I have faith that he’ll heal, but how long will it take? I worry that this behavior from him will become habit. You don’t know how he was before you came along. He was so sad, but also so good. Your father has always been the best man I know, despite his faults.”

Emma gurgled at him, and Castiel let his few tears fall onto her face. She giggled.

“He’s pushing everyone away, Emma. It was always his biggest flaw, that he never let anyone in. Sam helped.  _ You  _ help, but Sam is going away again, and I don’t know if you're big enough, little one.”

Castiel was going to miss being able to talk to Emma, uncensored, when she learned to understand his words. But for now, all she knew was that her papa was sad and tired, so she curled into his chest and let him hold her.

* * *

 

Dean crouched by the door and tugged his boots on violently. There was no need for the violence, no immediate cause, but anger seemed to coil in Dean’s chest like a snake, ready to lash out and hurt someone (usually Cas. Always Cas). He didn’t know how to stop it. It had always been Sam boiling with rage, while Dean was more prone to sadness, despair. This feeling was a mix of both, and the only thing he wanted to do was cry.

But he couldn’t just cry all day, so he filled his head with machine parts and drink orders and he filled himself with his own drinks. It was the only way he knew to calm himself.

Dean straightened and looked around for his jacket. He didn’t necessarily need it, as it was still summer, but he wore it out of habit and it had his keys in it.

“Cas?” He called, his voice colder than he intended. “Where’s my jacket?”

The door to Dean’s (Emma’s) bedroom swung open and Cas stepped out, looking tired and rumpled, and Dean knew it was his fault that he looked like such a mess, but he didn’t see himself apologizing any time soon. Or stopping. 

“She won’t let it go,” Cas explained, rubbing at his eyes. From the open bedroom door, faint crying could be heard. 

“What do you mean, it’s 11 o’clock, why is she still up?”

Cas sighed and Dean considered, for a moment, wrapping him up in a hug, calling Ellen to let her know he wouldn’t be there that night, letting Cas sleep for once. But he stomped down on the thought, hard. At this point, Cas was probably tired of seeing his face. 

“She woke up, heard you getting ready, and stole your jacket. She won’t let go.”

Dean growled under his breath and marched into the room, Cas on his heels. Emma was sitting in the center of his bed, clutching his jacket to her chest and crying. She wasn’t crying angry tears, but Dean recognized the sound as her reaction when the two of them would leave her with Bobby and Ellen. She would cry as they moved towards the door and then press her tiny face against the window as they drove away. It broke Dean’s heart in two, and this time was no different. He knelt next to her and she immediately clambered into his lap, still clutching the jacket.

“Oh, Emma. Baby. Princess. I know, sweetheart, but Daddy has to go.”

“No!” She screeched, renewing her cries.

Dean winced and looked to Cas helplessly, but Cas just stood in the doorway, arms crossed.

Dean huffed. “Emma, sweetie, I need my jacket. I have to leave.”

Emma just screamed louder, rolling off her father’s lap.

“She misses you,” Cas translated softly. “She doesn’t want you to go.”

Dean closed his eyes. He knew that, of course. He didn’t want to leave her, either. He never wanted to leave her. “But I have to, Cas. I gotta work, pay the bills, I can’t-” he gulped. “I can’t deal with everything right now. I just need something simple.”

Cas sighed and came to sit across from him on the bed. This close, Dean could see the bags under his eyes more prominently, and it killed him a little bit to see just how badly he was hurting his family. 

“It’s not about what you need anymore, Dean. Emma comes first. From the day she was born until forever, Emma has to come first. I think if you take care of what she needs, you’ll find yourself much more satisfied than what you get from only thinking of yourself.”

Dean smiled, his first real smile in a week. “Are you some kind of shrink now?”

“I could be.” Cas was grinning, too, which just made Dean grin wider. Suddenly, they were both laughing their asses off, which made Emma smile and join in. It wasn’t even a funny joke, but they laughed until they cried. When the laughter died out, they sat in a steady silence. 

“She does this every night, you know,” Cas said, his voice more serious. “Every night you work at the Roadhouse, and she wakes up and realizes you're not here, she cries.”

Dean smirked. “When it’s my night to take care of her, she cries until I take her into your room to show her you're there.”

Cas smiled softly. “I suppose she is rather needy.”

“Cas, she’s one year old.”

“I was making a joke.”

“Aw, Cas, I didn’t know you knew what a joke was.”

Cas gave Dean a signature  _ really, bitch _ face that he had to have picked up from Sam, and Dean burst into laughter again. Cas just shook his head, but he was amused, Dean could tell. 

Dean’s laughter made Emma kick him on instinct. Neither of them had even realized that she’d fallen asleep in the space between their legs. Dean pried the jacket out of her hands gently. 

“I guess it’s time for me to go,” he said somberly.

The smiled faded from Cas’ face, as he nodded, gathering Emma into his arms. He swung off the bed to put Emma in her crib and Dean put on his jacket as he made his way to the door.

He turned in the doorway. Cas was leaning against the crib, arms crossed, and he was just staring at the opposite wall. He’d been doing a lot of pensive staring recently.

Dean reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He turned it in his hands a few times before making a decision. He dialed the familiar number, one he’d memorized when he was only 10 years old.

“Ellen?” The sound of his voice caused Cas to turn his head, confusion evident on his face. 

“Dean? You're late, are you okay?”

“Yeah, look, Ellen, I’m really sorry about this but can I… can I quit?”

Cas’ jaw nearly dropped as he pushed himself off the crib and joined Dean by the door. As it was, his eyes were the size of saucers. Dean grinned at him.

“Quit? Finally.” Dean grinned wider. “But I’m coming by tomorrow, it’s been too long since I’ve seen my granddaughter.”

“Ellen, it’s been a week.”

“A week too long. Get some sleep, Dean.”

“Sure thing.”

As soon as Dean hung up, Cas barraged him with questions.

“You quit? Why? What about-?”

“Cas, relax,” Dean met Cas’ eyes and waited for them to return to their normal shape before continuing. “You’re right, okay? About everything. You're always right, you bastard.”

“Very true.”

Dean shook his head in exasperation, but his demeanor quickly turned serious. “Cas, I’m sorry. Really.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I understand.”

Dean’s mouth twitched. “Thanks.”

The silence settled over them again, almost awkward but not quite. It was charged, expectant.

“Hey,” Dean started, “sleepover?”

Cas grinned.

* * *

 

As it turned out, that night was another of no rest for both of them, but rather than crying and brooding they were laughing and talking. They went to bed at five and woke up at ten, and they were tired in that satisfying kind of way where the consequences were worth the experience. 

Cas drank ¾ of the pot of coffee and was seriously debating another cup when Dean started chucking Froot Loops at him. Emma found this hilarious and was wholly ignoring her mashed carrots, as per usual. 

Castiel leaned against the counter, sipping at his last cup of coffee to make it last longer. He watched Dean and Emma goof off and play with their food, and laughed quietly into his mug. 

But there was an ache in his chest. Watching the scene before him unfold, Castiel began to feel he didn’t belong, like he was just sitting in until Dean found someone he wanted to spend his life with, share Emma’s life with. It had been some time since he’d thought about the possibility-  _ inevitability _ of the fact that one day Dean would fall in love with someone else and Castiel would no longer matter.

Charlie’s words from the day before hung in the back of his head, but Castiel couldn’t bring himself to accept them. Logically, he knew she was right, at least in some way, but he’d spent his entire life forcing himself to reject any kind of false hope that Dean would return his feelings. Unrequited love was a fact of life at this point, and hope was useless. 

“Papa!” Emma summoned Cas from his thoughts to the real world with a delighted shout. Castiel smiled on instinct at the sound of her voice.

Dean hopped from his chair. “Here, you can play with her while I shower.”

Castiel nodded and took Dean’s seat. Emma laughed and leaned forward, attempting to shove a Froot Loop in his mouth. Castiel accepted it, smiling.

It was hard to enjoy these moments when something in the back of his head always reminded him that he couldn’t have this family forever. Dean and Emma were sure to leave him eventually.

For now, though, his daughter needed to eat her own breakfast.


	19. Second Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What... do you guys think... of a regular posting schedule? Hm? I really think I could swing that, so from now on, every single Monday (unless I forget yikes), I'm going to post a new chapter. This is huge. I am finally getting it together. Also, this chapter is kinda long and also a bit of a rollercoaster, so enjoy!

Things became easier after Dean quit his job at the Roadhouse. Everyone slept a lot more and Dean and Castiel were less short with each other, less frequently. It still wasn’t ideal, especially as the school year started again, but Dean felt better about everything, including his father’s death. His drinking habit faded away once more. Emma’s teeth broke through and she became even more adorable than she already was.

Life was better.

Sam and Jess came back to Lawrence one more time before returning to California, and before Dean knew it, summer was dying and fall had arrived. The warmth was fleeting, as was the time, and it seemed in the blink of an eye it was November. 

“I’m sorry, you're going  _ where _ for Thanksgiving this year?” Dean asked as he scrubbed at his face wearily. Cas had woken him up on accident only half an hour ago, and Emma had been in a bad mood since then. Dean wasn’t really up for random 6am calls. 

Bobby sighed through the phone. “Cabo. It’s about time we got a vacation.”

Dean sighed and tilted his head up at the ceiling. “So you’re just ditching us.”

“Don’t be dramatic. Go visit your brother, take your own damn vacation.”

“I am  _ not  _ driving halfway across the country with a one-year-old.”

“Then give her to Cas. Doesn't she have cousins she’s never met, on his side?”

Dean mulled this over in his head. Cas was going to Wichita that year, along with Anna, to have Thanksgiving dinner with Gabriel. On the one hand, Bobby had a point. Emma had never met Anna’s girls, her cousins. Plus, Dean really wanted to see Sam. 

On the other hand, he’d never been away from his daughter that long. 

“I don’t know, Bobby.”

“Do whatever you want, it doesn’t affect me.”

“You know, I always appreciate your fatherly advice. Really warms my heart.”

“I already told you what I thought, idjit. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright, bye.” Dean hung up the phone and sighed heavily. Cas raised an eyebrow at him.

“So you're taking Emma to Sam this year?”

Dean scratched at his forearm. He still wasn’t quite sure, but seeing the barely-masked worry on Cas’ face decided it. “Actually, I was thinking you could take her with you to Gabe. It’s a much shorter drive, plus it’s about time she met the extended family.”

“She’s already met Gabe and Anna.”

“What about your nieces? They are technically her cousins.”

Cas nodded a little bit, but then studied Dean slowly, eyes narrowed. “You're nervous about leaving her.”

Dean scoffed. “What, like you wouldn't be if I  _ was  _ taking her to Sam?”

“I didn’t say that.” Cas paused again to look over Dean, and he continued scratching at his arm. “You can call whenever you want, you know. Also, stop doing that.”

Dean sighed and dropped his hand dramatically. He didn’t know why this was bothering him so much. He knew that Emma would be fine, he knew that. He guessed it was really more about not being able to be with her that was bugging him. She would only be this young for so long. 

Yet he knew he needed a break, desperately. He needed to sleep until 11 and have a casual beer and go out to eat once in a while. He needed to drive Baby with all the windows down and the music blasting and curse whenever the fuck he wanted. He loved his daughter with all his heart, yet he missed some aspects of his life before she’d been born. There was no doubt this was better than before. But babies were hard, and Dean was torn somewhere between wanting her to stay small and cute and wanting her to grow up so he could teach her things like how to read, ride a bike, which Zeppelin album was the best and why Baby was better than all the other cars. How to make burgers, how to throw a punch, how to change a tire. 

She was going to grow up to be such a strong woman, and Dean was looking forward to that so much, but for now, at least, she was his baby. He didn’t want to miss any part of that. 

“I know,” he finally responded. “I’ll just miss her.”

Cas nodded and sipped the last of his coffee. “I understand, but I think you need this. Relaxation.”

“Well, hey, what about you? You probably need to relax too,” Dean pointed out.

Cas gave him a pointed look. “I’m going to Gabriel’s house,” he reminded. “We could have a thousand babies and still be more relaxed here than there.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Now get outta here, you're gonna be late for work.”

* * *

 

Dean strapped Emma into her car seat, taking extra care to make sure her chest strap was tight enough. Once he was satisfied, he backed up to lean his forehead against the top of the frame.

“Okay, baby.” He would not get choked up, he would  _ not.  _ “Daddy’s gonna go now, but only for a week, okay? And Papa’s gonna be with you. And remember your aunt and uncle?”

“Sham!” Emma exclaimed. 

Dean smiled, and wiped at his eyes. This kid. “No, sweetie, not Sam. Remember Gabe? You probably don't, but that’s okay. You're gonna see him today, you're gonna meet some new people, it's gonna be fun.”

Emma said nothing, but reached out and squeezed Dean’s nose. Both laughed, but Dean reached up and removed her hand, holding it between his own. She was so little and fragile, and Dean pressed a delicate kiss to her fingers. 

“Bye, princess.”

Emma knew the word  _ bye  _ just as well as she knew the word  _ uncle,  _ and immediately her face fell. “Bye?”

“Bye, Emma.”

As soon as Dean closed the door he could hear her start to wail. He exhaled slowly and turned to face Cas, who had the nerve to look amused, the bitch. 

“Sorry to get her worked up right before you leave.”

“It’s fine,” Cas assured him before reaching out and brushing a stray tear from his cheek. Dean shivered at the touch.

“Okay. I’ll see you in a week. Be safe.”

“You too.”

Cas climbed into the driver’s seat and waved as he drove off. Emma was still crying. Dean stood on the curb with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and watched them drive off before flipping his keys in his hand and heading to the garage, to the Impala. He’d loaded her up that morning with his favorite tapes and snacks for the drive. 

It was fun, for the first few hours; but then Dean began to get lonely. He hadn’t been left wanting for company since Emma’s birth; there had always been someone, his coworkers, Emma, Cas, his family. Now it was just Dean and the road, stretched out for miles and miles for more than an entire day.

He shook the loneliness out of his head and tried to focus instead on his plans with Sam. There would be no beaching, but Sam was going to introduce him to his friends, they would play some pool, have a few beers together, see a movie or two. Jess would be in Kansas with her family for the holiday, so truly it was just the two brothers in their apartment (Sam and Jess had moved out of the dorms and into an apartment shortly after Halloween). 

Dean missed his little brother and was anxious to arrive in California in order to spend time with him. He had so many bad memories of the years they had spent on their own, and this quality bonding was new territory for both of them. For so long they’d been bonded simply by blood and tragedy, and Dean was ready for this new era.

For the first time in a long time, Dean Winchester was ready for life. Not because he was tied to anyone else, but simply because he knew it was going to be good.

* * *

 

“Okay. You should rest, Dean.” The drive from Lawrence to Palo Alto was near 28 hours, and Castiel doubted Dean had stopped to sleep.

“Yeah. Give Emma a kiss from me.”

“I will,” Castiel assured him before hanging up. Emma was sleeping, but Castiel kissed her temple anyway before going back into the living room, where Anna’s twin girls were running wild. Their father, Michael, watched them go with blank eyes. Castiel imagined having two of Emma to look after and shuddered. 

“Molly and Melissa, calm down,” their mother commanded. The twins giggled and flopped onto the ground where they stood. Castiel rarely saw his nieces, and they had grown since the last time. Their red hair reached their shoulders and they each had remarkable vocabularies for only four years old. 

“Uncle Cas, is Emma asleep?” Molly asked sweetly. It was easy to tell twin from twin because Molly wore glasses and Melissa didn’t, but Castiel was always struck by their resemblance, not only to each other, but to his sister. Though they did have the same blue eyes as him, eyes they could have only gotten from Castiel’s estranged father. 

“Yes, Emma’s sleeping. I just had to talk on the phone with her father.”

“I thought you were her dad?” Melissa piped in.

“I am. She has two. Like you have two parents. Only we’re both boys.”

“Ooh,” Molly said. 

“Do you loooove him?” Melissa giggled.

Castiel shook his head in amusement. “He’s my friend.”

“His _ boy _ friend,” Melissa whispered to her twin, not-so-secretly.

Castiel rolled his eyes and walked away, towards Gabriel in the kitchen. He waggled his eyebrows at him. “The little ones know, Cas.”

Castiel rolled his eyes at Gabriel, too. “I suppose I’m to accept everything our four-year-old nieces say as truth.”

Gabriel grinned. “You know, I just realized I have three nieces and no nephews. Hey, Michael, are you gonna give me any nephews?” 

Michael whipped his head around and stared at him with comically round eyes. Castiel chuckled while Gabriel snickered. 

“I think that’s a no,” Castiel whispered to his brother under his breath. 

Gabriel snorted. “Poor guy needs a break. What about you Cassie, is one enough?”

“Gabriel, you are aware that I had no involvement in Emma’s creation, right? You’ll have to talk to Dean about that.”

Gabriel burst into laughter again. “Cas, you really are a riot, you know that?”

“Don’t make fun of him Gabe, he’s doing his best,” Anna reprimanded as she swept into the kitchen.

“What? No, Cas made a joke. It was funny.”

“Oh. Sorry, Cas.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Anna, you seem to be coping with parenthood much better than your husband is.”

“Okay, I may  _ look  _ dead inside but I can hear you.”

Anna smiled at her husband. “Honey, it’s not a secret. The short answer is I grew up with Gabriel as a brother and the  _ Winchesters  _ across the street. Not to mention Jo. She was the wildest of all of you hooligans. I’m used to these shenanigans.”

“‘You hooligans’?” Gabriel asked skeptically. “You were a hooligan until you went to high school and decided you were too cool for us.” Castiel nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, well. They get it from me.” Michael glared at her. “You just wait Cas, soon she’ll be a giggly mess. She’ll think she’s funny. She’ll hide under your bed and make you call the police when you can’t find her. It’ll be great.”

Castiel eyed his nieces, who were currently making a game of jumping off the back of the couch. He tried to imagine Emma doing such a thing, but his mind couldn’t process her any older than she was now. He had no idea what her mother looked like, and her resemblance to Dean was slowly becoming more apparent. 

But he could see it. Jack would likely become her partner in crime and they would be sure to wreak havoc on their building. Especially considering each of them had parents in Dean and Charlie.

Fantastic.

* * *

 

Dean stretched on the foldout couch, yawning. He didn’t know what time it was and he didn’t care. He was kinda free in that way.

“Sam?” he called out.

The nerd was already awake. “Yeah?” he answered from the kitchen.

“You should make waffles.”

“I already was, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“Maybe you wanna help instead of lying there groaning?”

Dean moaned overdramatically once more and flopped out of bed. Or off the couch, depending on how you looked at it. He stumbled into the kitchen and pushed Sam away from the waffle maker as he rubbed at his eyes. “You're doing it wrong.”

“How on Earth-”

“Shh. Make your stupid berry sauce or whatever and I’ll make the waffles.”

“You can’t call my sauce stupid and then eat it all, Dean.”

Dean made a face at him and washed his hands thoroughly before finishing the batter and making sure the skillet was hot enough. Sam started on his sauce behind Dean on the stove, humming a tune Dean didn’t recognize. 

“How’s school?” Dean asked as soon as the first waffle was poured.

“Same as every other time you ask, Dean.”

“Straight A’s?”

“Yes, Mom.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Good boy.”

Sam threw a berry at him. “Are you suffering from separation anxiety yet?”

“If we don’t talk about it, it’ll go away.”

“Is that just how you live your life?”

“You know it.” The waffle was ready, and Dean pulled it out with his fingers, hissing at the burn. He poured another in, making sure it wouldn’t overflow.

Truthfully, Dean was anxious about Emma. Where was she? What was she doing? What if her older cousins were being mean? From the few times he’d met those girls, he knew they were trouble. They were related to Gabe, after all. What if they messed with her? What if Gabe messed with her? It probably wouldn’t happen, but he couldn’t rule it out. 

Was she eating her food? Did she miss him? How was she sleeping, away from home? Was she bored? All of these were questions that could be answered with a single phone call, but Dean didn’t really want to bother Cas too often. He could wait.

He did wait, actually, until almost 7 o’clock, when it would be nine in Kansas. He had to call three times in a row before Cas answered, but he figured that was okay because sometimes Cas would just get so caught up in something Dean would have to literally rip it away before he paid attention.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said wearily.

“Hey, Cas. You alright?”

“Yes, I just-” he yawned. “Anna, Gabe and Michael were gone most of the day. Promise me you’ll never get anyone pregnant with twins.”

“Cas, if I ever get anyone pregnant ever again, you're just gonna have to chain me to a lamppost.”

“That wouldn’t be an issue,” Cas assured him. Dean smiled softly. 

“Anyway, how is Emma? Is she getting along with the girls?” he pressed, wanting to get to the important issues. 

“She gets along very well with Molly and Melissa. She thinks they’re funny. I did too, at first. I think they’re a bad influence on her, but no worse than you, so I’m sure it’s fine,” Cas reported.

Dean pressed a hand to his chest in mock offense. “I am a  _ fabulous  _ influence, thank you very much.”

“Whatever you say, Dean. Emma misses you very much, she asks for ‘Daddy’ every night before bed.”

Dean’s smile grew. “Does she?”

“Yes. And whenever Molly or Melissa address their father as such she gives me a pouty face. Would you like to talk to her?”

“Yes, please.”

Dean could hear the shift in the connection when Cas turned on speakerphone. “Gabriel! Where’s Emma?”

“Oh, I forgot to mention. She fell down the well,” Gabriel shouted back, faintly. Dean rolled his eyes, but his heart jumped at the words. He’d better be joking.

“That’s not funny.” Dean could just barely make out the sounds of tiny feet storming into the room.

“Papa!” Dean almost laughed in relief at the sound of his daughter’s sweet, tiny voice. 

“Hello, Emma. Do you know who I’m talking to?” Cas asked, amused. 

“Daddy?”

“Yes, it is Daddy.”

“Daddy!”

Dean looked across the room at Sam, who was snickering at him. Dean just grinned wider at him. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Daddy!”

Dean doubted she’d say much more than that, but he was glad to hear it anyway. “Are you having fun, Emma?”

“Yay!” Emma exclaimed. Cas chuckled in the background.

“Em, do you wanna talk to Uncle Sam?” Sam perked up at that. And to think just moments earlier he’d been making fun of Dean. Jealous bastard.

“Sham!”

Dean waved his brother over and turned on speakerphone as well. “Hi, Emma,” Sam greeted.

“Sham!”

“Hello, Sam.”

“Hi, Cas. I miss you, Emma.”

“Sham! Daddy!”

“She’s very excited,” Cas commented. 

“Dean’s grinning like an idiot,” Sam scoffed.

“You’ll understand when you have children, Sam,” Cas assured him. 

Sam just shook his head in disappointment. “You two think you’re all high and mighty and grown up now that you have a kid. Well guess what, I’m going to  _ law school,  _ so who’s the real grown-up?”

“Parenting is way harder than law school, Sam,” Dean chastised. 

“Can’t be that hard.”

“It is,” Dean and Cas said in unison. 

“Cuz you don’t get a textbook with everything you need to know,” Dean pointed out.

“Parenting books are a thing,” Sam countered. “And I seem to recall you doing a lot of Googling.”

“Nothing is stopping you from Googling the answers to your homework.”

“You have to stay up most of the night, every night,” Cas interrupted.

“And when she cries it’s not always the same thing and you have to figure it out. And sometimes there’s no clues. And sometimes she cries for no reason. And sometimes she gets upset when you leave the room. And there’s no free time. That’s not a thing. It’s baby time, all the time, unless you're at work, and even then you gotta know who’s taking care of her, and you gotta go and buy diapers and wipes and clothes and food-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Babies are harder than college,” Sam conceded. “Jesus. I feel ganged up on.”

Cas yawned again. “Emma, is it time for bed?” Dean had almost forgotten they were there. 

“Daaaaddy,” Emma protested, but her voice was soft and Dean could tell she was tired. He could picture it now, Emma sitting in Cas’ lap with her cheek on his chest, just staring at the phone. Cas would have an arm around her waist to keep her in place and maybe be resting his chin on her head. 

“Oh, sweetie, it’s time to go goodnight.”

“Night,” Emma repeated, even softer than before. Even Sam smiled at that.

“Goodnight, princess.”

“Night, Daddy.” Dean’s heart squeezed. She was so sweet, so tiny and precious.

“She’s asleep,” Cas whispered through the phone.

“Okay,” Dean said, though he was a tad disappointed. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean. Sam.”

“Cas.” Sam imitated Cas’ voice and tone exactly.

“Bye.”

Dean hung up, and Sam shook his head at him. “You really are just a big sap, aren’t you?”

“Shuddup. Are we gonna watch Raiders or not?”

* * *

 

“Emma, stop that,” Castiel demanded for what felt like the millionth time but was in actuality the fourth. 

The girl pouted at him. She was getting quite good at that, sticking her lip out and making big, sad eyes. She’d developed it very recently, and though Castiel was resilient to it, he knew when they returned home Dean would fall for it every time. 

It was the day before Thanksgiving, and he was attempting to enter grades before he got so caught up with the excitement of the holiday that he forgot. Emma, however, had different plans. She wanted to sit with him, and Castiel had tried letting her, but Emma wanted to smack the keyboard. This did not work for Cas and he’d had to put her down. Now she was simply walking up and smacking the computer. She was not in a very good mood, and Castiel suspected her conversation with Dean the night before had only made her miss him more.

Finally, Castiel shut his computer. “Emma, do you miss Daddy?”

Emma, her face still in pout mode, nodded sadly. Castiel narrowed his eyes. She was turning into quite the dramatic child.

“Do you suppose a graham cracker would make you feel better?”

Emma perked up simply at hearing the word. Castiel rolled his eyes. “I thought so. You really are just like your father, do you know that?”

Castiel stood and went into the kitchen. Emma galloped after him, nearly bouncing with excitement for a single graham cracker. Her expression was one he’d seen on Dean a million times, and Castiel was almost shocked by it. He’d expected her to be unfamiliar to him, more like her mysterious mother than her familiar father. 

“She really is,” Anna commented from the armchair she was reading in.

“Hm?” Castiel had already forgotten what he’d said. Emma was running off with her graham cracker to who knew where. 

“Just like Dean. She wants to eat all the time, can be way over dramatic, night owl, is mopey when she’s upset so everyone knows it. I could go on.”

“Oh. Yes, she really is quite like Dean. That’s why I said that.”

Anna raised her eyebrow. “Don’t talk back to me.”

Castiel froze. He couldn’t quite tell if she was joking or not. Growing up, she would say that to him a lot. It was how their family worked. Mother had complete power over Gabriel, Gabriel over Anna, Anna over Castiel, and Castiel over Samandriel. It was a chain of command, so Mother had never asked Castiel to do anything directly. It was always through Gabriel, and then Anna. Sometimes each of them had abused their power over the other, Anna especially. Though never as much as Mother.

Castiel had many grievances against his mother, but he thought perhaps the worst was that she made them all hate each other. Every second in that house was hell because Castiel had to do what he was told. He knew what would happen if he didn’t. He’d learned to resent the sound of Anna’s voice, because it too often spoke their mother’s words. 

Of course, they had an unspoken agreement that when their mother wasn’t present all her rules were null and void. This was largely thanks to Jo, who made sure they knew what she thought of those rules. Really if it hadn’t been for ‘those hooligans’ across the street, Castiel didn’t want to know where he and his siblings would be.

Of course, it was never any help to Samandriel. Castiel did his best not to think about his brother, but surrounded by his other siblings, he could hardly help it. 

“Cas?” Anna was saying. Castiel wasn’t aware that he had zoned out. “Cas, I wasn’t serious. You can talk to me. If you want.”

Castiel relaxed. “Yes. Sorry, I was thinking about something else.”

Anna still looked worried. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“I’m fine,” he assured her. 

The doorbell rang suddenly, and Castiel heard his daughter gasp from wherever she had run off to. “Daddy?”

“It’s not Daddy, Emma,” Castiel called out as he headed for the door. 

“Don’t crush her dreams, Cas. You can surprise your boyfriend during the holidays,” Anna joked.

“Ha, ha,” Cas responded flatly as he opened the door. It was probably some package or another.

A strange man stood on the doorstep. He had wild hair and a rugged beard, and something about him was familiar to Castiel. He was dressed in a simple tshirt and jeans, and Castiel couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was about this man that struck him.

“Um. Hi,” he started awkwardly.

“Hello,” Castiel responded slowly.

Emma poked her head between Castiel’s calves. “Daddy?”

Castiel sighed in frustration and picked her up. “No Emma, Daddy’s not here.”

Emma looked at the new man warily. “Hi.”

The man smiled. “Hi. Emma, was it?”

Emma his her face in Castiel’s shoulder. “Can I help you?”

“Um, yes, actually. Is this- does Gabriel Novak live here?”

“Yes, but he isn’t here right now.”

“Oh- well, who is here right now?”

“I’m Castiel, Gabriel’s brother. This is Emma, my daughter, and my sister is in the other room.”

The man nodded. “Castiel. Right, I should’ve known.”

Castiel tilted his head to the side as he heard Anna coming down the hallway. “Hey Cas, who’s-” Anna stopped in her tracks. “I know you.”

“Anna,” the man greeted. “It’s- it’s good to see you.”

Anna took a few more cautious steps forward before hissing slowly and pulling pulling Castiel back by the sleeve. “I don’t- I don’t understand.”

“Anna, what are you-”

“Cas, that’s our dad,” Anna said shakily. 

Somehow, this didn’t shock Castiel. It felt more like something snapping into place, the  _ I know where I know you from _ feeling.

“Oh.”

“Daddy?” Emma asked again.

“No Emma, not Daddy. Daddy’s with Uncle Sam.”

_ “Cas.” _

Castiel huffed and shifted Emma on his hip, turning back to his father. He could see it now, how he had Gabriel’s hair and the same eyes as Castiel. He took a heavy breath. “I don’t want to call you Dad but I don’t know your name,” he stated flatly. He’d never had any sort of feelings for his father. Not betrayal or love, just the knowledge that he existed.

“Um- it’s Chuck.”

“Well, Chuck, are you going to come inside and explain yourself to my sister?”

“Actually, I’d like to explain myself to everyone-”

“Well, you can’t,” Castiel cut off, and gestured one last time for Chuck to come in, and he did, closing the door behind him. Anna still had an iron-tight grip on Castiel’s sleeve, which she maintained as they sat on the couch, across from Chuck in the armchair Anna had previously occupied. Emma sat upon Castiel’s lap, and she seemed to know somehow that Castiel wouldn’t be letting her go. 

“So, uh,” Chuck started. “Are we just gonna wait for everyone else to get here or-”

“Oh man,” Anna whispered under her breath and whipping out her phone. She still held on to Castiel with one hand, though. “I don’t want the girls here for this. I’ll tell Michael not to come back for a while.”

“You have kids?” Chuck asked casually. Castiel almost wanted to laugh.

Anna looked at him for a long moment before answering. “Yeah. Twin girls.”

Chuck nodded. “Married?”

“Uh, the girls aren’t, but I am.”

“Oh, congrats. How old are they?”

“They’re four. I had them just after…” Anna trailed off, and Castiel cut in before Chuck could ask any questions.

“They’re troublemakers, those two.”

Anna frowned at him. “They’re being nice to Emma though, right?”

“Yes, but I meant in general.”

“Oh, good.”

There was a long silence after that. Anna finally let her hand drop from Castiel’s sleeve. 

“So what about Emma? She’s your daughter, Castiel?” Chuck finally asked.

“Yes. Actually, she’s my best friend’s daughter, but we live together and I adopted her.”

“So your best friend like… your partner?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Castiel glared at Anna. “We’re just friends.”

“Friends who live together and have a daughter together and are in love with each other.”

“Not the last part.”

“Yes the last part.”

“I don’t know who you guys are talking to or what you’re talking about, but if it’s Dean and Cas’ love affair then yes, the last part.”

Castiel twisted around to see Gabriel coming down the hall. He hadn’t heard the door happen. “Hello, Gabriel.”

“Hey, Cassie. Emma. Anna.” Gabriel’s eyes settled on their father and immediately lost all their warmth. “And- Dad.” He was as unshocked as Castiel had been.

Chuck stood, rubbing his hands together. “Gabe. It’s been a while.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “A while? Try our entire lives.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Where’s your brother? I want to explain things.”

Gabriel looked down. Castiel pushed his glasses up on his nose and Anna exhaled slowly. None of them could look the other in the eye. All of them blamed themselves, somehow, even though they all knew the true culprit.

“What?”

“Samandriel’s been dead for four years,” Gabriel spat out bitterly. “He’d be alive if you’d have been there.”

Chuck’s face fell and he sat back down. “Oh.”

“Gabriel’s being dramatic,” Castiel said softly. “I’m sure if you’d stayed instead of leaving, Mother would have driven you to suicide as well.”

“Better me than him,” Chuck said. Castiel had no response to that because he agreed.

“Is she the reason? Mother?” Anna asked.

Chuck sighed. “Largely, yes. I’m sure you all have a much better idea of what she’s like than I do at this point.”

“Hateful.”

“Insane.”

“Psychopathic.”

Chuck nodded. “Yeah, pretty much. Divorce wasn’t an option, not with her, and I knew I wouldn’t get away with taking any of you with me, so… I left. I thought… I thought maybe that would change her, make her see, but-”

“Not even a little,” Gabriel interrupted. “It just made everything worse.”

Chuck nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make up for 21 years, Dad.”

“Gabriel,” Castiel chastised. 

“ _ What,  _ Cas? You never had a father and you think sorry’s just gonna make it better?”

“I don’t, but please do not yell in front of Emma,” Castiel glared at Gabriel, and they had silent battle until Gabriel gave in with a sigh.

“Fine. Whatever. What made you come back?”

Chuck shrugged. “I guess I just found you. What happened, when I left? What did Naomi do?”

“We didn’t move,” Anna answered, staring blankly at the floor. “We stayed in that house in Lawrence.”

“Mother installed a system,” Gabriel continued, circling the couch to sit between his younger siblings. “A chain of command. Her, me, Anna, Cas, Samandriel. Total control.”

“Or else,” Anna whispered.

“How’d you get out of that? I mean, if that’s how you were raised-” Chuck asked.

“When I was 9, Bobby and Ellen adopted two boys.” Castiel picked up where Gabriel had left off. “Sam and Dean Winchester. Dean is actually Emma’s father.”

“Daddy?” Emma clarified.

“Daddy,” Castiel agreed. “They were bold and adventurous and fantastic. When they saw how things worked they made it clear how destructive it was.”

“In the house, we followed the rules,” Anna clarified. “There was always that ‘or else.’ But we would go and play outside, and we were free.”

“Mother didn’t like the Winchesters, but she couldn’t stop us. Castiel would sneak out at night and she’d never know, she’d be at work and she’d never know,” Gabriel said with a smirk.

“Samandriel was younger than all of us, even Sam and Jo. Besides, he never really fit in. And by the time Cas graduated college, I was married and pregnant and Gabriel was living here. It was just Samandriel and Mother.”

“He was always more rebellious than us,” Castiel commented. “He stood up to her, because by then he was bigger than her and Gabriel and I were gone, we couldn’t do her dirty work. But she was  _ hell.  _ He was only 17. It was too much for him.”

“He killed himself. The night Cassie graduated college.”

“I never spoke to her, ever again.”

“Me and Anna do. We’ve never had the guts to escape.”

Chuck sat in silence, his head in his hands. 

“I never even knew him a little.”

No one had anything to say to that.

* * *

 

Cas and Emma beat Dean home that weekend, and he raced up the stairs. He’d missed them both, and he was worried about Cas. He hadn’t really said much on the phone on the days following Thanksgiving, and Dean knew something had to be wrong.

He skidded to a stop in front of his apartment. The door was unlocked, and he crept in as silently as he could, but Emma saw him right away.

“Daddy!” she shrieked, running at him as fast her little legs could go.

“Emma!” Dean scooped her up as soon as she was within arms reach and he held her close to his chest. “Oh, my princess, I missed you so much.”

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”

Dean laughed and placed Emma on his hip. “Where’s Papa? Cas?”

“Dean?”

“No, it’s the candygram you ordered.”

Castiel emerged from the hallway, frowning. “I feel the need to reprimand you for saying that, but I’m not sure why.”

Dean laughed and pulled Cas in for a hug, sandwiching Emma between them. Cas smelled like pie and his stupid shampoo, and Dean hugged him tightly. He could tell by the way Cas hugged him back that something truly was wrong. 

Dean placed Emma on the ground with one hand before taking a step back from Cas, hands on his shoulders. “Cas? Are you okay?”

Cas hesitated. “I- yes. I’m just- something happened, in Wichita.”

Dean frowned. “What happened? Why didn’t you tell me about it?” When Cas said nothing, Dean huffed and shook his head. “You know if you don’t tell me I’ll just have to pry it out of Emma.”

Cas laughed slightly and then sighed pensively. “My father returned.”

Dean’s hands fell away from Cas’ shoulders in shock. “What?”

“Yes.”

Cas said nothing else. “And how… how do you feel about that?”

Cas shrugged, and Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen him look more helpless in his life. “I don’t- I don’t know. I always assumed I just wouldn’t care but now I just don’t know.”

Dean pulled Cas in once more, resting his hand at the base of his neck. “You know it’s up to you, right?”

“Yes,” Cas breathed into Dean’s neck. “But I wanted your opinion.”

“Because of my experience? That didn’t exactly go well.”

“Because you're my best friend,” Cas said softly.

“Oh.” Dean was surprised to hear that. Cas had always been his best friend, uncontested, but somehow it was just hard to believe that he was in the same place in Cas’ life. He didn’t know who else Cas’ best friend would be. He guessed he just- didn’t deserve that. “Cas, did you like him? At all?”

“Not really. He was strange and awkward and didn’t seem to show much actual interest in us.” 

“Then, you know, why bother? You don’t owe him anything. You’ve been fine without him all these years.”

Cas shifted in his arms, tightening his arms around Dean’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. “I suppose you're right.” He paused, and Dean took a shuddering breath, eyes closed. “Thank you.”

Cas stepped away, taking his warmth and his scent with him, and Dean could only watch him retreat down the hallway. No words would come to mind that would make him stay.


	20. Daddy's Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like 1am and I just had to rewrite basically this entire thing because it didn't save but thats okay because it's Monday and I'm updating and it's all good.

Once again, Dean had procrastinated buying Christmas presents for so long it almost wasn’t worth the hassle. He didn’t believe in the phrase ‘better late than never.’ Nevertheless, December 20th found him roaming the aisles of Target with a half-full cart and a hyper one-year-old.

“Dat?” Emma asked, pointing at a blender.

Dean sighed. “That’s a blender, Emma. It makes smoothies and stuff.”

“Soo-thie?”

“Yep. Good job, sweetie.”

Emma clapped her hands together excitedly. “Yay!”

Dean smiled at her. “You're learning so many new words, Emma.”

“Wods”

“Close enough.”

Dean yawned and made a tight turn onto the toy aisle. He did already have Emma’s present, but not Jack’s. He was really into space at the moment, so Dean figured he would look at some rocket ships.

“What do you think, Emma, do you think Jack would like this?” he inquired of his daughter. It was a rocket ship with retractable wings and buttons and all kinds of bells and whistles. Emma clapped her approval and Dean tossed it into the cart. Awesome. Only five more to go.

“Daddy, out,” Emma demanded. Dean sighed and lifted her out of the cart seat, setting her gently on the ground. She reached up and grasped his fore finger firmly. Dean had to slow down considerably, but it was worth it to see Emma turn her head to see everything and hear her barely-English comments. Plus, he loved her little waddle. Her feet slapped against the floor with all her weight and her whole body bounced with each step. 

She was so tiny and sweet and cute, Dean could hardly handle it. 

Dean parked the cart and shook loose from Emma to reach up high on a shelf for a book that Cas always said he wanted to read but never got around to. He deposited it in the cart, but when he looked down, Emma was gone.

Dean’s heart immediately started thudding wildly in his chest. “Emma?” he breathed. Panic was threading his every thought, and he could hardly move.

Dean clenched his fist. Now was no time for panic. He took two sharp breaths, eyes closed, and then set off down the aisle. He checked the one on the right. No one. (Weird for a Target so close to Christmas.)

Rounding the corner of the aisle on the left of the one Emma had disappeared from, Dean nearly collapsed in relief. About halfway down the aisle, a woman stood with her back to him, and in her arms was Emma.

“Emma!” he exclaimed breathily. 

Emma saw him and perked up, wiggling away from the woman. Dean squatted and let her run at him. He didn’t even notice the woman turn around, nor the shock and horror on her familiar face. Dean just caught his baby and stood, clutching her tightly.

“I’m sorry about that. Thanks for-”

Dean caught sight of the woman’s face and froze. Because he  _ knew  _ this woman. It took him a second, but he could barely stop himself from gasping when the name came to him.

“Lydia?”

“I- Dean,” she whispered, her eyes the size of saucers. Dean searched her face, subconsciously looking for something in her. Regret? Shame? Or maybe something of Emma in there.

“It’s been a while,” he commented needlessly. Lydia’s eyes flicked from Dean to Emma and back again, and if possible, her face went paler.

“I shouldn’t… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking to you,” she insisted, but Dean saw the way she looked at Emma, the unmasked longing. 

“Why?” he demanded. “I think I deserve an explanation, Lydia.” Dean remembered Cas telling him of demanding the same thing from his own father a month prior.

All three of them had pretty serious issues with at least one parent, Dean noticed. Dean’s mother had died when he was still just a kid, then his abusive father was sent to jail and came back 17 years later and then died. Cas’ father had ran out on him and his mother was a controlling maniac, and though he’d never said it in so many words, had almost definitely abused Cas. Then there was Emma, tiny, sweet, cute, Emma, whose mother had never even given her a chance. 

Lydia backed away a few steps. “No, I- I have to go.”

“No, you don’t,” Dean said coldly. Emma frowned at his tone and he smoothed her hair to calm her. “This is your daughter. You abandoned her, in case you forgot. She, at least, deserves answers.”

Lydia stopped, closed her eyes, and sighed. “Fine. I’ll be at your apartment in-” she checked her watch- “four hours. Assuming you still live at the same place?”

Dean nodded, and before he could say another word, Lydia was gone.

* * *

 

Castiel watched Dean pace with bored eyes and a flat expression, but internally, he was running around screaming,  head ablaze. The vision was a tad overdramatic, but not untrue to Castiel’s current feelings. All his worst fears, of Dean finding someone and taking Emma and leaving, could be realized. What if Lydia wanted Emma back? Castiel would fight her, that was what. But what if Dean rediscovered his initial attraction to Lydia, fell in love with her? Abandoning their daughter had probably put a wrench in Lydia’s chances on that one, but still.

Lydia would be there in 2 hours. Dean hadn’t stopped spouting at the mouth since the second he’d returned from the store.   
“I mean, who does she think she is, inviting herself over here? And, and, and! She didn’t even come over with me! She very ominously was like ‘four hours’! Why does she still remember where we live? That’s weird, right? Cas. That’s weird.”

Castiel sighed. “Perhaps for you, but if she had as many… interpersonal relations as you did, I would be shocked.”

“Come on, Cas, you make me out to be a whore.”

Castiel shrugged. “In the past, you’ve seen more sexual activity in a single month than I’ve had my entire life.”

“Okay, well that’s-” Dean stopped in his tracks and turned his head to Cas slowly, eyes wide. “Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“Are- are you a virgin?” Dean looked flabbergasted, as though this was the first time this had occurred to him. Castiel’s cheeks heated. “I mean- I don’t remember ever even asking you when you went on dates and stuff if you got any. Have we ever talked about this? I know we talked about it when I had my first time. And I really hope there was no one before we met because-”

Castiel looked to the ceiling and shook his head. He could feel the blush in his cheeks, though, and Dean was still talking.

“Cas. Oh my god. How is this something we’ve never talked about? I need an answer, like, fucking yesterday.”

Lucky Emma was asleep. “Fine, Dean. I’m a virgin. Happy?”

Dean didn’t answer that. “I just- I don’t- how?”

Castiel sighed heavily.  _ Because _ , he wanted to say,  _ I’ve been in love with you my entire life. _ “I suppose I’ve never had occasion.” He’d never wanted anyone but Dean.

“This is blowing my mind right now. Why the hell didn’t I know this? I mean, like if someone asked me, of course- how could I have never thought of this? And! Now that I’m thinking about it, I can’t even say who your first kiss was! Oh my god!”

Dean may have snuck a few cups of coffee when he’d come home. Meanwhile, Castiel’s blush deepened with each word Dean spoke. Castiel had had a first kiss,  _ thank you.  _ Dean just. Didn’t remember it. 

“Cas. You’ve never kissed anyone before either, have you?”

Castiel looked away from him pointedly. Looking at Dean always brought memories of soft lips and calloused yet gentle hands in his hair, on his cheek, his waist. 

“No,” he answered shortly, his neck bent completely backwards at the ceiling. “I haven’t.” He continued to refuse to look at Dean, though he was staring at him, jaw open.

Dean blinked and looked away at the ground. “...Okay. That’s- okay. I was- yeah. Anyway. Lydia.”

* * *

 

Dean couldn’t quite shake the feeling that Cas had lied to him. It was hard to explain, but Dean knew when he was lying, he had just the slightest tell. His voice got slightly thicker, like he was on the verge of tears. Dean just couldn’t figure out what Cas could have to hide about it.

Maybe it was Jo. That would make sense, plus Dean would be pretty pissed if it was, which would explain the lie. Honestly, he would be pissed no matter who it was, but especially if it was Jo.  

As much as he wanted to dwell on his best friend/ _ not  _ crush kissing other people, there were more important things to worry about just then. Emma’s mother would be at their door  _ any fucking minute now  _ and Dean didn’t know what to do. 

He was terrified. More terrified than any time his father had raised a hand against him, more terrified than when he thought he and Sam would be split in the foster system, more terrified than when he first held Emma. 

Because there was every chance that Lydia was coming to take Emma back, take her  _ away from them,  _ and Dean had never been more scared of anything all his life. If it got down to legal issues, Dean knew she would kick his ass. He didn't have the money for a good lawyer, and besides, he knew enough to know that the mother almost always won custody battles. Dean would fight it, tooth and nail. If necessary, he could and would resort to kidnapping. He didn’t even care. Emma was the best thing that ever happened to him, hands fucking down, and if Lydia thought she could give her up without a second thought and then come and demand her back, then she had another thing coming. 

The poor baby was sitting under the Christmas tree, batting at a wooden ornament. She was so happy with them, Dean knew. No one, ever, would take her away. 

There was a knock at the door, and Dean stopped his pacing and looked up. He just stared at the door until Cas gave him a withering look and went to answer it himself.

“Ah. Hi,” Dean heard Lydia say. “I was looking for-”

“Yes, he’s inside,” Cas turned his head and looked Dean over before sighing. “Dean, sit down, you look like a deer in headlights.”

Dean sat down hastily on the armchair and Emma jumped up excitedly to join him. She couldn’t quite pull herself up, so Dean held out a hand to support her, and she nestled herself between Dean and the armrest.

Lydia and Cas sat on opposite ends of the couch. Lydia blew out a breath in preparation.

“Look, I just wanna start off by saying I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair to just dump her on you with no warning, or at all, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Dean and Cas said in unison. 

Lydia looked between the two of them suspiciously. “I’m sorry, who is this?”

“Oh. Lydia, this is my roommate, Cas, Cas, this is Lydia.”

“Yes, thank you Dean.” 

“Just trying to be helpful.”

“Are you two a couple?” Lydia interjected. 

Cas shook his head and opened a book pointedly. Dean rolled his eyes. “We’re just friends.”

“Papa!” Emma exclaimed suddenly, pointing directly at Cas. Lydia raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, yeah, that’s a bit suggestive, but like. Cas?”

“You seem to be doing fine on your own.”

Dean glared at him before turning back to Lydia. “Cas is my roommate, he’s been with me and Emma the entire time. In fact, he legally adopted her, and, yeah. He’s her dad.”

Lydia nodded slowly. “But you're not a couple?”

“So  _ not  _ the issue right now.”

“Right, you're right. I- want to explain myself.”

There was an awkward pause. Cas snapped his book shut. “We’re waiting.”

Dean stifled a laugh.

Lydia huffed. “Right. So… when I met Dean, I was engaged. And I love my husband, really, but he’s really against premarital and all that, so while I was with him I was… frustrated. We all know where that went. And when I found out I was pregnant, I told Eric and he was okay with it, for a while. I don’t know what happened, but one day he just flipped and said he couldn’t do it and we had to give her up. I think he was freaked that she wasn’t his or something, and he said I could either give up the baby or say goodbye to him. So…”

“You gave up your own daughter for a dude?” Dean interjected incredulously.

Lydia glared at him. “For my fiance. Have you ever been in love, Dean?”

Dean blushed so furiously it was a wonder his face didn’t catch fire. His eyes flicked involuntarily to Cas, who was blessedly looking at the ground. Emma giggled.

“Um. No.”

“Mm. Well, when you're in love with someone, it’s because you choose to be. You choose them. I didn’t choose her. I have to love her, and you can never love someone you're forced to love more than someone you choose to love,” Lydia defended. She looked rather smug and proud of herself, but Dean just couldn’t help but think she was an idiot.

“I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit,”

“Language.”

“It is! You don’t choose to love anyone. You love people because you just do. Believe me, my life would be easier if I could just  _ choose not  _ to be in love with someone, but it doesn’t work like that. And even if it did, there’s a difference between loving your child and loving your partner or whatever. If Cas ever gave me that kind of choice- which he wouldn’t, by the way, because he’s a decent fucking human being- I’d choose Emma. She’s my responsibility. She literally could not navigate life without one of us. Cas? Cas is an adult.  _ You're  _ an adult, Lydia. You didn’t need him.”

Cas and Lydia were both looking at him strangely.  
“I thought you _weren’t_ a couple?”

“Who would you ‘choose not to be in love with’?”

Dean groaned. “I was making a comparison, and I said  _ if,  _ Cas. If I was in love with someone.”

“No you didn’t, you said-”

“Guys!” Lydia exclaimed, dropping her face into her hands. “I just- I don’t know. I love my husband, okay?”

Dean shook his head, but he understood, somehow. It didn’t make any sense and Dean would never make the same call, but he got it. 

“Okay.” He sighed. “Okay. So, what now?”

“W-what?”

“I mean- do you wanna see her ever? Or right now? What do you want?”

Lydia hesitated. “I- you named her Emma?”

“Emma,” Dean confirmed.

“Daddy!”

Dean grinned at the little girl, still burrowed into the cushion of the chair. He lifted her up and sat her on his knee so Lydia could see her.

Dean could almost see Lydia’s heart in her eyes and the pain on her face was so intense Dean almost pulled Emma back.

“I want- I want to see her. But my husband can’t know. So I can’t.” Lydia smiled ruefully. “But I guess you guys want that.”

“She’s your daughter too, Lydia.”

Lydia stood and shook her head. “No. I’m not. I abandoned her. I’m just- just Lydia.”

Dean stood as well, planting Emma firmly on his hip. “Lydia. You abandoned her. But we’re trying to give you another chance.”

Tears filled Lydia’s eyes, and she raised her arms and then dropped them helplessly. “Eric-”

“Isn’t with you every second of every day. We can find a way, alright?”

Lydia took a long moment looking over Emma’s face. Emma did the same back, and Dean held his breath.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll- I’ll let you know.”

* * *

 

After Emma finally went to sleep that night, Dean found himself leaning in Cas’ doorway. Cas didn’t notice him; he was reading a textbook. For fun, probably.

Dean cleared his throat, loud and pointed. Cas rolled over and peered up at him from the bed. He looked sleepy and adorable, and Dean had to force himself to stay in the doorway rather than flopping onto the bed next to him. 

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas. Are we gonna talk about earlier, or what?”

Cas frowned, and it only made him look cuter. Dean mentally smacked himself in the face. 

“Talk about what?”

“Talk about how you lied to me?”

Cas rolled his eyes, but there was that blush again. “I didn’t lie, Dean, but I’m fairly certain  _ you  _ did.”

Dean scoffed, but there was a lump in his throat. “What, you think I’m in love with someone? Pray tell me who that could possibly be? You spend more time with me than anyone, do you see me pining over anyone? I was just saying if I  _ was,  _ I probably wouldn’t want to be.”

Dean wasn’t looking at Cas, rather just slightly to the left, so he missed the destroyed expression on Cas’ face, immediately covered by a mask of indifference. 

“And why’s that?” Cas asked, his voice colder than before.

Dean shrugged. “Just- you know how I am. I would just screw it up somehow. Probably before anything good even happened.” Dean finally looked back at Cas, who just stared at him, scrutinizing. Dean waited for Cas to assure him or tease him, like he always did, but Cas just stared.

“You doubt yourself too much,” he finally responded. 

Dean sighed. “Maybe it’s for good reason. Are you gonna tell me now or what?”

“Tell you what?”

_ “Who have you kissed?” _

Castiel thought for a second before shrugging. “I don’t have to tell you.”

Dean groaned. “You know what, whatever, you probably just acted like you lied to look cool. Well, you're not cool, Cas.”

“Noted.”

Truthfully, Dean just didn’t want to know. It made him feel sick, and maybe that was selfish but he didn’t want to know. 

Dean wouldn’t know a lot of things, not that night. He wouldn’t know how Castiel would spend a majority of the night staring at the ceiling, trying not to cry, cursing false, unfounded hope. Likewise, Castiel wouldn’t know how Dean tossed and turned in his own bed, trying to keep thoughts of Cas kissing other people and a not-quite-memory-but-not-quite-dream of Cas kissing him at bay. Emma, for once, slept peacefully, and for that, at least, Dean was thankful.


	21. Riding the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically it won't be Monday for about an hour, but you know what, you guys deserve it. Hope everyone had a good weekend!

“Cas, I think she’s too big for this,” Dean said with a frown as he looked down on Emma’s crib. By now she probably should have been sleeping in a real bed, but it didn’t seem that big a deal until she had started hopping out on her own and snuggling in with one of her fathers.

Neither of them were necessarily complaining, but she needed her own bed. She would only continue to grow, and before they knew it she would be a pretween, still sharing a bed with one of them. 

Cas yawned behind Dean, and Dean heard his joints pop as he stretched. “I suppose. Dean, you realize you can’t share a room with Emma forever? Sooner rather than later she’s going to need her own space.”

“Does that mean me and you can get bunkbeds? Finally. I’ve always wanted bunkbeds.” Dean turned to face Cas, grinning. Cas was giving him A Look. 

“I meant that we should move. Somewhere with three bedrooms.”

Dean turned back around, his grin gone now. He liked this apartment, and it felt like home to him. So many memories worn into this floor, scratched on these walls. Dean had been here when Sam had told him he was going to California for college, it was the first place Jo had come when she’d dropped out. Emma had come into existence here, met Cas here, said her first words, crawled for the first time, took her first steps. 

This apartment was where Dean and Cas had gone after Samandriel had killed himself. It was where they’d stayed up night after night, talking about nothing, family, the future, the past. Dean had introduced Cas to  _ Star Wars _ here, and Cas had taught Dean how to play chess. It was something that was totally, wholly theirs, irrefutably. Different from their dorm room which had belonged to KU, and different from when they’d lived in their parents’ houses. It was theirs.

Dean pushed off the crib and spun to face Cas. He was leaning against the door, eyes roving around the room, as if he, too, was remembering everything they’d been through in this apartment. “You really wanna leave this place?” 

Cas shrugged, eyes snapping back onto Dean’s. “I suppose we don’t have to. There is time, a year at least, and bunk beds are always an option.”

“ _ Hell  _ yes.”

Cas shook his head in exasperation and left the room, presumably to get dressed  for work. Emma darted in as he was leaving, waving a fork in the air wildly. She didn’t stop, just continued running in circles. Dean watched her go without so much as a shift in his facial expression. She’d been like this recently, all keyed up and antsy. Dean was sure it had something to do with the Christmas spirit, now fading, but still hanging in the air. Plus, Sam was around, and that was always exciting. 

“Princess, it’s 6 in the morning. How are you my daughter?”

Emma simply laughed and offered the fork to Dean, who accepted. She squealed in delight and darted out of the room. Dean shook his head. Today was going to be exciting.

* * *

 

Dean bounced on the balls of his feet anxiously. Cas was 7 minutes late already, and Dean had to  _ go.  _

“You know, you could just leave her with me,” Sam commented from the armchair. His freakishly long legs dangled over the side of it, swinging back and forth lazily. 

Dean scoffed, warranting no other response. He didn’t have any other response. He just wanted Cas to come home. He couldn’t help but think of every terrible thing that could have happened on the way home in the storm raging outside. Maybe he wasn’t watching where he was going and slipped on the road, or someone crashed into him. He could have been struck by lightning, for all Dean knew. 

“Daddy,” Emma reprimanded, tugging on the hem of her father’s jeans. Dean couldn’t have picked a better time to leave. Her energy from the morning had worn out, and without a nap to refuel her, she had become very cranky.

“Daddy’s being a freak, Emma, come sit with Uncle Sam,” Sam called.

Dean snorted, watching Emma waddle over to Sam and curl up on his stomach. “Dude, that sounded so wrong.”

Sam rolled his eyes and Dean had only just turned back to the front door when it opened, emitting a very wet Cas. Dean rushed forward before he really registered what was happening, pushing Cas’ sopping hair off his face and gripping his shoulder so tightly his knuckles were white.

“Cas? Are you alright? What happened?”

Cas coughed slightly, eyes wide in bewilderment. Chances are he wasn’t expecting to be attacked the second he walked in the door. “I- I’m fine?”

“You're  _ late.” _

Cas rolled his eyes. “I’m not even 10 minutes late. The roads were slick, I had to be careful.”

“Whatever. I’m going to go, Emma’s probably gonna fall asleep on Sam-”

“She has.”

“Emma’s asleep on Sam, he won’t be going anywhere for hours because there was no nap today, and I ate the last of the mac ‘n’ cheese.”

Cas nodded slowly. “I understand. Goodbye.”

“Bye!” Dean rushed out the door; he may have slammed it a bit behind him, but he didn’t really care. He detested being late. 

It looked like it was going to be something he couldn’t help, though. Cas was right, the roads were slick and the rain had intensified even since Dean had left. He could barely see two feet in front of Baby and his tires skidded on the road every so often. By some miracle he made it to the garage unscathed.

Benny whistled low at the sight of Dean, sopping wet and 3 minutes late. “Dean Winchester. Late for work. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Shove it, Benny. It’s a nightmare out there,” Dean grumbled. Benny held up his hands in mock innocence before turning back to the hood of the car he was examining.

Dean was always the last person left at the garage. He worked a good 4 hours later than anyone else, even on busy days, so he was used to having the place to himself in silence.

That night, though, it was terrifying. The relentless rain came down in buckets, and thunder and lightning seemed to never cease. Dean could hear the wind scraping at the sides of the garage, and at some point all the power went out. He was sure the rain was turning to ice on the ground, and he doubted he would get home that night. 

He had just accepted this and decided to take a break, when the door flew open, emitting a coughing, wet Cas.

Dean lurched from his chair. “Cas?”

Cas straightened and shoved the hair off his forehead. Dean practically teleported across the room to him. 

“Cas, what the hell? Where’s Emma?”

Cas merely coughed in response, and Dean sighed in frustration before maneuvering around him to fight with the door. He had to lean on it with all his weight before it closed, and some semblance of silence was returned.

Dean turned back to Cas, who was unbuttoning his trenchcoat to reveal a crying Emma. Dean hadn’t heard her over the wind and rain, which said something because she was  _ screeching.  _ She was sobbing and screaming at Cas with such violence that Dean was shocked.

“Cas,” he reiterated, “what the hell?”

Cas ran his hand through his hair and turned to face Dean. “I think she’s scared of the storm. She hasn’t stopped since she woke up, and she’s been crying and screaming for you and then when the power went out she just got worse. I don’t know how she hasn’t tired by now but I didn’t know what else to do. I’m so tired and-”

“Cas,” Dean interrupted, “you're rambling. Give her to me.”

Cas complied, resting his forehead on Dean’s shoulder. He groaned, and Dean just patted his head. Emma curled onto his other shoulder, still wailing. “Okay,” Dean assured. “Okay. Come on, let’s go sit down.” Dean seized Cas’ hand and led him to the break room. The garage was in actuality two garages, and between the two of them was a waiting room/reception area, a break room, and Bobby’s office. The break room was dead center of the entire structure, and therefore the warmest. Plus, it had couches. Dean snagged a flashlight from the top of the car he’d been working on and Emma’s crying died down a bit. 

Dean set the flashlight on the counter so they would have some light and, still hand in hand with Cas, laid down on the couch. Emma was barely whimpering against Dean’s chest now. Cas had ended up between the back of the couch and Dean’s side. Dean’s arm was around Cas’ shoulder, Cas’ head on his shoulder, breath hitting his neck. Dean considered moving, but then he felt Cas shift into unconsciousness. Dean didn’t want to wake him with any movement, so he left it. He wasn’t really uncomfortable anyway, not at all. Despite his clothes being soaked and freezing, his body heat seeped through, warming Dean. 

Emma was shivering, and Dean tried his best to envelop her with his one arm so she would be warm, but it was near impossible. She was still cold and crying and Cas was probably gonna wake up with a cold, too, but there were no blankets or anything nearby.

Dean sighed and sat up, still holding Emma but disentangling himself from Cas. He unzipped his jumper halfway and took off the shirt he had on underneath. Cas made tiny protest noises when Dean shook him awake, but eventually he sat up as well. “What?”

“Take off your shirt.”

“...I’d rather not.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Dude, you're soaked. Here,” he insisted, brandishing his own shirt.

Cas nodded slowly and peeled off his drenched t-shirt. Dean could see the golden tan of his chest, even in the near-dark, and he very nearly reached out to help Cas get that shirt off. When it finally was, Dean snatched it from him and chucked it into some God-forsaken corner of the room before handing Cas his own shirt. They laid back down, Dean’s back to Cas’ front (not spooning), Emma clutched to Dean’s chest still. Even with two arms, it was impossible to warm her.

Dean sighed and counted to ten before flipping over so that he was facing Cas. Deep breaths. This was not weird in the slightest. Nope. “Cas,” he whispered.

_ “What?” _

“She’s shivering, I need you to help me warm her up.”

Cas hesitated for a long moment before snaking his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean kept one hand at Emma’s head before sliding the other around Cas. An Emma sandwich.

Their combined warmth was enough to get her to stop shaking, but Dean worried it was already too late as far as keeping her from catching something went. She and Cas each would be sneezing and coughing in the morning, and without a doubt Dean would be infected. He probably already was. 

Unfortunately, Dean’s prediction was correct and the next morning he was awoken by Emma sneezing directly into his face. She then clambered out from between her fathers, stamping on Dean’s face as she went.

Dean barely cared enough to wipe the baby snot off his face before laying back on the couch. Nevermind the fact that there was now a one-year-old running amuck in a garage full of very dangerous equipment. The door was closed, anyway. She would be fine.

Cas tugged on Dean frustratedly. He was cold, and Dean willingly let Cas curl into his chest. Both were back asleep in an instant.

* * *

 

Emma was crying. This was nothing new, of course, but Castiel was tired and wished she would stop. His head was pounding painfully and he was in desperate need of a glass of water, but Castiel just groaned into Dean’s chest.

He felt more than heard Dean’s rumble of laughter at that, and it was only then that Castiel realized they were far more intimate position than they’d fallen asleep in. Castiel’s arms were still encircling Dean’s waist and Dean still had one arm under Castiel’s shoulder, only now without Emma as a barricade Castiel was using Dean as a pillow and their legs were tangled together

This was nothing new, either, but it had become rarer and rarer the older they had grown, and they had certainly not slept like this since before the night that John died, the night Dean kissed Castiel. It was unnerving, to say the least. 

Castiel quickly pushed himself upwards, which was not a bright plan for now he was just hovering a foot over Dean, though their legs were still tangled and they were hip to hip and-

Castiel rolled off the couch. He hit his head on the ground and the cold of the room rushed at him but things had been about to get very bad very quickly. 

Dean propped himself on an elbow and looked down at Cas. “Smooth.”

“Emma is crying,” Castiel justified, because he could still hear her wails. He clambered to his feet and looked around the small room. His face was hot and he found it very difficult to look Dean in the eyes at the moment, so he simply stooped to gather up Emma.

When Castiel placed a hand on her forehead, he winced. “She has a fever,” he announced. 

Dean sneezed violently. “Oh, no.”

Castiel frowned. “I suppose that is to be expected as well.”

Dean pushed off the couch and came to Castiel, feeling his forehead with the back of his own hand. “You have a fever, too.”

Castiel mirrored the action on Dean. “As do you.”

Dean sneezed again. “Awesome. We should go home, make Sam take care of our miserable asses.”

Castiel swatted him. “Language!”

* * *

 

Sam rocked his crying niece gently, shushing her as he did so. He could only imagine how confused she must have been, never having been so sick in her life. Dean was good for that, at least- he disinfected  _ everything.  _

“Saaaaaamm, can you get me some milk?” Dean whined from the couch. His fever had quickly become the same flu Emma suffered from. Cas wasn’t quite that bad, but his nose was constantly dripping and he had a bottle of water on him at all times. He had also frequently been caught banging his head into walls.

Sam was hiding with Emma in the kitchen. The two “adults” in the living room were making it all too easy for him to kill them. It wasn’t as if they could do anything about it, if they couldn’t even get their own damn beverages. 

Sam sighed a long-suffering sigh. “Milk is definitely not what you need, Dean, you’ll just get more congested.”

“But Emma gets milk!”

Dean probably actually needed to go the hospital if he was acting like this. That, or he was just a bitch, but Dean wouldn’t make Sam deal with his baby  _ and _ his shenanigans if it wasn’t necessary.

“Dean, she’s almost two. She doesn’t drink milk anymore.”

Sam was grateful for the blissful silence at that. 

“Sam!”

Sam nearly cried. “Yes, Cas?”

“There’s no more tissues.”

“They’re right beside you.”

“...Oh.”

Sam wished he was back at Stanford. He would call anyone else if he thought anyone else would be as immune to either the sickness or the whining as he was.

Emma’s screaming ratcheted up to a whole new level and the twin groans from the direction of Dean and Cas’ den of disease surprisingly did absolutely nothing to help the situation. The faint thumps of Cas hitting his head on something could be faintly heard. 

Sam didn’t know what to do but to let Emma lay on his shoulder and bounce her from side to side. He knew nothing about infant care, after all.

He was about to start crying himself when he heard the apartment door open and a familiar voice exclaim, “Oh  _ hell  _ no.”

Sam crossed into the living room. Dean had a paper towel over his eyes and was sprawled across the couch. Cas was curled up in the armchair, gently banging his head against the side of it. They had towels taped over the windows, because apparently light was too much for them. 

“Ellen,” Sam sighed in relief. “Please be here to save me.”

Ellen lifted Emma from Sam’s arms and started rocking, shushing and smoothing her hair. This did nothing to alleviate the screams. “Have you given her any medicine?”

Sam sighed, glaring at Dean and Cas. “These morons don’t have any medicine. Literally not even an aspirin.”

“We don’t get sick!” Dean claimed.

“Dean, we  _ are  _ sick,” Cas reminded him.

“Well, golly gee, thanks Cas, I hadn’t noticed.”

_ “Boys.  _ Sam, why didn’t you go buy any?”

Sam sighed. “Cas left his car at the garage and Dean claims not to know where his keys are.”

Ellen shook her head. “Lose their heads if they weren’t screwed on.” She threw her keys at Sam and waved him out the door.

Sam went, sticking his tongue out at Dean on his way.

“Golly gee?” Cas asked Dean judgmentally. 

Dean threw his arms up. “Sue me.”

* * *

 

Sam was gone before they fully recovered, and Cas had to miss the first days back at school, but they did eventually get better. While he hated being sick, Dean preferred one week of the flu over several weeks of a cold. You’re miserable either way, why drag it out?

But something was tugging at Dean’s mind like an itch he couldn’t scratch. A single scene wove itself through his dreams and it had begun to invade reality as well. Perhaps it was just some fantasy he couldn’t quite shake, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Cas’ lips against his own, his knees framing Dean’s hips on a mattress in a dark room.

He’d thought about that before, of course, but this seemed different. It was almost too vivid, too detailed and too short to be a figment of Dean’s imagination. His fantasies tended to go further than kissing and he could never imagine what it would feel like, but this scene was short and sweet and full of feeling.

Dean tried to shake it off. After all, it didn’t make any sense, right? There was no way that he could have kissed Cas without remembering.

He chalked it up so some dream, a simple wish, but he couldn’t quite convince himself.


	22. Hello To You, Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can also be read: the importance of small-talk.  
> ;)  
> Sorry.  
> (P.S. ive decided to change the posting day to sunday because i always end up posting on sundays anyway)

Landlines hardly ever get any love these days, so it was a bit of a surprise when the one in the kitchen of the Winchester-Novak apartment started to ring. It echoed through the still household four times before it was silenced. Before a greeting could be uttered, however, Charlie Bradbury began to talk very quickly, faster even than her normal speed. She could only barely be understood.

“Cas! Okay, so, I’ve been thinking. You need to talk to Dean about this whole kiss thing. I mean, what’s stopping you? It’s not like he’s gonna be mad at you or anything; worst case scenario, he’s mad at himself, but I feel like if you just talk to him about everything he’ll get over it. Plus, you know, he was drunk. I’m sure he’s kissed plenty of people while drunk before and gotten over it. I know I have. I just- I just don’t think it’s healthy to leave this between you.” Charlie paused for a moment, listening. “Cas? You still there? I have to get back to work in a second, I need an answer. Cas?”

Dean gripped the receiver so hard it creaked, threatening to shatter. His face was as still and white as death itself, though the rest of his body was shaking, trembling. His mind was desperately racing to process everything he’d just heard.

Dean gulped. “Hello to you, too, Charlie.”

* * *

 

Cas had had a meeting after school that day. Dean had had to stay home for longer than he would have any other day. If Charlie had called on any other day- 

If Charlie had called on any other day, Dean didn’t even know what. 

When Cas had come home Dean had rushed out the door before he was even inside, uttering a quick goodbye so he wouldn’t worry. He hadn’t stopped shaking since he’d gotten off the phone. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. 

“Dean?” Charlie had gasped. “Oh man, I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.”

“Charlie,  _ what the hell?” _

“Cas is gonna kill me. He’s actually, literally gonna kill me. Oh my God. This is so not what I wanted to happen.”

_ “Charlie,”  _ Dean had gritted through his teeth. He was gripping the counter so hard at this point his knuckles were white.

“Oh my God. Just- I’ll explain everything when you get here.”

Dean didn’t imagine he would be getting much work done that day. When he arrived at the garage, Benny, Bobby, and Charlie were all gathered around a table cluttered with different valves that Dean supposed they were organizing; he didn’t really care. He only cared about grilling Charlie about everything she knew about this goddamn kiss.

He seized her by the arm and dragged her away from the table, not breaking stride once. She yelped but obliged, hurrying along beside him. Benny raised his eyebrows. 

“You better not be taking care of personal matters at work, boy!” Bobby called after them.

“Did you see his face?” Benny scoffed. “Something went down with him, and if he don’t resolve it soon no work’s getting done anyway.”

Bobby grumbled but didn’t do anything about it.

Meanwhile, Dean swung into Bobby’s office and sank into the big rolly chair, head in his hands. Charlie closed the door behind them gently before taking a seat across the desk from Dean.

“Dean?”

Dean jerked his head up with a steady inhale. He could do this. 

“Charlie, what the fuck? I don’t even know what to think right now. I’m- I don’t-”

“I know. I know.” Charlie shook her hands out at her sides. “Look, if you need me to tell you everything… I will. You really should hear it from Cas, but I’ll tell you.” She bit her lip and tugged on her hair. 

Dean gestured for her to go on. His throat seemed to be stuck. He felt if he opened his mouth to say anything he would start sobbing instead. Or maybe throw up. Or maybe both.

“Okay,” Charlie took a deep breath, digging her nails into her palms. “Okay. It was the night your dad died, the night you went and got so fall-down drunk it’s a miracle you got home, Cas had to help you go to bed. I don’t know all the details of how it happened, but you kissed him, and he-” Charlie hesitated. “Yeah. He told me about it. That’s all I know,” she said shortly. 

Dean flopped forward and banged his head on the desk, hard. He wanted to shoot himself in the brain.

“Dean, I really think if you just talked to Cas-”

“And say what?” Dean pushed himself up from the desktop and began to pace. He couldn’t handle this. He didn’t know how to deal with it. He could just barely deal with everything else going on, and now this. It was too much. “Hey, sorry for totally violating you and making you take care of my miserable ass and forcing my miserable feelings on you and then forgetting about it for months and months so you just had to live with that, but we’re chill, right?” Dean spat. He really wanted to cry. Or puke. Or both.

Because that was it, right? Dean, though drunk, had just kissed him and, knowing his drunk self, definitely did not ask first. That was goddamn  _ violating.  _ And Charlie wanted them to talk about it but Dean didn’t even know what he would say. His only options were apologizing, pathetically, or admitting how he felt, pathetically.

Cas didn’t want Dean’s feelings. He wanted Dean to be his friend and his roommate and this didn’t fall under either of those categories.

There had to be a reason he hadn’t mentioned it, right? Cas tended to be the one who wanted to Talk About Things, but he could probably guess what Dean would say and didn’t want to hear it. It would just make everything uncomfortable if Cas didn’t feel the same way.

Cas wasn’t stupid. There was no way he could think that Dean wasn’t in fucking love with him or somewhere around there after he’d  _ fucking kissed him.  _ So the only reason he wouldn’t say anything would be that he didn’t feel the same way. So, basically, Dean had ruined everything forever and he couldn’t just pretend like something didn’t happen because Dean actually wasn’t that good at that and Cas would know and then things would be awkward and even more ruined forever. 

“Dean, things aren’t ruined forever,” Charlie interjected softly. Dean jerked his head towards her. How long had he been saying his thoughts out loud?

“I think you're wrong,” he countered cleverly, sitting back down. He fought the childish urge to pull his knees to his chest and hide behind them.

Charlie sighed. “Well, that’s your problem, but you can’t hide from this, Dean. It’s not just gonna go away, you have to talk about it.”

“I don’t see  _ why _ ,” Dean grumbled. But he did. He had taken grown-up classes, just didn’t like to utilize those skills. He didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted to go back to the way things were where Cas could be oblivious and Dean could just silently suffer.

Because he was a coward. He couldn’t take the risk of telling Cas how he felt because he couldn’t handle that kind of rejection, not from Cas. He’d lose everything. His best friend, his roommate, and all their good memories would be tainted with the sting of rejection. Cas meant so much more to him than just a crush, even a decade-long, all-encompassing crush. There was no way Dean would risk driving him away. No chance.

Charlie stood and crossed her arms, towering over Dean in his chair. “Listen. I know you don’t want to, and I know it’s scary and it’s hard but that’s  _ tough _ . I don’t know what you're thinking right now, but I know it’s bullshit. If you think telling Cas how you feel is going to make him think any different about you then you're dead wrong, and if you would just give it a  _ chance,  _ I think you’ll be very surprised and make your life a hell of a lot easier.” Her voice was harder than Dean remembered ever hearing it.

The tears came then, welling up so quickly that Dean couldn’t blink them back. He stared at the ceiling and his voice broke a little as he whispered, “I can’t, Charlie. I just- I just can’t. I can’t lose him.”

Charlie groaned and rubbed at her eyes exhaustively. “I get that. I know. Why can’t you just trust me? I wouldn’t make you do this if I wasn’t sure that he felt the same way.”

Dean didn’t even bother looking at her. He did trust her, but she couldn’t know how Cas felt. She couldn’t. She was just making assumptions, like everyone always did, always had done. At least, that’s what Dean would tell himself. He was still just a coward. 

He would talk to Cas, but not about feelings or any of that bullshit. He was drunk. He doesn’t even remember, and he’s sorry. Cas would say he understood and that he didn’t mention it because he knew it didn’t mean anything. It would be fine, and everything would go back to normal.

“Fine,” Dean said softly. “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

Charlie smiled hugely and gave him a thumbs up before bounding off back to work excitedly. Dean took a few more minutes, staring at the ceiling and thinking of a billion more excuses.

* * *

 

Castiel smiled softly at Emma’s disgusted facial expression. His boredom that afternoon had inspired him to make lemonade, which led to the idea of giving Emma one of the lemon. She hadn’t appreciated it, but Castiel had and he took a picture of her confused face so Dean would be able to, too. He might be upset that Castiel had done it outside of his presence, but oh well.

As if summoned by Castiel’s thoughts of him, the door creaked open slowly. “Cas?” Castiel heard Dean call out.

Castiel frowned and walked into the living room. Emma abandoned her lemon on the floor and followed him.

“Dean? Are you okay? Why are you home?”

Dean stood in the doorway like a deer in headlights, eyes blown wide and mouth hanging open. He was scratching at his forearm, his most obvious nervous tic, and Castiel’s frown deepened. He’d acted strange earlier today as well, blowing past Castiel out the door with barely so much as a ‘goodbye.’

“I- I, um. Well.”

“Dean.”

Dean huffed, and his eyes dropped down to Emma. His face instantly transformed into a smile and he visibly relaxed. “Hi, Emma.”

“Daddy!”

_ “Dean.” _

“Right. I, um-” Dean glanced down at Emma again. “Can I take her across the hall? For a moment? Real quick?”

Castiel, if possible, became even more perplexed, and he stared at Dean quizzically. “Of- of course.”

Dean crouched and held out his arms, which Emma willingly went into. He settled her against his hip and spun out the still-open door. Castiel watched him open the door to the Bradburys’ apartment and yell to Dorothy that Emma was there. Dorothy responded with a shout that Castiel couldn’t quite make out but made Dean come back blushing. 

This time, Dean closed the door behind him. He still wasn’t looking Castiel in the eye and he was scratching again. “Let’s- sit down, Cas.”

Castiel was beginning to panic. What could have happened? Everything Castiel could think of was either too serious for Dean to be relatively calm about or not serious enough that it couldn’t wait until Dean got off. 

The only thing Castiel could think of was that something had happened to one of his mother. He didn’t know how to feel about that.

Castiel sat on the couch, still frowning. His forehead was starting to feel stiff from prolonged furrowing of his eyebrows. Dean sat in the armchair, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his chin between them. 

“Dean,” Castiel started, voice slightly more frantic than he intended, “whatever’s wrong-”

“I talked to Charlie today,” Dean interrupted softly.

Dean talked to Charlie every day. What made today different?

“What did you- oh.”

Oh. 

Dean nodded softly, eyes fixed on the side of the couch opposite from Castiel. He looked incredibly small then, and Castiel found himself without any words. 

_ Oh.  _

“I’m-” he managed, frozen stock still. Dean was never supposed to find out about the kiss (what else could he be talking about?). They all could have lived happily oblivious forever, and they would never have to have this conversation. “I’m sorry.”

Dean glanced at him for a split second before looking away again. “God, Cas, no, I’m sorry, I’m the one who-” Dean groaned and hid his face behind his knees briefly. “Jesus. I’m the one who fucked up.” 

Castiel rubbed at his palm with his thumb, hard. “Dean, it’s not that big of a deal.” Because it wasn’t. It was just a kiss, and a drunken one at that. It didn’t mean anything. To Dean, at least. It meant everything to Castiel, but he thought it prudent not to mention that. 

Dean’s shoulders tensed further. He still wasn’t looking at Castiel. “Right. Yeah. I just- I was drunk. And. But still, I mean, it’s kinda violating, like, a lot, and um, really embarrassing, for me, which is less important, but yeah. Violating.” His face was redder than a tomato. 

Castiel huffed, calming slightly. It was not a big deal. It was easier to believe with Dean acting like an idiot. “Dean. I promise I was not offended by your advances.”

Dean winced. “Don’t- don’t call it that. Still, I’m sorry. Or whatever.”

“Apology accepted.” It was not a big deal. It was just a mistake, a regret. It didn’t mean anything, Castiel told himself, and it hurt but that was what he’d been telling himself for months now. All the same, he was glad they’d talked. It felt like a weight off his chest. Better to kill any hopes now than let them run rampant. It was unhealthy, really. False hope was cruel and wondering was toxic.

“Right. Okay. Good talk.” Still not looking at Castiel directly, or for more than a single second, Dean dropped his feet to the floor and stood. He was still scratching his arm. Castiel resisted reaching out and stopping him. It probably wouldn’t be appreciated. “I’m gonna go-” Dean froze, eyes widening. He was staring at Castiel now, and weirder behavior Castiel could not remember seeing from him all in one day. 

“Oh. That’s what- oh. I, um. I’m gonna go back to work, now. If you wanna. Grab Emma. I’ll just. I- bye, Cas.”

And then he was gone again, and Castiel could only sit there and attempt to understand what had just happened.

* * *

 

Dean banged his head on the steering wheel with a groan. He was going to shoot himself. He was actually going to get a gun and blow his own goddamn brains out with it. 

To be fair, that could have gone worse. He’d certainly expected it to. But he was  _ so goddamn stupid  _ that it’d taken him too fucking long to realize what the hell Cas had been talking about the day they met Lydia. 

He’d had a first kiss, he said, but he didn’t wanna tell Dean. What the fuck could that have meant, Dean now wondered venomously _.  _ Dean had just gone and stolen Cas’ first kiss and everybody just had to act like that just wasn’t a big deal and that it was fine when nothing was fine, nothing about this was fine. 

Dean loved Cas. Was in love with him. And that was scary and sad and tragic and it wasn’t fine when he got to kiss him but not remember and it didn’t get to mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything.  

Dean was angry at himself for stealing Cas’ first kiss but at the same time he was relieved that  _ he’d  _ gotten it and no one else even if he didn’t deserve it. He was selfish like that. A selfish coward. 

To make matters worse, Dean found himself wishing he’d told Cas the truth. Let it all spill out. See what happened. He knew Cas better than anyone, and Charlie was right, how could he think Cas would see him any differently?

Dean started the car. He couldn’t go back to work, Bobby would kick him right back out, but he couldn’t go back inside, either. It might be a bit before he could go home, even longer before he could look Cas in the eye. He was quickly realizing that this was all too big, all too much. He’d go to Bobby and Ellen’s, lay low for a few days. Doing so might unintentionally be admitting something Dean had tried very hard to contradict, but so be it. 

He should have told him the truth in the first place, anyway. 

Charlie took a deep breath and ran a hand through her short fiery curls, letting her finger catch on the strands and then break through. It was damage control time. Normally, she would have made Dean control his own damage, but this was mostly her own fault. She knocked on the door tentatively. Castiel immediately flung it open, like he had been waiting nearby. 

“Oh. Charlie,” he started. “Do you-”

Charlie didn’t even give him a chance to finish, lest she lose her nerve. “Look, Cas, I know you're probably really super mad at me right now, and I’m really really sorry but I swear I didn’t mean to and never again will I call someone and start talking without making absolute certain that I’m talking to the person I think I’m talking to. I’m-”

“Charlie,” Cas interrupted softly. Charlie took note of the tiny crack in his voice and the red in his eyes.  _ Poor baby,  _ she thought. “I’m not mad. I am very confused, however,” he said, clear eyes fixed on her.

Charlie took a deep breath. “Okay. Well, um, Dean didn’t go back to work. He’s kinda useless and just a little bit of a wreck. I called him about an hour ago and, well. He told me what you guys talked about and with all the head-banging he’s been doing he’s going to have a bruise sooner rather than later, and he’s-” Charlie paused, biting at a fingernail. “He’s um. Not coming home tonight. Or the night after that. He didn’t say anything about the third night, but Ellen said if he was still there after the second night she was dragging him home.”

Cas dug his fingers into his eyes. He looked so tired and frustrated. Charlie felt mostly the same. “Why?” This time, the whole word was a voice crack and Charlie’s heart broke. Stupid, idiotic  _ boys.  _ “He said it wasn’t a big deal.”

Charlie shook her head, smirking slightly. Right, Dean ran away from something that was no big deal.  “Come on, Cas, even you can’t be that oblivious.”

Cas just stared at the floor, fists clenched tight at his sides. “I’m not.” His voice had gone very high-pitched and Charlie thought maybe he was trying not to cry. 

Charlie reached out and patted his shoulder. “Oh, Cas. It’s gonna be okay. This is all gonna work out, I know it.” Cas said nothing, but lifted his head. His eyes were significantly wetter, and sympathetic tears pricked at Charlie’s own eyes. “You know, if I were you, I’d go over there right now and tell him everything,” she suggested. She figured the sooner something happened, the better. Save them all the suffering. 

Cas shook his head somberly, and Charlie screamed internally. Typical. “He won’t listen. He’s too stubborn and panicked, I imagine. And when he comes home, he won’t want to think about it. He’ll repress it. There’s no point.”

Charlie groaned, tugging on the ends of her hair. That was it. She had had enough of this nonsense. “Oh my  _ God.  _ I actually cannot believe this. Do I need to spell this out for you? He. Is. In. Love. With. You. And you get that! You finally fucking figured it out, Sherlock, it’s been how long? And you're not doing anything about it! Both of you keep making up these bullshit excuses to sit with your thumbs up your asses! Why won’t you let yourself be happy, Cas?”

Charlie immediately felt bad when she looked up and Cas had his face back in his hands, chest heaving. But come on, really. If she didn’t tell him, no one would. “Charlie,” Cas pleaded, voice tired, like he’d made up his mind, given up. “It’s pointless. He won’t listen.”

“Then make him listen!” she exclaimed. 

Cas straightened, his face more of a mask than his hands had been and Charlie worried that she’d gone too far and that now he was mad at her, but he continued talking in that same resigned tone of voice. “You say he’s in love with me, and maybe you think that-”

Charlie rolled her eyes. Honestly. “Or maybe he told me to my face or something, I don’t know.”

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Cas countered immediately. “I’ll tell him how I feel and everything’ll be great and then Dean will realize that that’s not what he really wants and then I’ll be less happy than before, and it’s all pointless, Charlie.”

“But you don’t know that, Cas,” she pointed out gently. She so wanted them to be happy. Dean’s miserable ranting earlier and Cas’ resigned hopelessness was depressing her, and besides, they deserved it. Why were they being so dumb?

“It’s too big of a risk,” Cas stated, and Charlie knew that was the end of it. Cas stood and Charlie stood with him. She almost moved in for a hug when Castiel closed the door, closing himself off. 

It always came down to the risks. Funny, the risks they were willing to take for everything but each other. 


	23. Box of Chocolates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I really don't have much to say except that I hope you enjoy, be patient, don't attack me, everything is fine. It is. Happy reading!

Valentine’s Day was miserable even when Dean wasn’t. The whole day was empty and cheap, capitalism’s way of reminding you even your relationships were subject to its whim. Fucking teddy bears and chocolate and candy hearts. It was sickening.

Dean hated Valentine’s Day, but he’d hated it less when he was happily single instead of pining after (yet avoiding) his best friend who he happened to want to be not single with. It had been a week and a half since Dean had returned from his fucking parents’ house; so far, everything was awkward and nothing was good.

So, really, it wasn’t just Valentine’s Day he hated. It was all the days. 

February 14th, Dean heard Cas’ alarm go off and woke up with it. A couple weeks ago, and Dean would have gotten up to go have coffee and maybe some toast with him. Not today though, and not for the past bunch of days. It was like a game now- see how long Dean can go without talking to his roommate/co-parent before he is either forced into conversation or breaks his resolve.

He missed Cas, and Dean quickly learned that missing someone who was never more than a hallway away was torture. Especially when it was his own fault, for pushing him away and everything that preceded. He could stop the ache in his chest whenever he wanted. Unless Cas was mad at him for ignoring him for a week, which was probably the case. So even if Dean were to finally listen to Charlie and talk to Cas, Cas wouldn’t want to talk to him. 

In a depressing roundabout way, Dean’s fears had been realized. His one and only hang up about the whole ‘tell Cas how you feel’ nonsense was the fear of complete rejection. Losing Cas. And now Dean was losing him anyway, and it was his own fault. 

But he wasn’t going to stop, because he knew now that Cas knew how he felt. He’d have to be an idiot not to have figured it out, and Cas was pretty damn far from an idiot. Plus, Dean had the sneaking suspicion that Charlie had told him something. She’d tried to apologize for something while Dean was at Bobby and Ellen’s. He hadn’t let her. 

And if Cas knew, he wasn’t saying anything, which could only mean one thing. He wanted Dean to just forget about it. 

If Dean could just forget about it, he would have done so a long goddamn time ago. So avoiding Cas would just have to be the next best thing. 

Dean didn’t even start moving for an hour and 15 minutes after he woke up, once he was sure Cas was gone. He rolled out of bed, letting his body hit the floor with a thump. He lifted Emma out of her crib and onto his hip before heading into the kitchen to drink the cup of coffee that Cas left out for him.

Because Cas always left out a cup of coffee for him. Dean didn’t know what to make of that. 

Emma yawned sweetly and rested her head on Dean’s shoulder to watch him pour her cereal, her eyes lazily following the movements. She was starting to pick up on some of Dean’s misery. She was quieter than normal, more cuddly, which Dean appreciated but was worried by. She was sad. They were all sad on account of Dean being a fuckup, which made Dean even sadder but no less of a fuckup. 

“Show?” Emma asked quietly. 

Dean studied her for a moment. She had his eyes, big and green and framed with thick blonde lashes. She was going to be beautiful when she grew up. Dean was not ready for that. If she was anything like him, he’d be fending boys off with a stick left and right. 

But now her big green eyes looked up at him with exhaustion, and the way she snacked on her cereal seemed muted, somehow.  Her movements were lethargic and lacked the energy one should expect from an almost-two-year-old. 

Dean sighed heavily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He was exhausted, despite having slept in longer than he normally would have. “Yeah, princess. Let’s watch a show.”

* * *

 

Castiel leaned back in his chair, spinning it around as he stared blankly at the ceiling. His mind was on what it was always on: Dean. 

Castiel didn’t know how he was, or what he was doing or feeling or thinking because he hadn’t so much as seen his face in days. Charlie had been pushing at him to simply  _ talk  _ to Dean this entire time, but that was made difficult when Dean was sparing no expense in avoiding him. He stopped coming eating breakfast with Castiel in the morning, and always came home while he was asleep. Even when Castiel came home in the afternoons and Dean left for work, Dean would wait for Castiel to deposit his stuff in his own room before slipping away unnoticed. It was getting ridiculous, and Castiel was frustrated beyond belief.

Castiel just wished he would talk to him. About anything. Dogs. Music.  _ Star Trek.  _ Anything.

“Uh- Mr. Novak?”

Castiel sat up straight in his chair, spinning quickly to face the door. “What? Yes. Hi.” One of his students stood in the doorway, tugging on her fingers nervously. Her name was Jay. She liked to giggle with her friends in class, but recently she’d been quiet. Normally Castiel would have talked to her about it, but he wasn’t really in a great headspace himself as of late. 

Jay giggled a little bit, dropping her hands to her sides. “What are you doing?”

“Me? Nothing. I was just- thinking about- Um. Can I help you with something, Jay?” Castiel blurted. Castiel did not know why he was so flustered about being judged by a third grader. “Is everything alright?” 

Jay’s teasing smile slid off her face, and she came into the room, pulling up a chair from one of the desks and placing it near Castiel. “I’ve been fighting with one of my friends.”

Castiel frowned. He  _ really  _ needed to get it together. He was almost always aware of the petty drama between his third graders. “Have you? Which friend?”

Jay sighed, folding herself forward to lay her cheek on Castiel’s desk. “Maisy. Well, we’re not really  _ fighting.  _ But I did something bad.”

Castiel furrowed his brow, leaning down with his cheek on the desk as well. Jay smiled a little at that. “What did you do?”

Jay rubbed at her nose, wiping away snot. Castiel resisted the urge to cringe. He had no intentions of getting sick again. “I stole her favorite necklace. It was an accident, I wasn’t paying attention, but I feel really bad.”

Castiel frowned. “How do you accidentally steal a necklace?”

Jay sighed dramatically. “It was after a sleepover, I was getting ready to go home but I wasn’t paying attention, I thought it was mine. I put it back in her backpack, but she knows I did it and I bet she’s really mad at me.”

Castiel considered her for a moment, eyes narrowed. This sounded very familiar to him. She said she had put it back, but- “Jay, did you talk to Maisy about this?”

“No, because she’s mad at me!” Jay exclaimed. It seemed to her that Castiel was not getting the point.

“How do you know if you won’t talk to her? Why won’t you just tell her how you feel?” Castiel pressed.

Jay frowned. “I don’t know how I feel, Mr. Novak. It doesn’t matter anyway, Maisy doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve been not talking to her for three whole days and she doesn’t even care,” Jay concluded glumly.

“Maybe- maybe she’s just giving you your space,” Castiel suggested weakly. He heard his phone buzz on the desk in front of him, and he turned it off without looking. 

Jay scrunched up her mouth and stared at Castiel strangely. “You're not making any sense, Mr. Novak.”

Castiel sighed. He supposed he wasn’t making much sense, not to her. “I apologize, Jay. I- I’m in a similar situation with… my… housemate… person.”

Jay giggled. “You can say boyfriend, Mr. Novak. I heard you talking to him on the phone one time.”

Castiel huffed, cheeks reddening. He didn’t know what she’d heard, but if a third grader could sort out his feelings from one half of one phone call, it said something. About Castiel’s level of discreteness or Dean’s observation skills, he didn’t know which. “I assure you he is not my boyfriend. But he… did something and simply  _ assumed  _ it would upset me and is now ignoring me. And no matter what he thinks he’s accomplishing, he’s hurting my feelings. I know I would appreciate if my friend talked to me. Maisy probably feels the same,” Castiel concluded. 

Jay nodded absently before turning a sharp, suspicious eye on him. “What did your friend do, Mr. Novak?”

Castiel blushed. “That is- that is not important.”

Jay narrowed her eyes and leaned back, crossing her arms. “Are you just making up a story so I’ll talk to Maisy?”

“I’m really not. It’s just- very… personal. And you probably don’t want to know. And I shouldn’t tell you, anyway.”

Jay shrugged nonchalantly. “Fine. But I’m not gonna talk to Maisy unless you tell me what he did and prove that it’s a real story.”

Castiel groaned, sitting up as well. He couldn’t exactly let a feud brew between his students, could he? “Fine. I- he- he kissed me. Right on the mouth. And he thought it was bad because- because he didn’t ask first. But it was fine. But he didn’t give me the chance to tell him that. And now he’s ignoring me. And that is what happened. Are you satisfied?” Castiel explained, the blush in his cheeks worsening with each sentence. 

“So he is your boyfriend,” Jay said smugly.

_ “No,  _ he is not my boyfriend, Jay. Therein lies the issue,” Castiel admitted.

“Aw! Mr. Novak, are you sad? Do you looove him?”

Castiel glared at her, and she shut up with a giggle. “I- he’s- he’s my friend. That is all.”

“For now. Why would he kiss you if he didn’t wanna be your boyfriend?” Jay butchered a wink, and Castiel shuddered at her unknowing parroting of Charlie, months ago.

Castiel looked down. “I don’t know, Jay,” he answered. He took a breath and looked back up at his student. “Are you going back to recess now?”

Jay sighed. “Yeah. I guess I gotta talk to Maisy, cuz you told me about your kiss.” She stood and left, pausing and turning back around in the doorway. “Wait, hey, when are we doing Valentines?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Is it- I was unaware that today was Valentine’s Day.”

Jay rolled her eyes. “Too busy thinking about your not-boyfriend. By the way, I think you should talk to him. I doubt he has someone as cool as you to make him. Maybe he thinks you don’t care, like me,” she suggested.

Castiel nodded slowly, considering. “Thank you, Jay.”

Jay shrugged and skipped away, dark hair swishing to and fro. Castiel grabbed his phone and called back whoever had just called him, still without even looking. He was staring at the ceiling again as it rang. His mind was somewhere else. How was he supposed to talk to Dean if Dean wouldn't even look at him?

* * *

 

Emma snored peacefully on Dean’s stomach as he flipped lazily through his copy of  _ Slaughterhouse Five.  _ His eyes roved the pages, but he wasn’t truly reading. He didn’t want to turn on the TV for fear of waking Emma, so pretending to read was his only option. Dean had tried to actually read, but he’d been glued to the couch for some time now, and he could hardly focus even when doing exciting things.

Actually, it wasn’t quite that he couldn’t focus; just that nothing seemed worth focusing on. 

A quiet knock on the door jolted Dean out of his thoughts; he’d been staring blankly at the wall, wondering what Sam would say of the whole situation with Cas. Actually, he didn’t really have to wonder. He knew exactly what Sam would say.

“Come in,” Dean whispered. He hoped it was loud enough that whoever was on the other side of the door could hear him.

He heard the soft click of the door being pushed open, and Dean spared half a thought to worry that it might be an axe murderer. He was  _ so  _ not in the mood to fight an axe murderer.

“Dean?” Jo asked gently. “Is Emma asleep?”

Dean craned his neck up to look behind him. He relaxed slightly at the sight of her, though he hadn’t actually been worried about axe murderers. Not really, anyway.

“Hey, Jo. Yeah, she’s asleep, but I- gimme a sec.” Dean, very slowly, dragged Emma up to his chest. Her breathing shifted momentarily, but she was still asleep. With greater abdominal strength than Dean thought he had, he sat up with Emma clutched to his chest. Her cheek was flushed pink from sleep and her hair was tangled and plastered to her neck with sweat. Dean cautiously brushed it away before standing and carrying her awkwardly to his bed. He laid her on the pillow, as she really was too big for the crib. That would have to be sorted out soon. 

He backed out of the room and padded back to the living room, where Jo had made herself at home on the armchair. He resumed his position on the couch, tossing his book aside. 

“So, you look awful,” Jo commented, still speaking quietly.

“Awful’s a step up from horrendous, right?” That had been Ellen’s first remark on Dean’s state when she’d come home to find him on her couch. 

“Sure. Not, you know, good, or even decent, but hey, baby steps,” Jo teased, grinning.

Dean glared at her. “Come to tell me to get my life together again, or just insult me?”

“Neither. Can’t a girl check up on her brother? Her niece?”

“Sure, if she brings cookies and nice words.”

“Clearly you think I’m a very different person.”

“If I believe hard enough, it’ll happen.”

Jo shook her head at him exasperated before her expression turned stern and she folded her hands on her knee. Dean had learned to fear that pose. “So, not only are you avoiding Cas, but Sam? What did you do to him? Kill his hamster?”

Dean groaned louder than he probably should have. “You talked to Sam? Great.”

“Seriously, Dean. What do you have against Sam?”

It was nothing personal with Sam, really. His brother just seemed to have psychic powers whenever something was up with Dean, who did not feel like explaining anything again. He was waiting for someone else to explain the situation. He just hadn’t expected that someone else to come and harass Dean for Sam. Besides, “Sam’s judgy,” Dean justified. “And condescending. And a general smartass.” 

“True. But I mean, come on. Don’t take your mess out on him. Also, name one person in your life who isn’t a smartass.”

Dean flipped her off. “Emma’s not. And I really don’t wanna talk about my mess, Jo.”

“You know, it’s Valentine’s Day,” Jo stated pointedly. Dean knew what she was getting at, and did not like it one bit.

“Yes, I’m well aware,” he ground out through gritted teeth. Was there no end to this?

Well, there was. But, as Dean had made clear, many times, he didn’t want to talk about his feelings.

“Come on! What more perfect day is there for a change of heart?” Jo encouraged.

“Jo,” Dean started, rather patiently, considering. “I really super don’t wanna talk about it.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “You should get a t-shirt with that on it,” she grumbled.

There was an awkward moment of pause where Dean stared at the cracks in the ceiling and Jo stared around at their absolute mess of an apartment. There were all sorts of clothes and baby toys littered across the floor, along with more of Dean’s discarded books. Cas had stacks of ungraded papers everywhere, and the sink was overflowing with dishes. Jo had a sneaking suspicion the floor hadn’t been swept in at least a month. She didn’t really expect better from either Dean or Cas, even when they were functioning normally, but this was nonsense. 

Dean sighed. “What’s up with Sam?” he finally asked to break the silence. 

Jo shrugged. “Why don’t you ask him?” she answered smugly.

Dean threw a pillow at her. “You know what? That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna call Sam and talk to  _ him  _ and ignore you. Jackass.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Joke’s on you, I didn’t wanna talk to you anyway.”

“Then why are you in my house, Joanna?”

“Excuse me? House? Like your broke ass can afford a house.”

“Says the girl who still lives with her parents.”

“That was low, Winchester. I could make quite a few scathing comments on-”

“Shhh, I’m on the phone,” Dean whispered loudly. Jo flipped him off.

“What is this?” Sam was saying over the phone. “My long-lost brother? Making contact after all these years? I can scarcely believe it. Be still, my heart.”

“Shut up, Sam. This is exactly why I didn’t call, you bitch.”

Sam laughed lightly, but was in truth more than relieved. He’d been consumed with worry for his brother since Jo had told him everything that had happened since he’d left Kansas. 

“Jerk. You're missing out on my very exciting college life.”

“Finally started going to frat parties?”

“Better. I discovered a way to have toast without buying a toaster.”

“...Good for you, Sam. Really. I’m proud.”

“Don’t write off my adventures just yet, Dean. I also got a dog.”

“You got a dog?” Dean asked in disbelief. Sam had been asking for a dog since before they’d been thrown into foster care. By some cruel trick of fate, they’d never landed anywhere with a dog, and Bobby was allergic, so those dreams had been crushed.

“Yeah! Her name is Sam Junior.”

“...No it is not.”

“It is not. Her name’s Sofia. She’s a golden retriever and- well, Jess’ brother’s dog had puppies, and he gave us one! Jess came home one day and surprised me. She’s adorable. Just a little fuzzball. I mean, she fits in the palm of my hand!”

“That’s not saying much, dude. You have gigantic moose hands.”

“I’m gonna fight you with my moose hands and we’ll see how much you're laughing then, Dean,” Sam threatened.

“Wow, so hostile. Send me pictures of the dog. Oh, man. Now I really wanna get out there with Emma. That’d be the cutest thing, ever.” Dean was actually considering making the drive out there, even with Emma, just to see that happen. Puppy plus baby? Hell yes. Talk about cuteness overload.

Sam was quiet for several moments. “Dean, that is some next-level shit, man. Are you actually considering driving for 30 hours just to avoid Cas? That’s- that’s low,” Sam scolded, teasing voice gone.

Dean’s face flushed. In all honesty, he hadn’t even thought of that. And Dean wouldn’t be able to bring Emma to puppies without Cas there to witness.  _ That  _ would be next-level asshole for sure. “Fuck you, I mean it. That would be adorable.”

“Not like puppies don’t exist in Kansas, Dean.”

And fuck if he didn’t have a point. Dean made a mental note to find some puppies, bring Emma to play with them, and boom. Cutest photoshoot ever. 

“Yeah, well, whatever. If you don’t wanna see me just say so.”

Sam laughed, and the sound was good to hear. It was weird, not having Sam with him all the time. That had kinda been their lives. But in just a couple months, Sam would come home, and in a couple years, he would be able to stay there. With his dog. Hell yes. 

“Okay. I have a class in 10 minutes, so I gotta go. Talk to Cas. Stop being dumb. Pictures of Sofia are en route. Bye.”

“Bye, Sammy.”

Dean hung up and promptly threw the phone at Jo, who caught it deftly. 

“Now you’ll never get to see pictures of the dog,” she teased.

“Fuck you. Did you want something else? To eat my food, probably? Pee on my bed? Steal my couch?”

“I’ll take you up on the food part,” Jo answered, pushing up from the armchair and wheeling around into the kitchen. “Whaddya got?”

“Uh, Cheerios. Blueberries. Nuggets, maybe. I don’t really remember the last time anyone went to the store,” Dean responded, also getting up to follow Jo into the kitchen. Fuck, what did they have?

She opened the door to the fridge and scanned its contents. She turned to glare at him. “Bitch. There is  _ one  _ blueberry in here. And-” Jo reached in and shook the milk jug that was laying on its side- “an empty gallon of milk.” She moved to the freezer, which was barren except for ice. “ _ Bitch.  _ How do you live like this? What have you even been eating?”

Dean thought for a minute. And then another minute. He hadn’t really felt the need for much food lately. “I don’t… I don’t know? Uh… I think I had… a bagel the other day.”A bagel every other day seemed about right for him, considering.

Jo stared at him, jaw hanging open. Dean felt he was in for a lecture for sure now. “You just- there’s no butter! Or cream cheese! What the everloving  _ fuck  _ are you doing with your life?”

“Hey, Emma’s sleeping,” Dean reminded her. Jo buried her face in her hands and groaned. 

“You're a mess. Jesus. Mom never should have let you come home.” Dean winced. He was okay, really. Who said he had to eat  _ every  _ day? Jo was making too big a deal out of this. “Christ. I’m- what the fuck is  _ Cas  _ doing?” pulled her phone out of her back pocket. “Goddamn morons.” She dialed a number Dean recognized as Cas’ and then pressed speaker, tossing the phone on the counter.

The phone rang out and Jo rolled her eyes. “What has Emma been eating? Have you been starving your daughter? I  _ will  _ call Child Services, Dean.”

Dean scoffed. “Come on, Jo, I may be unable to take care of myself, but I can take care of Emma. I _ know _ she had Cheerios this morning.”

Jo pursed her lips at him and checked the pantry. There was a single box of Cheerios in there, and it was half-empty. “Dean, what the  _ fuck.  _ There’s not even normal stuff in here! You don’t even have syrup! Or mustard! I don’t- who let you be an adult? I’m suing. I understand that you're not having a great time and everything is awful and you’ve been thoroughly rejected and all that, but go to the goddamn store. No one will even judge if you go in your pajamas. Jesus almighty.”

Dean may have lamented a bit while staying in his childhood. He might have been a tad dramatic. Maybe. 

Jo’s phone started to ring before Dean could think up a witty response, thankfully. She snatched it off the counter and answered before Dean could even react. “Cas! Did you forget? How to drive? How to exist? I’m at your miserable excuse for an apartment-”

“Ouch,” Dean interjected. “You're being really harsh, Jo. It’s not like we did anything to you personally.”

“Shut the  _ fuck  _ up, Dean. It pisses me off when you shove your head up your own ass. A goddamn  _ bagel.  _ Yes, you too, Cas! Please tell me what kind of food you’ve put in your mouth in the past week?” Jo paused for a moment, shooting Dean all kinds of dirty looks. Dean did feel a little ashamed. Jo was her mother’s daughter- she would probably be able to make him feel guilty about helping an old lady across the street if she wanted. 

“That is what I thought. Don’t even bother coming back here after work. Nope. You're going straight to the grocery store. Yes, you are. Do you need me to hold your hand?”

“Woah,” Dean held up his hands in a gesture of peace. Pissed off was one thing, but that was plain mean. “Calm down, Jo. It’s not his fault.”

“Want me to yell at you instead?” Jo threatened.

“I wish you wouldn’t yell at anyone; Emma’s still sleeping.”

Jo sighed. Cas was probably saying something to her. “Yeah. Okay, okay, you're right.” Dean threw his hands in the air. So she listened to  _ Cas.  _ Naturally. “You're still going to the grocery store. Dean’ll go in late. Yes he will. Okay. I’m sorry I yelled. You're both just really pissing me off right now. Yeah, I get that.” Jo turned her back on Dean and lowered her voice, but he could still just barely make out what she way saying. “It’s a two-way street, Cas. All I’m saying. Can’t expect him to come up with everything. This is Dean we’re talking about, after all.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. Rude, but also true. Though it was kinda nice to know that people yelled at Cas about their… situation, too. Even if Jo was being much nicer to Cas. Dean was admittedly more annoying than Cas in general, so that made sense.

“Cas, I just.” Jo sighed and dropped her voice even more, and Dean couldn’t hear her anymore. He huffed impatiently but didn’t move closer. He was nosy, but not, like, rudely nosy. Besides, he probably wouldn’t like what he heard. When she finally hung up and turned back to Dean, she just shook her head at him. “Okay. I have to go to work now. Call Bobby. You're going in at 5.”

“But-”

Jo raised an eyebrow at him. Dean gave it up. There was no point anyway, if Dean didn’t call, she would.

“Alright, okay. I’m calling.”

* * *

 

Castiel plopped the last bag of groceries on the table with a sigh. He’d had to buy a lot of groceries from Jo’s list of essentials. He had triple checked that he’d gotten everything on there, as the last thing he wanted to do at the moment was double cross Jo. She had been supremely angry at both him and Dean earlier for reasons ranging from not taking care of themselves to not taking care of each other.

She was very justified in her reasoning, too. Castiel hated that. While true that Dean was going out of his way to not talk to Castiel, Castiel was not going out of his way to foil him. either. As Jay had said, it could have been that Dean simply thought he’d stopped caring, which was so far from the truth it was almost laughable. 

But Castiel simply didn’t know what to do at this point. He doubted Dean would respond if Castiel attempted to speak to him. There was little point in trying, as it would only frustrate both of them. Castiel knew Dean as well or almost as well as Sam did at this point, and he knew it would be best that he have his space. As had been pointed out by many people, Dean couldn’t ignore him forever. So Castiel would wait for him to get over it. It was the simplest course of actions. 

_ I just want you guys to be happy,  _ Jo had said. Well, the only way Castiel saw that happening was for everything to go back to normal.

Castiel heard Dean sneak out of the apartment while he was putting his haul away. Emma came trailing down the hall after him. Her usual lively spirit had faded with every passing day that Dean ignored Castiel. Castiel knew if only he would act happier, she would be happier, but he couldn’t bring himself to it. It was difficult enough keeping his emotions hidden at work; home was a safe place, a free place. Though he hated the effect on Emma.

She was the one reason Castiel knew with absolute certainty Dean would eventually let this all fall behind them. He had to see it was hurting her, hurting Castiel, hurting everyone. Eventually that would have to outweigh whatever shame he was feeling, whatever wild delusions of love he had. 

Because no matter what, Castiel would not believe Dean was truly in love with him. They’d been best friends for years and years. Surely he would’ve noticed if Dean had feelings for him. The fact that the same should have been true for Dean about him did not enter his thoughts. (Facts were, they were both just stupid.)

Castiel put the last box of macaroni in the cupboard and turned to Emma.

“Daddy?” she asked, lifting her hands to her shoulders and looking around innocently. It was almost comical, and Castiel could have cried for the sweetness of it. 

He chuckled a little. “No, Emma. Daddy went to work.”

Emma dropped her hands and her head, standing limply like a rag doll. Castiel actually laughed out loud at that. She was so dramatic. Emma looked up with a grin. She was proud of herself; her Papa was smiling again. It was all she wanted.

“Papa!”

Castiel grinned at her, and she flew at his legs, tugging at his pants. He complied and lifted her up, poking her on the nose once she was settled on his hip. “Oh, Emma. Did you know you are the sweetest baby in the world?”

Emma smiled and hid her face in his shoulder shyly. Castiel hugged her as tight as he dared, dropping a kiss to her head. 

Something had to bend. It was a sad day when the child decided it was her job to make her parents smile, rather than the other way around. If Dean didn’t break first, Castiel would make him. Anything for Emma.

* * *

 

Dean woke up in his own bed without Emma in the room for once. Since she wasn’t sleeping in her crib anymore, there was no real reason to confine her to Dean’s room. Cas must have realized this and decided to fall asleep with her in his own bed. Dean had walked in the night before to find them both passed out, Emma sprawled on one of Cas’ arms. He’d smiled softly to himself before retreating to his own room. It was the first time he’d seen Cas’ face since their Talk. 

It took a second for Dean to register that he was awake because of the goddamn alarm clock again, and he began to get up out of sheer habit before he remembered that he wasn’t talking to Cas. 

Then his stomach grumbled and he remembered that all he’d eaten was a bagel two days beforehand. He remembered his daughter’s sad eyes and Jo’s yelling and Sam’s disappointment and decided to just screw it. They didn’t even have to Talk. Just talk. It didn’t have to be weird.

If there was one thing Dean was good at, it was playing that nothing out of the ordinary was going on. It was a skill he’d honed through years of kicking Sam under the dinner table without letting Ellen or Bobby know anything was going on. There were even a few times Cas had snuck over and when his mother came looking, Dean managed to convince her that she’d let Cas come over. He was a pro. 

So he just made sure he had pants on and marched into the living room like it was totally normal. Because it was. 

Cas, familiar with Dean’s shenanigans by now, simply watched him pour a cup of coffee suspiciously. He didn’t tear his gaze away until Dean perched in the armchair, pulling his legs up with him but relaxing them enough to let Cas know he was relaxed. This was normal.

Cas, for his part, didn’t acknowledge his presence. That was fair. He simply sipped at his coffee and stared out the window. He kinda looked like a wreck. His cheeks looked hollow and he had bags under his eyes like you wouldn’t believe. Then again, Dean was mostly the same. 

Dean might have been willing to concede to the point that they were morons, forgetting to eat for almost two weeks. 

Dean took a deep breath. He hadn’t realized it, but there were a lot of things he wanted to say to Cas. He wanted to talk about getting Emma a bed and repainting the living room and visiting Sam and the giant spider Charlie had made him kill the other day. There were a billion things he was bursting to say, but it had been so long since he’d said anything he felt like it would be weird for him to just come in with an anecdote about a stupid spider now.

But talking to Cas had always been easy, and Dean’s resolve wasn’t as strong as he liked to believe, especially when Cas was just  _ right there.  _

“Sam got a dog,” he commented over the brim of his mug.

Cas raised his eyebrows and looked over at him. “Hmm?”

“Sam. He finally got a dog. A puppy,” Dean repeated, calmer than he expected from himself. 

Cas nodded absently and returned to gazing out the window. “I imagine he’s fairly excited about that. What kind of dog?”

“Golden retriever. I think he said her name was Sofia. Jess surprised him.”

Cas snorted. “Sam gets a surprise puppy, I get a surprise baby. I’m unsure who received a better deal.”

“Um, excuse me. We did. Emma’s basically a puppy anyway. She licks.”

Cas made a face. “She does. She licked my nostril the other day.”

Dean grinned and it truly felt like nothing had happened. “Inside my ear. I don’t know why or who taught her, but it’s disgusting.”

Cas shook his head, but there was a smile on his face as well. “At least she doesn’t bite.”

_ “Yet.” _

Cas smiled softly at Dean and like puzzle pieces, they snapped right back into place.


	24. Hands In the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're all just going to pretend that the events in this chapter are 100% how these types of things are handled in real life and not things that I might have changed for story reasons. Also, trigger warning: blood and guns but let's face it this is an SPN fic so I doubt that's an issue. Still, here you go.

Dean twiddled his thumbs in his pockets impatiently. He hated banks, hated them with a burning passion. He’d much rather do this over the Internet (or not at all) but he wasn’t actually all that good at using the Internet and this was something that had to be done. Dean would never forgive himself if he didn’t put money away for Emma to go to college. And her wedding. These were just things that had to happen. Even if it turned out she didn’t want either of those things, Dean figured they were better safe than sorry, s o Cas had shooed his ass out to the bank all by his lonesome to open an account. The could deposit money and stuff from home, they knew how to do that much, thank you. 

Looking back, they had about a million options besides going to the bank in person. But it shouldn’t have been a big deal. 

Dean was standing in line, staring around boredly and twiddling his thumbs, not totally paying attention to anything else going on. He didn’t take notice of the men spending a suspicious amount of time at the door, didn’t think to look at them too closely.

So it was as much of a surprise to Dean as everyone else when two gunshots cracked through the air, accompanied by a command for everyone to put their hands in the air and get down on the ground. Most of the people, now hostages, had already done so on instinct, Dean included.

He tried to relax, take deep breaths, but his fight or flight instinct was taking over and all he saw was red. His skin was buzzing with adrenaline, his hands wrapped into fists. He’d always leaned more towards fight. 

But Dean getting himself killed would help no one but the robbers. He had Emma to think about; she was the whole reason he was there. So Dean took deep breaths and resolved to follow every direction the masked men gave. 

He made no attempt to hide his contempt, however, though he doubted they expected anything less. He did take note of how they kept a specific eye on him. Looking around, it was clear why. The only people in the bank were old ladies and middle aged fat guys and Dean. He could probably take them if they didn’t have guns. 

The thought made Dean’s fingers itch, but then he thought of Emma being raised as he was, half an orphan, thought of Cas trying to raise her by himself, or worse, having to give her up, and Dean stopped. His stupidity had gotten them into too many messes already. Dean had too much to live for. His daughter, Sam, and the indestructible hope in his heart that something would change between him and Cas.

It was enough to cool his nerves and clear his head. Though it fought against all of his instincts, Dean would not challenge these men in the slightest. For Emma, for Sam, for Cas. He repeated it in his head like a mantra.

One of the men was at the door, presumably watching for police. The other was ordering people to sit against the wall with their feet straight out in front of them and snatching their cell phones. Dean didn’t bother trying to fire off a quick text to anyone. He knew that one toe out of line, and they wouldn’t hesitate to shoot him. It was the fear in their eyes he could see behind the ski masks. He would be the first they would make an example out of. He was too risky.

The man next to Dean was sweating ridiculously, and the lady on his left was sobbing. Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes at them; they were hostages, after all. 

Dean didn’t cry or sweat or let an ounce of fear show on his face. He would not be weak, not in front of these cowards who called themselves men. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. 

When ten minutes passed and there were no sirens outside, one of the men scoffed. “Did none of you idiots press a panic button?”

Dean relaxed slightly. If they were waiting for the police, that meant they were going to make demands rather than rob the bank; they were less likely to kill anyone.

The old lady just sobbed harder. Dean remembered that she was an employee behind the counter. She’d probably been too terrified to do much of anything. 

The man in black by the door, who Dean was going to call Thumper due to his giant fucking boots that thumped against even the carpet, walked right up to Dean and yanked him off the floor, placing the barrel of the gun right under his chin. Dean let him, staring into his brown eyes calmly despite wanting only to punch the dude in the face. He wouldn’t. For Emma, for Sam, for Cas. 

Thumper laughed lowly. “I like this one,” he said to his partner. Dean would call him Squeaky, because he was scrawny and  _ his  _ boots kinda squeaked. “Grab your phone,” he demanded, shoving Dean towards the pile they’d created on the floor. 

Luckily, as these guys didn’t look very patient, Dean’s phone was right on top. He snatched it quickly and held it loosely, uncaringly. He would not throw it at them. He was better than that.

Now at least three old ladies were crying. 

“Open it,” Thumper demanded, standing right in front of Dean, gun now pointed at his chest. He was looking at the phone upside down. Dean opened it and looked back up at Thumper for more instructions. “Go to your contacts. Call whoever you're emergency contact is. I think this classifies. Tell them the 4-1-1. Put it on speaker.”

Dean nodded and went back to the phone. His fingers found Cas’ contact instantly, though he was hesitant to drag him into this.

Whatever. They said call his emergency contact.

They all waited with bated breath as the phone rang twice before Cas picked up.

“Hello, Dean.” 

Dean let out a shaky breath. “Hey, buddy.” No way in hell were they getting Cas’ name. Luckily, Cas was “Bee Nerd” in his phone, so there was no way for them to ever know who he was.

“Did you get lost on the way to the bank?”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, I wish. But, no. Um. Don’t freak out.”

Thumper waved his gun around, clearly gesturing for Dean to get on with it.

“Dean, what did you do?” Cas asked jokingly.

“C- Dude, you need to call the police and tell them there’s a hostage situation over here, like right now.  _ Do not  _ come down here. I mean it. Just call the police and stay home. Got that?”

Cas' tone changed immediately.“Dean,  _ what-” _

Squeaky snatched the phone from Dean’s hands. “You heard him. If there aren’t news trucks outside in 7 minutes, I’m gonna shoot your friend here. Got that?” 

Cas didn’t get a chance to respond before Squeaky hung up and Dean was shoved back to his place on the wall. His phone was returned to the pile with a swift toss.

Dean took deep breaths and put his hands in his pockets, twiddling his thumbs. Emma. Sam. Cas. Don’t get killed.

Dean started to count.

* * *

 

_ Stay home, _ Dean had said.

Castiel could have laughed if he wasn’t about to cry. As soon as the robber hung up on Castiel, he had called the police. He moved almost on autopilot, grabbing his keys and putting on his coat. Emma didn’t want to be held today, so he grabbed her hand and walked her across the hall. More like he dragged her, and though she protested, Castiel didn’t really care. He had enough presence of mind to let Dorothy listen to his entire call with the 911 operator in place of explaining why she had to watch Emma, and then he was gone. 

Castiel took deep breaths as he sped towards the bank. Dean would be fine. Dean had to be fine. All he had to do was follow the directions he was given.

Dean was going to fucking die. 

Due to traffic, the police beat Castiel to the scene. He slammed out of his car and stalked right up to the officers. 

“Excuse me sir, but you can’t be here,” the woman informed him.

“I’m the one that called in,” Castiel retorted. “My best friend is in there. I’m not leaving.”

The woman, sheriff, Castiel now saw, sighed and gestured to someone at Castiel. “Alright. Good, I actually have a few questions.” One of the officers placed a plastic yellow barrier between the sheriff and Castiel. “How did you know this was taking place?”

Castiel took a deep breath and reached out, clutching onto the barrier until his knuckles were white. The sheriff waited patiently for Castiel to gather himself.

“I was-” Castiel shook his head. “Dean came to the bank to open an account for our daughter, a college fund. A few minutes ago I got a call from him, telling me not to freak out and to call the police and tell them there was a hostage situation. He told me-” Castiel took another deep breath, closing his eyes. It was everything he could do not to cry in that moment. “He told me to stay home,” Castiel choked out, voice thick with unshed tears. More breaths. “Then another man, one of the robbers, I assume, took the phone and said if there weren’t news trucks outside in the next few minutes, he would- he would-” Castiel couldn’t even say it. The sheriff would understand. Panic was overtaking him like a virus, squeezing his lungs and choking the life out of him. 

The sheriff nodded at him. “Thank you. If you really want to, you can sit here and wait, but know that it might be a while. A long while. You might just go home and calm down and watch the news for updates.”

Castiel shook his head. There was no way he was going anywhere. 

The woman shrugged. “Your choice. I’m Sheriff Mills, by the way, if you need me.”

Castiel thanked her and sank to the ground, unable to hold himself up any longer. He wrapped his limbs around the leg of the barrier and tried to calm himself.  _ Don’t freak out,  _ Dean had said. Castiel was freaking out. He couldn’t stop imagining every stupid thing Dean was likely to do to get himself killed. 

Slowly, more people trickled into the street. Some were just curious bystanders; others were like Castiel, friends and family of the other hostages. Some tried to throw themselves at the barriers, get through to the bank, many were sobbing. Castiel paid no attention to any of them as he stared intently at the doors. Maybe he could catch a glimpse, see if Dean was okay.

He’d sounded okay on the phone. He didn’t sound panicked or angry. Castiel couldn’t imagine Dean being compliant with anyone who dared hold him hostage, but maybe he was underestimating his friend. Surely no one could be that stupid. 

Castiel closed his eyes and let the first tear fall. It was singular and silent, but more followed and soon Castiel had to bite down on his sleeve to keep from sobbing. If anything happened to Dean he didn’t know what he would do. Would he be able to take care of Emma? Sam? The Impala? Himself? Dean was essential to so much, and thinking of a world without him made Castiel’s brain short-circuit. 

Castiel thought about how Dean loved him and how Castiel knew that and had done nothing, dismissing as nothing, a passing fancy. He’d made an assumption, and though it was a safe one, he’d never bothered to test it. 

Even assuming Castiel was right, there still would have been  _ something.  _ And something was better than nothing. It would have been torture if Castiel was right, that Dean wasn’t actually in love with him and had deluded himself, but in that moment Castiel found himself regretting everything.

What if he was wrong?

Castiel pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and took deep, shuddering breaths. “So stupid,” he muttered to himself. “I am  _ so  _ stupid.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, brother,” said a voice over Castiel’s shoulder. He whipped his head up to find Benny crouched next to him, face somber. He relaxed, minimally. As much as he could while sitting outside a bank where his best friend was being held hostage.  “Not even you can see into the future.”

Castiel gave a nervous half-laugh, still rubbing at his eyes. “I wasn’t talking about this,” he explained shortly. Benny raised an eyebrow and Castiel hastily changed the subject. “What are you doing here?”

“Happened to turn on the news. How you holding up?”

Despite Castiel’s best efforts, more tears rolled down his cheeks. “How does it look like I’m holding up? He’s going to die in there. He’s going to get himself killed.”

Benny sighed and crossed his legs under him, resting his chin on his fists. “Have some faith, brother. He knows better.”

Castiel choked out a skeptical sob, wrapping his arms back around the pole. “I don’t know what I’ll do,” he admitted. 

Benny patted him on the back. “It’s gonna be alright.”

Castiel didn’t believe him. “You can’t see into the future, either,” he pointed out.

Benny shook his head. “Right. But I know a thing or two about Dean.”

“As do I. He’s stubborn, and compulsive, and angry. He has quite the fighting nature.”

“Only to keep people safe,” Benny argued, also staring off at the doors to the bank. 

“There are other people in there,” Castiel reminded him, voice remarkably high-pitched. “What if he feels the need to protect them?”

Benny sighed and brought his eyes back to Castiel, who looked back challengingly. It was a valid question. Dean would die for someone else in a heartbeat, even a stranger. 

“I don’t know,” he finally conceded. “All we got is hope, brother.”

Castiel didn’t even know about that, but he chose not to argue. Far be it from him to take away Benny’s hope.

* * *

 

The first negotiation call happened exactly 1 hour and 33 minutes into the hostile takeover. Dean knew because he was counting. The call came to Dean’s phone from Cas’ contact. Dean prayed it was the police. Cas  _ could not  _ be that stupid.

It was the police. Thumper and Squeaky gave them a headcount and a promise of coming demands before hanging up, chucking the phone back onto the pile.

The first death happened exactly 2 minutes and 46 seconds after they’d hung up. They’d made the mistake of turning their backs on the hostages, and one of the tellers, a stick-thin kid that had to be fresh out of school had darted forward to the doors. He’d been shot right in the back of the head before he even cleared the line of hostages.

Everyone started screaming all at once, but Dean just took deep breaths. He should have gotten up and started fighting, stopped the kid before he got killed, but he clenched his fists and forced himself to stay put. Emma wouldn’t remember him if he died, Dean reminded himself. Sam would quit school to come home. Dean would never be able to kiss Cas and keep the memory.

There was a lot of screaming, but Dean just closed his eyes and kept counting.

* * *

 

When Castiel heard the gunshot, he screamed, along with many other of the crowd. It was bigger now, though Benny had departed not long ago. 

Castiel bit down on his sleeve to keep from screaming some more, though his breathing had gone erratic and desperate. He closed his eyes. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t. It couldn’t have been. Castiel would have known, somehow. He would have felt it. 

He knew that was bullshit, but he repeated it to himself over and over. It wasn’t Dean.

* * *

 

5 hours, 12 minutes, and 58 seconds in, and Dean was losing his goddamn mind. He hated these bastards and wanted to see them deader than that poor kid who’d decided to run for it. They’d just left the body on the ground where he’d died, and blood was soaking into the carpet. They’d just  _ left him.  _ A goddamn kid. Dean wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out, himself.

He closed his eyes thought of Emma, her tiny laugh and the adorable way she spoke in just one-word sentences. He thought of Sam, of how brilliant he was and how he was coming home soon. He thought of Cas, of his disgruntled face in the morning before he’d had coffee and his dark hair, always tousled and messy. He told himself, over and over again, that drawing attention to himself would undoubtedly get him killed. 

Deep breaths.

Counting.

Twiddling his thumbs.

Dean was ready to kill someone.

* * *

 

At this point, Castiel was ready to march into that bank and see for himself whether Dean was alive or dead. He’d thought being ignored was torture? He’d thought getting to be with Dean and then being rejected would be torture? That was hilarious. Torture was sitting on the ground hugging a pole for seven hours trying to convince himself that Dean was alive. 

Castiel told himself that if Dean came out of that building alive, he was going to go for it, tell him that he loved him and kiss him on the mouth. He wasn’t sure how exactly he was going to do that, but he was going to do it. He would tell Dean everything he’d felt since he was 15 years old and he would take his chances with Dean’s response. 

As long as he was alive. Anything as long as Dean was alive, as long as he was okay. 

“Mr. Novak?”

Castiel looked up. Sheriff Mills was back, probably for his phone again. Castiel stood. “Yes?”

“Could we use your phone again?”

Castiel reached in his pocket, but hesitated drawing his phone out. “Sheriff… the gunshot, earlier. I need- I need to know it wasn’t him. Please, could you make sure he’s okay?”

Sheriff Mills studied him for a moment. Castiel was sure he looked like a complete wreck. He was freezing, crying, and terrified out of his mind. She sighed. “What’s his name?”

“Dean,” Castiel croaked, his vision blurring from more oncoming tears. His glasses were also smudged beyond belief. “Dean Winchester.”

The sheriff nodded. “Alright. I’ll be back in a minute with news.”

Sheriff Mills was not back in a minute, or two, or three. Castiel’s teeth were chattering. It was getting dark out. He spared a brief thought for Emma. He didn’t doubt that Charlie and Dorothy had broken into their apartment to get what she might need for the night, but still he wondered if she was okay, if she was being good. 

Castiel bit down on his knuckle so hard he drew blood when he saw Sheriff Mills returning. He couldn’t see her facial expression, couldn’t tell whether she was delivering good or bad news. He almost didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

When she approached him, she gave a tentative smile. “Relax. He’s okay.” Castiel could have cried from relief. He did, a little. “I talked to him, actually.”

“What did he say?” Castiel pressed, removing his hand from his mouth.

“He said he was okay and to tell you not to worry. He wanted you to know that he’s not as stupid as you think,” she said with a slight smirk. Of course Dean would be trying to calm him down while being held hostage. Of course.

Castiel laughed shakily. “Thank you, sheriff.”

“Jody,” she insisted. “And you really should relax, Mr. Novak.”

“Castiel,” he corrected. Jody nodded at him and walked away. 

Castiel sank back to the ground. Dean was okay, for now. He blew out a heavy breath. Dean was okay.

* * *

 

7 hours, 22 minutes, and 9 seconds, and Dean’s phone rang again. The burglars listed off their demands, and they negotiated back and forth for awhile until Thumper rolled his eyes. 

“We have a Dean Winchester?” he called.

Dean raised his hand tentatively.

“This guy again,” Squeaky muttered. 

Thumper waved him forward, and Dean complied. They put the phone on speaker and held it out. “Hello?”

“Is this Dean Winchester?”

“In the flesh. Or in the network, I guess. I still have flesh, though.” Squeaky rolled his eyes. 

The policewoman on the other end sighed. “Good. Your friend wanted me to make sure.”

“Which friend? I have lots of friends.” Dean smiled softly to himself. There would only be one who would ask for a sheriff to make sure he was okay in the midst of hostage negotiations. “Actually, lemme guess, dark hair, blue eyes, glasses?” Dean rocked back on his heels. The robbers glared at him and he stopped, standing stock still.

“Yes, actually,” the woman confirmed. 

Dean smirked. Even though he wished Cas was safe at home, it was good to know he was there, waiting. “Yeah, well, I’m good. Tell him not to worry too much, I’m not as stupid as he thinks I am.”

The woman breathed out a laugh. “Will do.”

Thumper scoffed. “Sit down, Winchester.” Dean sat down.

Cas was there. Waiting outside for Dean to come back. The thought strengthened his resolve; the last thing Dean wanted was for Cas to see him carted out on a stretcher under a white sheet.

All he had to do was stay put and shut up.

* * *

 

After 11 hours, Castiel was getting restless, and his worries more imaginative. So they’d only heard the one gunshot; there were more silent ways to hurt, to kill. They could have snapped his neck, crushed his throat, bled him out. Castiel couldn’t stop imagining all the different ways Dean could have been killed without Castiel suspecting. 

And the worst part of it was, if Castiel was growing restless  _ outside,  _ who knew how completely insane Dean must have been going inside the bank, with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. His angry, volatile thoughts. 

Castiel stood and began to pace in front of the barrier. The only people still present were the spouses and children of the hostages. Castiel should have forced himself to go home long ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He felt useless enough as it was.

“Cas!” someone called from the back of the small crowd. Castiel turned to see Jo forcing herself through to him. She looked as though she had come straight from work. “Cas,” she greeted, once she was closer. “Hey, I saw what was happening on the news and I came as soon as I could- why didn’t you call?”

Castiel shrugged, pulling at the bottom of his earlobe. The thought hadn’t occurred to him, truthfully. “I didn’t think to. I’m sorry.”

Jo shook her head. Her nose was red from the cold, her cheeks flushed. She must have walked. “That’s okay. Have you been here this whole time?”

Castiel nodded. “They’ve been using my phone to contact inside.”

Jo frowned. “Why?”

“The initial call was to me, from Dean’s phone. Since it was already a point of contact, they didn’t want to open up another one.” Castiel took a deep breath, trying not to cry on front of Jo. 

Jo copied him. “Do- do you know anything?”

Castiel folded both his arms over his chest. “Ten hours ago there was a gunshot. They assume someone was shot. As of four hours ago, Dean was okay. The sheriff talked to him on the phone. There’s no reason not to think he’s fine,” Castiel reported very matter-of-factly. He wanted to make Jo think he was okay, so she would be okay, too.

Jo studied his face gently. “But you do anyway.” She knew him too well. 

Castiel looked away. Jo enveloped him in a fierce hug, which he returned desperately. He really did need one. 

Jo pulled away first, wiping at her eyes. Castiel had given up on his own long ago. “I’m gonna call Sam, let him know what’s up.” Jo studied him once more and sighed. “I know this is pointless, but you should go home.”

Castiel shook his head. “I’m not leaving.”

Jo huffed, dialing Sam’s number. “I thought not.”

* * *

 

Castiel sat outside that bank in the freezing cold for 23 total hours. During that time, he heard 7 gunshots. 5 innocent people being shot, each one striking new terror in Castiel’s heart. 2 shots were for the criminals. He didn’t like Dean’s odds, but he didn’t cry like he had done in the beginning. He simply sat against the ever-steady barrier in frozen terror. 

Over the course of 23 hours, Castiel might have lost his mind a little bit. Eventually it came down to the robbers wanting money and a safe getaway and the SWAT team not giving a shit. They aimed their snipers right through the windows and that was that. 

Castiel did not sleep over the course of those 23 long hours. He sat and waited, sometimes paced and waited. The sun fell and rose and Castiel could only sit and wait. He didn’t feel tired, though he hadn't slept in over a day. 

When the doors finally opened and the hostages were led out, one by one, into a large van, Castiel, like the rest of the crowd who had held out through every agonizing minute, leaned forward, craning for a glimpse of whoever it was they’d been waiting for. With every face he saw that was not Dean’s, Castiel’s heart sank lower and lower in his chest. He eyed the stretchers warily. Surely they would have to tell him if one of them was Dean, right?

Names were called out around Castiel left and right as mothers sobbed in relief, children screamed for their parents. But Castiel simply watched, leaning so far over the barrier it was a miracle he didn’t fall flat on his face. 

It turned out that all that time, Castiel needn’t have worried, for the last person out of that bank before Sheriff Mills was Dean, hands in his pockets. He had flecks of blood on his face and pooled over his shirt, a haunted look in his eyes that Castiel could see from 500 feet away. 

“Dean!” he called out before he could stop himself. He was so relieved he was laughing, letting the anxiety in his chest force its way out of him in a breathy chuckle.

Dean smiled a little at the sight of him, gave a tiny wave before being ushered into the van. Sheriff Mills came over to talk to the crowd. 

“We haven’t identified the victims yet,” she announced primly, though the families knew when they hadn’t seen them walk out. “We will do so at the station. If any of you want to continue to wait there, I warn you that we have to interrogate everyone before anyone is released. It will be another few hours.” There were shouts of protests at that, but Jody spoke over them, unperturbed. “It’s simply procedure. You're all welcome to wait at the station as well.”

Most of them went to the station. Some, satisfied that their loved ones were safe, went home. Castiel did not. He got back in his car, blasting the heat, and followed the police cars back to the station.

Dean was okay. Dean was alive. Castiel was still smiling, he could scarcely believe it. He pulled out his phone and began dialing Sam, who had to be worried sick.  

Castiel was right. Sam picked up half-way through the first ring. He must have been waiting by the phone. “Hey, Cas, any news?” he rushed. Castiel understood his haste to know.

Castiel’s shoulders slumped. He hadn’t realized how tense they’d been. “He’s okay. He still needs to be interrogated and I don’t know how long it’ll be before I’ll see him, but he’s okay. If you don't mind calling Jo? I don’t- this has been very traumatic.” Castiel simply didn’t have the energy to spread the good news. 

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Sam sounded like he’d been awake as long as Castiel had. 

“I have to go now, Sam. You should rest.”

Sam yawned and Castiel had to resist copying him. “Okay, but I’ll call Jo. She can spread the word. Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel hung up and parked the car in one of the only empty spaces. He took another minute to collect himself, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. 

Dean was alive. Castiel didn't know why he felt the need to keep repeating this to himself. He knew that. The relief he felt was equal to his earlier panic, only he didn't know what to do with this. Panic made him worry and pace and cry, but relief only made him want to charge into the station, find Dean and kiss him until he couldn't breathe, hold him so tightly his ribs cracked. 

Castiel took a deep breath and popped open the car door. He clenched his fists and walked outside.

* * *

 

Being held by the police was almost as bad as being held hostage. He still wasn't allowed to have his phone and he still wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone else. The one difference was that he could get up and walk around if he wanted. Also, he didn't have to worry about being shot. Probably. 

Although now that he was out of danger, Dean allowed himself to worry about his family. Who was taking care of Emma? Surely Cas wouldn't bring her to the crime scene, but he’d been in there for more than a day. Whoever had her had to hate them by now. 

And what about Cas? Had he been there the whole time? Was he worried? He might have thought Dean dead at a few different points. Dean thought himself dead for sure a few times. 

Dean selfishly hoped Cas was still there, waiting for him to be freed from custody. He really needed a hug. 

When it was finally his turn to be interviewed (interrogated), Dean could have cried. He was the last person. He would get to go home and see Cas and Emma soon. 

When Dean walked in the tiny room, it was just the sheriff and some random cop dude. “Dean Winchester? I’m Sheriff Jody Mills. We spoke on the phone,” the sheriff said casually, like said phone call hadn't occurred while Dean was held at gunpoint. 

“Right. Hi,” he responded, taking a seat. 

Jody flipped open a notepad and clicked her pen a few times. Cas did that at home sometimes, when he was debating whether or not he would accept an answer on a test. He usually did; he was nice like that. “We just have a few routine questions for you. Why were you in the bank yesterday?”

Dean took a breath. It seemed like so long ago, rather than yesterday. “I was- my daughter’s almost two, and Cas- you know Cas, right? Cas realized that we didn't have any savings for her, for college and stuff. So he sent me to the bank because we couldn't figure out how to do it online.”

“Mmhmm,” the sheriff said, writing something on her notepad. “And where were you when the men came in?”

Dean thought for a minute. “I was- in line? Yeah. I had only been there, like, 10 minutes when they came in. They fired off two warning shots and everybody dropped to the floor, including me.”

The sheriff nodded. “Okay. What about your call to Castiel?”

Dean shrugged. “No one pressed the panic button. One of the guys told me to grab my phone and call my emergency contact, Cas. So I did, told him to call the police.”

Sheriff Mills looked up from her notepad. “Why you?”

Dean frowned. “What?”

“Why’d they ask you to call someone? There were 27 other people in there. Why ask you?”

Dean scoffed. “You saw everyone else, right? They wanted to get rid of me as soon as possible. They were just looking for me to do something to give them a reason.”

“Why not just kill you as an example?” Mills posed. Dean saw the subtle smirk on her face. She was testing him. 

He shrugged nonchalantly. It was pretty obvious, if you thought about it. “Start killing people for no reason, people panic. Think they're dead either way, they stop caring, they revolt. Or they end up having to kill everyone, which kinda defeats the purpose of taking hostages.”

Jody studied him carefully. “Thank you, Dean. You’re free to go.”

Dean stood quickly and spun on his heel for the door. Jody and the other dude followed him. 

When they appeared, all the hostages stood. Each of them was more than anxious to go home and be done with this. 

“Okay, everyone! You can all go home now. Unless anyone wants therapy, in which case-”

Dean didn't listen to the rest. He’d been dismissed, so he bounded up the stairs, back towards the doors of the station. He just wanted to get out, go home. He was half walking, half running for the door when he heard someone shout his name to his left. 

Dean skidded to a stop and whipped around. His face split into a grin at the sight of Cas walking towards him. He looked tired, but Dean couldn't be happier to see him. He barely got two steps forward before Cas slammed into him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He was hugging Dean a little too tightly, but Dean hugged back just as hard. He closed his eyes and buried his face in Cas’ shoulder. He was cold, presumably for sitting in the street for almost an entire February day. He was solid, though, which Dean found comfort in. 

He hadn’t realized how much tension he was holding until Cas touched him and it all melted away. 

They drew away, but not too far; Dean was still clutching Cas’ shoulders, Cas’ hands still rested on the inside of his arms.

“Cas,” Dean greeted, somewhat awkwardly. “Hi.”

Cas smiled, all glittering white teeth and gums. “Hello, Dean,” he responded before he stepped back into Dean’s bubble and kissed him, right on the mouth.

For a moment, all Dean could think was  _ oh.  _ So he’d been wrong, then, about how Cas felt about him. Oh. 

Another day, and Dean might have been too slow, too careful to respond, but he’d almost died.  _ Died.  _ And he would have died without this, without Cas’ hands in his hair or his mouth on Dean’s mouth. It was softer than Dean might have imagined, more chaste, and Cas’ nose was cold, but otherwise pretty much perfect. 

Cas pulled away, just barely, and rested his forehead on Dean’s, sighing into his mouth. Dean was just about to go in for another kiss when Cas breathed softly, “Never do that again.”

Dean laughed, and kissed him again. And again. And again.

* * *

 

Castiel bounced his knees up and down frantically. Dean had been downstairs, in the interrogation rooms, for 3 hours. Castiel wanted him to hurry up so they could go home. 

He had a few things he wanted to say. Nearly losing Dean had made him all too aware that there were words, feelings, that could not be left unsaid between them. Castiel would not let it be so. In truth, he didn’t see that ending well for himself, but he also hadn’t seen Dean’s hostage situation ending well. Castiel could not predict the future, and he was willing to be hurt. The way he saw it, telling Dean how he felt had two likely outcomes: they embark upon a relationship and they live happily ever after. Or, option two, Dean rejects him at some point and they both move on. 

If Castiel can’t have Dean, then he just wants to move on, save himself from a lifetime of pain. 

Castiel felt rather than heard the stampede of people coming up the stairs, and he stood excitedly. He flexed his hands and nearly laughed when he saw Dean barrel out of the basement and head for the doors.

Everyone else was just starting to stand, but Castiel was already moving. “Dean!” he called. 

Dean spun around, surprised, and grinned, locking eyes with Castiel. He didn’t notice the flecks of blood on his face, nor the giant red stain across his side, his arm. Not yet. He started to go back towards him, but Castiel reached him first, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He could not possibly have helped squeezing him as hard as he could. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, and it was only then, with Dean’s warmth seeping into him, that he realized how cold he was. 

Castiel closed his eyes, leaning into Dean’s hair. He smelled like blood and snow, so different from his usual leather and sunshine. He breathed it in anyway. Alive. Dean was alive. 

They seemed to pull away at exactly the same moment, but neither went too far. Castiel let his hands trail from Dean’s shoulders to the soft skin on the inside of his arms. He could feel the warmth buzzing under his skin, and Castiel gently pressed his fingers into that warmth. He was  _ freezing.  _

“Cas,” Dean breathed out. His eyes were shining and his face was lit up with a grin. “Hi.”

Castiel grinned back. “Hello, Dean.”

He’d had a plan. They were going to go home, see Emma, put her down for a nap, and Castiel would come out with it all. Everything he’d felt for Dean during the past decade, everything he knew about Dean’s feelings. Maybe an apology following the latter. And then they could take their own nap, which Castiel meant literally because he was exhausted. With any luck, there would be time for innuendos later. 

But Castiel suddenly found himself unable to stop himself from leaning back in and kissing Dean properly, the warmth of his mouth almost burning him.

For a split second, Castiel worried that Dean would panic, but then Dean stepped forward into Castiel, dropping his hands back to his waist and pulling them closer together. Castiel pushed his hands into Dean’s hair, carding through it delicately. Dean’s lips were soft and slow, but Castiel pushed back at him desperately, pouring all his worry and panic and subsequent relief from the past 26 hours into that kiss. But Dean was steady as a rock. Castiel stopped kissing him only for a second, making sure to keep their foreheads pressed together. 

“Never do that again,” he warned. 

Dean laughed, and this time  _ he  _ kissed  _ Castiel,  _ but he kept laughing so he had to stop and kiss him again and again. Soon enough, Castiel was laughing too and people were staring at them but he couldn’t find it in him to care, not when Dean was still hugging him close to his body and laughing and here, alive. 

Castiel kissed him one more time before drawing away, seizing Dean by the hand. “Home?”

If Dean’s smile had been bright before, when he’d seen Castiel in the hallway, now it was a billion-watt ray of light. Castiel squeezed his hand. 

“Yeah, Cas. Let’s go home.”

* * *

 

Dean pulled into a parking space next to the Impala. Cas explained that Jo had driven it back there, but Dean wasn’t really listening because Cas’ hand was on his thigh, and also, he was tired and he didn’t care. He could kick Jo’s ass for hotwiring his Baby later. First, he had to relieve Charlie and Dorothy of his actual baby, and then he had to take a long-ass nap, and maybe make out with Cas some more. 

_ Definitely  _ make out with Cas some more. 

They got out of the car, joining hands once they met on the other side of the vehicle. Cas was still cold, but that was okay. Dean could warm him up later. With a really nice nap. Maybe they’d drag all the blankets into Cas’ bed and cuddle up under them. Yeah, that sounded good. 

When they reached their floor, Cas detached from Dean, yawning. “You should get Emma. Charlie and Dorothy will want to see you.”

Dean nodded absently and drifted over to their door. The true extent of his exhaustion hadn’t hit him until home and sleep were so close. He knocked lazily on the door.

Dean heard Emma shout for him from inside, and he was grinning stupidly when Charlie opened the door. Sweet baby. “Dean!” Charlie exclaimed, hugging him fiercely. Dean was taken aback by the suddenness of it, but he patted her head gently.  She let go and stepped back, looking up into his face. She frowned at the sight of him, because, yeah, he looked like a mess. He knew he had blood on his face and his chest still. He was trying not to think about it. “If you're here for Emma, you can forget it. You like you're about to pass out. Go home. Take a nap. Come back later.”

Dean chuckled. “It might be a 10-hour nap,” he warned. 

“Good. Shoo, peasant,” Charlie ordered. “I’m glad you're okay!” she shouted at his retreating back. Dean waved his hand in thanks before stumbling back home, where Cas was standing in front of the couch, staring blankly at the wall. He had a wet rag in his hands.

He startled back into reality when Dean shut the door behind him. “Emma?” Cas asked simply. 

“We’ve been prescribed a nap,” Dean declared sleepily, draping himself over Cas. He rested his cheek and arms on Cas’ shoulder. Cas let his head fall onto Dean’s for only a second before he tilted Dean’s chin up and started rubbing at his face with the rag. It was kinda rough, but Dean didn’t mind. As long as he didn’t have to keep the reminder on his skin. After Cas finished with his face, he lifted his arm and began wiping the dried blood from there. He kissed Dean lightly before tugging off his t-shirt and tossing it to the side. There was so much blood. Dean didn’t know where he’d left his jacket- the Impala, maybe, but it was soaked as well.

“I am agreeable to a nap,” Cas mumbled once he finished, tossing the rag down. Dean smiled and lifted his hands from Cas’ waist to cradle his cheeks in his hands gently. He leaned in and kissed him again. It was still a little chaste for Dean’s liking but still left chills all down his spine. He wasn’t convinced that he’d made it out of that bank alive, that this wasn’t heaven.

Cas pushed them off the couch and they dragged themselves into his bedroom, collapsing almost instantly into the bed, still attached at the mouth. 

Dean broke the kiss with a yawn, which had Cas chuckling into his hair. At this point, neither of them were really awake or asleep. Dean felt like he just existed as tired. 

He turned on his side, throwing an arm across Cas’ waist and snuggling his face into Cas’ chest. Cas turned, too, so that now Dean’s head was on his arm and he could fit both of his arms around Cas’ middle. Cas did the same to Dean. They were both gonna have dead limbs whenever they woke up, but whatever. After settling in one position, they both fell asleep almost instantly, and though their dreams were dark and haunted, it was better sleep than either had seen in a terribly long time. 


	25. In Plain Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I got a lot of very excited reviews last week, I'm so grateful to all of you who keep reading and leaving such nice comments, each one makes my day. We've reached a point in the story and life where Emma is the same age as my baby brother, so I thought y'all should know everything she does is based on him.

Dean woke up in the night filled with terror, though he had no reaction except for his eyes flying open. He’d been having a nightmare- blood and guns and boiling fury.

The bank. The reality of everything that had occurred there failed to hit Dean until 3 o’clock Monday morning, when he’d gone in on Saturday and been released on Sunday. He’d just been so tired that he and Cas had gone straight to bed when they got home. Dean had barely had any time to think. 

He didn’t wanted to think. 

But the horror was catching up to him now, and though he didn’t have to be awake for hours yet, Dean couldn’t see himself falling back asleep any time soon. He’d watched six people die. Two of them, granted, he had fantasized killing himself, but the other four? They were innocent people, and Dean couldn’t help but wonder if he could have done something to help them. 

The first was just a pimply kid, Sam’s age or younger. He thought he could get away while their captors were distracted. Trouble was, they weren’t distracted enough. He’d been shot in the back of the head, left to bleed out. No one even touched him until the police came in and lifted his body onto a stretcher. It was so fast, he was just there one moment and gone the next. Years of love and pain and life snapped away in a second. Dean didn’t know the kid’s name. 

After him, all was quiet for about 16 hours. But they were all losing it in there, in the silence and the terror, and it was no surprise that someone decided to try something again. This time it was the sweaty man next to Dean. He’d been smarter about it, kicking out at the leg of whichever rotten excuse for a human happened to be walking by and then trying to run. Trouble was, there were two of them, and the other one had shot the man right through the chest as soon as he’d stood up. It was that man’s blood that Dean was soaked in until he’d gotten home and Cas had cleaned him up. The spray on his face had been from the initial shot; the pool on his chest and arm was from when the man had fallen back against Dean.

They’d moved him, because everyone started screaming when he’d fallen on Dean and the guy on the other side of him. Dean had moved to do it himself, but the second he’d shifted slightly there was a barrel of a gun at his forehead.

Just one second, and everything would be over for Dean. He’d seen it twice now, the simple ease of it. Like swatting a fly.

Dean closed his eyes and opened his hands, placing them against the wall beside his head.

The guy didn’t shoot, just dragged the dead man away from the line of hostages and over to some dark corner. 

Dean spent 9 hours covered in his blood, but he didn’t know his name.

Two hours later, it was the lady closest to the door. She looked like a typical soccer mom, terrified out of her mind. She must have thought she had a better chance than the rest of them. And she had. She made it all the way to the door. Trouble was, they’d locked the door. They didn’t kill her right away. They got her in the calf, and she went down screaming. 

No one else dared make a sound. 

They put a bullet in her brain and it splattered against the glass doors. Dean didn’t know her name.

The last victim was just a frail old lady. Turned out that she’d snuck her phone from the large pile and was texting her children. Trouble was, she wasn’t sneaky. They’d wasted no time in killing her. She was still holding the phone. Dean wondered if she was saying goodbye to her kids. He didn’t know her name, either.

Six people died right in front of Dean, and he didn’t know a single one of their names.

He tried to tell himself that doing something about it would have made him number 7, but he couldn’t help imagining it. Maybe he would have been able to save them if he’d tried.

Almost as if he’d heard Dean thinking that, Cas woke up with a satisfied yawn, pulling his arms away from Dean and sitting up to stretch. Dean propped himself up on his elbow and watched him. He was allowed to do that now, he thinks. Probably. They hadn’t really talked about it.

Cas glanced at the clock and flopped back next Dean. “It’s too early to be awake. Dean. Why are you awake?”

Dean flipped onto his stomach and hugged the pillow to his face. “Bad dream,” he mumbled.

Cas rolled on his side, frowning. He tugged on the pillow and Dean abandoned it in favor of laying on Cas. Much nicer. He was softer than he looked, and warmer. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Cas broached, slight hesitation in his voice. He let his hand fall into Dean’s hair and started playing with it. Dean closed his eyes. He could  _ really  _ get used to this. He hoped he’d be able to. 

“Talk about what?” Dean asked. They had a few things they should probably be talking about, so he really had no idea what Cas meant.

“Your dream,” Cas clarified, and yeah, weirdly, Dean wanted to talk about it.

He took a deep breath and fiddled with the hem of Cas’ shirt. He kinda wanted it off, but that could wait. “In the bank. There- people died,” he stated, though Cas already knew that. He’d been there, sitting outside the whole time. He’d heard. Dean had seen. “Innocent people. I can’t stop thinking about if I could’ve done something to help.”

Cas sighed and scooted down so he was nose-to-nose with Dean. His hands were still in his hair, though, and Dean reached up and held onto his wrist. He felt the fluttering pulse there, and he kinda wanted to put his mouth on it. But now was deep talk time, so he simply held it against the pillow loosely. 

“Dean,” Cas started, so quiet Dean wouldn’t have been able to hear him if he was even a few inches farther away. “Pray tell me what you could’ve done that doesn’t end with you getting shot.” His voice was calm, but Dean could tell he wanted to smack him. Which, okay, fair. Dean deserved to be smacked on a fairly regular basis.

Though he couldn’t see the blue in the dark, Cas’ eyes were large and steady, challenging. Dean sighed and looked away.

“Yeah, I know. But I don’t know. This one guy- he just. He had been sitting next to me. He tried to run, and they shot him and he fell right on top of me. I’ve seen some shit, Cas, but no one’s ever died on me before,” Dean admitted. He was ashamed that it’d shaken him so much. He tried to be stronger than that, but 3am was like a different world, confined to the space between Dean’s mouth and Cas’, which was not a lot. Dean didn’t have to be much of anything if he didn’t want.

Dean looked back at Cas, who was giving him that look, that I-want-to-help-you-but-I-don’t-know-how look that Dean normally hated but now appreciated. It was honest. Cas really couldn’t help him with this one.

Dean spared Cas from having to answer by kissing him. It was soft and sleepy and clumsy, but they could do it forever. 

Cas pulled away, and closed the last bit of distance between them, hugging Dean to his chest. He laughed a little bitterly.

“What?”

“I have to go to work today.”

Dean groaned. “Really?”

“Yes, really. It’s Monday.”

“Tragic. Imma go back to bed.”

“We’ve slept for a long time.”

“Yeah, but it’s 3am. Not much to do except, you know, lay in bed. And look at that, we’re already there.”

“But I’m not tired.”

Dean propped himself up, hands planted on either side of Cas, and grinned mischievously. “No? Then what do you wanna do, Cas?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Calm down. I was going to read my book.”

“Were you, really?”

Cas flicked him on the nose. “It’s a possibility. You can go back to bed if you like.”

Dean sighed dramatically. “Not really tired.”

“Mhm. Get off me.”

Dean’s troublesome grin was back as he lowered himself to his elbows. “Really, you want me to get off?”

Cas glared at him, but Dean could tell he was trying not to smile. “I will push you.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. Cas did not push him, but he did lean up and kiss Dean before flipping them over with remarkable skill, putting himself on top of Dean. 

“Punk,” Dean said breathlessly once Cas let go of his mouth. 

Cas just laughed and rolled off Dean, padding out of the room in search of his book. Dean groaned when the light from the living room spilled into Cas’ room. They were officially awake. 

Might as well make the best of it. At least at 3am there was no baby to take care of and no nosy neighbors to barge in whenever they felt like. And Dean and Cas had some things to talk about, unfortunately. Dean kinda like the unlabeled bliss of whatever was happening right now. Dean had wanted Cas for, like, ever, but he’d never thought he’d get this far.

Well, he did, once, but then Cas had gone out with that one chick, but even then Dean had a very short-sighted plan: ask Cas out on a date.

He might have skipped a few steps. Even though Cas kissed him first.

Well, technically, Dean kissed Cas first. But officially, it was Cas.

Jesus, was this official?

Dean sat up and shoved the blankets off of him. Time to go find out. He debated putting on a shirt before deciding that he was far too lazy for that. It was 3am, for Christ’s sake. He didn’t have anything to prove, fashion-wise.

Dean winced as the light hit his eyes, and he yawned, despite having slept for a good 15 hours. Cas was sitting cross-legged on the couch and attempting to read without his glasses. Moron. Dean plucked them off the coffee table and placed them gently on his nose.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean sat next to him, shuffling uncomfortably. They needed to Talk, he knew that, but he didn’t want to bring it up. This was uncharted territory for him, for about a million reasons. Dean had a lot of questions and a lot of things he wanted to tell Cas, but that old fear was still there. 

Screw it, it was too late to avoid now.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yes?”

Dean bit his lip.  _ God, Winchester, get over yourself.  _ “Cas, um. What- what are we?”

Time to jump in a lake. He was the picture of eloquence, for sure. 

Cas did the stupid head tilt thing, like he had no idea what Dean was saying. Awesome. “I mean, like. Uh. With all the kissing and stuff, that’s um. New. Mostly, cuz there was that one time but I really don’t think that counts because-”

“Dean,” Cas interrupted, shutting his book with a soft thump. 

Dean gulped. “Yeah?”

“What do you want us to be?”

Oh,  _ great.  _ “Um. Well.” Dean took a breath. It was now or never. “So. Um.”

“Stop saying um.”

“Right. Okay. Uh-” Another deep breath.  _ Now  _ it was now or never. “So the thing is, I might be a little bit in love with you. Or a lot.” Dean flicked his eyes over to Cas’. Little shit didn’t even change his facial expression. Here he was, spilling his most painful and best-kept secret and Cas didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Not even a smile for Dean baring his soul to him or whatever. “Since, like, sophomore year. Of high school.”

_ That  _ was what got his attention, the goddamn time span. Charlie totally told him something.

“Oh,” Cas said, eyes widening. He cleared his throat. “Oh. I didn’t realize that.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Mhm. So you already knew about the first part.”

Cas glanced at him before looking away, blushing. “Um. Yes.”

Dean groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “Naturally.”

Cas pushed up his glasses nervously. “It was rather obvious. Also Charlie told me. But I’d already had it mostly figured out.”

Dean shook his head, trying to play at casual, but his face was pinker than one of Emma’s CareBears. “And you didn’t do anything or say anything for three weeks because…?”

“That is hardly my fault. You were ignoring me for half that time.”

“Okay, well, that’s besides the point.”

Cas squinted at him. “How?”

“...I don’t know.”

Cas huffed and shook his head. “Truth be told, I suppose I just… didn’t realize it had been ten years. I thought it was just-”

“Some passing crush?” Dean supplied. Cas nodded. “Yeah, well, no. Definitely not.” Cas looked up and caught Dean’s eye and Dean spent a moment trying to gauge his reaction to all this. Cas, as usual, was a closed book, which was, as usual, stressing Dean out. “Cas. Would you- would you say something, please. I’m kinda worried over here.”

“Oh. Right.” Cas pushed up his glasses again, unnecessarily. Somehow, it comforted Dean, that he had at least one tell. “Well. I suppose we’ve unknowingly been in the same boat for the past ten years.”

Dean thought about that for a second. “You're shitting me.” No fucking way.

“I assure you I am not.”

“This whole time?”

“Sophomore year of high school sounds right to me,” Cas assured him.

Dean shook his head. Somehow, he hadn’t been expecting that in the least. He didn’t know what he did expect, but Cas to love him back? Yeah, no, not it. Even though Cas was the one who started this by kissing Dean. Dean was just a pessimist like that. 

He looked back up at Cas, who was chewing on the inside of his cheek nervously. Dean smirked at him. “Well then, I think we have some lost time to make up for.”

Cas smirked back. “If you say so.”

“Oh, I do,” Dean assured him. 

Cas deposited the book on the floor and climbed right into Dean’s lap, but he didn’t kiss him just yet. “It appears we would be better off listening to our friends,” he noted. 

Dean groaned. “They’re gonna be such dicks about this.” They were, too. Goddamn assholes. 

Cas shrugged. “We don’t have to tell them.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Pretty sure we do, Cas, they’re our friends.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I meant not right away. Because they are going to make a big deal. And I would prefer a small deal at the moment.”

“Am I not worth a big deal to you, Cas?”

“I would like to have you to myself for a while without being harassed.”

Dean grinned. Yeah, that sounded pretty nice. Once they found out they would be practically  _ assaulted.  _ Plus, Dean didn’t want to give those fuckers the satisfaction of knowing they were right. 

“Alright, sounds like a plan. Does this include Emma, or-?”

Cas huffed, shaking his head. “You're insufferable.”

Dean grinned. “You love me.” It wasn’t the first time they’d made that exchange, but it was the first time Dean had meant it in a love-love way, and certainly the first time he’d said it with Cas sitting in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist. 

Cas leaned in, and Dean straightened, placing his hands on his waist. “I do,” Cas agreed, and kissed him, but this time he went right in with the tongue and Dean barely had time to wonder where the  _ fuck  _ he’d learned to do that if he’d only ever kissed Dean before he was being shoved onto his back and  _ holy fuck.  _

“Cas,” Dean asked breathlessly. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

“I Googled it,” Cas answered simply. Dean would laugh, but he was a little busy, thanks.

* * *

 

Even after Cas left for work (late), Dean kept grinning like an idiot all day. Which made Charlie  _ incredibly  _ suspicious when she came over to drop Emma off in the morning, considering the past few days. Weeks, really. Life.

She didn’t knock of course, just barged into the kitchen to find Dean staring at the table with a dopey grin on his face.

“Uh. Dean?”

Dean looked up and smiled wider. “Hi, Emma. And Charlie.”

“Daddy! Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”

Charlie set her down and let her run around the table to Dean, who gladly lifted her up and hugged her. “Hi, sweetheart. Did you miss me?”

“Daaaaddy!”

Dean laughed and looked up at Charlie, who was staring at him like he had three heads. “What?”

“Uh. You seem awfully cheery for someone who was suffering severe trauma only yesterday.”

Dean’s smile dropped for a second, but he took a breath. He wasn’t thinking about that. It was definitely, totally fine. “Thanks, Charlie, for reminding me. Maybe I’m trying to have a more positive outlook, ever think of that?”

Charlie narrowed her eyes. “You're being… really weird. Are you okay?”

Dean bounced onto his toes, and then back down. Emma giggled. “Peachy, how are you?”

She took a step back. “I’m… fine. Bobby says you're allowed back Wednesday… unless I check you into a mental ward before then.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I appreciate the concern. I’m fine. Great, actually,” Dean assured her, his smile returning.

“Yeah, that’s awesome, but why?”

“Uh, I could have died but I didn’t, for starters. Also, I found Poptarts in the cabinet.”

“Mm. Speaking of your near-death experience and this ‘new outlook,’ did you know that Cas sat and waited for you to come home for 26 consecutive hours?” Charlie pressed, raising an eyebrow. Dean knew exactly what she was getting at. Joke was on her.

“Sure did. That’s just the kinda person he is,” Dean answered nonchalantly. 

“Papa?”

“Yep, Papa. Pretty cool guy, Emma.”

Charlie threw her arms up in the air. Dean stifled a laugh. “So, you almost die and Cas sits his ass in the freezing cold for more than entire day and all you have to say is ‘pretty cool guy’?”

Dean shrugged. “Yep.”

Charlie shook her head. “Sometimes I hate you, Dean Winchester.”

“Love you too, Charlie.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ugh. I’ll see you later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

As soon as the door closed, Dean burst into laughter. Emma joined him without really knowing why.

* * *

 

“Mr. Novak?”

Jay stood in the doorway to Castiel’s classroom, her hair in plaits today. Castiel vaguely made a note to learn to do those one day so he could braid Emma’s hair when it was long enough. 

“Hello, Jay. More drama?” He hoped not. She had seemed okay in class since their talk.

Jay shook her head. “My mom saw you on TV the other day and told me to ask if you were okay.”

Castiel nodded. He’d forgotten about all the news broadcasting on Saturday, lost in the intensity of everything else. “I’m fine, Jay. Everything’s fine.” And it was. 

“Why were you on TV?” she asked, tugging on her braid.

Castiel sighed. “My friend was in trouble and I was waiting for him to come out. I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“Was it your friend who’s not your boyfriend but kissed you anyway?”

Castiel chuckled. “Yes. Although I suppose he is my boyfriend now.” Castiel didn’t really like that word all too much. It seemed juvenile and an understatement. Partner would fit better, but also had several other meanings. Oh, well. 

Jay jumped up and down, clapping. “Yay! Good job, Mr. Novak!”

Castiel blushed. “Thank you, Jay. Tell your mother I appreciate her concern.”

“I will. Bye, Mr. Novak!” She sprinted out of the room and down the hall. Castiel didn’t bother reprimanding her for running in the halls. She was already gone. 

Castiel smiled softly to himself. It was a strange but welcome novelty to be able to refer to Dean as his boyfriend, even if the term felt inaccurate. In high school, each of them had often endured taunts and teasing, accusations that they were a couple. Not all of it was malicious, but it had pained Castiel just the same. Dean was always the one rolling his eyes and telling people to fuck off. He’d always done so with red cheeks and careful glances at him, Castiel now realized. 

Ten years they’d wanted each other without realizing it. How very frustrating for their friends and family that must have been, watching and knowing but not being able to say anything for fear of angering one of them. Ten years of pain and longing, all unnecessary.

Castiel sighed. What was done was done, after all. No use focusing on what could have been when there were more important things to think about, the future and the fact that Emma needed a new bed.

* * *

 

Their first close call was the next Saturday, when even Emma decided they all could sleep in. Dean’s nightmares were steady, but made bearable by Cas taking up the once empty side of the bed. Emma slept on her own for the most part, face down on whatever soft surface was closest to where she’d fallen asleep. It was a pretty effective arrangement, and they were enjoying the peace their secret gave them.

So when Jo let herself into their apartment one week after the bank, there was a moment of panic.

“Dean?”

“Cas,  _ get under the bed, _ ” Dean whispered. 

Cas glared at him.  _ “You _ get under the bed.”

They bickered back and forth for several more seconds before Cas eventually shoved Dean sideways off the bed, and not a moment too soon.

“Cas? Hey, where’s Dean?”

This was not very well thought out. Cas was an  _ awful  _ liar.

“Um. He’s somewhere. He may be… at the grocery store.”

“But I saw both your cars here.” Dean winced. Naturally. 

“Ahh… then I don’t know where he is. Exactly.” Dean covered his face with his hands. They were screwed. 

“...Alright. Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course,” Cas replied, way too quickly. “And yourself?”

“I’m good, I guess. Really need to find Dean.”

“Why?”

Jo hesitated, and Dean frowned. What could she have to hide from Cas? “It’s, um. A thing. That I have to talk to Dean about.”

“Yes, but what?” Cas pressed. 

“Just… nothing. I’m gonna go check across the hall.” Another terrible liar? Jo Harvelle. Dean shook his head. She probably thought she was slick. 

Once he heard the apartment door close, Dean popped up from the ground and rested his elbows on the bed. Cas jumped slightly. “She probably wants to talk to me about you,” Dean guessed. It was a common thing.

“Little does she know.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. I’m gonna pretend I was in the bathroom or something,” he said, standing and stretching. Cas followed him up and kissed him lightly before retreating into Dean’s room to check on Emma. That was definitely never going to get old. Dean fished his shirt off the floor and headed into the kitchen. He had a waffle craving. Bonus points if they had any bacon. 

Jo let herself back in while Dean was rooting around in the cabinets for the waffle iron. “Oh, hey, I was looking for you.” She perched herself on the counter while Dean continued searching. Did they even have batter? He might have to go to the grocery store after all. 

“Yeah, what for?” Dean asked, as if he didn’t already know she was looking for him. 

“We’re hosting an intervention.”

Dean rocked on his heels away from the cupboard, twisting around to stare at Jo. “Excuse me? For what?”

Jo raised her eyebrows and jerked her head towards Cas, who was rocking a screaming Emma in the living room. She didn’t like waking up as of late. Cas was pointing outside the window, trying to attract to her interest outside so she would stop crying. Dean smiled fondly. 

He looked back to Jo. “I don’t think this is a situation that requires an intervention, Joanna.”

“That’s because you don’t like being… intervened. You don’t like us intervening, but the rest of us think it’s necessary.”

“Who the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is ‘we’?”

Jo shrugged. “Me. Sam. Bobby. Mom. Charlie. Benny. Emma, probably.”

“Don’t turn my own daughter against me.”

Jo hopped off the counter and crouched next to Dean, who rolled his eyes and continued looking for his waffle iron. Jo would  _ not  _ be getting any. Even if she was right. He was offended on principle.

“Okay, but the thing is I’m not turning her against you, you’re the only one against you. If you would just-”

Dean had just, and was a little tired of Jo’s lectures. “Listen. Can you just give me some space? Maybe I would actually listen to you people if you weren’t  _ smothering  _ me all the time.”

Dean tried not to laugh at Jo’s frustrated expression. She was gonna be so mad when they told her.  _ So  _ mad.

“Fine,” she spat, right as Dean drew out the waffle maker. Hell yeah. He straightened and held out a hand to Jo, who took it but was still glaring. “Forgive me for trying to help,” she whispered viciously.

“Maybe I don’t  _ need  _ your help,” Dean shot back, and he’d proven that he didn’t. Take that, Jo. “Cas, can you get started on some waffle batter?” He called.

“Coffee,” Cas demanded, giving up on Emma and plopping her on the floor to do her own thing. 

“Yeah, yeah. Jo, you staying?”

Jo shook her head, sighing. “No, I had the late shift last night. I’m taking a nap,” she explained. She gave Dean a pointed look, which he rolled his eyes at, and left, giving Emma a kiss before she did so.

“What did she want?” Cas asked as he fished the batter mixture out from the back of the pantry.

“Ha. They want to have an intervention.”

Cas frowned. “For what?”

Dean plugged in the waffle iron and pushed it closer to the wall. He turned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. Cas was very carefully measuring out cups of batter, and Dean smiled slightly. He never in a million years thought he’d get to make waffles with someone he loved (like that), their daughter playing in the living room and a sense of peace in the air. 

“You,” Dean answered, smile twisting into a sly smirk.

Cas looked up and raised an eyebrow at him. He had pancake powder in his hair. Dean didn’t know how on Earth he’d managed that, but leaned forward to brush it out. 

“Well,” Cas started, “at least now you have to admit they’re correct.”

Dean snorted. “Touche.” He pressed a kiss to Cas’ hairline. “I’m gonna make a bacon run, be right back.”

“Take Emma with you.”

Dean gave him a thumbs-up and shoved his boots on. Who cared if he was in his pajamas, really. “Emma!” he called out.

“What?”

Dean smiled to himself. Her voice was so cute, high-pitched and squeaky, and it was funny to hear real words come out of her mouth. “You wanna come?”

“Come!” she agreed, scrambling up and running to Dean. 

“Do you know where your shoes are?”

“Uh-huh!” Emma hopped over to her shoes. She hopped when she was excited. Dean didn’t know why, but it was adorable, so far be it from him to stop her. “Shoes!” She threw them in the air and hit herself on the head on the way down. Dean shook his head and pulled her into his lap to help her put them on. She squirmed a bit but flew out the door the second Dean opened it.

“Bye, Cas!” he called before chasing after her. He didn’t hear if Cas responded, just scooped Emma up before she could attempt the stairs. Honestly, she probably should have had stairs figured out at that point, but forgive Dean for being paranoid. She could fall and crack her head in an instant, so no thanks.

Dean scooped Emma up, cradling her back against his chest. “Sneaky, Emma. Very sneaky.”

Emma giggled. “Hi, Daddy.”

Dean flipped her around and bounced down the stairs, only making Emma giggle more. Dean let her walk to the car herself, one hand wrapped around his finger. 

He’d said it before, but Emma was the best thing that ever happened to Dean. She forced him to start working hard, stop sleeping around, stop drinking. He’d done so much to make himself better, all for her. He liked to think he could have gotten his act together without her, but that was a big fat lie. Dean had Emma to thank for most everything good in his life, including what he had with Cas. Dean never thought he’d get that, and thanks to her, he did. 

Dean strapped Emma into her carseat and kissed her lightly on the forehead. “Thanks, princess.”

Emma responded by whacking him on the nose.


	26. Twice Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally forgot to update yesterday oh no I'm sorry everyone!! I hope you enjoy this (late) chapter!

“No, Emma, not sham. Sam. Suh-am.”

“Sham!”

Sam groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Forget it. I’ll forever be known to my niece as a sham.”

“Hey, now,” Dean said with a smirk as he whisked Sam’s empty plate away from him. “You're not just _a_ sham. You're _the_ sham. The shammiest sham ever to sham.”

“Gee thanks,” Sam deadpanned. Dean grinned and slid the dishes into the sink, where Cas was up to his arms in suds.

Dean leaned towards Cas and lowered his voice so Sam couldn’t hear. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, as Sam was once again trying to teach Emma the correct way to say his name, but still. They couldn’t be too careful with their secret.

“Hey, babe, you know we have a dishwasher for that,” Dean pointed out, quirking an eyebrow when Cas looked up to glare at him.

“This pot can’t go in the dishwasher, Dean. It will destroy the paint.”

Dean wrinkled his nose. “Why would they make dishes you can’t put in the dishwasher?”

“It looks nice,” Cas defended.

A smile tugged at the corner of Dean’s mouth as he leaned his elbows on the counter and tilted further into Cas. “Hey, you know what else looks nice?”

“Not the time, Dean.”  
“You don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

Cas gave him a reproachful look. “You were going to say my ass.”

Dean grinned. “Yeah, I was.”

Cas rolled his eyes and lifted his arms, dripping soap back into the sink. Dean pulled one towards him and grabbed a towel to help him dry it off. He repeated the action with his other arm and gave Cas a wink that he hoped said if Sam wasn’t right there he would kiss him.

Cas’ blush and dirty look confirmed his hopes.

“Emma. It’s not that hard. It’s one syllable. One.”

Sam and Jess had driven up that year, their last spring break. They’d decided to drive in order to bring their dog with them, who Jess was currently walking. She was a bit bigger than Dean had anticipated, but he still planned on a photoshoot.

Maybe he and Cas could get a dog. Their landlord probably wouldn’t allow it, but that didn’t have to stop them. It could be a secret dog.

Or they could move somewhere bigger, a house maybe. Where no one could tell them they couldn’t have a dog. Cas has suggested it a while ago, and Dean hadn’t paid it much thought, but it wasn’t a bad idea. They could get a lawn and a dog and a swingset. It was cliche, but Dean wanted it. He wanted Emma to play in a big backyard and have her own, big room with windows and a closet. They could paint it pink or purple or orange or whatever damn color she wanted except yellow because _fuck_ yellow and they’d have pictures hanging on the walls everywhere.

But Dean was getting ahead of himself. They could only just afford living where they were now. A house would no doubt be more expensive, not to mention the cost of moving.

Maybe Dean could get a job somewhere else, somewhere that paid more. He loved working for Bobby, but it wasn’t exactly the most luxurious life. And Emma would be getting bigger soon, needing more.

Now wasn’t the time, though. Dean could think about all that later, maybe talk through it with Cas.

“Cas, can she say your name?” Sam was whining in the kitchen. Cas took a seat across from him and shook his head.

“She doesn’t use my first name,” he turned to his daughter with a soft smile. “Emma, who am I?”

“Papa!”

“Arguably an easier word than your name. S’s are hard for her,” Cas explained. Sam scoffed, offended. Dean rolled his eyes.

“You're being dramatic. She’s not even two.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “She’ll be two tomorrow, Dean. Gotta accept it at some point.” There was already a stack of presents in Dean and Cas’ bedroom. Dean glared at them sometimes. They were a constant reminder of the dreaded birthday.

Dean shook his head and approached the table, lifting Emma from her seat. She bounced excitedly against his hip, swinging her hands wildly. Dean caught one of them and pinned it to his chest, making Emma giggle and lean against him. “Nuh-uh. Nope. She’s two weeks old. I don’t know what you're talking about.” She was too little to be two. She still wasn’t even as tall as the arm of the chair, so she couldn’t possibly be a toddler. She barely spoke English. She was a baby.

Sam and Cas shook their heads at each other. “Okay, Dean. Sure.”

Dean rested his cheek on top of Emma’s head. “Nope. You're always gonna be my baby, right Emma?”

“Right! Am two!” That was just a coincidence. She was just repeating them. She was too young for such big words.

Cas turned in his chair and looked up at them fondly. Dean held his gaze until Sam coughed pointedly, and Cas turned back around. Dean _wanted_ to step in behind him and start messing with his hair, but he didn’t want to give his brother a heart attack. Yet.

The sound of the door opening and closing and made Emma jerk forward. “Dat?” she asked, pointing.

“That’s Jess,” Dean answered as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. The dog ran in behind her and leaped at Dean’s legs. Dean laughed and petted her head. “And Sofia.” Sofia had floppy ears, and one was currently turned inside out.

“Hi, Fia,” Emma said shyly, curling further into Dean.

“Yeah, I know you're shy.” Dean crouched down, giving Sofia access to his face, which she licked excitedly before moving to Emma. She shrieked in delight, cringing further away. Dean chortled but relented, straightening and allowing Sofia to explore the rest of the house, again.

When he looked over at Cas, he was looking at them with soft eyes and a slight smile. Dean winked and turned back to Jess, who looked exhausted.

“Fun walk?”

“Ugh. She’s just so excited about everything,” Jess moaned, flopping onto Sam, who patted her head sympathetically.

“Yeah, but that’s the best thing about them. They’re so happy,” Dean pointed out.

“She wants to eat everything she encounters.”

“Ah, well, you can’t win them all, as they say,” Cas pointed out, standing. Dean resisted the urge to smile. He was so damn awkward. “Dean, a word?” He tried to wink. Cas can’t wink. Dean bit the inside of his cheek, but the grin prevailed as he followed Cas back into their bedroom, Sam raising his eyebrows as they passed. Sam could think whatever the fuck he wanted, he almost definitely wasn’t right. He probably thought Dean was getting yelled at. Well, joke’s on you, Sam. Dean couldn’t wait to see his face when they told him.

Cas closed the door, hands on the knob as leaned against it. “Dean,” he started, still awkward. Dean raised his eyebrows.

“Cas. You okay?” A flash of fear shot through Dean. What if Cas had changed his mind about their- Dean shuddered- relationship? What a terrifying word. Maybe Cas had reverted back to that old mindset, that it was too scary?

No, Cas wouldn’t do that. Ten years, Dean reminded himself.

“Yes, I’m fine. I was just wondering. Sam is your brother.”

Dean snorted. “Last time I checked, yeah.”

Cas glared. “Let me finish. Sam is your brother and you tell him everything. You have a very strong sibling relationship.”

“Yep. Where are you going with this?”

“I would get there if you would stop interrupting me.” Dean stuck out his tongue at him, prompting Cas to roll his eyes and step away from the door. He got right up in Dean’s personal space, tucking his warm hands under Dean’s shirt and nipping at his jaw. Dean closed his eyes and settled his fingertips on Cas’ hips, trailing up and down his side.

“This is no way to stop me doing anything,” Dean pointed out. If this was what he got for interrupting, Cas would be taking days to finish any sentence.

Cas bit down on Dean’s skin a little harder, causing him to shudder and squeeze Cas’ waist. “It’s been a couple weeks,” Cas murmured against Dean’s neck, “is my point. And we decided to keep this a secret. But for how long? You're going to keep this from Sam, of all people?”

Dean shrugged, taking a half step away from Cas but keeping his hand firmly planted on his hips. “I don’t know. It’s kinda funny, and Sam’s a smug bastard already.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “You propose just never telling anyone?”

Dean grinned mischievously. “We could just not bother hiding it. Let them figure it out themselves. That would be _hilarious.”_

“Okay, but when?”

Dean thought for a second. “Let’s give everyone another few weeks. April Fool’s, so they think it’s a joke.”

Cas smiled and stepped in, recovering the distance Dean had put between them. He kissed Dean softly, pulling at his bottom lip. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Dean whispered, kissing him again while spinning them around so his back was to the door. “Okay. Let’s go.”

* * *

 

Castiel grudgingly let go of Dean, sliding his hands away and walking an appropriate two feet behind him as they left the room. Sam was giving them suspicious looks as they returned to the table without a word, but Castiel made a point of not looking him in the eyes. He’d been told he was an awful liar.

“So,” Sam said, and Castiel understood Dean calling him a smug bastard. “What was that about?”

Dean popped a Cheerio into his mouth. “What was what about?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Um, your super secret meeting just now?”

Dean scoffed and put his feet on the table. Castiel frowned and shoved them off. True that his socks were probably clean enough, but when he came in with his muddy boots and put them up everywhere it could get rather annoying. “It wasn’t super secret. You just didn’t follow us.” Dean put his feet back on the table. Castiel shook his head but decided it was best to leave it.

Sam narrowed his eyes at them. “Okay, then what were you talking about?”

“Emma needs a new crib,” Dean lied casually. Castiel wondered where he’d learn to do it so well. Then he wondered what kind of lies Dean had told him without him even realizing. “Or bed, I guess. Emma is too big for her crib and needs a bed.”

Sam leaned forward, hands folded in front of him. “But why did you have to go all the way back into your room to have that discussion?”

Dean waved a hand flippantly. “I don’t know? Why do you care so much, are we on trial? Calm down, lawyer boy, you're on break,” Dean scoffed and shook his head at Castiel, who simply rolled his eyes. Sam, however, seemed to buy it and leaned back in his seat, shaking his head with pursed lips. It was indeed a little funny, if Castiel was being honest.

Emma waddled into the room, the puppy on her heels. Castiel smiled. He could tell the two of them were quickly becoming friends by the way Emma was gently patting her head and the way Sofia licked at Emma’s calves. Emma giggled and ran to Castiel, wanting him to pick her up. He complied, settling her on his lap as the dog proceeded to stand and put her paws on his thighs. Emma patted her head again, laughing slightly.

“Emma, do you like the dog?” Castiel whispered in her ear.

“Haha, dog,” Emma replied, which was about what Castiel had expected. Sofia flicked out her tongue, making the most awful slurping sound against Emma’s cheek imaginable. Castiel cringed and pushed the dog off him lightly. Sofia, unbothered, padded into a patch of sun and laid down.

Castiel brought his attention back to the Winchester brothers, who were still bickering lightly. “There’s no such thing as radioactive spiders, Sam. You couldn’t be Spiderman,” Dean was saying. Castiel didn’t know how they’d gotten there so quickly, but most conversations with the Winchesters seemed to lead to superhero discussions.

“You don’t know what the government’s working on. Besides, like you’ll ever have enough money to be Batman.”

“I’ll improvise.”

“How?”

“Boys,” Jess chastised, leaning against the wall behind Dean. “You two. Sam, we need to go to the t-o-y store to get Emma a p-r-e-s-e-n-t.”

“You know she’s only two, right? She doesn’t even get what a present is,” Sam pointed out.

Emma looked up with a gasp, dislodging Castiel’s chin from the top of her head sharply. “Peh-sent?”

Dean pointed an accusing finger in Sam’s face. “Don’t ever underestimate my daughter ever again, punk.” Sam scoffed and shoved Dean’s hand away before standing to follow Jess out the door.

Dean turned to Emma and Castiel, sighing heavily and resting his hand on his chin. He took a second to just stare at Emma as she idly played with Castiel’s fingers, interlocked over her stomach.

“She’s going to be two,” Castiel marvelled softly. It was hard to believe. After all, Emma was a surprise, a complete shock to their system, a sudden change to their world. Most couples had at least some inkling that a child was coming, some want. Dean and Castiel? They’d had to accept her into their way of life instantly, without a second thought. Everything happened so fast it seemed like two years was too long.

Dean sniffled, and Castiel bit his lip to keep from laughing. He wiped a tear from his eye and reached out for Emma, who gladly released Castiel’s hand in favor of Dean’s. She wrapped her tiny hand around his pointer finger and shook it up and down and side to side. Dean’s hand flew to his mouth as he choked out a sob. His face was red with tears, and the color made the green in his eyes overwhelming, like fresh apples or flower buds.

Castiel stretched out his hand and placed it over both Emma’s and Dean’s, attracting both their attention. Dean wiped at his eyes and scooted his chair in so he could lean into Castiel’s chest. Emma laid back against the both of them and resumed playing with Castiel’s fingers, his other hand intertwined with Dean’s.

* * *

 

Sam and Jess returned to utter chaos. Sofia’s natural puppy energy had returned with renewed vigor after her too-short nap, and it sent the Winchester-Novak household into insanity.

The dog was in big trouble.

She’d woken up and was immediately bouncing off the walls, causing general mayhem, when Emma got up and began chasing her. This was concerning, as Sofia was bigger than Emma, if only marginally, a heck of a lot faster and could easily knock her down if she got in her way. Dean and Cas found themselves caught in the race running after Emma, tripping over Sofia and not managing to get to their daughter. There was a lot of yelling and barking and screeching, and this was how the college seniors returned.

“Uh… Dean?”

Dean dodged Sofia streaking through his legs and looked up calmly. “Yes, Sam?”

Sam just shook his head and crouched to greet Sofia. Jess rolled her eyes. “We’re going to go to your parent’s house soon, just had to come back and grab our stuff and then we’ll be out of your hair.”

“Thank you, Jess. We appreciate your company, though this is arguably a small medium,” Cas responded politely, stepping in next to Dean with Emma on his hip. She squirmed and Cas dropped her, and Dean almost reached out for his now empty hand but caught himself.

Emma waddled right past Jess into the living room, where _Blue’s Clues_ had been on all day. She lay on the floor, her head propped on one of Jack’s toy ships. She tried to adjust it to make herself comfortable, but in the end that plastic ship would not conform to pillowness. Emma gave up, tossing it aside. Dean shook his head. One day she would learn these kinds of things, but he was enjoying watching her try to figure it out.

As Sam and Jess ran around gathering their stuff (seriously, they’d been there two days, how much crap could they have laying around) Sofia went right back to doing her laps around the island in the kitchen.

Dean figured it was best to just leave her to that. Crazy pup.

She only became more excited when she realized she was leaving, which Dean tried not to be offended by. When Sam, Jess, and dog were gone, Dean turned to Cas and kissed him hard, on the lips. Just ‘cuz he could.

“Daddy,” Emma interrupted. “Dat?”

Dean begrudgingly turned to Emma. “What, princess?”

Emma pointed at them. “Doing?”

Cas laughed. “It’s a kiss, Emma.”

“Oh.” Emma flopped back on the ground and kept watching her show. For a moment, Dean and Cas just stared at each other. But then Emma started screaming a continuous high-pitched note for no reason at all, and they lost it, laughing their hearts out, a contrast to their earlier tears. Emma kept screaming.

That baby was a riot. Dean liked where he personality was going. He kissed Cas again before going to join her on the floor, and she took the opportunity to use his stomach as her pillow.

Dean shook his head. “Sneaky baby.”

Emma looked up at him and grinned. Dean snorted. He definitely liked where this little girl was going.

Cas plopped next to them on the couch. “She is far too much like you,” he commented apathetically.

Dean looked up at him with a grin almost identical to his daughter’s. “That a bad thing?”

Cas looked down at them fondly. “Not at all.”

* * *

 

Emma’s 2nd birthday was a relatively relaxed affair. Charlie and Dorothy came over with donuts in the morning, Jack with the present. He was quite literally hopping with excitement as he passed on the present to her. Emma immediately plopped down on the ground and began tearing at the wrapping paper apathetically. She didn’t even know what a present was, much less that she should be excited. Emma’s lack of caring did not bother Jack in the least. He was much more excited about the task itself: giving Emma the present, a big stuffed ladybug.

Lunch brought Sam and Dean’s adopted family, barging in the door with food and presents that Emma got bored of opening halfway through. The adults talked in the kitchen while Emma ran around the house like a lunatic and put herself down for a nap. Anna and Gabriel called separately to wish Emma a happy birthday, and then it was just the three of them, Dean and Cas and their daughter shoveling cake into her mouth with her hands.

Cas was sitting on the floor next to the table, leaning against the wall and staring into the abyss. Dean slid down next to him and rested his cheek on his shoulder with a yawn. It had been a long day, truthfully, though very little had happened.

Cas let his head fall on Dean’s. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. What-” Dean yawned- “what are we up to tomorrow?”

“Mm. I think we should just stay in,” Cas suggested sleepily. Dean was a bit disappointed in both of them; it was only 9 o’clock.

“Yeah?” Dean affirmed. He was down for that.

“Yes. We can afford to be lazy for a day.”

“That sounds good,” Dean said with another yawn. He looked up at Emma and nearly laughed out loud at the sight of her, fast asleep with his face in her cake. He nudged Cas and pointed, and Cas shook his head and stood, going to the sink to wet a rag. Dean stood as well and lifted Emma from her seat gently, cradling her like he had two years ago, with her head in the crook of his arm. Just like on that first day, Cas stepped in to he and Dean were forehead to forehead as he gently wiped off her face. He smoothed her hair and bent down to press a kiss to her brow. Dean caught him on the way up, kissing him clumsily, sleepily.

“She can sleep with us tonight,” Cas whispered.

Dean nodded and turned, still cradling Emma. She slept in between them that night, peaceful as a soft wind in the spring. Her fathers had their hands clasped over her chest like a blanket. That was the last time she slept in their bed for a long time, for soon after she had her own, but it was not the last time ever. She would grow up and have nightmares and get scared, but her fathers would always be there for their baby.


	27. The One Where Everyone Finds Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels necessary to inform everyone that I have officially finished writing the 30 chapters of plot that make up this story. That's not to say there won't be more (endless) chapters of fluffy timestamps, but those won't be regular updates and aren't really relevant, but you deserve them.

Castiel spent the entirety of every year dreading the first of April. Between the Winchester brothers and Gabriel, who always made surprise guest appearances, nowhere was safe. Nothing was safe. And if that day happened to fall on a school day, as it did that year, there was even more utter chaos. 

Castiel himself had never pulled an April Fool’s prank. He wasn’t sure if Dean’s plot to reveal their relationship as if it was already a fact counted. Was it really a prank, or just a trick? Castiel wasn’t sure; he was inexperienced in these things, as mentioned above.

But the day dawned as you would expect of a Midwestern April: pouring. Castiel woke to the sound of rain slamming against the window, the constant blaring of his alarm, and Dean’s heart beating under his ear. An odd cacophony of sound, yet it was peaceful to Castiel. It was Dean that prompted him to move a few minutes later, shoving at his shoulder and grumbling about the damn alarm. Castiel chuckled but shoved himself upward and slapped the alarm off. Dean had rolled out of bed and had moved his groaning to the floor.

“No one makes you get up with me, you know. You could always just stay in bed,” Castiel suggested, though he already knew how Dean would respond.

“Yeah, but I love you, you bastard.”

Castiel smiled. He never tired of hearing those words. “Very mixed messages, Dean.”

“You love me back, sucker. April Fool’s, you get to deal with me forever.”

Castiel leaned over and held out his hands. “Gladly.” Dean smirked and hauled himself up, with Castiel’s help. Castiel linked their fingers together before Dean could step away and kissed him lightly before stepping back himself, dragging Dean after him. Dean groaned again but followed, one hand still in Castiel’s.

Much to both of their surprise, Emma was already awake. They hadn’t heard her cry or leave her room, so they stopped short at the sight of her sitting in the middle of the floor, munching on some Froot Loops. Odd, because they kept the cereal on the top shelf of the pantry.

“So, um,” Dean gulped, eyes darting around the room nervously. “The baby’s possessed.”

“Where did she  _ get  _ those?” Castiel whispered. He wasn’t entirely sure why, as he knew Emma was not really possessed. 

Dean shook his head and dropped Castiel’s hand, approaching Emma in a crouch. “Hey, princess, whatcha doin’ there?”

Emma looked up at him innocently. “Hi, Daddy.”

Dean glanced at Castiel over his shoulder with comically wide eyes. “Yeah, hi, Emma. Where’d you get that cereal?”

Emma giggled. “Flute.”

“Froot Loops?”

“Flute.”

Dean nodded and stood, backing back to Castiel. “Okay. That- okay. Someone pranked us. Charlie, you motherbleeper, I know this is your doing.”

Charlie’s ginger head popped up from behind the island, way too enthusiastic for 5 in the morning. She had a mischievous grin covering her face and a box of cereal in her hand. “You thought she was possessed. Suckers.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Another one. Charlie, I regret seeing this side of you.”

“Seconded,” Dean said as he picked up Emma. 

Charlie laughed, already headed for the door. “Prepare to see more throughout the day, punks. April Fool’s!” 

She left with a swish of her hair and a flick of her wrist to close the door. Castiel looked at Dean suspiciously. “I suppose it’s wise to expect more of such things throughout the day.”

Dean snorted and seated Emma at the table, Froot Loops and all. “Have you met our friends? Nothing is safe.”

Castiel sighed. He’d thought so.

* * *

 

Their first victims were Gabriel and Dorothy. As per usual, the midget bitch had showed up around 10, ready to wreak havoc. He didn’t waste any time, either. When Dean opened the door, he was greeted with a bucket of glitter in the face. Actually, the glitter never made it to his face. He had a peephole, for Christ’s sake, and paper plates in the kitchen. Gabriel’s first trick, foiled. 

Dorothy had brought Jack over for a lunch playdate with Emma. Dean honestly respected the hell out of Dorothy. She was badass as hell and took absolutely no shit. Lord knew why she was married to Charlie, who was absolutely full of it, but sometimes things worked like that. 

The three of them were having a very civil chat about the logic behind  _ Teletubbies  _ (Dean and Dorothy watched it because they had children. Gabriel watched it because he was a child.) when Cas came home. It was his lunch break, and not even Dean was expecting him. Cas was always a welcome surprise, though.

Emma spotted him first, alerting everyone else with a mighty screech. “Papa!” She flew at his legs, but Cas was ready and intercepted her before collision. 

“Hello, Emma,” he said, lifting her to his hip. “How are you?”

“Hi, Papa,” she responded before squirming around. Cas set her down and straightened, looking over to the group at the table. 

Dean smiled. “Hey, Cas. Fancy seeing you here.”

Cas leaned against Dean’s chair casually, dropping one hand to the back of the chair, his hip level with Dean’s head. “Hello, Dean. Dorothy. Gabriel, I see you’ve returned to terrorize us yet again.”

Gabriel winked. “That’s my job, baby bro.”

Dean rolled his eyes and leaned his temple against Cas’ hipbone. This did not go unnoticed by Dorothy, who simply raised an eyebrow and sipped her coffee. Even when Cas dropped his hand into Dean’s hair, she did not bat an eye. 

Gabriel didn’t even notice. Fucking moron was prattling about something dumb and didn’t notice the way Cas was massaging Dean’s head or when Dean closed his eyes and buried his face in the side of his thigh. Dorothy just continued sipping her coffee. Dean couldn’t tell if she thought she was being pranked or if she was genuinely unsurprised. 

“I need coffee.” Gabe continued prattling while Cas detached from Dean and retreated farther into the kitchen and began brewing. 

Gabriel finally shut up when Cas came back with 2 cups of coffee, one for him and one he handed to Dean as he took the seat next to him. Dean held out a hand to Cas, who took it and interlocked their fingers gently, laying their joined hands on the table.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at that for a second. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he got the words out realization dawned on his face. “Oh, good one guys. April Fool’s. Almost had me there.”

Dean lifted his mug to his lips to hide a smile. “What are you talking about?”

Gabriel gestured at their joined hands. Dean raised an eyebrow, biting the inside of his cheek. “Don’t make that face. You can cut it now, alright, you got me. I really thought you guys had somehow managed to independently get over your issues. Pranked.”

Dean smirked at Cas, who was concealing his laughter much better than Dean was, though it was visible in his eyes. “Cas, is he okay?” At this point, even Dorothy was trying to fight a grin. Dean had the feeling that she got it, much better than Gabriel.

“I’m not sure. Gabriel, are you feeling alright? Perhaps you’ve had too much candy.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and slouched back in his seat. “Whatever. You guys suck.”

Dean winked at Dorothy, who simply gave him a sly smile in response.

Cas only had half an hour, so before long it was time for him to return to work. When he stood, everyone else stood to say goodbye. Gabe patted him on the back, planting a ‘KICK ME’ sign that Cas immediately took off and slapped to his brother’s forehead. Dorothy gave him a hug and when she moved away, Dean went right in for a kiss.

Behind him, he heard the click of a camera and Gabriel absolutely rioting. Yeah. They definitely got him.

* * *

 

Dean’s phone went off all day long. Benny, Charlie, Jo, hell, even  _ Ellen.  _ He made a point to answer each and every call with calm, practiced nonchalance and to keep the same relaxed tone even through the various types of screaming he received.

Benny was roaring pride, both in Dean and himself. He was owed a fair bit of money, you see. “I  _ called  _ this shit,” he reminded Dean. “Called it.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “So I’ve heard. Go collect your winnings, George Malley.”

Benny laughed. “Really though, brother, congrats. I know how you’ve felt about him since forever, and I want you to be happy. Just don’t mess it up.”

A nervous chuckle forced its way out of Dean as he scratched at his forearm. “No need to be a girl about it, man.”

“Don’t tell me what to do. See ya later, swine.”

Dean shook his head. “Yeah, yeah. Adios, amigo.”

Charlie’s phone call was a lot of high pitched screaming that Dean couldn’t make out. He got the gist, though.

Jo called only to say one thing. “Dean, I’m really happy for you and if you fuck this up I’ll hunt you down.” She hung up before he could respond. Dean was beginning to sweat.

Finally, Ellen, whose message was largely the same as Jo’s, with the added bonus of: “You should probably get checked, and always use protection-”

Dean hung up. No, thank you. 

By the end of these calls, Dean was feeling pretty miserable. This was the sole reason he’d been hesitant to clue his family into his relationship. He loved them and they meant well, really, but did they have to expect the worst of him? All he’d heard today was ‘don’t fuck this up.’ Like he needed telling. None of them would be telling Cas not to fuck anything up, because Cas was arguably a way better person than Dean and a hell of a lot smarter. Dean knew he was a fuckup. He was aware, but he thought he was getting better, after Emma. That maybe his friends and family would see him as a loving and hardworking father instead of a lazy douche who didn’t care about anyone or anything. Who fucked things up. Dean was that person, but he thought he’d changed. 

Emma was asleep when Cas came home to find Dean lost in these thoughts, staring at the wall with his chin in his hand. He didn’t even hear Cas come in, was only alerted to his presence when Cas slid next to him on the couch and leaned into him, wrapping him in a hug.

“You have to go to work,” Cas reminded him gently after a few seconds. Dean hummed lightly, still in the position he’d been in when Cas had walked in the door. 

Cas sighed and detached himself from Dean, who finally tore his gaze from the wall to watch him leave the room. He sighed. He’d never deserve Cas. Cas always just seemed to get it, get when Dean needed pushing and when he needed space, when it was best to just let something drop or force Dean to talk about it. 

Dean stood and threw on his jacket. It was probably best not to think about it, not right now.  

Castiel perched on the end of his bed, tapping the tips of his pointer fingers together rapidly. He was worried about Dean and the quiet mood he’d found him in upon returning home from work. Dean got like that sometimes, Castiel knew, but it was the first time since they’d embarked upon their new relationship. Would Castiel be allowed to force his worries out of him, be expected to? He was unsure, and that scared him. What if he pushed too hard, pushed Dean away?

Castiel stilled when the bedroom door creaked open, revealing a freshly-showered and pajama-clad Dean, still wearing a pensive expression and sad eyes.

Instead of simply climbing into bed and going to sleep, as Castiel had worried he might, Dean settled himself next to Castiel on the bed, resting his cheek on his shoulder. Castiel wound his arm under Dean’s elbow and clasped their hands together as he let his own head fall against Dean’s. 

As it turned out, Castiel didn’t need to try and force anything out of Dean, as he sighed heavily and began explaining softly. “Everyone thinks I’m gonna fuck this up. All day, everyone called and said ‘Don’t be stupid, Dean, don’t fuck this up.’”

Castiel studied the ceiling above him, each visible smear of paint. He was afraid of something like that. It was too easily believable to Dean for him to be letting go of their family’s well-meaning words anytime soon. 

“I don’t think so,” Castiel replied. He didn’t. Terrifyingly enough, he couldn’t really see either of them fucking anything up anytime soon.

Dean snorted. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Cas, but basically everything I’ve ever done is a fuckup.”

Castiel refused to let emotion enter his voice. True that his opinion of Dean was biased, but he liked to think he could be objective when he needed to be. “I disagree. You’ve graduated high school and college. You have a stable job and home. You have a daughter. You can bake.”

Dean was quiet for a moment, but Castiel didn’t dare think he’d won just yet. “I mean, like, emotionally.”

“Also untrue. You allowed yourself to forgive your father for his past actions, you forgave Lydia her slights against Emma.” Castiel lifted their joined hands briefly before dropping them back to their knees. “You overcame 10 years of repressed emotion and self-implemented negative reinforcement quite successfully.”

Dean was quiet for longer still this time before blowing out a heavy sigh. Castiel smiled slightly, squeezing his hand. Dean squeezed back. “Yeah, maybe you're right. I don’t know. I guess- it just kinda hurts that I can change and no one gives a shit, that they all still see me as a fuckup.”

“They don’t, Dean. They were teasing you.”

“Maybe.”

Castiel nudged him back, towards his side of the bed. “I’m tired. Let’s go to bed.”

Dean nodded through a yawn and pulled his legs up onto the mattress, easing Castiel’s back against his chest before falling onto the bed.

* * *

 

It was around mid-April when Dean and Cas were paid a visit by Lydia one sunny Saturday, an already hectic one at that. Emma was in some sort of mood while her fathers were attempting to do some spring cleaning, and found ways to be constantly underfoot. She wanted water, she was hungry, where Daddy go, booberries, show, up, up, up. If Dean had to lift her up one more time his arms would fall off. She was getting bigger and heavier every day.

So Lydia was a welcome surprise. A very frazzled Cas opened the door wearing plastic yellow gloves and blueberries in his hair, courtesy of his daughter. Lydia looked only mildly caught off guard. She saw Emma tugging on his leg, whining, and caught on quickly. 

“Hello, Castiel,” she greeted as she watched Emma hide behind his calf, peeking one green eye out cautiously. 

“Lydia, hello. Would you like to come in?”

“Yes, please.”

Cas shucked his gloves off and threw them to Dean, who caught them without even looking. He was crouched under the sink, rooting around for dishwasher detergent. He popped a tablet in and left the machine to run as he joined Cas and Lydia in the kitchen. Emma was slumped against Cas, her tiny face more sad than it had any right to be.

“Cas,” Dean addressed as he leaned against their chair, “you have blueberry in your hair.”

“So I’ve noticed.”

Dean rolled his eyes and started combing through his wild dark mess. 

Lydia cleared her throat. “I, um. I have some news.”

Dean flicked his eyes up to meet hers. “Shoot.”

Lydia sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I’m moving. To Vermont. Eric got transferred out there, and, well.” Lydia smiled, but she looked pained. Dean couldn’t help but wonder again about just how well their relationship was working out. She seemed unbelievably frustrated. “So I wanted to say goodbye. I mean, I’ll call. Whenever I can. I still wanna know what’s going on with her and how she’s doing and everything, but I doubt I’ll be able to visit, maybe ever again.”

Dean retracted his hands from Cas’ hair, settling them on the back of the chair. “I’m sorry, Lydia. You can call whenever, but I don’t know how much juicy gossip we’ll be able to give you. She’s only two, after all.”

Lydia nodded gratefully. “That reminds me.” She dragged her purse onto her lap and began digging through it. She procured a small tape, wrapped with a tiny red ribbon. “I don’t- I don’t know if you have a cassette player or not. But these are some of my favorite songs. And I wanted her to have them.” Lydia’s voice was thick with unshed tears that welled in her eyes and reddened her cheeks. Dean nearly cried himself, and for the first time he felt genuine pity for Lydia. She would have kept Emma if it was her choice, he knew then. 

Dean leaned forward and plucked the tape out of her hands gently. “Yeah, my car plays tapes. I’ll play these for her.”

“Thank you.” Lydia wiped at her eyes. “I feel like I should also let you know that I’m pregnant. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell this baby or anyone that comes after about Emma. They could always tell Eric, you know? I guess it’s not an issue right now, but yeah. The future.” 

Dean nodded. He didn’t really care about Lydia’s second pregnancy; it was her business and would hardly affect him. Emma might have some thoughts on it in the future, but for the moment it wasn’t their problem.

Lydia stood and gathered her purse. “Okay, well, I’m off.” She crouched down in front of Emma and took her tiny hands. “I’m sorry, Emma. I’ll never forget about you, I promise.”

Emma said nothing, and Lydia was gone before Dean or Cas could speak for her. 


	28. Holy Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit intense and just a tad all over the place, but oh well. Story is drawing to a close! I'm sad, but like I keep saying, timestamps. Definitely look out for those. Disclaimer: this chapter is not as overwhelmingly fluffy as the last few.

It was only a day after Lydia’s visit that Dean and Castiel had another visitor, this one quite unexpected and very much unwelcome. 

Sunday was their designated rest day, so when the knock sounded at the door, reverberating through the still apartment, Castiel was still asleep. Dean didn’t even stir, even as the knocking increased. 

Castiel sat up, and the absence of his warmth was what finally woke Dean, who groaned loudly.

“ _ Who  _ is at the door this early?”

“Dean, it’s 11 AM,” Castiel teased as he tugged his discarded pajama pants on and left the room. Dean dove back under the covers, muttering something about freakshow morning people. Castiel smirked and meandered out of the room, towards the door. Emma was stirring awake on the couch after a late night last night. Castiel wasn’t sure why she didn’t sleep in her bed more (especially after the IKEA fiasco it had been to get it, a story for another time), but if she preferred the couch, she preferred the couch. Castiel trailed the tips of his fingers on her head as he walked past, making her wrinkle her nose. He laughed under his breath, a laugh that was abruptly cut off when he opened the door and saw who indeed was at the door so early.

Castiel slammed the door shut on instinct.

Dean emerged from the hallway, scrubbing at his face. One side of his hair was completely flattened, the other sticking up all over the place. Castiel would have laughed, normally. “Cas? What was that?”

Castiel opened his mouth to answer, but the knock sounded again and he flinched. Dean immediately straightened, probably guessing who was on the other side of the door. He stepped forward, pushing Castiel back gently, but he stumbled. Dean caught his wrist in a flash and pulled him back upward and towards him. He pressed a kiss to Castiel’s temple before turning back around and opening the door. Hiding behind Dean was probably not the smartest way to approach the situation, but when it came to his mother, there was no telling what either of them would do. 

Dean reached around and grabbed Castiel’s hand before flinging open the door. Naomi Novak was still standing there, looking stern as ever with her hands folded in front of her and hair piled into a pristine bun. Castiel met her gaze without so much as a tremor, but he was squeezing Dean’s hand so hard he might have broken his fingers.

But Dean was charismatic as ever as he greeted Naomi, the grin audible in his voice. “Hi. Can we help you?”

Naomi gave Dean a reproachful look. She’d never liked him, even when they were children. She’d seen him as a troublesome foster child with no future, and Castiel used to wonder why he was allowed to be friends with the Winchesters if she hated them so much. He didn’t realize until his teenage years that it was probably Gabriel, refusing to make Anna stop him. He would have taken beatings for that, probably more than once. 

Looking back, Gabriel probably got a lot of beatings for trying to spare his younger siblings. Castiel had to admire that, even if it was stupid of him. It protected the rest of them- Anna couldn’t be disobedient if Gabriel never told her what to do.

That didn’t mean they were free of her, though. Anna had been punished for Castiel’s actions plenty of times, and Castiel for his little brother’s. They never meant to hurt one another, but growing up meant making mistakes. 

“Dean. Callous as ever,” Naomi remarked. She barely moved her mouth but her words came out crisp and clear. Harsh.

Dean shrugged. “What can I say, I’m consistent.”

Naomi glared at him and opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by Emma, crying. She frowned and her glare intensified, like it was Dean’s fault that Emma was crying. Both of them turned as they heard her tiny feet hit the floor and she waddled over to them. She bounced at Dean with her arms in the air, making tiny, really very annoying ‘up’ sounds. Naomi watched her reproachfully, lips pursed. Dean shot her a tiny glare before addressing Emma.

“Em, use your words.”

Emma dropped her arms and made a sad face, hanging her head and slumping her shoulders.

“Emma. No.”

Emma sighed dramatically and flopped the other way, bending her neck back to look up at Dean. “Up,” she said, still very whiny, “peas.”

She didn’t have those l’s down yet, but Dean was satisfied. He let go of Cas for only a second to stoop down and pick Emma up. When he resiezed Cas’ hand, he linked their fingers together tightly and gave him a brief squeeze.

Naomi Novak was nothing to Dean, but she was Cas’ mom. His incredibly abusive bitchy mom, but his mom nonetheless. Dean doubted she was there to say anything good, but he knew if she didn’t say it she’d come back and keep coming back to be a general annoyance until they were thoroughly chewed out.

“Hm.” Naomi commented. She hadn’t missed their joined hands. “Consistent about living in sin, with your bastard daughter and continued corruption of my son.”

Dean narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, but it was Cas who spoke. “Language,” he reprimanded softly. Dean raised his eyebrows and his grin returned. 

Naomi blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Illegitimate or not, you can’t curse in front of Emma. She’s a baby, and she’s learning new words all the time, we don’t want her saying bad ones,” Cas explained. Dean glanced at him. His face was set but not angry, though his eyes were storming. If looks could kill, Dean thought. 

“I- my apologies,” Naomi said stiffly. Dean had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from outright laughing, and Emma leaned into Dean, hiding her face in his chest.

“Daddy,” she whispered, “dat?”

“No one, sweetie,” Dean whispered back. “Can we help you with something?” Dean demanded of Naomi, at a normal volume.

Naomi straightened herself out and cleared her throat. “I’d like to speak to my son.”

“Okay.”

Naomi stared at Dean. Dean stared back. Cas squeezed his hand so hard he had no blood flow in his fingers. 

Dean held up their joined hands and used them to gesture at Cas. “He’s right here. Unless you meant you wanted to talk to Gabriel. He doesn’t live here, you might be confused.”

Naomi huffed, nostrils flaring. She was glaring at Dean so hard it was a wonder his head didn’t explode. “I meant I want to talk to Castiel  _ alone _ , you imbecile.”

Dean shrugged, the insult just rolling off him. He’d been called worse, even by the likes of her. “Cas?” Naomi rolled her eyes at the nickname. Good. 

Behind Dean, Cas took a heavy breath, and he relaxed his grip. “What do you want to talk about, exactly?”

Finally, Naomi’s gaze flicked from Dean to Cas and stayed there. “Several things. There have been a few…” she glanced at their joined hands and back up distastefully, “developments, that I feel require discussion.”

Cas nodded slowly. “Developments. In my life.”

“Yes.”

“Mhm.” Cas’ grip was back and stronger than ever, but Dean didn’t even flinch. “And what makes you think you have any say in that?”

Naomi raised her eyebrows. “I’m your mother, Castiel.”

“I fail to see how that’s relevant.”

“You fail to see a lot of things, Castiel, you're remarkably short-sighted.”

The door across the hall opened, and Charlie and Dorothy poked their heads into the hall. Jack escaped and ran directly into Dea’s legs. “Ma!”

Dean smiled at the boy. He needed a haircut, his dark curls were all over the place. He set his daughter on the floor and the two of them ran off to Emma’s room, screeching with delight. 

Charlie and Dorothy, hair unbrushed and pajama clad, stood behind Naomi with their arms crossed. They could see enough of the situation to see that Cas, at least, was scared.

“Yo, Dean, Cas. What’s going on?”

Naomi turned, faking a cheery smile. “I am Naomi Novak, here to see my son.” The girls raised their eyebrows. They enough of Cas’ past to know this meant nothing good. “You live across the hall?”

Charlie met Dean’s eyes over her head. Dean held up his hand, Castiel’s along with, and dragged a finger from his other hand across his neck, giving Charlie a meaningful look. Charlie gave a small nod and gave Naomi a fake smile. 

“Yes, my wife and I live here with our son, who I guess you just saw.” Dean gave her a thumbs up. Cas swatted him. 

Naomi faltered. “Yes. Well. Lovely meeting you.”

Dorothy turned around and went back inside without another word. Dean smirked. “Okay if Jack stays in there?” Charlie confirmed. Dean nodded and she, too, went back across the hall. Naomi turned back around, looking frazzled and like this was not at all what she wanted or expected from this little drop in.

What a tragedy. 

Naomi took a breath. “I heard you met your father. I wanted to discuss what he told you.”

“Nothing I couldn’t have already guessed,” Cas snapped. 

Naomi sucked in a breath, undoubtedly to start a lecture, but was once again interrupted by Emma, storming into the room like her feet were on fire.

“Papa, papa, papa!” she called out. “Papa, ouch! Ouch!”

Dean let go of Cas hand so he could crouch in front of Emma. He placed his hands gently on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. Dean gave Naomi a challenging look, and she returned with one of disgust. 

“Emma, what hurts, what’s ouch?” Cas was asking gently.

Emma gave a criminally fake sob and Dean bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Head,” she whined.

Cas smiled. “Did you hit your head?”

Emma sniffed and made some more fake wails, falling into Cas dramatically. Cas wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and looked up at Dean helplessly, not understanding what it was she wanted. Dean grinned and crouched next to him, tapping Emma on the shoulder. She turned her head and pouted at Dean, and it was such a fake sad face that Dean had to laugh. 

“Emma,” he said, still chuckling, “do you need me to kiss it?”

Emma nodded sadly, her bottom lip sticking out pitifully and Dean laughed again. He leaned and kissed her temple, and she immediately broke free of Cas and ran back off to find Jack. Dean shook his head at her as she went and stood, dragging Cas back up with him. 

They turned back to Naomi, who was watching with one eyebrow raised. She looked pissed as hell. “Papa?” she asked skeptically.

Cas lifted his chin. “That’s my daughter.”

Dean smirked, remembering how he used to deny that, thinking he didn’t deserve Emma. Neither of them did, really, but they were what she got and Dean was pretty proud of that. Hell yeah that’s his daughter. Hell yeah that’s Cas’ daughter. 

“Please, Castiel, you're fooling yourself.”

“Emma says otherwise. Also, the state.” Cas’ expression screamed  _ fight me,  _ eerily similar to Naomi’s.

“You adopted her? Foolish.”

Cas huffed and squeezed Dean’s hand for just a second. Dean could tell he was done with this. “Thank you for your input. I’m going to close this door now and if I ever see you on the other side of it again I’m filing for harassment charges. Goodbye.” Cas slammed it for the second time. They stood there for a moment, just staring at the door, hands clasped together and listening to Emma and Jack’s delighted laughs. 

Cas took a deep breath and turned to Dean, dropping his hand. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but then Cas wrapped his arms around his neck and tugged their mouths and kissed him, hard, teeth scraping, and Dean rested his hands on Cas’ hips to steady himself. 

Cas pulled away and rested his cheek on Dean’s shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered into his neck.

Dean sighed and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist all the way, holding him tightly. “I love you, too.”

* * *

 

Dean slammed the hood of an old Jeep and leaned against the front bumper, downing half a water bottle in one gulp. His thoughts strayed back home to Cas. He hoped Naomi hadn’t dropped back in when he’d gone to work. He kept his phone off during those hours, so he wouldn’t know. He doubted it, Cas had been pretty scary that morning. Besides that, he could handle himself, which Dean knew very well. He still worried. 

“Dean!” Bobby stuck his head out of the door to his office, making Dean jump and slide off the Jeep. “Get in here.” Bobby retreated back into his office and Dean shook his head, putting the water back down.

“Ooh,” Charlie teased. “You're in trouble.”

Dean flipped her off as he opened the door and slipped inside. Bobby was lounging behind his desk with his feet up, staring at the ceiling.

“Bobby? Everything okay?” Dean asked, taking a seat across from him. 

Bobby sighed. “Boy, I’m gettin’ old.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. He didn’t quite know how to respond to that, because it was true. “We’re all gettin’ old, Bobby. You just have a headstart.”

Bobby glared at him. “Shuddup. I mean I’m thinking of retiring.”

“Yeah? That’d be nice. Instead of sitting in here reading  _ Teen Vogue  _ you can do it in the comforts of your own home.”

Bobby threw a pen at his head. “Smartass. My point is, someone’s gotta run this joint in my place and it’s lookin’ to be you if you watch your damn mouth.”

Dean’s jaw dropped. “Me?”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Yes, you, idjit. Who else? Reckon Sam’d be interested? Think Jo knows shit about cars? I’m real big on nepotism, so those are my options.”

“Um, I just. Jesus.” Dean looked around the office, imagined spending all day in it. He’d never considered that the garage could be his one day, never even considered that Bobby would want to pass it on one day. “I don’t know, Bobby, I’m not exactly an office person.”

Bobby shrugged. “Then don’t be. Where did I say you  _ had  _ to sit in here all day? Do whatever the hell you want, you're in charge.”

Dean said nothing, chewing on his thoughts. He wasn’t quite sure he was even capable of running this place. “I wouldn’t even know how to begin, Bobby.”

“Well, I’m not leavin’ tomorrow. A month, say, I can teach you everything you need to know.”

Still, Dean hesitated. This was big. Wasn’t he supposed to talk to Cas about this stuff? He was pretty sure that was, like, a rule for relationships. 

“You can go ahead and triple your pay, by the way,” Bobby added nonchalantly. Dean nearly choked on his own spit as he jerked his head up to stare at a very smug Bobby. 

“What?”

“Oh, I forget to mention that? Yeah.”

_ Triple.  _ “I should- I should probably call Cas, right?” Dean stammered.

Bobby chuckled. “Look at you, all clueless about relationships. Yeah, jackass, call your boyfriend.”

Dean’s knee-jerk reaction was to deny that Cas was his boyfriend before he remembered that Cas was his boyfriend. He pulled out his phone and paced over to the door, staring out at the garage. He’d have to hire someone new to take his place as a full-time mechanic, he realized as the phone rang.

“Dean? Is everything alright?”

Dean cracked a smile. “Yeah, Cas, I’m good.”

“Oh. That’s good. Why are you calling me during work? If you're worried about what happened this morning, I assure you I’m fine.”

“No, I know. How’s Emma?”

Cas huffed out a laugh. “I have a strange feeling you're not going to like what happened today.”

Dean frowned. “Uh-oh. What happened?”

“Jack was over here and I’m not sure what game they were playing, but Emma decided to give him a big kiss, right on the lips. Dorothy was in tears. It was very funny, Jack made the most terrified face.”

Dean snorted. “That might be our fault. She better not keep this up, though, or I’m gonna have to have a talk with Jack.”

Cas laughed outright, causing Dean to grin and Bobby to mutter something under his breath. “I doubt there’s much need to worry yet. Besides, it will be Charlie and Dorothy giving Emma a talk anyway. What are you calling about?”

Dean took a breath. “Bobby wants to give me the garage.”

Cas was quiet and Dean frowned, wondering if the connection was lost. “...And?”

“Wh- and I thought I should call you and ask for your opinion.”

“Um. Why?”

“Because that’s what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to call your significant other when big decisions have to be made. So. I’m calling.” Dean’s face was beet red. Bobby shook his head at the ceiling. 

“Are you saying that I should call you whenever I have trouble deciding what flavor of Poptart to buy from the vending machine?”

Dean covered his face with his hand. “ _ No,  _ Cas. I mean, like, life-changing stuff. Like accepting promotions, or I don’t know, buying a dog.”

“Why would you ever not accept a promotion?”

“Jesus, Cas, I don’t know. What if it meant you had to move to Vermont?”

“Are we moving to Vermont?”

“No, I’m just-”

“You didn’t even call me when Emma was born but you want my opinion on a very obvious decision?”

“We weren’t even dating when Emma was born!” 

“Dating or not, I feel like that’s something I should have been notified of.”

“I did notify you. When I got home.”

Cas huffed. “You're insufferable.”

“Love you too, babe. So this is a go?”

“Yes, obviously. Goodbye, Dean.”  
“Bye, Cas.” 

Dean turned back to Bobby, who just shook his head. “Idjits.”

“Shut up. I’m in.”

“Good. Now get back to work, moron. I’m still your boss, for now.”

* * *

 

Cas was hugging a pillow in his sleep when Dean got home. Dean smiled softly and tugged the pillow away so Cas could octopus around him instead. 

Cas yawned and blinked blearily, lifting his head to look up at Dean. “Welcome home, Dean.”

“Sorry Cas, didn’t mean to wake you.”

Cas yawned again and plopped his head back on Dean’s chest. “It’s fine. So, what’s going to change? Less coming home in the middle of the night?”

Dean sighed. “Don’t think so. Unless I started taking Emma to work with me. Or, with the pay raise, we would be able to afford a babysitter.”

“Pay raise?”

Dean smiled. “That’s right, Cas, now I’ve got the whole package. Good looking, funny, and I now make enough dough to live in a small house in the suburbs. You're gonna have to make sure all the ladies know I’m yours.”

Cas snorted and then went silent. “We should get a small house in the suburbs,” he said after a long moment.

Dean nodded absently. “I was thinking about that. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”

Cas sat up, propping his head on his elbow. “I’m serious. We could have a garden.”

“A garden? That’s your main reason?”

Cas laid back down. “Yes.”

Dean thought for a moment, staring at the ceiling. They could do it. Dean’s dream of a dog and a backyard and a mortgage could be reality. They could have barbeques and paint their kitchen orange if they wanted to and Emma would have her own room, big and airy. Dean would build her a window seat and a treehouse and there would be a garage with space for Baby. Cas could have his dumb garden.

“Alright,” Dean agreed. “Let’s do it.”

“Mm. In the morning, though. I’m tired.”


	29. Where The Heart Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a long chapter, lots of things happening! I hope you all enjoy, we're jam-packed with feelings today. Might wanna get comfy.

Castiel groaned and dropped his head to the table dramatically. “This is exhausting,” he stated.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “It’ll be worth it, though, Cas. C’mon. We gotta get going if we wanna surprise Sam and Jess.”

After deciding to move, Dean had given them the deadline of May 30th to close on a house. After that, they would be flying out to California along with Bobby, Ellen, and Jo for Sam’s graduation. If they weren’t moved in all the way before they left, most of their friends had offered to unpack everything for them. 

But they had to find a house first. This was where they were running into trouble. Castiel was tired of looking at papers and pictures and listings, though it had only been a week. Castiel thought they had plenty of time, but Dean was stressing about it. 

He understood, but really. They had plenty of time.

Anna tugged on Castiel’s hair gently. “Sooner you guys are ready to move out, the less likely it is I have to help you move. Nay, the less likely  _ Gabe  _ has to help you move. You don’t want Gabe helping you move, Cas, do you?”

Anna and her family were in town because of Michael’s job, so they’d all decided to come and sleep on Dean and Castiel’s couch. Luckily, it pulled out into a bed, but the visit just served as a reminder that they lived in a shoebox. Though Castiel was excited to move, he was not excited about the process. Dean was very much excited about everything, from looking at listings to planning how to pack and talking to real estate agents. Castiel supposed that was a good thing, as it meant he didn’t have to do that stuff himself, but it was exhausting just to watch. 

“Did you just say ‘nay’?” Dean asked, setting his phone down.

“Aye, sir,” Anna responded with a wink.   

Dean shook his head. “Get out.”

Anna simply laughed and stood, ruffling Castiel’s hair as she made for the coffee machine. Her addiction rivalled her brother’s. Castiel made a face and Dean continued shaking his head as he turned to him. His face softened. “You hate this, huh?”

Castiel sighed, looking down at the spread before him. “It’s tedious.”

Dean smiled softly and slid off the table, settling next to Castiel and draping a lazy arm around his shoulders. “Yeah. We can take a break, if you want. Should probably go grocery shopping anyway.”

Castiel smiled. “We should.” Dean followed his example as he stood and stretched, reaching for the ceiling. His fingers fell just short. “Are we taking Emma?”

“Yeah, I’ll grab her.”

Castiel nodded, even though Dean had already turned his back and was going. He trudged into the living room and grabbed his shoes by the door, sitting on the floor to tie them. 

Anna chuckled as she leaned over, two mugs of coffee in her hand. “You seem like you need this.”

Castiel finished tying his shoe and gratefully accepted the coffee, taking big gulps despite the scalding temperature. “Thank you, Anna,” he said, handing the cup back to her.

Anna studied him carefully, and Castiel frowned. “What?”

A smile played at his sister’s lips. “Nothing. You seem really happy, Cas. And I’m really, really glad.” She beamed as Castiel looked down, fighting a similar grin.

“I am. Very happy,” he replied to his shoes, softly. 

“Alright, let’s rock ‘n’ roll,” Dean announced as he came down the hall, Emma on his shoulders. She looked as tired as Castiel felt, slumped over Dean’s head and resting her cheek in his hair. She willingly went to Castiel as he reached for her and tugged her over Dean’s head. 

“Where are you going?” Anna asked, tickling Emma’s stomach. Emma giggled and hid her face behind Castiel’s shoulder, occasionally peeking out at Anna and hiding again when Anna made a face.

“Grocery store. When the girls wake up, remember that you break it, you bought it,” Dean warned as he laced his boots. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Bye,” Anna called. “Buy me grape jelly!”  
“Never!” Dean and Castiel responded. “Ugh. Grape jelly. Cas, we may have to kick her out.” 

“We don’t have to enable her bad habits, but we have to accept her for who she is, Dean. That being said, if I find any grape jelly in the fridge I will call my mother and make her pick Anna up,” Castiel threatened with a smile on his face. He seized Dean’s hand with his free one, interlocking their fingers. Dean swung their hands back and forth, causing Emma to laugh and squirm in Castiel’s arm, an order to be put down. He stopped, tugging Dean back, as he slid Emma to the ground and she forced their hands apart, instead reaching up and grabbing each of their hands with one of her one. She skipped madly, and Dean looked up at Castiel and shrugged. Castiel smiled and squeezed Emma’s hand. 

“Hey, Emma,” Dean stage-whispered.

“What?” Emma whispered back, twisting her entire body to look up at him. 

“Do you wanna swing?”

“Swing!” Emma squealed, jumping in the air and kicking out her legs.

“Okay, 1…”

“Dean, what are you doing?” Castiel protested. There were no swings in the vicinity.

“Just trust me Cas, c’mon, follow my lead.” Castiel trusted him to no end, but still he eyed Dean suspiciously as he drew his arm behind him, Emma’s as well, and motioned for Castiel to do the same. They brought their arms back to their original position. “Got it?”

Castiel nodded, though he didn’t, really. Emma did not seem to be having fun; in fact, she was staring up at Dean in betrayal. “I believe so.”

“Okay. 1, 2, 3, go!” On each number, Dean drew his arm back, much faster than they’d practiced, and on ‘go,’ he swung his arm so far forward that Emma was lifted off the ground, laughing in delight. Castiel tried his best to keep up, but Emma did end up a bit sideways, which scared the daylights out of Castiel. What if she fell over? 

“Gain!” Emma insisted.

Castiel shot Dean a stern look. “Dean. This cannot be safe.”

Dean grinned. “Sure it is. She loves it. We just gotta be in sync, okay? Come on, one more time.”

Castiel pursed his lips apprehensively but complied, this second attempt ending much better as he knew what to expect. Emma swung up into the air, supported only by her own grip on her fathers’ hands and their grips on hers, but Castiel found himself smiling despite the risks. She sounded so excited, and the toothy grin on her face when her feet returned to the ground was so full of the pure joy only childhood offers that Castiel’s chest ached with love for this tiny child. 

“Gain!”

Again, she swung, and one more time until they reached the Impala and she had to sit in her seat. Castiel strapped her in, ignoring the angsty pout on her face. She’d wanted to swing more, but he suspected she would soon forget that she was mad at them when they started driving. Yet another similarity between Dean and Emma was their love of cars and the road. Dean also claimed that she enjoyed Zeppelin. Castiel was inclined to agree, were it not for the fact that she was two years old and also enjoyed watching the horror show that was  _ Sesame Street.  _ Those puppets were creepy.

Castiel straightened and turned. Dean was standing so uncomfortably close that when Castiel turned, they were toe-to-toe. Dean grinned and stepped in closer, cupping Castiel’s jaw and kissing him in a way that was not appropriate in front of the baby, but all the same Castiel leaned up, clenching his fists in Dean’s jacket that he had to be too hot in. Dean yanked Castiel forward with a finger in his belt loop before bringing his other hand up to Castiel’s face. 

Dean pulled away with a soft bite to Castiel’s bottom lip, lowering Castiel’s face to press a soft kiss between his eyes. 

“What was that for?” Castiel asked, taking a half step back.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Complaining?”

“No,” Castiel responded, slipping into the car. “I was just wondering if there was anything specific.”

Dean rounded the other side and took his own seat behind the steering wheel. He was grinning madly, even more so when Castiel took his hand across the seat between them. “‘Cuz I can.”

Castiel looked down, biting his lip but grinning anyway. 

If he had to be honest, this wasn’t what he’d wanted out of life. He’d spent a better part of it coming up with reasons his crush on Dean would never pan out and convinced himself he didn’t want a relationship, children. He’d never even considered having children, sure he wouldn’t know how to take care of one or raise one. 

But that was what he had; Dean, a daughter, and a stack of house listings. He was glad he didn’t get what he wanted, would trade a quiet, peaceful life for the mad ways of the Winchesters any day of the week.

* * *

 

Dean hummed along to Zeppelin II, tapping his fingers idly against the steering wheel and Cas’ knuckles. Emma was knocked out in the back, snoring gently against the headrest of her car seat. Cas was staring out the window, away from Dean.

Though Dean didn’t mind sitting at home looking at real estate, actually kind of enjoyed it, after some time it did get a little boring, and besides, Cas hated it. Hence Dean taking the long way home, through neighborhoods and backstreets instead of the main roads. The thought that they might end up living on any one of those streets did not escape him. 

In fact, as he made an intentional wrong turn onto a culdesac, something caught his eye. It was a light grey two-story house with a big front porch and a sloping roof. There were two towering maple trees in the front yard, almost touching at the top but not quite. The lawn was overgrown, grass and dandelions swaying gently in the breeze and crickets hopping from blade to blade. The barren patch of dirt against the house, interspersed with slabs of stone hinted at a garden that had been dust for some time.

What caught Dean’s attention, however, was the sign planted just to the right of the driveway, that read FOR SALE in big red letters. He slowed to a stop in the shade of the maple trees, earning him a confused look from Cas and a loud snort from Emma in her sleep.

“Dean,” Cas questioned slowly, “what are we doing here?”

Dean shrugged. “I saw the sign. Worth checking out, right?”

“We are  _ not  _ breaking in.”

Dean dropped his jaw in mock outrage. “I wasn’t- why do you always expect the worst of me? I was gonna  _ call,  _ dumbass.” Deans shook his head at Cas as he pulled his hand free to get his phone out of his pocket and started dialing the number on the sign. Best not to mention his first thought had been breaking in until Cas had said they couldn’t do that.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Like that wasn’t the first thing you thought.”

Sometimes it pays to have someone who knows you as well as you know yourself, but sometimes that person is Cas.

“Shh, I’m on the phone.” The phone was actually still ringing, but not two seconds after Dean spoke the real estate agent picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m calling about the house on Church Street? Says it’s for sale?”

“Oh! Yes, yes it’s been on the market for some time, are you interested?” The lady sounded beyond relieved, which Dean knew was a good sign. 

“Yeah, my b-boyfriend and I have been looking for a place for a while and we kinda just stumbled on this.” Dean bit his lip and waited for her response. This was Kansas, after all. They couldn’t expect everyone to be as accepting as their family. Dean’s family, at least. 

“Wonderful! It’s a very inclusive neighborhood, just so you know, as I’m sure that would be a concern.” Dean breathed out a sigh of relief and gave Cas what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Cas nodded seriously. “Would you like to see inside? I’m available pretty much whenever.”

“We’re at the house right now, if that’s convenient. Cas, do we have anything that needs to go in the fridge?”

“I- no, I don’t believe so. This is very sudden, Dean.”

“We’re just making it up as we go, Cas,” Dean answered softly as the lady prattled on about how she would be there very soon. Dean turned the car off and switched the phone to his other ear so he could reach out and take Cas’ hand again. 

“I suppose our lives have always been somewhat of a work in progress. In the sense that we make it up as we go, as you say,” Cas answered, looking out again at the house. 

Dean snorted. “Yeah, I would say so.”

“So I’m leaving now,” the woman said. “Goodbye.”

“Alright, see you soon,” Dean responded before hanging up. “Kinda forgot she was on the phone.”

Emma moaned softly in the backseat. “Papa?”

Cas twisted around and smiled at her. “Hello, Emma. How was your nap?”

Emma started wailing and continued until Cas climbed in the back and unstrapped her from her car seat. He then plopped her right onto Dean so he could climb back in. Emma cried and reached for Cas again, which made Dean feel really super special. 

“Hey child, don’t forget that you wouldn’t exist without me.” Cas gave Dean a scolding look as he bounced Emma gently, her head on his shoulder. “What? It’s true.”

Cas shook his head. “You're insufferable.”

“Love you too.”

* * *

 

A month and three days later, Dean stood in an empty apartment, hands in his pockets. He took one last nostalgic look around. They’d spent a good four years there, and though they weren’t always the best of times, they weren’t the worst, not by a long shot. There were a thousand memories here, and though leaving this place didn’t mean leaving those memories, it was still big. Everything with Emma and Cas had happened so fast, Dean almost never got a chance to think about how wildly his life had changed and he might have been freaking out a lot. He had a family to provide for, family outside of Sam, people that he’d chosen. Well, he didn’t really choose Emma. She kind of happened, but Dean did remember being given a choice: raise her himself or send her into the system.

Just thinking about his daughter in the foster system gave Dean chills. Of course, she was just a baby. She might have been adopted, or she might have ended up in a shithole that only wanted her for money from the state. That wasn’t something Dean was willing to risk, for anyone. 

He couldn’t imagine his life without Emma, but he hadn’t known that choosing her would lead to this. Cas, a mortgage, a life with a fridge completely bereft of any kind of alcohol. It was terrifying, and Dean realized there was no going back after this. 

Cas stuck his head in the open door. “Dean? Everything’s loaded. All that’s left is saying goodbye to Charlie and Dorothy and turning in our keys.”

Dean turned around and smiled the second his eyes landed on Cas. He was out of breath and his hair was damp with sweat, but his eyes were shining with excitement. Dean nodded and joined him at the door with a soft kiss.

Maybe there was never any going back. Maybe this was where he was headed from the moment he got out of the car at Bobby and Ellen’s and made eye contact with the blue-eyed boy across the street. 

Dean pulled away. “Alright. You ready?”

“Yes. Are you?”

“Absolutely.” Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and they walked out, Dean closing the door behind him. He didn’t look back. 

Charlie and Dorothy were standing outside their apartment, Jack making himself dizzy running around their legs in figure eights. “I hope you're not expecting a teary goodbye. You still live within two minute walking distance. I bet I could throw a rock out my window and hit you,” Charlie reminded them.

“Don’t pretend you're not gonna miss us,” Dean teased.

“I’m gonna miss your endless supply of Oreos. Now I have to make an effort to steal them from you.”

Dorothy rolled her eyes and stepped forward, hugging both Dean and Cas at the same time. “We are going to miss you, but we have tried and we can throw a rock and hit the new place. So we’re not gonna miss you that much.”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, you criminals. I’ll see you tomorrow, Charlie.”

She winked. “Sure thing, boss.”

Dean and Cas waved to Jack as they bounded down the stairs, keys in hand. Missouri, the landlord, was standing by the entrance to the lobby with an indifferent expression and crossed arms. She held out her palm and they dropped their keys into her hand with a satisfying  _ clink _ against her rings. 

“Thanks to your apple-pie dream, I gotta find new renters.”

“Our lease was up anyway.”

“I don’t want your lip, Castiel Novak. Get outta here, be happy,” Missouri ordered as she turned and went right back to her apartment. “And don’t make too much noise visiting your friends, y’hear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean responded, tugging Cas out the door. “See you around!”

Emma was already strapped into the Impala, which was idling in front of a moving truck that currently held all their earthly possessions. 

They were all closed on the house, and even had their new keys already, which Dean was thankful for. Mostly because it meant he never had to see their real estate agent, Becky, ever again. She was a bit much for him.

Cas turned to Dean. “Are you sure we’re ready for this?”

“Bit late for second thoughts now, Cas.”

“True. But this is a big commitment and we have only been us for a couple months and-”

“Cas, we already lived together. Now we’re gonna live together somewhere bigger,” Dean reassured. His chest was tight with nerves, though he knew that Cas was only saying that because he was worried Dean might have second thoughts. Not because he was having second thoughts. Probably.

Cas sighed. “That’s a good point.” He pulled Dean down for a quick kiss before climbing into the car. Dean followed only a moment later, with a glance up at their old apartment. It was dark and empty, with the curtains drawn. It was unsettling to see a place that had been home for so long so empty. 

Dean turned to the car and watched Cas, twisted around in his seat talking to Emma. No, he thought. The apartment wasn’t home. Cas and Emma made it home.

Dean slid behind the wheel of the Impala and grinned. “Alright, let’s go home.”

* * *

 

The next six days were probably the most hectic of Dean’s life. First of all, Bobby retired the day before they started moving, so Dean had to be at work even more than usual in order to get everyone adjusted to the new regime, including himself. That also meant he couldn’t watch Emma most of the day, which meant Cas had to get special permission to bring her into school the last three days of the year. There was also a lot of unpacking to do if they wanted to surprise Sam. The new house had four bedrooms, so they now had two guest rooms, a room for Dean and Cas, and a room for Emma. Or one guest room, Emma’s room, the master bedroom and a place to hide everything they weren’t able to unpack in time. 

Impressively, they did manage to get everything set up in the six days they had before their flight to California. The walls needed to be painted and there were still a few stray boxes of stuff in various places, but other than that it looked like a real house, if a bit bare, but that wasn’t their main concern. 

Dean hadn’t seen much of Cas since they’d moved in. He’d been at the garage every day for 14 hours, and for the first few days Cas was gone before Dean even woke up. Now they got to spend a 3 hour flight together surrounded by their family. Possibly hurtling to his death was worth it, though. Maybe.

It was finally time for Sammy to graduate. Dean couldn’t help but smile when he thought about it. His brother, born to nothing, had crawled and fought his way to Stanford with his wits and his determination and Dean couldn’t be prouder. He always knew Sam and his big giant brain had it in him. But Dean wasn’t so proud of Sam that he was willing to temper  _ two  _ plane rides, so after the graduation, Jess would fly home with Dean’s landing party and Dean and Sam would take their shitty Honda. Just Sam, Dean, the road and Sofia. They were going to have a blast. Dean was crossing his fingers for Sofia to piss all over Sam’s upholstery. Better yet, on Sam.

On the morning of May 30th, Dean stood in the front entryway, a duffel in one hand and his keys in the other, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He was anxious about having to leave Baby in an airport parking garage, even if only for a couple days. 

“C'mon, Cas, we gotta pick everyone up, remember? Get moving!”

Cas bounded down the stairs with the straps of his bags crisscrossed over his chest. His hair was a complete disaster, like it had been days since he had done anything to it, which was probably true and basically par for the course with Cas. Emma followed down the stairs after him, one hand on the railing way above her head. By the time Cas reached Dean at the bottom of the stairs, she had cleared one step. Her fathers stood hand in hand as they watched her place one foot before the other on each step. Dean might have been squeezing Cas’ hand harder than strictly necessary. Had she ever used stairs before? She must have. Dean wasn’t sure. 

Dean relaxed his grip with an apologetic glance at Cas when Emma reached the floor safely. He had faith in her, really. 

“Okay, people,” Dean announced, lifting Emma onto his hip. “Time to go strap ourselves into a flying death tube for four hours. I don’t need an  _ ounce  _ of flack from you, Cas-ti-el. Not an ounce.”

“I promise there will be no flack, Dean,” Cas assured him with a smug grin. “Though you forget I won’t be the only one bearing witness to however your fear of both heights and flying manifests today.”

“Um, excuse me. I don’t have any fears. I am aware of the risks, Cas. There’s a difference,” Dean defended as he stepped out the door. It was still slightly jarring to see the Impala parked in a driveway, but Dean was getting used to it. He double checked that the door was locked behind him before shooting Cas a dirty look and putting Emma in her seat. 

“Sure, honey,” Cas snarked back as he popped open the trunk. 

Dean straightened and pointed at Cas threateningly. “Don’t take that condescending tone with me, Novak. I know where you live.”

Cas laughed as he closed the trunk and slid next to Dean in the open car doorway. “I suppose I’ll have to sleep with one eye open.”

Dean didn’t bother responding, just kissed him quickly and then ducking back down to finish with Emma’s straps. Cas went around him and slid into the passenger seat. When Dean joined him behind the wheel, he held out his hand across the seat, palm up. Cas gladly accepted.

“It’s gonna be fine, Dean,” Cas said softly. 

Dean just nodded. They would see.

Castiel had managed to avoid getting on a plane with Dean Winchester his entire life. There were a few close calls, but he dreaded nothing more after hearing Sam’s accounts. While Dean and Castiel were in college, the two had flown to Vegas for Sam’s 18h birthday, and Dean had come home so unbelievably drunk it was a miracle he remembered his own name, and Sam dropping him home had reported it as nothing compared to the flight there. 

Castiel was determined to get Dean through this with no help from alcohol, if only for Emma. 

Squeezing five grown adults and one car seat into the Impala proved to be far easier than Castiel had anticipated, though he was sitting in the very roomy front seat while Bobby and the Harvelle women squished in the back with Emma, who also had plenty of room in her very own seat. Bobby had no small amount of grievances. 

As expected, they were the first ones at the gate and thanks to Emma the first ones on the plane, in front of KU students ready for the beach. Dean and Castiel passed Emma off to Jo for the flight.

“Listen, Jo, I don’t want her to see me like this,” Dean had insisted.

“I don’t wanna be hated for your baby, Dean. She’s gonna cry and everyone’s gonna lobby to throw me off the plane,” Jo retaliated with crossed arms.

“You are  _ so  _ not being the cool aunt right now,” Dean said.

Jo huffed and accepted the baby while Dean and Castiel moved to the very back of the plane, where they had two-seat rows and they wouldn’t get awkward spectators to what Castiel was sure to be a disaster.

Castiel did have very low standards for Dean that flight, but it turned out he shouldn’t have worried. There was no turbulence whatsoever, and though Dean squeezed Castiel’s hand like his life depended on it the entire flight, he did not seem to be freaking out. They had a relatively normal conversation about what exactly to do with their spare bedroom, as two guest bedrooms was unnecessary, and they landed still without a hitch. It wasn’t pleasant by any means. Castiel’s hand was now completely dead and Dean hadn’t looked at him in favor of the ceiling the whole time, but Castiel had expected crying and hysterics and ramblings about their imminent death, all of which Sam had been adamant in warning him about and Dean had done nothing to refute. 

“I’m impressed with your ability to keep calm on the plane ride,” Castiel found himself confessing as they made their way to baggage claims, where their family was already waiting. “I have to admit I was expecting worse.”

“Yeah, me too, to be honest.” Dean stopped, forcing Castiel to do the same. “You're a fucking wonder, Cas. You know that?”

Castiel tilted his head and gave him a confused smile. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t have to. You were just there.”

Castiel grinned and pulled Dean in for a kiss, general public be damned. He only let go when Bobby and Jo started hollering at them. Ellen was simply shaking her head. 

After an obscene amount of time at baggage claim, they finally made it out to the parking garage and into Sam’s Honda, which was another tight fit, but they managed to get all the way back to the apartment. They would all be sleeping on the floor of Sam’s living room. Or rather, Dean, Castiel, and Jo would be sleeping on the floor. Bobby and Ellen were offered the pullout couch and Emma was small enough to squeeze in with either them or Sam and Jess. Castiel doubted either couple would begrudge a baby a bed to sleep in. 

She was really a toddler, but that didn’t make much of a difference.

Jess was waiting for their guests with boxes of pizza and cookies in the oven, which had Dean and Jo trading ecstatic looks. Castiel shook his head. It was too easy to please these people with food.

Sofia was having a hay day. She was bigger now, Castiel suspected fully grown, and could do quite a bit more damage in this small apartment. She did her laps, running and smelling all the different feet. Castiel crouched down to pet her when she came to him. He liked dogs. He actually preferred cats, but Dean was allergic and hated them so he did not see them getting one at any point in the future. A dog, though, was a good idea. Not any time soon, he decided. They had enough on their plate. 

Emma had apparently not slept on the plane, so while everyone settled on the floor of Sam and Jess’ kitchen (they didn’t have a dining room table) he took her into the sole bedroom to coax her into a nap. 

Castiel listened to the boisterous banter of his friends and the click of paws outside as he rocked Emma back and forth. The past week had been one of nothing but stress and exhaustion. He wouldn’t mind laying down and falling asleep with Emma if it weren’t for everyone waiting outside. 

Dean had been working himself to the bone in order to assimilate everyone to the change and make sure everything stayed on track, which meant Castiel was left with Emma, alone. While it was irrefutable that Castiel loved his students and loved his daughter, he would be the first to advise against bringing the two together. The third graders had gone absolutely mad over the presence of a baby, which had scared Emma terribly and caused even more general chaos among the kids. 

Then there was unpacking and moving furniture all by himself and missing Dean and trying to take care of Emma, still by himself. It had been a whirlwind, but Castiel was glad to be in California. He’d known Sam since the boy was five and had always been a close friend, and he was very proud to see him so successful. He was one of the smartest people Castiel had ever known and was going to make an excellent lawyer. Though that was still a few years off. 

It was half an hour later that Castiel finally rejoined the adults in the kitchen, though by that time they had polished off the food, including the cookies. Castiel sighed at the empty boxes. He should not have expected more, truthfully. The Winchesters were perpetually hungry.

“Babe, I left you a plate in the microwave,” Dean called from the living room, where they were settling in to watch a movie. 

Well, maybe he could have expected a bit more from Dean, at least.

“Thank you, Dean,” he said softly as he leaned against him on the couch. Dean threw an arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple lightly. 

“Um,” Sam said from the other end of the couch. “Did. What?”

“Shut your mouth, Sammy, you’ll catch flies. Also, quit staring, ‘snot a sideshow,” Dean ordered, throwing a piece of popcorn at his brother. 

Sam was looking between Dean and Castiel, mouth still open. Jess, sitting next to him, was also frowning strangely at them. “I’m- I’m confused. Did we miss something?”

Castiel frowned. Sam was not usually one to miss things. 

Dean lifted his hands and then dropped them as he shook his head at Sam. “Gonna have to elaborate there, Sam.”

Sam took a few more seconds to stare. “Are you two… together?”

Dean blinked at him. Castiel had to stifle a laugh behind his hand, but Jo did not hold back, doubling over in giggles. Bobby and Ellen simply shook their heads. 

“Did none of you relentless gossips call Sam?” Dean wondered aloud to the rest of his family. Castiel had assumed that Sam knew, though it was true that in all their phone calls over the last two months he had never said anything about it, which was distinctly un-Sam. 

Jo was still laughing. Ellen just shrugged. “We figured it would make it to Sam in time. We were right, weren’t we?”

“Besides, this is funnier,” Jo pointed out between deep breaths. Her face was red with laughter. 

“What? Dean, why didn’t  _ you _ call me?” Sam demanded, standing up from the couch. “I’m your brother!”

“Doesn’t make it any of your business,” Dean stated calmly, popping pieces of popcorn. 

Castiel smiled. It was rather unfair that Sam be the last to know, as he was Dean’s brother and one of their biggest cheerleaders from the beginning. “I’m sorry, Sam, I was unaware that you were uninformed.”

“Jesus  _ Christ.  _ How long?”

Dean shrugged. “Like, three months. After the whole bank thing. Everyone else has known for like two months.”

“Three- and no one called me? You guys suck,” Sam pouted, even as Sofia hopped up and stole his spot on the couch. 

Castiel finished off his pizza and tossed the plate onto the coffee table. While he could understand Sam’s indignation, he really wished they could just watch the movie. “You know now.”

Sam glared at him. “Still.” He sighed dramatically. “I’m really happy for you guys. I’m happy for you like 3 fucking months late, but I’m happy.”

“Yeah, whatever, Sam. Thanks. Now sit down so we can watch the movie,” Dean said gruffly, though Castiel could see he was blushing. 

“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel responded more gracefully. “Again, I’m sorry no one called.”

Sam smirked and opened his arms. Dean groaned. “I’m not hugging you, bitch. Sit down.”

“C’mon. You know you want to.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Don’t be mean, Dean. Hug your brother.”

Dean scoffed but stood and gave Sam a brief hug. Sam then also made Castiel stand and hug him, which Castiel agreed to more readily than Dean. Once everyone was back in their seats, Sofia now sitting next to Castiel, Sam interrupted the movie one more time.

“Crap. I owe Benny like 30 bucks.”

“Sam, I swear-”

“Okay, okay, I’m shutting up.” But he looked over at them and grinned one more time. “You guys are adorable.”

Sam got a face full of popcorn for that, though it wasn’t Dean who threw it. Castiel smirked as he scooped a second handful. He was trying to watch a movie, here.

* * *

 

Dean craned his neck to see into the blob of students at the center of the room. They were crammed inside the gym, in uncomfortable plastic bleachers that smelled like sweat. They were at the top of the gym while Sam was sitting in a chair on the actual floor, making it nearly impossible to tell which of the graduates was Sam. It had been hell to get there and was still hell, as the people around them were loud and rude, but Dean didn’t care. His brother was graduating.

If only he could  _ see  _ the stupid moose.

He knew he’d hear his name when they called him up for his diploma, and Dean knew to look towards the back of the group- Winchester had to be one of the last names called. In fact, at his graduation, it was the last name called. 

They were currently working through the ‘T’ names, so they were getting closer, but Emma was getting antsy in Dean’s arms. She wanted to go, and Dean couldn’t blame her, but damn if every last one of them weren’t going to be here for this.

Cas tugged on Dean’s shirt. “Dean,” he said softly, “you’ll see him when he walks up.”

Dean sighed but reluctantly sat back down next to Cas, handing Emma off as he did so. “I just wanted to make sure he was there.”

“Dean. Of course he’s there. Why wouldn’t he be?”

Dean merely shrugged. Of course Sam wouldn’t miss his own graduation. That would be dumb. 

Jess had graduated earlier in the day. They hadn’t attended, as it was much earlier in the day and Sam had claimed they weren’t “there” in their relationship. Whatever that meant. Plus, no one really relished the idea of having to sit next to Jess’ family for an hour. Sam had already met them, but they’d all decided it would be weird. Jess wasn’t offended at all and in fact had held Emma the entire first half of Sam's ceremony until she’d wanted Dean. 

Finally, Sam’s name was called, and Dean grinned, pointing to him with Emma’s hand. “Look, Em, it’s Sam!”

“Sham!”

Dean hoped Sam heard that, though he knew it was impossible. 

It only took a few seconds for Sam to hop up on stage and receive his diploma. Funny, that an entire life goal could be wrapped up in just under a minute. Wham, bam, thank you, Sam.

The ceremony was over quickly after that. Dean didn’t pay attention to the whoever’s parting words, instead rushing for the doors so he could get out of there as quickly as possible and meet with Sam. Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to have the same idea.

“Okay,” Dean said, shifting Emma to his other hip and clasping Cas’ hand. “We’re gonna do this preschool style. Cas, grab Jess’ hand. Jess, grab Jo, Jo, grab Ellen, Ellen grab Bobby and hang on so no one gets lost,” Dean commanded, watching to make sure everyone linked together.

“This is dumb,” Bobby grumbled.

“Didn’t ask. Let’s go find Sam.” 

Dean shoved his way through the crowd, Emma clinging to his shirt for dear life. When they finally got outside, Sam was easy to spot because of his freakish height. Dean glanced behind him. Their chain was still intact, and Jess’ eyes were shining and her smile radiant when she spotted her boyfriend. 

“Sam!” she called, pulling Jo forward and bumping into Cas, who bumped into Dean, who tripped right into Sam.

“Sham!” Emma repeated, relieved. Dean could tell she was terrified, and she had every right to be. She was tiny and this crowd was huge. She stretched her arms up for her uncle, who gladly accepted her.

“Hi, Emma.” Jess disentangled herself from Cas and Jo and gave Sam a hug, snaking her arms around his waist. “Hey, Jess.”

“What’re we, chopped liver?”

Sam laughed. “I only have two arms.”

That didn’t stop Jo, who pushed everyone into their graduate once more, forcing everyone to wrap their arms around him in one giant, sweaty hug that Sam couldn’t even reciprocate. 

“Okay, okay, guys, we gotta get outta here before everyone else does,” Sam eventually decreed, making his family back off. “Where’s the car?”

“Yet another tight fit,” Dean sighed.

“My parents are already at the apartment,” Jess informed them, linking her fingers with Sam’s. “Who’s up for hot dogs?”

Everyone cheered as they found each other’s hands again. With no Emma, Dean was following Jess in front of him and dragging Cas behind. He called out directions to the car for Sam, and they all piled in. It only had five seats, and one of them was taken by Emma’s car seat. It worked out so that Dean was driving, Jo and Jess were double-buckled in the front seat, Bobby, Ellen, and Sam squished in the back seat with Emma, and poor Cas had to sit in the very back. The trunk was spacious enough, but there were no seatbelts and it was still the trunk of a car. Not very comfortable. 

“Cas, you good?” Dean called once they hit the highway. The drive wasn’t very far at all, but he worried anyway.

“I’m fine, Dean. You don’t need to ask every five minutes.”

Sam snorted. Dean shot him a glare in the rearview mirror. He could’ve very easily made  _ his  _ girlfriend sit in the back, and then who would be laughing?

Jess’ parents were indeed at the apartment when they got back. They had opted to stay in a hotel for their visit instead of cramming in with the sideshow that was their family. The graduation, however, was a worthy cause of celebration that Dean didn’t mind being forced to socialize with strangers. Also, they fed him. Actually, Ellen fed him, but Dean would never object either way. 

Apparently Jess’ mom was a third grade teacher as well, so she and Cas hit it off pretty quickly, leaving Dean to stand awkwardly behind Cas’ shoulder with his hot dog. Jess was playing with Emma in the kitchen and Dean didn’t want to steal her when she looked like she was having a blast, so he just kind of stood.

“Okay, so, wait,” Jess’ dad, Marty or something, called out, drawing everyone’s attention. “You people,” he said, gesturing at Dean’s family. “are immediate family, right?”

“That’s right,” Bobby confirmed boredly. He liked socializing even less than Dean.

“But you're not blood related?”

Dean wiped the hot dog crumbs off his hands. “I got this. Uh, so, Ellen was married to Bill Harvelle, who’s Jo’s dad, but he died, rest in peace.” Jo and Ellen nodded at him. Mentions of Bill didn’t upset them so much as they had in the past, but Dean figured it was better to be respectful for the dead. “So then Ellen and Bobby moved in together because they were friends and had both recently lost spouses. They got married after, like, three years. And then me and Sam are brothers, blood brothers, but our mom died when we were little and a few years later our dad went to prison. We bounced in the foster system for a while until I was nine and Sammy was five when Bobby and Ellen took us in and adopted us. Cas is my boyfriend but before that he was my best friend every since we moved in with Bobby and Ellen, and then Emma’s our daughter. My biological daughter, we didn’t adopt her or anything. Actually, Cas did. So that’s how that works out.” Dean suddenly felt very awkward as he clasped his hands in front of him and shuffled his weight between his feet. 

Marty stared at him. “That’s some family history.”

Dean shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Wait, so, you had Emma with a surrogate?” Jess’ mom asked, a bit too polite to be non judgemental. 

Cas sighed. “Before we were together, Dean… spent a lot of nights with many women. When he came home with a baby I was just surprised that it hadn’t happened earlier.”

Dean smacked him on the arm. “You make it sound like I was out  _ every night. _ ”

“Close enough.”

Sam started laughing as Dean rolled his eyes and went for another hot dog. He hadn’t been that bad. Maybe a few nights a week. And he wasn’t dumb, he always had protection. 

Cas was right, though, Emma was bound to happen at some point. 

As the “party” wound down and Jess’ parents said their goodbyes, Dean flopped on the couch next to Cas, resting his head in his lap. Cas automatically started combing through his hair with his fingers and Dean closed his eyes. He was exhausted, and the heat of this stupid state was not helping. 

“Daddy!” Emma shouted, and Dean heard her run over to them right before he felt her flop right onto his stomach and scramble to join them on the couch. Dean smirked and seized her under one arm in order to haul her onto his chest. “Daddy,” she stated, patting his face.

“Hi, princess. Did you have a good day?”

“Tired,” Emma responded, laying down. Her hair brushed over Dean’s neck, tickling him. Maybe it was time for her first haircut. Cas tucked Emma’s blonde locks away from both of their necks, twisting it into a knot behind her head that fell apart the instant Cas’ fingers fell away, but still it was off Dean. Emma was already asleep. Dean was on his way there. 

Cas tapped him on the forehead. “Dean, if you're tired, I’ll get the air mattress.”

Dean hummed in agreement, though he hadn’t considered Cas would now have to stop being his pillow. He turned on his side, hugging Emma to his chest as he floated hesitantly on the edge of unconsciousness. He had to get off the couch at some point, he knew that, but he was just so tired. 

After some amount of time that Dean wasn’t really aware of, someone was poking Dean on the forehead. Emma was off his chest. “Where’s m’baby?”

“Emma’s sleeping in Sam’s bed,” Cas said softly. “You have to move as well,”

“I’m moving to where you are, right?”

“Yes, Dean.”

Dean opened his eyes. Cas was hovering above him, an amused smirk on his face. Dean loved this dork. He’d known that for a long time, but this felt different, somehow. It was a ‘please don’t leave me’ kind of love. Cas would never leave him, not forever. 

Dean raised his hands to cup Cas’ face and tugged him down for a kiss, soft and sleepy. Sam made a disgusted sound from some other corner of the room. “Love you.”

“I love you too, Dean. Now get up so we can sleep.”

Dean did, reluctantly, swinging his legs out so he could stand. Cas took his hands and led him to the same air mattress they had slept on the night before, pushing him down gently.

“Hey,” Bobby said, startling Dean into semi-awakeness. “Remember we’re all in here. No monkey business.” 

“Oh my God,” Sam blurted. Dean opened his eyes to see him standing at the edge of the fold out couch, the ultimate bitchface taking over his features. “You guys are having sex. I didn’t even think about that.”

“Not right now, we’re not,” Dean grumbled. “Also, don’t. Think about that. Gross.”

“Shut up, Dean, you know I didn’t mean thinking about it like that. Perv.”

“You're the one who’s thinking about it!”

“I like you better when you're asleep.”

“Wow, Sammy, now you're watching me while I sleep.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“Boys,” Cas reprimanded, sitting next to Dean slowly on the air mattress, hand in his hair again. Dean reached up and pinned Cas’ hand to the side of his face, linking their fingers from behind. Cas stroked along Dean’s cheekbone with his thumb, lulling him back to his sleepy state. 

“Cas,” Dean whined, tugging on his shirt. “Lay down. ‘S bedtime.”

Cas complied, pulling the blanket up over them and tugging Dean into him. Even as kids, Cas was a fucking octopus in his sleep. Dean wasn’t complaining. In all of his past relationships- the ones that lasted more than a week- they’d always slept next to each other, maybe touching, but ultimately separate. Cas was an overwhelming presence, a comforting weight against Dean, one that never left. 

Dean was warm and sleepy and happy, and he was out like a light within seconds. The air mattress was weird and uncomfortable, but Dean had slept in worse places, and Cas made everything better, anyway.

* * *

 

Dean hugged Cas tightly, refraining from lifting him up and dragging him away from the death trap he was minutes from boarding. “Be safe,” he whispered.

Cas laughed. “If by that you mean don’t do anything to make the plane crash, then I will. I don’t exactly have control on how successful the flight is, Dean.”

“You're not helping.”

Cas pulled away, planting his hands firmly on Dean’s shoulder and boring into his soul with his eyes. Dean breathed out and squeezed his waist. It was one thing when Dean was getting on the plane with him. That way if they went down, they went down together. But now if anything happened to Cas, or Emma, or Jo or their parents, he would have no idea. Somehow that was more terrifying than dying himself. 

“It’s going to be fine, Dean,” Cas assured him, a hint of laughter still on his lips. He wasn’t taking this seriously, and Dean’s panic intensified. 

“Cas, you could die,” Dean pointed out.

Cas rolled his eyes. “As could you. In fact, it’s more likely that you will die than me.”

Dean huffed but backed away from Cas, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Which, yeah, okay, true. That didn’t make Dean feel any better about the situation. “Yeah, well, I’m in control of the car. If I was gonna crash, I would be able to do something about it. Plane wants to go down, plane goes down.”

“Dean,” Cas said, stepping back into him and taking his face between his hands. Dean closed his eyes. He hadn’t been this worried about the ride to Cali. Maybe he was just too tired to be worried, then. “It’s going to be fine.”

“But you don’t  _ know- _ ”

Cas pulled Dean forward and kissed him, drawing his tongue into his mouth and sucking on his bottom lip with his teeth and  _ wow  _  Cas had learned a lot in their few months. Dean didn’t even notice, but his hands were out of his pockets and back on Cas’ hips. 

Cas pulled away. The bastard wasn’t even out of breath while Dean was gasping. “I don’t know. But the chances of the plane going down are 1 in 11 million, and the chances of me dying is even less than that.”

Dean took one more deep breath. “I know. Still.”

“I’ll see you in a few days,” Cas promised and kissed Dean one more time, this time just a soft press of lips. “Goodbye.”

“Bye, Cas,” Dean said, letting Cas draw away and pick up his bag. He stood there until Cas had disappeared onto the plane, along with the rest of Dean’s family.

Except Sam, who was standing behind Dean with the bitchiest bitchface known to mankind. “You two are disgusting. This is a public space. Think of the children.”

“Why aren’t you thinking of the children when you show your face in public, Sam?” Dean snapped, walking past his brother and stomping off to find the car. 

“Dean,” Sam called, jogging to catch up with him. “Dean, everyone’s gonna be fine. Really. You and I are in more danger than them. Especially with the dog. Especially if you're in a mood.”

Dean sighed and stopped, letting Sam catch him. “Yeah, I know. I’m just- I’m worried for nothing.”

Sam sighed and shook his head. “Cas brings out the sap in you.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

They walked back through the airport to the parking lot, where Sofia was sticking her golden head out the tiny crack of the window. Dean snorted. “Look at your goofy dog.”

Sam laughed and went over to scratch her head. Once she saw they they were back, she stuck her head back in the car. 

“Keys?” Dean called, rounding to the other side of the car. 

Sam raised his eyebrows. “You know, Dean, this is my car. I don’t have to let you drive.”

Dean glared. “Hand ‘em over, Sam.”

Sam tossed the keys over the hood and Dean caught them with ease. “You're a control freak.”

“And you're just a freak. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Four hours into their road trip, Dean got a call from Cas saying that everything was all okay, which put Dean in a much better mood. He and Sam sang along to Aerosmith, each trying to be louder than the other. Sofia took the cake, though, when she started howling along to the music. 

When they pulled into a motel on the Eastern outskirts of Salt Lake City, Sam was asleep in the passenger seat. Sofia was asleep in the back. Dean wasn’t actually that tired. He could have kept driving, but he could hear Cas’ voice in his head telling him that if he drove to exhaustion he’d have to drive exhausted in the morning. They could tackle the 16 hours home tomorrow. If they left at 7, they’d be home by 11, which was about the time Dean usually got home anyway.

Then again, what if Sam was too tired to be shocked by the house? Maybe they’d sleep in tomorrow and stay in a motel in Wichita and then they’d be home in time for lunch. 

Although that did mean one more night away from Cas. Dean sighed. The things he did to mess with his brother. 

Luckily, the motel allowed dogs and Sofia was tired enough after the day’s events to calm down and take a nap in the leather chair. Sam and Dean got ready for bed silently, moving around each other expertly despite not living together for 8 years. Years of sharing a bathroom prior to Dean going to college was still instilled into them. 

Dean remembered moving in with Cas for the first time, how they used to trip and stumble over each other. Cas liked to pace around the bathroom while he brushed his teeth. Dean stood still, like a normal person. Cas also inevitably forgot something in the bathroom and was always going back and forth between that and his bedroom. Plus, in college, the mirror wasn’t big enough for both of them, so there was a fair amount of shoving. Over the years, they developed a system, and now they flowed seamlessly. 

Once both Sam and Dean were tucked under the covers and the lights were off, Sam spoke. “So,” he said awkwardly into the darkness. “You and Cas.”

“Oh my God,” Dean groaned, rolling onto his side to face his brother, though he couldn’t see him. “What about us?”

“I don’t know. I’m still kinda pissed that you didn’t tell me. Like what the hell?”

Dean huffed. “We didn’t tell anyone, Samantha. We kept it secret for like two months and then we stopped being sneaky about it. People told people and I guess just no one told you. Sorry.”

Sam reached over and turned on the light, making Dean wince. “Alright, I get that. But how is it going? Like as a couple?”

“Sam, I know  _ you're _ a 14-year-old girl, but I’m not. I’m not talking about boys with you at a sleepover.” Dean closed his eyes and pulled the covers over his head, less to block out the light and more to cover his blush. Goddamnit. He was  _ not  _ discussing his boyfriend with Sam. Not a chance.

It was funny, Dean thought, how he’d gotten used to the word  _ boyfriend,  _ especially in reference to Cas. In the beginning, it’d been weird and awkward, but now the word gave him a warm feeling in his chest, like warm syrup heating up his insides. 

“Dean. Come on.”

Dean groaned loudly and flipped the covers off his face. “What do you want to know?” There was no point trying to avoid this. Sam was a relentless bitch when he wanted to be, which was all the time. 

Sam sat up, drawing his knees to his chest excitedly. Dean rolled his eyes but refrained from saying anything about if Sam remembered to bring his sparkly lip gloss. “So when and how did this happen?”

Dean simply sighed as he sat up as well, tucking his feet under his thighs like a normal grown up. The fact that that was how they were meant to sit in kindergarten did not cross his mind. “After the whole bank situation, I had to go into the station to be interrogated or whatever. And then, I don’t know. He was waiting for me the whole time, and then when I got out, I don’t know. He just kissed me. And then we went home and took a nap.”

“Putting out on the first date? Yeah, that sounds like you.”

“Oh my  _ God,  _ I meant actually nap. Fucking pervert, I swear to God. Jesus. You know we have a kid, too, we can’t exactly be on each other all the time.”

“I sincerely doubt Emma stops you as often as she should,” Sam accused drily. 

Dean flipped him off. So what if he was right? It was only ever when Emma was asleep. Mostly. There may have been a few times when she was sufficiently distracted by the TV. But other than that, only when she was asleep. 

“Whatever. Are you satisfied?” 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Dean, are  _ you- _ ”

Dean threw a pillow at his face. “I’m going to bed, you bitch.”

Sam tossed the pillow back. “Okay, okay, okay, okay. I have more questions!”

Dean took the pillow and smashed it over his face, muffling a groan. See,  _ this  _ was why he and Cas hadn’t said anything to anyone. Fucking Sam, all up in his business. He did not want to talk about this. Not really. 

Okay, he kind of wanted to talk about it. 

“Shoot, before I change my mind,” Dean muttered, drawing the pillow onto his lap. “And don’t be weird.”

“I wasn’t gonna be weird! Okay, so I’ve been calling this since, like, you were in senior year of college. Was I close?”

Dean snorted. “You're half a decade off, Sam. Shit, yeah. More than that! We must be sneakier than I thought.”

“What? When?”

Dean sighed at the ceiling, blush returning to his cheeks. “I’ve been in love with Cas since I was, like, 15.”

Sam’s jaw dropped. Dean had never outright admitted that to someone besides Cas before. Surely it was the last thing Sam was expecting to hear, what with Dean being the way he was.

“15? That’s- that’s really sad, Dean. Why’d it take you 11 years to do anything about it? Oh my God, you didn’t even, Cas did something about it, right? That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Dean. Oh my God.”

“Yes  _ thank you,  _ Sam, for telling me how sad my life is. I never noticed. I don’t it’s just- it’s Cas. So I always thought if I did anything I’d freak him out. That I’d- I’d lose him. And then he was all convinced I’d never feel the same way about him that he felt about me, which is dumb. Like, really? Cas is simultaneously hot and adorable at the same time, and that’s not even-”

“‘Simultaneously’ and ‘at the same time’ mean the same thing,” Sam deadpanned. 

Dean threw the pillow back at him. “Do you want me to answer your question or not?”

“I did  _ not  _ ask you to talk about how hot you think your boyfriend is, Dean.”

“Uh, how hot I  _ think  _ my boyfriend is?”

“You might be in love with him, but for me, Cas and hot don’t even belong in the same sentence. That’s like- thinking of Jo as hot.”

“Ew.”

“Exactly.”

Dean sighed. “Anything else?”

Sam stared off into space for a second. “You're happy?”

Dean frowned at him. “Of course. I’m- I’m really happy.”

Sam nodded slowly before his face split into a wide grin. “Good.” He reached over and flicked the light off. A second later, Dean was hit with the soft  _ thwump  _ of his discarded pillow. “Night, Dean.”

“Night, Sammy.”

* * *

 

Sam threw the second half of his doughnut, pegging Dean on the side of the head. “You need to stop.”

Dean grinned. “Stop? I’m not doing anything.”

“You're gonna break my eardrums. You need to accept that you  _ cannot  _ sing. You especially can’t sing  _ Call Me Maybe.  _ It’s a sin.”

“But, Sammy,” Dean laughed, “you're in my way.”

Sam threw the entire box of doughnuts at Dean’s head. He shut up.

* * *

 

“Dean, I’m about 99% sure this is not where you live,” Sam said in his dumb know-it-all way when Dean pulled into his driveway. 

“Put your dog on a leash so she doesn’t run away,” was all Dean responded with. Sam made a face but did it, popping open the glove box for Sofia’s leash. Dean went around to the trunk and dragged out all their luggage, slinging all four bags over his two shoulders. Only one of the bags was Dean’s- he and Sam knew better than anyone how to pack lightly. 

Dean shut the trunk and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Sofia jumped at Dean’s back as they walked up to the front door.

“Dean,” Sam pleaded behind him. “What the heck.” It wasn’t a question. Perhaps Sam had given up on questioning him. 

Dean turned and winked before pushing open the door and stepping in. He slung all the bags behind the door and called out, “Honey, I’m home!”

Emma peeked up over the back of the couch. “Daddy, no yell.” Sam and Sofia stumbled in behind him, and Emma gasped. “Dog!”

“More excited to see the dog than your own father,” Dean grumbled. “Where’s Papa?”

“Papa upstairs,” Emma responded promptly between laughs as Sofia slurped at her face. 

“Dean,” Sam said, shocked. “Do you live here?”

Dean turned and grinned at him. “Surprise!”

Sam gaped. “Does this mean I don’t have to share my childhood bed with my girlfriend?”

“Yep. And stealing my food now only requires a trip down the stairs. Cas!”

Cas poked his head out of their door, the one right at the top of the stairs on the left. “Hello, Dean. As you can see, everyone made it home safely.”

Dean rolled his eyes and jogged up the stairs, though there was a large balloon of relief in his chest. He reached Cas and kissed him. Dean was in boots and Cas was still wearing pajamas, so the height difference between them was emphasized enough that Dean had to lean down to reach his mouth. Dean could practically hear Sam rolling his eyes. 

When Dean shoved his hands into Cas’ hair, Sam chucked an apple at them. “Your daughter is  _ right there. _ ”

Dean pulled his mouth away but kept Cas tucked against him. He glared at Sam. “I know for a fact that she can’t see us from the couch.”

“Okay, well, I’m right here.”

“I also know for a fact that you can move.”

“I don’t know where to move, Dean, I don’t know where everything is.”

Dean considered this for a moment. “Alright.” He took a step in, forcing Cas to move backwards. Sam started screaming, and Dean laughed and backed up, grabbing Cas’ hand as they trooped down the stairs. 

Sam gave him a dirty look. “I’m scarred.”

“I’ll scar your  _ face.”  _

“Dean,” Cas reprimanded. 

“Hah,” Sam whispered under his breath. 

Dean kicked him. “Get your stuff, freeloader.”

Sam picked up his bags and followed Dean upstairs while Cas went to sit with Emma on the couch. Dean flung open the door to the guest room, where all Jess’ stuff was stacked neatly at the foot of the bed. Other than the bed, the only furniture in the room was a nightstand and a closet, but it looked like Cas had done some decorating. There was a row of five pictures on the wall that definitely hadn’t been there when they’d left earlier in the week. 

Sam dropped his stuff and together they approached the pictures. The one on the far left was an old one from their childhood. Dean and Cas were probably 12, which would have made Sam and Jo around 8. Jo was sitting on Dean’s back, her arms looped around his neck and Dean’s arms under her thighs and hands clasped in front of his stomach. Sam was wearing Cas’ glasses and making a face at the camera while Cas stared on, face blank with annoyance. Dean was grinning at him and Jo was hiding her face behind his head. Dean thought that Anna had probably taken it.

To the right of that was one of Dean and Cas at their high school graduation. They were both holding their diplomas in their hands, but neither were looking at the camera. Dean was looking to his left, laughing at someone out of the shot.  _ Sam,  _ his brain supplied. Probably Sam. He’d been doing somersaults in the parking lot while they were going back to the car after the ceremony. Cas, though, was looking at Dean so intensely, so much love and pain written into his face that even 8 years later Dean found it hard to breathe. How could he have missed that for so long?

Sam was noticing that too, and he shook his head. He cleared his throat and very pointedly looked to the next one.

Dean had never seen this one before but he immediately recognized it. It was from the day Emma was born, when she’d started crying for the first time. He was freaking out, and Cas had come in and tried to help. They were standing forehead to forehead, looking down at Emma, who was screeching. Dean smiled softly at the memory. He’d considered, for a brief moment, kissing Cas then. He hadn’t, of course. It probably would not have gone over well. Jo must have taken this. She was the only one there, after all.

The fourth picture was another featuring Dean and Cas. Dean was sensing a theme. It was from the previous summer, before John had died. They were stting at the kitchen table, Cas looking at Dean over the rim of his coffee, eyebrows raised. Dean was grinning back at him, Emma on his lap. She was shoving a blueberry into her mouth, and it looked like she’d already had a few unsuccessful attempts. John was in the background, leaning against the wall with a mug in his hands. 

“You take this?” Dean asked, pointing at the picture. Sam was still studying the previous one.

“Huh?” Sam smiled. “Yeah, I think so. You probably made some dumb joke.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, sounds right.”

The last picture was the most recent, probably only a month old. Cas was asleep on the couch, glasses smashed against his face. The couch was pulled out into a bed. This was during Anna’s visit, then. Dean smiled as he remembered. In the picture, he was crouching next to Cas, hand resting on top of his head and smirking slightly. A few seconds later, he would lean in and kiss him awake and drag him off to bed, though the picture didn’t capture that.

They told a story, Dean realized. Their story. Dean and Cas. Neighbors to best friends to parents and somewhere along the way they’d fallen in love. 

“Cas?” he called. 

Cas poked his head in the door. “Yes?”

Dean pointed at the pictures, which Sam was still looking at intensely. “Did you hang these up?”

Cas frowned and came inside, stepping between the brothers. “No.”

Dean watched as Cas drank each image in, smile growing with each one. “I did not take these, though Jo spent a significant amount of time in here the other day. I suspect she is the culprit.” Cas tucked his hand inside Dean’s and squeezed. Dean grinned at him. 

“You guys are dumb,” Sam said finally, shaking his head. “All these years and neither of you ever saw the way you looked at each other.”

“Sam, it took you, with your outside objective perspective, a good six years to see. I don’t wanna hear it,” Dean said, exasperated, as he pulled out his phone to call Jo.

“Some people have jobs, Dean,” Jo said the second she picked up.

“You work at a bar, Jo. It’s not even noon.”

“I didn’t say I was one of them. What do you want? Are you home yet?”

“Did you put up these pictures in the guest room?”

“Yeah! Do you like them? I would’ve put them in your room or somewhere, but I figured then Cas would see them and ruin the surprise.”

“Where’d you get all these?”

“Bobby keeps more extensive records than you know.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I bet he’d secretly into scrapbooking.”

Jo laughed. “So you like them?”

“Yeah, they’re good pictures.”

“It’s the story of you and Cas.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Jo.”

“No problem, bro. Gotta go, bye!” Jo hung up abruptly. Dean shook his head. 

“Yeah, it was her.”

Cas nodded and looked between them again. “Can we move them?”

“Yeah. She just wanted to hide them from you ‘til I got home. Plus, it is our house.” Cas nodded, dragging his gaze across the photos again before landing on Dean and holding his eyes.

Sam sighed loudly, startling Dean. “I’m gonna go find Jess. If you're gonna have sex, please just don’t do it in here.”

“Fuck off, Sam,” Dean said cheerily as he started taking pictures off the wall and stacking them in Cas’ arms. Sam left, and as soon as Dean could no longer hear his footsteps he looked Cas dead in the eyes. “We should have sex in his bed.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “We have our own bed.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “I was kidding, but…”

“Sam,” Cas called. Dean frowned. There was no need to invite Sam back, like, at all. “Your girlfriend is at your parents’ house. Would you mind taking Emma there with you?”

There was a pregnant pause. “You two disgust me, but at least you're getting the baby out of the house.”

Dean grinned at Cas and they raced upstairs.

* * *

 

Hours later, the five of them sat around the table playing poker. Emma was sitting between Dean and Cas, fer tiny face just barely visible over the top of the table. 

Sam peeked at his cards, and because he was a young rookie, he smirked. 

“Don’t be so cocky, Sam,” Dean warned. “You’ll never beat Cas.”

“You're only saying that because it’s never been done before,” Sam quoted, still smirking.

“Yeah, I am. Doesn’t even matter what he has. You’ll lose.”

“Yet you continue to play with me,” Cas pointed out, face a total mask, as usual. 

“I know you like beating me.”

“It brings me great joy deflating your ego, yes.”

“That’s the spirit, babe. Now deflate Sam for me, wouldja?”

When everyone but Cas was devoid of the pretzels they were using as chips and Emma was asleep in her bed, Jess asleep on Sam’s shoulder, Dean smiled softly. He thought of the pictures Jo had taken, the ones now hanging above Dean and Cas’ bed, the story they told. Looking at his family, where he was, Dean thought that while the story wasn’t over, would never be over, maybe the interesting parts were over. The painful parts. They were happy, settled. 

Sam stood and nodded goodnight to Dean and Cas before lifting Jess effortlessly and carrying her to their room. Dean turned to Cas, who was munching on a pretzel. “Hey,” he whispered.

Cas looked up. “Yes, Dean?”

There were a million words on Dean’s tongue. How lucky he was to have Cas, his revelation about their story, a few jokes. In the end though, he settled on a simple, “Let’s go to bed.”

Cas smiled softly and leaned in, pressing a sleepy kiss to Dean’s lips. “I am agreeable to that.”

“Don’t wake up the baby.”

_ “You _ don’t wake up the baby,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips.

Dean snorted. “You need sleep, babe.”

“I’m gonna sleep… with you.”

“Yep. That’s where you sleep.”

Cas yawned and draped an arm over Dean’s shoulder, leaning into him. “I think I’ll sleep with you all of the nights.”

“I am agreeable to that,” Dean said, doing his best to mimic Cas’ low tones. Cas just laughed. Dean really couldn’t help but kissing him. Somewhere in the back of his brain Sam was screaming about how they  _ ate  _ on that table, you animals, so Dean stood, dragging Cas up with him by the waist. He took a step back, and Cas went with him.


	30. And They All Lived Happily Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess this is it for regular updates. It's been such a wild ride, and I'm so grateful to everyone who's read every chapter and commented and left kudos, it means a lot to me. I'm not sure if I'll do timestamps in this work or if I should start another work, but I'll update you on that eventually.   
> Please feel more than welcome to message me on [tumblr](http://manifestingwings.tumblr.com/) , I'd love to chat with someone :)  
> You can check out my other works [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wjnchester/works) I'm afraid there won't be much activity until after the DCBB, but you can look out for that if you want. I'm going to miss doing weekly updates, though.   
> I hope you enjoy, and thank you all so much. Beyond words.

Emma Winchester didn’t know much about love, or marriage, or anything, really. She knew her fathers loved her and she knew she loved them and she knew they loved each other.

She was, of course, only five years old. That was all she really needed to know.

But her ignorance did not spare her feeling the effects of the excitement of the air, the utter madness that plagued her home when the time finally came for her parents to get married.

The house was a whirlwind within a few days of the announcement. Of course, it was the same people that were always there- Uncle Sam and Aunt Jess, who was bursting at the seams with a baby, Aunt Anna and her husband and her girls, Uncle Gabe with pockets full of candy, Charles and Dorothy and Emma’s best friend, Jack. Auntie Jo and Grandma and Gramps, all Emma’s favorite people.

And, of course, Daddy and Papa.

A few nights before the invasions had started, Daddy had let Emma come to the garage to see all the cars and talk to his friends and then they’d gone into his office to have lunch- it was really just blueberry pie, but Emma wasn’t supposed to tell Papa that.

“Emma,” her father had said in a whisper. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” Emma responded, picking up a blueberry and popping it into her mouth. That was something Daddy said a lot. Emma wasn’t sure why, but she figured it was okay if she said it.

It was. Dean split into a grin and mimicked her, scraping his own blueberry out of the pie tin. “Princess, how would you feel if me and Papa got married?”

Emma frowned, scrunching her face together. “What’s married?”

“Well,” Dean said, munching on a berry as he contemplated how best to answer. He really should have considered that Emma would be asking that. “Grandma and Gramps are married. And Uncle Sam and Aunt Jess. And Charlie and Dorothy.”

Emma continued frowning. “Does married mean you get to have babies? Like you and Uncle Sam and Auntie Jo are Grandma and Gramps’ babies and Aunt Jess has a baby in her belly and Charlie and Dorothy have Jack? Daddy, I’m your baby. You and Papa are already married.”

Dean laughed. “No Em, married doesn’t mean you get to have babies. It means… it means you love someone a lot and want them to stay with you forever. Getting married to someone means you promise to stay with them forever.”

Emma’s face fell, and she put her head in her hands, sighing dramatically. Dean bit his thumb to stop himself from snorting at her distress. “Daddy, I have so many questions.”

Dean did laugh at that, tossing his head back and leaning in his chair. He lunged himself forward, directly into the line of his daughter’s glare, a damn near perfect impression of Cas. Dean’s smile grew. “Okay then, princess, shoot.”

Emma leaned forward and folded her arms on Dean’s desk, nestling her chin atop them. Dean copied her. “So you and Papa aren’t married?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

Dean shrugged. “You know Em, it took a long time for either of us to even admit that we loved each other. And even that wasn’t that long ago. Just three years, and now I think it’s time for us to get married.”

“But Daddy, I thought you and Papa were already gonna stay together forever?” Emma said, her eyes forlorn.

Dean chuckled. “Well, yeah, probably, but this is like- it’s like a pinkie swear. Like a double-promise. Plus, we get to throw a party.”

Emma laughed, showing off her tiny teeth. Cas had prophesied that they would start falling out soon to make way for her grownup teeth. Dean wished they wouldn’t. She was already too grownup for his liking. “Okay, Daddy. So you wanna marry Papa because you love him so much?”

“Because I love him so much,” Dean confirmed. He wasn’t sure why he was telling Emma about this- she was a bit of a blabbermouth, and he wanted it to be a surprise. Still, he felt like this was something she deserved to know about before anybody else, even Cas.

“But,” Emma said, face falling again, “but Daddy. _I_ love you so much. Why aren’t we getting married?”

Dean laughed and drew away from the desk, leaving Emma to stare at him helplessly. He really should feel about about laughing at his daughter’s pain, but she was just too damn cute. “Oh, Emma. Come here,” he said, patting his thigh.

Emma scrambled from her chair and rounded the table, climbing into Dean’s lap only to stare at him in hurt. Dean hugged her tightly to his chest.

“Em,” he started. “I love you so much, too. To the moon and stars and sun and back, and then back again. But it’s different, see, because you're right, you are my baby. It’s a different kind of love. The way me and Papa love you doesn’t need a ceremony or anything, it just is. But the way me and Papa love each other- well, one day you're gonna-” Dean swallowed, refusing to let himself tear up. It was a long way away, anyway. “You're gonna grow up and move out. But hopefully, me and Cas- Papa- are never gonna move away from each other. So there’s all these tests to go through, right? So we know if we can handle being together forever. And the last test is me asking Papa to marry me, and if he says yes, then we have to celebrate beating all the tests. There’s no tests with you, princess, there’s nothing in the world that would ever make me want to be away from you. So it’s different.”

Emma looked up at him, and Dean grinned down at her. “Who can I get married to, then?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Em. You have to figure that out for yourself. But whoever you marry has to be okay with me and Papa.”

Emma tapped her chin thoughtfully. “You and Papa were best friends, right?”

“Yep. We still are, Em.”

“Hmm. Then I guess I have to marry Jack!”

Dean snorted. “You could. You don’t have to, though.”

Emma squirmed out of Dean’s lap and straightened her sundress. “Jack would be lucky,” she decreed, very seriously.

Dean covered a smile with his hand. “Yeah, he would.”

* * *

Later that night, when Emma wasn’t quite asleep but halfway there, Dean slipped through the front door, the weight of a ring in his pocket twisting his insides to mush. He knew he wanted to do this, but the question was, did Cas?

Dean knew, on some level, that he was being ridiculous; Cas loved him. He knew that, but the fear was still there.

Emma was curled up on the armchair, eyes glazed over as she watched Cinderella run from the ball, leaving her slipper behind. Dean tugged lightly on a loose strand of blonde. He couldn’t quite tell if her hair color was his or her mother’s, but it didn’t really matter either way. It might have even been the same as Dean’s mother’s, but he didn’t remember her well enough to make that judgement.

“Hey, princess,” Dean whispered, leaning over so she could hear him. “You wanna go get jammies on?”

Emma sat up and yawned, stretching her arms way over her head. “Daddy,” she whispered back, “aren’t you gonna ask-”

“Shh, it’s a secret, remember?” Dean reminded. Emma nodded solemnly. “Go get pajamas on, Emma.” Emma nodded once more and clambered out of the too-big chair and up to her room. Dean straightened and shucked off his boots, kicking them back over by the door. “Cas?” he called. There was no answer. Dean frowned. “Cas? Castiel?”

Dean sighed and tromped upstairs, sticking his head in Emma’s room. “Em, do you know where Papa is?”

Emma paused midway through zipping up her footie pajamas. “I think he’s in the backyard. He was reading a book.”

Dean nodded and waited for her to finish getting dressed so she could follow him out onto the back porch, where indeed Cas was tucked into a rocking chair, reading a book, though his glasses were pushed up into his hair and he was squinting at the pages as he munched on an apple.

“Cas, babe. Did you lose your glasses?”

Cas looked up and glared at Dean. “ _No_. They are simply… out of my reach. And I’m too lazy to get up.”

Dean folded his arms. Emma copied him with a giggle. “You're sure about that?”

“Yes,” Cas said defiantly. Dean stepped forward and knocked them back onto his nose. “...Oh. Thank you, Dean.”

“Mmhmm. It’s time for bed, I think.”

Emma looked betrayed. “But, Daddy, I’m not tired! And-”

Dean didn’t miss a beat dropping into a crouch and placing a hand over Emma’s mouth. Cas stared at the two of them strangely, but Dean just winked as he swept Emma into his arms, cradling her as if she was just a baby again.

Emma laughed. “Daddy, put me down!” she shrieked. Dean laughed with his daughter as he spun on his heel and marched back inside. Cas followed them, setting his book on the table as Dean spun Emma in circles, making her scream and grip his shirt tightly. “Papa, help!” Emma shouted between giggles.

Cas just smirked. “You seem to be enjoying yourself, though, Emma.”

Emma glared at him. Dean set her down, and though it took her a second to get her balance, within seconds she was running back to the armchair to finish her movie.

Dean turned to Cas and his nerves returned like a punch to the gut. Fuck. Was now the right time? He felt his courage waning, his deep-set fear of commitment tugging at the reins of his mind.

Dean took a deep breath. What was he so afraid of, anyway? It wasn’t like getting married would change much. They were basically already tied together for the rest of their lives by Emma- but this wasn’t about Emma, this was about them. Maybe Cas didn’t mind being legally bound to Emma, but being tied to Dean like that would be too much.

For Christ’s sake, they _lived_ together. Both of their names were on the deed to this house. Dean was being a moron.

“Cas,” Dean blurted before he could really come to a decision. Then again, this was no decision at all, really.

“Yes, Dean?” Dean’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips, and his hand drifted absently to his opposite forearm, scratching at it. Cas frowned and pulled it away. “Dean? Is everything alright?”

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He told his nerves to shut the fuck up. Why was this so hard? “Cas,” he said again, this time more assuredly, “you know I love you, right?”

Cas just frowned deeper, which did not do much for the rising panic in Dean’s chest. “Of course, I love you too. Are you okay?”

“I- yeah. I’m great. Cas… will- will you marry me?”

Cas blinked. Dean’s hand twitched in Cas’, itching to fold Dean in on himself. Wll, wasn't  _that_ romantic. He would go down in history as creator of the best proposal ever. For sure.

“Papa, you're supposed to say yes,” Emma stage whispered from the armchair. Dean’s face heated but he didn’t allow himself to be distracted by her, keeping his gaze locked on Cas’.

Cas, however, glanced over at her briefly before coming back to Dean. “Right, yes. That’s right, Emma. I mean- yes. Yes, I’ll-” Cas huffed in frustration and simply yanked Dean forward, intercepting him by the mouth and bringing his arms up to wrap around his neck. Cas kissed him so ferociously that their teeth scraped together and Cas’ tongue reached Dean’s molars. Dean hugged Cas- his fiancé- tightly around the waist, forcing the shorter man onto his toes.

“Daddy,” Emma reprimanded from the kitchen. “Papa. Stop that. Stop. _Daddy_.”

They didn’t listen to her. “Papa. Please. You're being _gross_.”

Dean pulled back from Cas, breathing heavily, though he didn’t even turn his head to look at Emma. “Em, it’s time for you to go to bed.”

Emma huffed angrily. “I think you need to go to bed, Daddy,” she scolded as she stomped up the stairs. Dean dropped his head onto Cas’ shoulder to stifle a laugh. Her sass levels were off the charts. Sure enough, though, when Emma reached the top of the stairs, she gave them a cheery enough, “Goodnight!”

“Night, Em,” Dean responded, face red. As soon as her bedroom door closed, Cas’ mouth was on him again and backing him into the wall.

Before Dean could even process it, there was a hand tugging at his hair and another under his shirt, pressed flat against his stomach. There may or may not have been a small amount of moaning as Cas pulled away with a soft bite to Dean’s lips and moved to the bolt of his jaw and the hand on his stomach dipped lower, tugging at the waistband of his jeans.

“Upstairs,” Dean gasped as his own hands worked of their own accord at the buttons of Cas’ shirt. “We should- upstairs.”

Cas hummed his assent but neither of them made any attempt to move until Cas reached into Dean’s pocket and pulled out a ring box, studying intently. Dean was still pinned to the wall by Cas’ body from the hips up, but they both managed to turn their heads as Cas opened it and pulled the ring out, slipping it onto his finger, where it fit perfectly. Dean grinned. The band was simple silver, nothing fancy at all, but Dean figured Cas didn’t need or want anything fancy.

“You’ll need one, too,” Cas said against his mouth.

“Mmm,” Dean said, kissing him much more gently than a few moments earlier and walking them backwards. “We’ll talk about that tomorrow. Right now, though, I say we get upstairs.”

“I agree,” Cas whispered. “Though I advise silence to avoid waking Emma.”

Dean grinned. “Not sure I can promise that.”

Cas thwacked him on the side of the head as they reached the stairs and immediately sprang apart to race each other to their bed.

If you were wondering, Emma did sleep soundly, miracle of miracles. She must have some angel watching over her.

* * *

Shortly after, the party-planning swarm descended on them. Dean hadn’t even bothered to think about what their wedding would be like as he thought about proposing because he knew that they wouldn’t even get the chance to plan it.

Between Charlie, Anna, Sam, Jess, and Jo, neither Dean nor Cas would get a word in edgewise. So they just kinda sat at the head of the table while their friends discussed locations and dates.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ahem. Guys. What’s wrong with getting married in the backyard?” Next to him, Cas nodded.

“You guys are so lame,” Charlie complained, flopping back in her chair. “Fine. If you nerds wanna have the most boring wedding ever-”

“C’mon, Charlie, you know us.”

Charlie glared at him but huffed, turning back to the rest of the room. “Alright, fine, we can have it here, but that just means splashing out on the décor. And food.”

“Obviously.” Dean returned to tuning out their chatter as he shook his head at Cas. “Can you believe they’re telling us what we can and can’t do at our own wedding?”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Is this the first time you're meeting our friends?”

“Wait,” Sam said loudly, drawing everyone’s attentions. “Dean, I’m your best man, right?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No, Sam, it’s the pizza man. Who else?”

“Well, I don’t know. It could be C- someone… else.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “You were about to say it could be Cas, weren’t you?”

Sam sighed. “Okay, if you were marrying anyone else, it could be Cas.”

“Well, I’m not. Get with the program."

“Wait, okay, so are you just having Sam as a groomsman?” Charlie asked, chewing on the end of a pen. Dean hadn’t even the notebook in front of her, already with all sorts of stuff scribbled on it.

“I don’t know. Could Jo be my groomswoman?”

“Don’t see why not,” Charlie responded as Jo high-fived Dean.

“So then Cas, what about you?” “I suppose Anna will be my… bridesmaid.”

“Best woman,” Dean supplied.

“Best woman,” Cas agreed. “And Gabriel can be my bridesmaid.”

“No, Cas, no one has any bridesmaids. We’re both dudes. No brides involved.”

Charlie shook her head. “Classic sibling route for both of you, then. I’m a little offended I’m not in the wedding, considering you two wouldn’t even be together if it weren’t for me.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “How is that, exactly?”

“Uh, I did lots of stuff. I was the one who convinced both of you that you were in love with each other.”

Jo shook her head. “Nope. It was me. I’m the one who made them talk to each other after you made them avoid each other for like a week, Charlie.”

“You were not! I stopped avoiding Cas of my own free will!”

“Oh, whatever, Winchester, I’m-”

“I think if anyone deserves credit, I’m the one who actually kissed Dean,” Cas pointed out.

“But would you have done that if I hadn’t told you how Dean felt?”

“Totally uncool, by the way.”

“It was necessary!”

“Yeah, but-”

“You don’t know,” Cas interrupted again. “I might have done it anyway. It's wasn't exactly a planned maneuver.”

“Whatever,” Charlie said, crossing her arms. “I still think I should be in the wedding.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine. Go get ordained online and you can officiate.”

“ _Hell_ yes.”

The swarm would be back, but all in all planning a wedding wasn’t that difficult when it was taking place in your own home with a relatively small amount of people. The date was set for late July, before Cas had to go back to work so they would have time for a honeymoon. In the time leading up, Sam and Jess got settled in a small house on the other side of town- Sam had finished law school, Jess was now a surgeon at the nearest hospital. They’d gotten married a year ago, and Jess was due to give birth at the end of the month.

But they weren’t the only ones expecting. Unbeknownst to anyone, even Emma, in addition to being engaged, Dean and Cas had been on an adoption waiting list for well over a year. Within a week of Dean proposing they got a call from the agency about a pregnant woman in Illinois, due for September, who had picked their file.

They didn’t tell anyone- not even Emma- but they did start clearing out space in their second guest bedroom and digging up some old baby things. It was looking to be a rather eventful year.

* * *

“Dean,” Castiel whispered into the darkness of their bedroom, two weeks and a day until their wedding. “Dean, are you awake?”

“Am now,” Dean grumbled, burrowing his face further into Castiel’s neck, stubble scratching against his chest. “What’s up?”

“Do you remember, when Emma was a baby?”

“No, Cas, completely fell out of my noggin.”

Castiel whacked him lightly on the head. “When I adopted her? You asked if I wanted to change her name to Winchester-Novak.”

“Mmhmm. And you said Emma could only be Winchester-Novak if we were all Winchester-Novak.”

“Yes, exactly. And you said if we ever got married you would never hyphenate and you would never have the same last name as Gabriel,” Castiel prompted. Dean had to know where he was going with this.

“I stand by that. But like I said back then, if you wanna hyphenate, you hyphenate. We can even change Emma’s name. Actually, we should probably ask Emma. But we can, if you guys want.” Dean yawned but drew his arms away from Castiel, propping his torso up on his elbows. Castiel lay on his back, staring up at him, though he couldn’t exactly see in the dark.

Castiel traced the name on the soft skin of Dean’s forearm. He’d always imagined that if he and Dean ever got married, that would be their name, but the more he thought about it… he didn’t feel like a Novak. That was his father’s name, his mother’s name. It had never felt like his, just a label based on his blood.

“I think…” Castiel started hesitantly, “I think I’d like to be a Winchester.”

Castiel could see the white of Dean’s teeth as he grinned. “Wise choice, Cas. Castiel Winchester. Has a nice ring to it.”

“Mm.” Dean laid back down, but Castiel continued staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“What are we going to name the baby?”

Dean sighed, his breath tickling Castiel’s neck. “I dunno, babe. I got to name Emma, you name this one.”

“Mm. I’ll do it in the morning.”

“Good boy. Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.” 

* * *

July 28th came too quickly and not fast enough for Dean and Cas. Dean woke up alone for the first time in God, years, staring at the popcorn ceiling of Sam’s living room.

He couldn’t believe he’d spent the night before his wedding breaking his back on a shitty couch and waking up every hour to a baby wailing. A brutal reminder of what his life would be like once more, come September. He remembered completely passing out from exhaustion when Emma was a newborn; he wasn’t entirely sure why they were doing this again.

Dean rolled off the couch and stretched, waiting for his back to pop. Jesus, the couch was a bad idea. Meanwhile Cas and Emma were probably still blissfully asleep on their memory foam mattresses. Dean missed his memory foam. And Cas, but even if Cas had been on that couch with him all night, his back would still be knotted in all the worst places.

“Morning, sunshine,” Sam said from the kitchen, making Dean stumble.

Sam was leaning against the fridge, sipping a mug of coffee. Dean bit back a curse, as he wasn’t sure where his nephew was at the moment. “Jesus, Sam. Scared the crap out of me.”

Sam laughed. “Alright, time to start getting ready.”

“What? Wedding’s not for-” Dean peeked at the clock behind Sam- “four hours. All I gotta do is put on a suit.”

“Wrong,” Jess said as she swept into the room, Jason cradled in her arms. “There’s lots to do. You need a shower, first of all.”

“I showered last night!”

“It’s your wedding day!” Dean glared at her. Jess just passed her son off and grinned. “It’s not gonna hurt you, Dean. In fact, you're helping us all out a lot.”

Sometimes Dean thinks Sam married her because of how easily she makes fun of him. Rule #1 of their family: make jokes at Dean’s expense whenever possible. “Fine, whatever. There better be coffee left when I come back.”

* * *

Emma poked her head in the door to Dean and Castiel’s room, where Castiel was fully dressed and sitting on the bed, cheek in hand and flipping through a large photo album. The wedding was set for an hour, and he had the first moment of peace all day. Everyone but Bobby, Ellen, Dean, Sam, and Jo was downstairs getting ready, and there was nothing more for Castiel to do so he’d come upstairs.

“Papa?” Emma said softly, drawing his attention. She was wearing a simple velvet navy dress, and in her hands was a wicker basket full of rose petals and a flower crown with white daisies. Castiel noted that no one had put any makeup on her, thankfully. When Charlie had suggested it she’d cried, saying she was too little. Castiel didn’t know what constituted as big enough for makeup, but if Emma didn’t want it, far be it from him to force her into it.

“Hello, Emma. You look radiant.”

Emma climbed up next to him, leaning her cheek against his shoulder and peering at the pictures before them. “What does that mean?” 

“Radiant? It means you look very pretty,” Castiel explained, hugging her to his side with one arm.

Emma giggled. “Thank you, Papa. You look radiant, too.”

“Thank you. Do you need anything?”    

Emma leaned away from him and looked up solemnly. Her eyes, Castiel noted suddenly, were just a shade lighter green than Dean’s. Perhaps that was just the lighting, but it was rather interesting. “Can you do my hair for me?”    

Castiel hesitated. “I’m not sure I know how.”    

Emma frowned. “Well, I don’t know how, either. That’s why I’m asking you,” she explained. “Daddy does my hair, and I think you can do it, too,” she insisted, looking up at him with bright, trusting eyes.    

Castiel considered her blonde mane for a second. He knew how to do simple things, like a ponytail and a braid and a bun, but Dean was really much better at it than he was. But he sighed and gestured for Emma to turn around anyway. He couldn’t say no to those eyes.    

“What would you like me to do?” Castiel asked, leaning over to pluck a sparkly pink brush from the ground. Sometimes he felt like those things just multiplied, unless Emma really needed one. Then they were nowhere to be found.    

Emma shrugged. “Can you French braid?”    

“Uh… I am familiar with… the procedure, but I’m not sure I can put it into practice,” Castiel admitted as he began brushing. Her hair was long, reaching her mid-back, and it was nearly stick-straight. Castiel supposed that was a trait from Lydia, as both Sam and Mary Winchester’s hair had slight waves. The color, though, was the same as Dean’s, if his hair was a bit longer.    

“Well, I think you got this, Papa,” Emma said confidently. Castiel smiled confidently. He hoped she was right. “What were you looking at?”    

“A photo album, from a long time ago.”    

“How long?”

“I think the most recent picture in there is from my senior year of high school,” Castiel said as he gathered three strands of Emma’s hair and crossed each over the other.

“Woah. That’s old,” Emma said. Castiel frowned.

“It was only ten years ago.”

Emma laughed. “You're old, Papa.”

“I assure you, I am not. Neither me or your father has even reached middle age.”

Emma just giggled as Castiel scooped more of her hair into his original three strands. It didn’t look that bad, so far. “Papa, why do you always call Daddy my father but Daddy never calls you my father? Aren’t you both my fathers?”

Castiel sighed, pausing in his braiding to close his eyes and take a breath. He lived in fear of that question. He was sure that knowing that he and Emma were not actually related would not change their relationship, but he worried still. If Castiel wanted, he could chalk it up to differences in their use of the English language, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He said that because Dean was her biological parent and there was no point shielding Emma from that.

Castiel finished his braid, which turned out just as nice as anything Dean could have done. Emma held up her wrist so Castiel could take the ponytail from it, and he secured her hair. Emma turned, still staring up at him curiously.

Castiel sighed again and took her hands. “That’s… a very complicated question, and I’m not sure you can fully comprehend the answer just yet.”

Emma huffed. “I can comprehense it, Papa.”

“Comprehend, Emma,” Castiel breathed in and studied her face, noting everything he could see that was obviously Dean. Her eye color, of course, and the shape of her mouth. Her nose was slimmer than Dean’s, but undeniably the same shape. Like Dean, she had smatterings of freckles where the sun had touched her face. He let his breath go. “You look like Daddy, did you know that?”

“Everyone says it.” Emma tilted her head up at him. “Is that was it means? I look like Daddy, but I don’t look like you?”

“Kind of, yes. You don’t look like me. I am your father, Emma, but not the same way Daddy is. Well- your father is someone who takes care of you, but it can also someone who… made you. And I didn’t make you,” Castiel confessed, squeezing her hands gently. He wasn’t totally sure that made sense, even to him, but Emma nodded slowly.

“So Daddy made me?” Emma clarified. “And he takes care of me. But you just take care of me, but you're still my father. Why didn’t you make me?”

Castiel laughed quietly. “I couldn’t. I could never make you. Only Daddy and- do you know Lydia?” Emma nodded.

“The lady who calls to talk to me.”

“Yes. Daddy and Lydia made you, and if anyone else tried, they couldn’t make you. They’d make someone else.” Emma frowned.

“Is Lydia my father, too?”

“No, Emma. Lydia is your mother,” Castiel hesitated, wondering how much he really needed to tell her in that moment. Ultimately, he decided that the earlier she came to terms with it, the less it would bother her later. “But she gave you up.”

“So I could live with you and Daddy?”

“Exactly,” Castiel paused, choosing his next words very carefully. “Lydia is... married to a man who made her give you up, because he didn’t make you.”

“But you didn’t make me, and you still want me, right?”

Castiel shrugged. “It doesn’t make a difference to me. I love you.”

Emma smiled and shot up, hugging Castiel around the neck tightly. Castiel settled his arms gently around her waist. She was kneeling very uncomfortably on his thighs, her knees digging into his femurs, but he held her anyway. “I love you too, Papa. Thanks for taking care of me.”

Castiel had not expected to cry before the wedding had even started, but he felt his eyes tearing up at that. There was nothing he could do on this Earth that would make him worthy of this girl. “It’s always my pleasure, Emma.” Emma planted a kiss on his cheek as she pulled away, turning and plopping onto his lap. She pointed at a picture in the photo album, still open in front of them. “Is this Uncle Sam?”

Castiel laughed. “Yes. He was rather small as a child.”

“Now he’s bigger than anyone.”

“Indeed.” Castiel reached for the foot of the bed, where Emma had abandoned her flowers. He settled the crown on top of her head, adjusting it so it sat secure.

“Thank you, Papa. Now I am the princess,” Emma said matter-of-factly, continuing to flip through the photo album. Castiel laughed.

“You were always the princess.”

“Then how come I have to do what you say and you don’t do what I say?”

Castiel laughed again, even louder. “Because if you're the princess, I am the king.”

“Fine,” Emma groaned. “But don’t tell Daddy, he thinks he’s the king.”

“I won’t,” Castiel promised, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

A flash of light startled them both. They looked up to see Charlie in the doorway, a camera in her hand and a wide grin on her face. “All set up here?” Her red hair was all swept to one side, tumbling down onto a dress that matched Emma’s perfectly. Anna and Jo were wearing the same thing, and Dean, Castiel, Sam, and Gabe all wore matching vests. Castiel was wearing a gold bowtie, as Dean would be, and Sam and Gabriel had simple black ones.

Castiel thought everyone looked wonderful. His heart was hammering in his chest as he stared at Charlie blankly. He was ready to be married, he was sure of it, but still nerves wracked his body.

“I’m ready!” Emma shouted, springing off Castiel’s lap and joining Charlie in the doorway. “Charlie, Papa did my hair.”

“I see that,” Charlie said, smoothing a hand over her braid. “It looks lovely. Are you ready to be flower girl?”

“Yes! I’m gonna be the best flower girl, ever. Papa, let’s go!”

Castiel gulped and stood up from the bed, unconsciously clenching his hands into fists. Charlie huffed and stalked over to him, straightening his shirt and tie. She also reached up and messed with his hair some more (there had been a whole ordeal earlier over what to do with it, as it seemed to look like a mess no matter what) and brushed off his jacket.

“You ready?” she asked, taking a step back and handing Emma her basket.

Castiel nodded, though he felt the urge to scream. Why, he wasn’t sure.

“Good. Well, we gotta get down there.”

They had decided that since Castiel had no one to walk him down the aisle (a fact that did not bother him in the least; both of his siblings ould be up there with him and it wasn't like either of his parents were invited,) that he would process after Emma with Charlie and his siblings, as the groom would in a heterosexual wedding. After they were all in place, with Anna and Gabriel standing behind Castiel and Emma in front of Charlie, Sam and Jo would process, followed by Dean. Therefore, as soon as Bobby, the Harvelles, and the Winchester brothers pulled up, Charlie had to be processing. All the guests would have already been seated.

“Is- is Dean here?”

Charlie nodded. “Looking like an idiot, just standing in the front yard waiting for his cue, so let’s go.”

“Alright. Emma, do you remember what you have to do?”

Emma grinned. “I have to drop the petals, and then stand at the front with Charlie and stay still and don’t say anything. Not even hi to Daddy,” she responded promptly.

Castiel blew out a relieved breath. “Then I suppose it’s time to get married.”

Charlie grinned and held out a hand, which Castiel gladly took as she led them downstairs.

Everything happened quickly after that, but it seemed like slow motion at the same time. Castiel suddenly found himself standing alone in line behind his daughter, Charlie, and his siblings, who were arm in arm. Castiel felt slightly lonely and wished Dean was there, which was stupid because Dean was there, just out of sight. And then the music started, classical music, but not traditional wedding songs. Emma was walking down the aisle, scattering rose petals as she went. Charlie was only a few steps behind her, and Castiel barely had enough presence of mind to remember to wait four seconds after Gabe and Anna went to follow them.

He could hear his heart thudding in his ears, and Castiel took deep, slow breaths to calm himself. He focused on Emma, who was grinning madly and bouncing on the balls of her feet. She was barefoot, Castiel noticed for the first time. He supposed that it didn’t matter much, as it was summer and they were just in their backyard, but he wondered if she had shoes for this at all. Probably not. She only wore shoes if she absolutely had to, especially during summer.

Before he knew it, Castiel was taking his place in front of everyone, with his brother and sister at his back and his daughter an arm’s length away. Castiel reached out to her, and she high fived him gently and then put a finger to her lips. Castiel smiled.

The music changed. Castiel looked up sharply to see Sam and Jo, holding hands and grinning at him. Castiel’s heart rate increased rapidly. He refused to look away from them as they walked down and stood next to each other on the other side of Charlie. Jo winked at him.

Castiel took a breath and looked back over to the aisle. Ellen and Bobby each had one of his arms looped through their own and they took synchronized, practiced steps. Castiel froze, his breath stalling in his chest. Dean was looking straight at him, biting his bottom lip. When their eyes met, though, he grinned, and Castiel found himself releasing his breath in a quiet laugh as Bobby and Ellen stepped away to their seats and Dean faced Castiel, hands clasped in front of him.

“Hi, Cas,” he whispered.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Alright,” Charlie said, flipping open a notebook. “Shall we begin?”

It was safe to say that Dean always looked stunning, whether he was coming home covered in grease and a jumpsuit or his usual jeans and a flannel or in the morning, when he often wore nothing at all. Maybe it was just the fact that they were getting married or the swelling joy in Castiel’s chest, but stunning wasn’t strong enough a word for the man before him in that moment. He wasn’t even sure radiant would cover it. Kind of ridiculous, really. Dean didn’t look much different than he always did- same face, same hands, same Dean. The only difference was that he was wearing a tuxedo and while it did fit him _phenomenally_ , Castiel could not quite pinpoint what it was about his soon-to-be-husband that had his heart beating so loudly he was sure it was audible and his face frozen in a permanent smile.

Charlie cleared her throat. Castiel didn’t look at her, and neither did Dean. “Dearly beloved,” she started. “We are gathered here today to celebrate…”

Castiel tuned her out; he already knew exactly what she was saying. Dean reached out and took Castiel’s hands, holding them between them, right in front of Emma’s head. Castiel wanted to kiss him, but he couldn’t quite yet.

“Alright,” Charlie was saying, “do you, Castiel Novak, take this man to be your husband?”

Castiel didn’t think twice, the words rolling like butter off his tongue. “I do.”

“Good. And do you, Dean Winchester, take this man to be your husband?”

“Hell yeah,” Dean responded, voice cracking with emotion.

Castiel kicked his shin lightly, barely even brushing his leg with his foot. “Language.” Dean just grinned wider.

Charlie laughed and flipped a page in her notebook. “Alrighty, no takesies backsies, boys. Both of you, repeat after me: I, say your name.”

Dean and Castiel spoke at the same time. Neither of them tried to be clever by literally saying ‘say your name.' They'd gotten that out of their systems at the rehearsal.

“Take you, say each other’s names.”

“Take you, Dean Winchester.”

“Take you, Castiel Novak.”

“To be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or worse.”

Castiel heard Anna crying as he and Dean spoke in sync, still locked at the eyes. Castiel was touched- he didn’t think she’d cried even at her own wedding. Dean was crying a bit too, and Castiel freed one hand to sweep the tears away, tracing his thumb along Dean’s cheekbone. Dean leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. Castiel really wanted to kiss him.

Castiel dropped his hand and took Dean’s back in his own. Charlie took a few seconds to wipe away her own tears, and someone in the audience blew their nose loudly. Castiel had a suspicion that it was Jess.

“For richer or poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward.”

Castiel’s own tears started falling as once more he and Dean recited the promise, Dean’s voice cracking, Castiel’s shaky yet sure.

Once they finished, Charlie dropped her notebook into the grass and grinned as she wiped away her tears. “Man, I’ve always been such a crier at weddings. Okay. Rings?” She held out her palms, and Sam and Anna both dropped rings into them. The only difference between them was that Dean’s was bigger, as Castiel had narrower fingers. They really weren’t so extravagant that they needed anything other than simple silver. Dean let go of Castiel’s hand and Charlie handed each of them the other’s ring. “You guys wrote the vows for this, right?” Dean and Castiel both nodded, and Charlie gestured for Dean to go first.

Dean dropped Castiel’s other hand and Castiel quickly shuffled Dean’s ring to his right hand. Dean took a deep breath as he raised Castiel’s left hand to chest height, so that Emma had to look up to watch what was happening.

“Cas,” Dean said, quietly. “You know I’m not really one for words, but, um.” Dean looked down at his feet, shaking his head to himself. Castiel squeezed his hand reassuringly. Dean looked back up. “I love you. A lot. I don’t really know any other way to say it. I love you and I’ve loved you for forever and I want-” Dean choked, wiping at his eyes. He took a breath and a tiny step forward, slipping the ring carefully onto Castiel’s ring finger. “I want to keep loving you for the rest of forever.”

Castiel really, really wanted to kiss him, but he held off for just another second. His own speech might as well have been tattooed on his arm for how well he remembered it, but still he took a second to process Dean’s words and gather his own. “Dean,” he started, his voice thick with tears and nearly inaudible, “I have loved you for most of my life, since we were nine years old and you took my glasses and hid them and then felt bad and gave them back to me. Being at your side has so radically changed my life, for obvious reasons and more simple, subtle things that leave me wondering where I’d be without you- who I’d be without you. It’s been wild and painful but I wouldn’t change a minute of it.” Castiel lifted Dean’s hand and slid his ring onto his finger before slotting his own left hand into Dean’s, their rings clinking together softly. Castiel looked back up at Dean, locking eyes. “Not a single second.”

Everything was silent for just a few seconds, as Dean and Castiel held each other’s gazes and everyone else watched in awe.

Charlie cleared her throat. “Well then, by the power vested in me by the state of Kansas, I now pronounce thee married. You may now-”

Castiel didn’t even wait for her to finish, pulling Dean in by the lapels of his jacket and kissed him deeply. Dean didn’t waste any time yanking Castiel forward by his hips amid the cheers of their friends and family. Castiel waited a few seconds longer than strictly necessary to pull away, but when he did and he saw Dean’s bright smile he couldn’t help kissing it. It was only when Emma starting tugging at their legs did they separate. Dean lifted her onto his shoulders effortlessly and joined the cheering. Anna was hugging Castiel and the twins were running around somewhere wreaking havoc and then Gabriel kissing him sloppily on the cheek and Sam embracing him and then Jo and Bobby and Ellen and then Emma was in his arms, hugging him tightly around the neck.

They navigated the crowd together and stumbled upon Dean, who had three women hanging off him- Jo, Anna, and Charlie, all crying. Dean looked relieved upon seeing Castiel and stepped forward, grabbing his hand.

“Alright!” Jessica called from the porch. “It’s picture time! I want anyone in the wedding party over here first!”

There were many, many pictures taken that day. Many from the ceremony itself, including a video of the whole thing. There was a picture of Sam and Dean, laughing together at something unseen. There was Jo, leaning her head on Castiel’s shoulder as he held a crying baby Jason Winchester. There was one of Emma holding Jason in her arms, smiling sweetly at the camera. Molly and Melissa holding Emma up between them while the younger girl sucked on a popsicle. Charlie and Dorothy with a sleeping Emma sprawled across their laps, hair loose. Bobby and Ellen sandwiching Dean in a hug. Gabriel, Emma perched on his shoulder, delivering a speech that included many wild hand gestures and subtle winks. Emma dancing on Dean’s feet. Emma teaching Castiel how to do the ‘boogie,’ as she called it. Jack and Charlie peering over the edge of the table at the uncut cake. Castiel and Anna making the exact same look of derision at Gabriel as he allowed all three of his nieces to dogpile him. Sam, Dean, and Jo making faces of disgust as Bobby and Ellen kissed. Sam and Jess singing “I Got You Babe.” Dean and Castiel laughing during their first dance as a married couple, Castiel’s head dropped to Dean’s shoulder. Jack and Emma smearing cake onto each other’s faces. Sam dropping a kiss to the top of Jess’ head as he held his son in one hand. Sam giving Dean a piggyback ride, and vice versa. Dean and Castiel laying in the grass, holding hands as Emma put flowers in their hair. Emma laughing as Dean and Castiel swung her into the air, each of her hands in one of theirs. Ellen redoing Emma’s hair in a sloppy bun. Bobby redoing Emma’s hair into a sleek, professional-looking bun. Anna throwing crackers into Dean’s open mouth. Sam letting Emma win in arm wrestling. Molly and Melissa clinging to each of Castiel’s legs as he looked helplessly at the camera. Jo and Emma whispering to each other. Dean watching Castiel with a smile on his face as he frowned at the mud on his hands. Emma sitting in Anna’s lap, playing with her long, red hair. Emma pouting into the camera as Jack made a face at her and Dean wiped her face clean with a wet towel.

There were many more, but those were Castiel’s favorites. Actually, Castiel’s favorites were the two they had framed, one of which they’d actually posed for. The first was from the ceremony, when Castiel had wiped away Dean’s tears. They added that one to the line of pictures above their bed.

The second was really more about the memory than the picture. Bobby had taken over Jess’ camera and he’d called, “Last one! If your name is ‘Winchester,’ get your butt over here!”

Sam and Dean had high-fived as they approached each other, families trailing behind. “Sammy, you ever think we’d get here?”

“No, I figured you’d be dead in a ditch by now,” Sam answered, tossing an arm around his brother’s shoulders for the picture.

“Oh, yeah, and you’d be better off?”

“No, I’d be in jail for putting you there.”

Dean shook his head. “Rude. Smile, Sammy.”

Castiel wasn’t sure why that meant so much to him. Maybe it was the fact that he was now a Winchester; maybe he was proud of the brothers for indeed making it to a point where they were both married. They’d been so broken when he’d met them, boys with rough edges and bleeding hearts.

It was strange to hear the name Winchester and not think of just two brothers, to include himself and his daughter, Jessica and Jason, but that was who it meant now.

The picture itself looked a bit like a reenactment of an old painting; the six of them were looking at each other in pairs. Dean and Sam had their heads turned towards each other, and they were laughing while Jess bent over Jason and smiled down at him to soothe him. Castiel had his arm around Dean’s waist, Dean’s arm around his shoulders, but he was leaning away to bend down towards Emma, who was standing with her hands clasped in front of her, on her tiptoes and craning her neck backwards to look up at Castiel, a smile on her face. Castiel liked it because they were all connected. Jess was holding Jason, and Sam had an arm around each her and Dean, who had his arms around Sam and Castiel, whose hand was resting on the crown of Emma’s head. That picture they framed and put in the living room, along with many others.

But I’ll tell you about those another time. For now, a step back in time, if you will. Don’t worry, it’s not too far.

* * *

Dean flexed his grip on the wheel of the Impala as he drove just a little too fast down the main road. He was absolutely, 100%, not freaking out about getting married.

Thankfully for the states of their noses, none of Dean’s family said anything about how he was 30 over the speed limit or how Metallica was blasting so loudly he wouldn’t be able to hear them even if they did say something about it.

They got home just a bit before they were supposed to be there, but Charlie was waiting for them on the porch, looking lovely as ever in a navy blue sundress that Dean knew matched his daughter’s. Jack was standing next to her in his tiny tux, holding her hand and bouncing up and down excitedly. As soon as they all piled out of the Impala, Charlie gave them a thumbs up and went back inside. Which probably meant people were taking their seat right as Dean leaned against the screen door. And then Charlie would be fetching Cas and their music would start and then Dean’s music would start and oh God. Dean was getting married.

Puking was probably the absolute worst idea right now.

Dean clenched and unclenched his fists. Sam raised an eyebrow at him. “You better not be having second thoughts. I _will_ kill you. For Cas.”

Dean glared at him. “I’m not having second thoughts. I’m just- this is a really big thing.”

“You asked him to marry you,” Jo pointed out, studying her nails nonchalantly. Bobby and Ellen simply observed, bored expressions on their faces.

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t know, I’m freaking out,” Dean snapped.

Sam made Dean face him, planted his hands firmly on his shoulder. “Dude. Why?”

Dean opened his mouth, let it hang, and then shut it. Shit, why was he freaking out? “Um. This is kinda life-changing.”

“Is it? Now, instead of saying ‘boyfriend,’ you can say ‘husband,’ plus you get all kinds of benefits. Plus, you're sickeningly in love with him, and everyone out here knows it, expressing it in front of all of us isn’t gonna change anything. We know. So chill, alright? This is the best idea you ever had,” Sam reasoned calmly.

“Yeah, but Sam-”

“Nope. C’mon, Dean. You love him, right? That’s all that matters, man. That’s it, it’s that simple.”

Dean closed his eyes and breathed out. He did love Cas, more than anything. Except Emma. And Sam, though he didn’t need to know that, it would just make his smug face even smugger. The three of them were equal in his heart, but Cas was the only one he was sure he could stand being with every day for the rest of his life. “Damn you and your lawyer magic.”

Sam patted his shoulder reassuringly and stepped back. Then the music started.

Deep breaths.

Dean thought of Cas, losing his glasses on his face and trying to read anyway. Cas, spending an entire spring trying to coax daisies out of the garden, making his skin slick with sweat and his hair a damp mess. Cas waking up on a weekend, all bleary-eyed and doing anything to keep himself burritoed under the blankets.

Maybe it was that simple, Dean thought as Sam yanked him off the porch and led him into the backyard. Dean barely even noticed Ellen and Bobby slipping their arms through his. Maybe it was as simple as Dean loved Cas he didn’t care if the entire world knew how much.

Dean bit his lip to suppress a smile as the music changed and he started walking in sync with Bobby and Ellen. He barely took a second to register Emma, looking adorable as hell with her flower crown and her little basket and her hair braided back. She looked to be shushing Cas, which was just hilarious. Cas wasn’t looking at him, not yet, his eyes following Sam and Jo all the way to their spots. God, did he look gorgeous. Why had he never worn a suit before? If Dean had his way, he would have Cas in a tux every goddamn day.

Suddenly, Cas’ eyes snapped onto Dean’s as if drawn there by some mysterious magnetic force. Dean couldn’t fight the grin as Cas let out a breathy laugh, his eyes shining. The light made them look so bright, so intense and so, so blue. They were standing together, in front of everyone that mattered to them, and Dean couldn’t look away. “Hi, Cas,” he whispered.

Cas grinned. So fucking beautiful. Dean was ready for this whole shebang to be over so he and Cas could get going on their honeymoon in Florida, where they could literally just be naked for a week and no one could do anything to stop them. Yeah, that was going to be awesome. “Hello, Dean.”

Charlie coughed slightly and flipped open a notebook. To be totally honest, Dean had forgotten she was there. “Alright. Shall we begin?”

Dean was back to not paying attention to her as he reached for Cas’ hands, intently studying Cas’ eyes like his life depended on it. A million images flashed in his mind: Cas, spitting blood out of his mouth after getting jumped by and subsequently beating up at least 10 football players; Cas, drunk for the first time in his life and insisting the cure was watching cat videos; Cas with a stony expression and a ‘fuck you’ on his lips when he’d moved out of his mother’s house; Cas, crying for an hour over a dog with three legs; Cas, crying for days over his brother. Cas holding Emma, screaming at Dean to get his shit together, kissing Dean softly, roughly, slowly.

Dean was thankful for whatever cosmic mixup had let him have Cas. He’d never know how he got so goddamn lucky.

Cas was saying something. Right, right, the ‘I do’s.’ Which meant it was Dean’s turn.

Dean tuned in just in time to hear Charlie say “-Winchester, take this man to be your husband?”

What other answer was there but, “Hell yeah.” Dean’s voice was cracking, he was trying so hard not to cry.

Cas kicking him and reprimanding him for language only made Dean smile more. Emma knew better than to repeat him at this point.

Charlie laughed, flipping a page. “Alrighty, no takesies backsies, boys. Both of you, repeat after me: I, say your name.”

“I, Dean Winchester.”

“I, Castiel Novak.”

A single tear fell from Dean’s eye. Fuck it. If he wasn’t allowed to cry at his own wedding, he didn’t know what was allowed.

“Take you, say each other’s names.”

“Take you, Dean Winchester.”

“Take you, Castiel Novak.”

“To be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or worse.”

Dean and Cas repeated her at the same time. On ‘to hold,’ Cas dropped one of Dean’s hands and brushed his tears away, gently stroking his cheek. Dean closed his eyes and exhaled softly, turning his face into Cas’ hand. Fuck, he loved him. Christ on a tricycle.

Cas dropped his hand back onto Dean’s while a few people took the time to cry, Charlie included. Jess was more or less openly sobbing into a napkin. Dean was gonna go ahead and chalk that up to postpartum depression, because no way is Jess a wedding crier. At least, not like _that_.  

“For richer or poorer, to love and to cherish, from this day forward.”

_Cherish_. Cherish was one of those weird words where you just don’t say that to someone, unless you're getting married.

 Cas was crying now. Oh, fuck. Dean was crying harder now, his tears wetting his lips.

Charlie dropped her notebook and wiped away her tears. Emma grinned up at Dean, still holding her basket in front of her. She looked like a tiny angel, and he winked at her. She made a horrendous attempt to wink back, but it only made her cuter. “Man, I’ve always been such a crier at weddings. Okay. Rings?” Sam and Anna readily supplied the rings, and Charlie held them out to Dean and Cas, who took their opposite’s ring. “You guys wrote the vows for this, right?”

Dean nodded absently. His sucked and he knew it sucked, but Charlie was gesturing for him to go so Dean raised Cas’ hand to chest level. “Cas,” he started lamely. “You know I’m not really one for words, but, um.” He took a breath, staring at his feet. He needed to get over himself. Cas was not exactly expecting one of Shakespeare's sonnets. “I love you. A lot.” What a fantastic use of words. “I don’t really know any other way to say it. I love you and I’ve loved you for forever and I want-” Dean closed his eyes. Fuck, he could do this. He wanted to do this. He took another gasping breath and took an unconscious step forward as he pushed the ring onto Cas’ finger. “I want to keep loving you for the rest of forever.” Lame. Dean knew it was lame and probably too short, but as Sam said, it was as simple as that. Cas was still smiling, even a little wider than before, so it couldn't have been a total bust.

Cas switched them around so that he was holding Dean’s hand between both of his. “Dean, I have loved you for most of my life, since we were nine years old and you took my glasses and hid them and then felt bad and gave them back to me,” Cas said simply. His voice was thick with tears and Dean wanted to kiss him so badly, kiss away any tears, even tears of joy. “Being at your side has so radically changed my life, for obvious reasons and more simple, subtle things that leave me wondering where I’d be without you- who I’d be without you. It’s been wild and painful but I wouldn’t change a minute of it.” Cas lifted Dean’s left hand and slid his ring into place before sliding his hand into place with Dean’s. He locked eyes with him, eyes that offered no argument. “Not a single second.”

For a few blissful seconds, everything was silent. Even Emma at their feet was looking up in awe.

“Well then, by the power vested in me by the state of Kansas, I pronounce thee married. You may-”

Cas was on him before she even finished, pulling Dean in by the front of his jacket and yeah right Cas was getting away with a sweet, chaste kiss right then. Dean snapped their hips together, deepening the kiss and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Cas kissed him until Emma started head butting them and tugging at their legs impatiently, to which Dean responded by swinging her up onto his shoulders. Good thing, too, or else she would have been trampled by everyone rushing forward to hug them. Dean lost Cas in the ensuing horde, but he did manage to push Emma into his arms.

Married. Dean Winchester was married. To Cas. Castiel. Castiel Winchester. It was so unbelievable he couldn't help but laugh except it was real and it happened, just now.

When Cas found him again, Dean stepped forward and grabbed his hand. He didn't intend to let go any time soon.

* * *

Emma peered through the wooden bars of the crib at her new baby sister. Claire was sleeping at the moment, and Emma was supposed to be, too, but she was too excited. Claire was little, too small to play with yet, Daddy had said, but for now Emma was content with just watching her. Being a big sister was a new and exciting concept.

Daddy and Papa had spent the past few days since Claire had come being really tired and boring. Good thing Jack was over so much, otherwise Emma was sure she would be losing it.

Claire yawned and waved her tiny fists. Emma covered a gasp with her hands. Maybe she should leave, so Claire wouldn't wake up.

Too late. Claire started crying, and Emma didn't bother covering her horrified gasp. She could only think of one thing to do.

Quickly, before her father woke up, Emma reached for the top of the bars and heaved herself up, stepping into the crib carefully so she wouldn’t disturb her sister more than she already had. She sat crosslegged behind the baby’s head and carefully eased her into her arms, cradling her in her arms like she had been taught to do with her cousin Jason. Claire was a lot smaller than Jason, but Daddy had said that Emma was even smaller when she was a baby. Daddy liked to play jokes, though, so Emma wasn’t sure about that. It didn’t seem possible that anything smaller than Claire could even exist.

Daddy stumbled into Claire’s nursery as Emma rocked her gently back to sleep. Emma looked up and caught his eyes and pressed a finger to her lips. Daddy smiled and nodded, creeping over to the crib carefully. Emma handed him the baby and then accepted his help getting back out of the crib.

Dean settled against the wall with a daughter in each of his arms. It seemed Claire just wanted to be held and didn’t require a bottle or anything, thank the Lord. “Em,” he said softly, squeezing her waist. “What’re you doing up, princess?”

Emma shrugged. “I wanted to see Claire.”

“You can see Claire during the day.”

“I _know_. I just couldn't sleep,” Emma crossed her arms and though Dean couldn’t make out her face, he knew she was pouting because she thought she was in trouble.

Dean chuckled and kissed the back of her head. The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes, Emma playing with the hand Dean had held over her stomach.

“Daddy?”

“Emma?”

“Is Claire gonna be princess, too?”

Dean smiled down at her. “There can be more than one princess. Like in Frozen, remember?”

“Right. Because Claire's my sister.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“Like Auntie Jo is your sister?”

“Exactly, like Auntie Jo is my sister.” Dean rested his chin against the top of Emma's head and silence settled again, with Claire sleeping peacefully against his chest. “Hey, Em, you can come in our bed if you can't sleep.”

Emma gasped, twisting around to look up at Dean, eyes widened and a smile on her face. “Is Claire coming?”

Dean chuckled. “I think she’ll have to.”

An inappropriately hyper 5-year-old does wonder to wake up someone even as stubbornly asleep as Cas. He peeked one eye open as Emma slid right into bed and clutched at Cas’ chest, followed by Dean, holding a newborn to his chest.

Emma was out within a minute, not shockingly. Claire was still sleeping against Dean.

“Dean,” Cas whispered.

“Yeah?”

Cas’ gaze flicked from Emma’s sleeping form to Claire’s to Dean, lying on his side. “How did we get here? Married with a house in the suburbs and 2.5 kids.”

“Who's this .5 you're not telling me about?”

"'M pregnant."

Dean grinned and freed an arm to reach out and rake his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Life, Cas,” he said more gently, almost a whisper in answer to his question.

“Hm. I suppose that’s the simplest answer.” Cas yawned, reaching up to pin Dean’s hand against his face. He hugged Emma to his chest with his other arm. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night, Cas. Love you.”

“I love you too,” Cas mumbled against his daughter’s head.

For Dean and Cas, the truth was that it was always as simple as that. Some things just take time, and work, and progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess this is it for regular updates. It's been such a wild ride, and I'm so grateful to everyone who's read every chapter and commented and left kudos, it means a lot to me. I'm not sure if I'll do timestamps in this work or if I should start another work, but I'll update you on that eventually.   
> Please feel more than welcome to message me on [tumblr](http://manifestingwings.tumblr.com/) , I'd love to chat with someone :)  
> You can check out my other works [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wjnchester/works) I'm afraid there won't be much activity until after the DCBB, but you can look out for that if you want. I'm going to miss doing weekly updates, though.   
> I hope you enjoy, and thank you all so much. Beyond words.


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